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Phil Torcivia edited the contributors of Nice Guy FAIL Tuesday, February 5, 2013.
Phil Torcivia edited the links to supplemental material of Nice Guy FAIL Tuesday, February 5, 2013.
Phil Torcivia edited the books like this book of Nice Guy FAIL Tuesday, February 5, 2013.
Phil Torcivia edited the first sentence of Nice Guy FAIL Tuesday, February 5, 2013.
Phil Torcivia edited the description of Nice Guy FAIL Tuesday, February 5, 2013.
“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” – Mark Twain
I’m at a New Year’s party with a bunch of friends, most married. Midnight is approaching, and I’m holding the tallest Bombay Sapphire and tonic I can find, because I haven’t found Miss Next. A married friend remarks.
“Dude, who are you going to kiss at midnight?”
“Why don’t you mingle and find someone?”
“Maybe I don’t see anyone I’d like to kiss.”
“Hey, beggars can’t be choosers.”
“Neither can married men.”
“Careful, lad. You don’t want to confess infidelity to a writer.”
“I’m not. I’m just saying, if I wanted to kiss another woman, I could.”
“Right, and you might be caught and forced to pay the consequences, which would be more significant than mine.”
“So, you like being alone because it’s safer.”
“Single. I like being single, because it offers nearly limitless opportunities.”
“What about the sex?”
“Really? You want to go there? How long have you been married?”
“Never mind. Enjoy your drink, nice guy.”
I am nice—to a fault. Then, after being poked enough times, I stray into naughty land. Although I know it’s what many women prefer, I can’t seem to transform myself into a bad boy.
I witness bad boys treating women badly. Often, these women complain to me about it. Then, I watch them walk away from me, and swoon back into the beast’s arms.
Insanity, if you ask me.
This is what makes me fall from niceness. Women constantly saying they want one thing, while selecting the other. Women don’t want to f*** nice guys. Women want bad boys to f*** them. There’s only one way to describe it:
Nice Guy FAIL.
Phil Torcivia edited the links to supplemental material of Fifty Shades Effed (Volume 3) Monday, November 5, 2012.
Phil Torcivia edited the links to supplemental material of Fifty Shades Shadier Monday, November 5, 2012.
Phil Torcivia edited the links to supplemental material of Fifty Shades of Silver Hair and Socks Monday, November 5, 2012.
Phil Torcivia edited the settings of Have a Nice Guy Tuesday, September 25, 2012.
Phil Torcivia edited the description of Have a Nice Guy Tuesday, September 25, 2012.
You don’t want a bad boy, my dear; at least not in the real world. You can fantasize all you like about a scruffy, Harley-driving, tattooed beast who does things you thought you’d never allow. But, you don’t want to meet him, because eventually he’s going to crap all over you, emotionally.
You need a nice guy.
Forget that nonsense about how anything worthwhile is worth working hard for. If you wanted to buy a horse you could ride around the neighborhood, you would never opt for a wild bronco that would scream, thrash, and resist every attempt you made to civilize him. You’d go for the broken stud, and avoid a broken neck.
That’s why I suggest you recalibrate your penis-homing device. If you’re in a bar, and you spot a tanned God in a vintage T-shirt and sandals who winks and slaps your ass as he walks by, run away. Run toward that kind fellow over there—the one who has been down the aisle a few times, and learned how to behave.
Have a nice guy!