Michael S’s last login was 2 weeks ago. « hide recent activity
Michael S rated The Calling (Dragon Age) 2 weeks ago.
Michael S rated I Am the Messenger 2 months ago.
Michael S has read I Am the Messenger.
Michael S reviewed I Am the Messenger 2 months ago.
“ A great book that reminds us why we love literature in the first place. I would reccomend this only to older teens as there... ”
Michael S is now reading Graceling.
Michael S is now reading Bloody Irish: Great Irish Vampire Stories.
Michael S is now reading The Calling (Dragon Age).
Michael S reviewed Eragon 3 months ago.
“ A good book for people who love dragons and fantasy. It seems to have been influenced a little bit too much by Star Wars but... ”
Michael S’s last login was 2 weeks ago. show recent activity »
Rated 4 stars
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Well, I imagine you are going to jump to when Susan is grown: there you can use the priests memory of watching her going through various stages of childhood—assuming he was there to see her grow up—ya know like wistfully thinking, ‘Boy, look at her now…I remember when she only came up to my thigh…’ [note the slight sexual connotation there] he he :D Which would be a good second chapter.I still think your ‘prologue’ has all the elements for a great opening chapter—but you don’t have to use the elements in the order that you have them in now. “All writing is re-writing.” Here, I took 20 mins. and pulled out a number of points and quickly threw them together in another way, to demonstrate what I mean—just showing there are a many ways to deliver the same information and yet still keep the drama high. Although I already see that this treatment is not really the way you should go—your instincts in this story are better.…………………………….Michael had been steadily pushing the SUV toward Chicago most of the night: his friend Gabriel, confidently by his side as usual. Yet now, as the city’s lights loomed on the horizon his grip grew tighter on steering wheel. He frowned uneasily through the windshield at the dark and unmoving sky above. Given a choice, he preferred a well-defined calamity rather than all this peaceful calm while on a mission. That way at least, he could be reasonable sure that any falling tragedy wouldn’t necessarily be his.It seemed though, that the closer they got to their objective: the little Coptic Church nestled in an out of the way place on the edge of town, the more apprehensive Michael felt about the mission. For there was much too much at stake this time for anything to go wrong.……………………………..Oh I just thought of something. Why would they stop for gas just before completing their mission? They wouldn’t. You should have some kind of diversion or staged traffic collision that forces them to ver into that gas station where the attack can begin.I like to hear what Stacy-deanne has to say on this: she’s good with drama. Ask her :]
What the hell happened to the bit of story you posted earlier...?Post it again in writing readers in the "Post a Chapter (3000 words or less)" thread...please. What? was someone mean to you or something?
