- member since May 16, 2009
Sandy A’s last login was Saturday, June 27, 2009.
I love Lynne Truss' books! Definitely would recommend them. She is hilarious but also very prim and proper in her tone. And it was great to see that other people feel strongly about grammar...made me feel less alone, since I sometimes wonder if I care TOO much about it. I think Lynne Truss would be a fun person to meet.
Sandy: I am so sorry that I have not been in touch lately. My mother colapsed in Florida and was hospitalized for 13 days and I am down here taking care of her. I have been out of touch because all of my time is spent with her. She is very weak and needs constant attention. She is sleeping now so I have a break but wanted to let you know that when I get back we will get the group going. Now may no be a good tme also due to people being on vacation. I know it is a good book and we could have some great discussions so again will start when I get back. I sometimes just want to go back to my childhood and take a book like Laura Wilders and just think how nice it would be to live in those SIMPLE times then I realize that without the medical care my mother would not be here and I absolutely would hate the outhouse. So hand in. I wll try and stay better in touch if not I will be home in two weeks. Thanks again for staying in touch with me.
Hi Sandy: Thanks for linking here. Yes the book reads like brilliant cliff notes to the weirdest relationship on the planet, that of the Borderline Personality Disorder Mother! I will send you an e-mail with a few insights & details. The book costs about double that of most paperbacks, yet it is definitely worth it. It really clarifies many realities children of the Borderline Mother have often never had a witness for. It explains the mechanics of the ongoing unpredictable patterns, and details advice on what agitates the whole connection and what neutralizes it, as much as can be, without a forced institutionalization, which, as in the sited case of Mary Todd Lincoln, is not always the ideal plan either.
I would love to join and talk in the group. I bought the book because I am a counselor at our local high school and have several foster students that have trouble with this. I read it to help them and would love to get more ideas on how to work with these students. Glad that we are friends and look forward to many discussions.
I live about 35 miles (53 kilometers) northeast of the city of Atlanta. Atlanta is a fairly big city? Have you heard of it? I have lived here for about 15 years. It is a beautiful place to call home.
The picture you painted of your sister, is that of a small child. Children are very selfish and often react negatively if their way is not given. As we grow older, we should outgrow much of our childish/selfish behaviors. but to be honest, we all retain some of these behaviors in one degree or another.
One of my favorite little sayings is "keep on keeping on". It does not hurt anyone or thing for you to keep sending the cards. keep on being yourself. What it is doing is keeping the door open for future communication, just as you indicated.
Closed doors do not allow for maturity, growth, change and reconciliation. Very hard to break thru a relationship that has been completely severed.
Boundary issues - we can't change the behavior of others, but we are responsible for our own behavior.
Within my family, someone walked away from me due to our difference in beliefs (beliefs that once coincided with mine.) Very little contact with this person during the years. A huge weight of sadness was in my heart. Those were 10 very long years.
During this time I was true to myself and while i wanted immediate reconciliation, God's timing is different than mine (always has been, and i suspect it always will be). In the last week or so, this person has opened up and has been reaching out.
In re-reading our conversations i realize that i may have closed a door to what is now an unsafe relationship. with the door closed and locked so tightly, no room is left for this relationship to rebuild and restore itself. I will work on that!
Sandy, i dont know how you found me, but i am glad that you did!
Bible study.. Becoming a Friend of the Faithful God .. a study on Abraham. Learn principles and truths from the life of Abraham, the friend of God, that will ground you in your faith, challenge you in your walk, and give you hope in your future.
yes, you are correct, i am in the State of Georgia.
To answer your question of where to go to find safe people, i can only answer from my own experiences. I am a believer in God and in His church i find many of my "safe" friends. Although in saying this, we are all sinners and everyone is welcome to be part of God's church. There are unsafe people there, too. It took me quite some time to put that together. Spending time with people, being relational, and prayer have given me direction.
since each one of us are different and unique, not every "safe" person you meet, is safe for you. Again, i have found prayer to be an answer.
I have a childhood friend who i consider safe. she truly knows who i am and she still loves me.
a family member repeatedlly told me i was unlikeable let alone loveable, and for the most part, i have moved past the ugliness of those statements, but that doesn't mean they don't creep in every now and again. i invite people to get to know me and if they choose to walk away, that is there choice and they are not people i would label safe!
the book hilights characteristics of unsafe people. and right now as i write this, i realize i have a very unsafe relationship with someone i care so much about, but they are resisting any type of closeness -- which tells me i should be friendly but maybe not so much be friends with this person.
something i try to keep in mind .. everyone has feelings. everyone deserves compassion and even if i don't invite someone into my inner circle (safe people), i try to remain friendly.
i would still say that i carry with me the education from reading boundaries. when i put boundaries in place with tact and without attitude, my relationships grow stronger ...which in turn means safer.
In regards to starting a group for boundaries and safe people, i am sorry to say that i don't have time to truly participate in any additional groups at this time. i am beginning a rather intense bible study and that will occupy a lot of my time.
In saying that, please don't stop writing to me! Your writings have been thought provokiing and i have enjoyed communicating with you.
I found Bristol, UK on the map ... very nice to know where you are!
Hi Sandy! Boundaries is one of those books i wish i could buy for everyone. I have re-read this book several times. It applies to so many areas to your life. Highly recommend picking up a copy and reading it. Reading this book and following thru can change your life. It changed mine!
Safe People is generally read after Boundaries, but i read it before. I didn't take away as much from safe people, but after all these years, i still go back and refer to it. One of the chapters is titled Interpersonal Traits of Unsafe People. This chapter speaks volumes to me. The sections sub-titled Unsafe people avoid closeness instead of connecting and Unsafe People are a negative influence on us rather than a positive are sections i refer back to. But those are just my issues.
Yes, by all means, read both!
I'd suggest also reading "The Gift" by Gavin de Becker (and Protecting the Gift, same author). The Gift is Fear and recognizing when your unconscious mind is giving you signals about people and situations. If you have kids, give the book to your kids, as well. Learn about reading body language, too, if you can. Good luck, and happy reading!