Volvelle is a chain-smoking goth safe-cracker with the power to see death. In his spare time, he teams up with a Nobel prize-winning small-town paranormal investigator. Together, they fight crime. He can produce a grilled-cheese sandwich for which you would sell your mother. Jesus built his hot-rod.
Volvelle is the subject of several...
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Volvelle is a chain-smoking goth safe-cracker with the power to see death. In his spare time, he teams up with a Nobel prize-winning small-town paranormal investigator. Together, they fight crime. He can produce a grilled-cheese sandwich for which you would sell your mother. Jesus built his hot-rod.
Volvelle is the subject of several Lifetime Original Movies. He has admired and eaten artworks by both Wassily Kandinsky and Lucian Freud. He has been president of several small, Latin-American countries, but is wanted for questioning in Canada. He knows the precise location of the tuberoinfundibular pathway, and has been instrumental in getting the word pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis hidden within the otherwise unrelated text of several New Yorker articles.
He can restring a tennis racket in his sleep. He makes no excuses.
Volvelle is the apotheosis of love and satisfaction as you know it. He will redefine the days of the week for you. He wrote the line “I’ll leave graffiti where you’ve never been kissed” for Beck. When not busy garnering critical praise for his exquisitely carved rice grains, he can be found sewing felt wings for small rodents who feel inadequate around birds.
Volvelle once snored at a man just for killing too loud.
Volvelle has been called the “feel-good hit of the summer” in more than one major American newspaper. He has been adopted by wolves, lauded by poets, and toasted on bread. On his left foot—and visible only under ultra-violet light—is every cheat code for every Sega Genesis game ever made.
Boom-shaka-laka-laka.
Volvelle’s teeth are neither ostentatious nor showy. They are just right. He can seize control of any Fortune 500 company with the awesome power of his cigar-box-guitar playing. He was there in 1968, at the first Can show in Cologne. He knows what he knows.
Time and space mean nothing to Volvelle. With the aid of only a hammer and the 1912 Census, he created the Metric System. He may or may not be the third Darren from Bewitched—the investigation is ongoing. Yesterday, he envisioned the tomorrow you’ll remember next week. His moves are tight and his kung fu strong. He brought poppin’ and lockin’ to New York City.
Volvelle builds hyperbaric sleep chambers for cats. He is right to not trust monkeys. He once jumped his bike nearly six feet from a home-made ramp. He owns the shit out of these books.
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