JEFF DUNHAM IS COMEDIAN GENIUS!!!
Facts That Are Only For Awsome People (Which Is Why You Didn't Know Them!)
1) Every time you come on my page, for whatever the reason maybe, read my profile. I don't care if you already have, just do it, bitch! I gareente that I'll have something new added. Read through the whole thing. If you don't you can go fuck... more »
Facts That Are Only For Awsome People (Which Is Why You Didn't Know Them!)
1) Every time you come on my page, for whatever the reason maybe, read my profile. I don't care if you already have, just do it, bitch! I gareente that I'll have something new added. Read through the whole thing. If you don't you can go fuck yourself!!
2) Jeff Dunham is perhaps the funniest person alive.
3) There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
4) Scientist estimate that the energy given off during the Big Bang is equal to one Chuck Noris roundhouse kick.
5) Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
6) The white blood cells in Chuck Norris have little black rings around them. These are actually tiny black belts.
8) Chuck Norris can delete the Recycle Bin.
9) Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
10) Chuck Norris once defeated a laser beam in a 100 meter dash.
11) Chuck Norris died 10 years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
12) Chuck Norris volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture, spending his time roundhousing the Anti-Christ.
13) North Korea can't even get a satellite into orbit. They are more likely to nuke themselves trying to nuke the U.S.
14) Chuck Norris's advice? GROW A BEARD.
15) Chuck Norris flosses with barbed wire.
16) If you read through the entire list, you were probably to consumed in what you were reading to notice that there is no numer 7.
17) Now you feel like the idiot you truly are.
IF YOU HATE STERYO TYPES READ AND POST THIS!!
Bold those that fit you!!
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm BLACK so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I MUST be a great cook.
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
Im a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
Im a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude
Im STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'M NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be niave.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I DON'T LIKE to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I READ COMICS, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser.
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick. I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroos.
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I an friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake
I DON"T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN! We fucked up!"
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your shit and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Are only through highschool/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Bitch drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!
FRIENDS: Will give you their umbrella when it's raining.
BEST FRIENDS: Will take yours and yell "RUN BITCH RUN!!"
FRIENDS:Comfortes you when you get rejected.
BEST FRIENDS:Will walk up to him and say, "Is it because you're gay?"
FRIENDS:Ask why you are crying.
BEST FRIENDS:All ready have a shovel to burry the bastard that made you cry.
If you are sick of being told to grow up, copy this to your profile.
If you are sick of the drug/sex talks from your parents, copy this to your profile.
If you enjoy saying "bitch!" copy this to your profile.
93 of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak, if you're part of the 7 who would say "Really! What was your first clue?", copy and paste this onto your profile.
92 of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe, if you are part of the 8 that would be laughing their ass of at the rest, copy and paste this onto your profile.
92 of teenagers have moved onto rap, if you're part of the 8 that stayed with rock, copy and paste this onto your profile.
My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend then copy this to your profile
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you wish you had an emo hampster, copy and paste this on to your profile.
93 of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak, if you're part of the 7 who would say "Really! What was your first clue?", copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.
"I'm bringing sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you never even knew sexy was gone.
98 of teenagers do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like bagels.
If you sometimes seem to trip over thin air, put this in your profile.
Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"
If you have ever fallen up the stairs, put this in your profile.
If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, put this in your profile.
Admitting you are weird is normal. Admitting you are normal is odd. Different is odd and different is not good. If you are weird and proud of it, put this in your profile.
Your just jelouse that I can act like a retard in public and people still looooove me!!
Scilence is golden, duct tape is silver!
I dont knock on death's door, I ring the door bell and run, that really annoys him!
When life gives me lemons, I throw them back and demand apples, then I throw the apples back and demand lemons, then I throw the lemons back and demand apples once again!
Your just jelous 'cause the voices are talking to me and not YOU!!!
STUPID THINGS EVERYONE SHOULD DO
1.PULL ON A PUSH DOOR
2.TALK BACKWARDS
3.SAY YOUR GOING TO MOW THE CAT AND FEED THE LAWN.
4.SAY RANDOM THINGS.
5.WHEN YOU HEAR YOUR NAME SAY "DUMM DUMM DUMM."
6.GO TO AN ITALIAN RESTAURANT AND ASK FOR SUSHI.
7.TRY TO SPEAK JAPANESE TO A SPANISH PERSON.
8.TRY TO PAY WITH A CREDIT CARD AT MC DONALDS FOR A 1 DOLLAR THING.
9.ASK YOURSELF A QUESTION AND THEN ANSWER IT.
10.RUN AROUND WITH YOUR EYES WIDE OPEN YELLING "IM A TREE STUMP!!"
11.GET MONEY OUT OF AN ATM MACHINE AND YELL "I WON THE LOTTERY!!"
12. ASK FOR DIRECTIONS TO A PLACE YOURE ALREADY AT.
13. TRY TO ORDER PIZZA FROM MC DONALDS
14. GET HIT BY A PARKED CAR.
15. TRY TO WATCH SATURDAY CARTOONS ON A THURSDAY.
16. TRY TO SELL YOUR MONEY.
17. TRY TO PLAY THE ALPHABET ON THE PIANO
18. GET INTO A FIGHT WITH YOURSELF AND LOSE.
19. TRY TO GO SWIMMING WITHOUT GETTING WET.
20. ASK FOR DIET WATER AT A RESTRAINT
17 Things To Do When Your In Walmart!
1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"
12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
15. Grap alot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go"
16. Poke the service desk people and walk away when they try to ask you what you want.
22 Things to do in an Elevator
1. CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. MEOW occasionally.
6. STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7. SAY -DING at each floor.
8. SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9. MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. STARE, gri nning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16. ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21. SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22. CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
Blonde Logic
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.
September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!
What a year!!
This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.
He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.
George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."
Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
"Every man dies. Not every man really lives." -Braveheart
Man: Haven't I seen you some place before?
Woman: Yes, and thats why I don't go there anymore
Man: Can I buy you a drink?
Woman: Actually I'd rather have the money.
Man: How did you get to be so beautiful?
Woman: I must have been given your share.
Man: Your face must turn a few heads.
Woman: And your face must turn a few stomachs.
Man: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
Woman: Okay, get out.
Man: I think I could make you very happy.
Woman: Why? Are you leaving?
Man: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
Woman: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.
Man: Can I have your name?
Woman: Why? Don't you already have one?
Man: want to see a movie?
Woman: I've already seen one.
Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though
they hated each other.
When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be
heard deep into the night.
The old man would shout, 'When I die, I will dig my way up and
out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!'
Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic, because of the
many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood.
The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone's
relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98.
His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she
went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no
tomorrow...
Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, 'Aren't you
afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and
come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?'
The wife put down her drink and said, 'Let him dig. I had him
buried upside down......'
THE PERFECT HUSBAND Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2009 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000"
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand if it's really a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape. He turns and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
Flatter me and I may not believe you.
Criticize me and I may not like you.
Ignore me and I may not forgive you.
Encourage me and I will never forget you.
*´¨ )
¸.•´¸.•´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´
(´¸.•*´¯`¤*°°.¸.»
If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.
By my friend's first ex...
Go to sleep, and close your eyes,
and dream of broken butterflies
That tore their wings against a thorn.
You know the pain that they have born.
Silver metal, shine so bright.
Scarlet blood, that feels so right.
Dream of that blood trickling down,
And wake up just before you drown.
The moonlight's shining off your tears,
As you bleed out your own worst fears.
So tonight when you start to cry,
Whisper the cutter's lullaby:
Hushabye baby, you're almost dead.
You don't have a pulse and your pillow is red.
Your family hates you,
Your friends let you bleed.
Sleep tight with a knife,
'cause it's all that you need.
Rockabye baby, broken and scarred.
You didn't know that life would be this hard
Time to end the pain that you hide so well,
And down will come baby,
Straight back to hell.
╔═╗ I am my own
║═╬╦╦═╦═╦═╦══╦═╦═╗
╠═║║║╬║╩╣╔╣║║║╬║║║
╚═╩═╣╔╩═╩╝╚╩╩╩╩╩╩╝
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............|................. ...\ . . . ._ . . . . . . . . "-,„„„-"
............|................ ...."-, . .(.."~,
............|._.............. ......"~,.."~-'---,........... .......,---~~--,,
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..............................( . . . ,. . \......;" _\__)_)_)
............................." ~-,„__)_)_).........................
Brian Griffin in a bannana suit!
GO BRIAN!!!!!!!!!!
MY LIST:
-Jassafari
-Josh
-Josh
-Carlie
-crunchy
-Jakota
-Twilight FOREVER, AND EVER!(I LOVE EDWARD CULLEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
-Jacob
-I'M A FANPIRE!( I LOVE TWILIGHT)
-Jake
-My Brother
-Nick
-Lexie
-Thomas
-Nick
-Luke
-Harvey
-lexers
-Luke
-Pierce
-Luke
-Brandy
-Tessa
-Austin
To the people on my list...
…………………../´¯/
……………….../¯../
………………../…./
…………./´¯/’…’/´¯¯/
………./’/…/…./……./¨¯\
……..(’(…´…´…. ¯~/’…)
………\……………..’…..../
……….\…............. _./
…………\……..……..../
………….\….…..…....\
Fuck off assholes!
This is a poem by my friend's ex.
Deception is key when you're living a lie.
Redemption is free if you're brave enough to die.
Lately it seems you can't look me in the eye.
Why would that be?
Do you have something to hide?
Trapped in a corner
with nowhere to run.
What do you live for
when your life is undone.
How do you face him
when he is the one.
The one you betrayed,
played with for fun.
No one cares about you that's how you feel.
You don't know what's true
you can't remember what's real.
But what can you do
how can you deal?
What happens when he hurts you,
so badly you can't heal.
It's all over now
nothing can help me.
I'll keep falling down
for all of eternity.
I take a solemn vow, to never let you see.
In my sorrows I drown
as I fall upon my knees.
Take your final bow,
then leave and let me b e.
For I can see it now
the face you hid from me.
For all of the pain
you say you never caused.
Please let me explain
why your story is flawed.
When I left
I left because I wanted to.
When I lied to you,
it broke my heart too
But what hurts most
is that you knew.
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil, is that good men do nothing." -Edmund Burke
"Some people say that I must be a terrible person, but it’s not true. I have the heart of a young boy in a jar on my desk" -Stephen King
"People want to know why I do this, why I write such gross stuff. I like to tell them I have the heart of a small boy... and I keep it in a jar on my desk. "- Stephen King
"I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries." - Stephen King
"When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'" - Stephen King
"Jamie want big boom!" -Jamie from Mythbusters
"I always enjoy seeing Adam in pain," -Jamie from Mythbusters
"u know sometimes (if not all) u scare me. is there anyone that u do like?" - I'M A FANPIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!( I LOVE TWILIGHT)
"insanity makes the rivers flow" -midnight predator
"Dance when no one's watching, sing when no one's listening, put them together and rock some socks, kid."
- Meghan
''Don't worry, it's not personal. I just hate people,"- Me
"If you can hear it growling a mile away, it's probably not a good idea to stick around and see what it is." -Sci-Fi suvival tips
"Bubles will posses you all!" -Josh
"Behind every book... there's a story..." -Meghan
"Read for spare time, love the rest..." -Trystyn
"Sarcasm is my native tongue..." -Meghan
"Take what life throws at you. It doesn't matter if what it throws hits you smack in the face!" -Meghan
"I'm not insane, just a little more in touch with my imagination than you." -Meghan
"You're a rather angery woman, aren't you." -Tim Allen on Home Improvment
"There's no I in team...But there is a me!" -Me
"Build a bridge and get over it." -Me
"I hear there are rumors on the internets."-George W. Bush
A boyfriend takes his girlfriend to her first football game. When it ends he asks her " What did you think?"
She responds,"Ah. It was OK."
He says,"What do you mean 'it was OK'?"
She says,"Well, they flipped a quater,and one team gets the ball. Then the other team would yell 'GET THE QUATER BACK!' I mean COME ON! It's just a quater."-Anonomus
"7 days with out Jesus makes one weak."- Anonomus
"YOU LOVE READING????EW!!!!!"-Joey
"Someone break my leg so I can ride the elevator. Someone other than Kayla 'cause she'll do it in the most grusome way she can find."-Josh
"Lions! 0-16, YES WE CAN!"- Anonomus Lions' Fan
It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."-George W. Bush
"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
- Governor George W. Bush
"The future will be better tomorrow."
- Governor George W. Bush
"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
- Governor George W. Bush
"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."
- George W. Bush
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
- George W. Bush
"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."
- Governor George W. Bush
"People last year called me Li'l Wayne." -Luke
"No they didn't!" -Carlie
"Your right..." -Luke
"I shall name her Wiggley!" -Luke
"I shall name it Squish and it shall be my Squish!" -Luke
"It's just how I am. Deal with it!" -Me
"I'm rude, I'm crude, and you care why?" -Me
"That is mean Kayla! That is mean! We live in an organized society and...That was mean!" - Josh
Meet me pet.
________________- ____
_______________/__l _^ This is Midnight.
_____________/_*___v_l He is a sun of the moon.
____________/________\A drinker of your blood.
___________/_/________\A killer.
___________V_________\Your end.
___________/_________\He will feast upon your dead body.
__________/___________\You are prey
_________/____________\and he is a predator.
_________/____________\But most of all, he is beautiful.
________/____________/And will think so too.
1______/______l____l_lUntil he charges,
1__1___/_______\____\l_teeth beared,
1___1_/__------ __\_____\land lunges at your throat.
1___1/__/______\_\ ___i So help save the wolves,
1____l__/_______)_\___l and Midnight might spare you.
1___/___________/_\___\
1__/\__________/___\___\
1_l _____ _______)__\ ___)
See my toy? If you look down the barrel, you'll get a prize!
..._...|..__________ __________, , )===BANG!!!
....../ `---___________---- _____|]
...../_==o;;;;;;;;__ _____.:/
.....), ---.(_(__) /
....// (..) ), ----"
...//___//
..//___//
.//___//
"A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws."
+++_____________________________
__8+++___________________________
__88+++_________________________
__88+++_______________________ ++
__88+++______________________8 ++
__88+++_____________________88 ++
__88+++____________________88+ +
__88+++___888+++_________888++
__88+++__888++++88++___888+++
__888+++888++++88++++_888+++
__888++888++++888++++888+++
__888+888++++888++++888+++
__888888++++++++++++++++++
___8888888+++++++++++++++++
____8888888++++++++++++++++
_____8888888+++++++++++++++
______8888888+++++++++++++8
_______8888888+++++++++++88
________8888888+++++++++888
_________8888888+++++++888
_______[################]
_______[###O##O####O##O#]
_______[################]
_______[###O##O####O##O#]
_______[################]
_______[###O##O####O##O#]
_______[################]
_________888888++++++++++
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ROCK ON BITCHIES!!!!!!!!!!
(\_/) This is Fuzzy. She will stop global warming
( i . i) by blowing up the Sun.
(")_(") Help her stop global warming by copy n pasting her on your page!!!!!!
(\_/)
(o.O)
(___) -Mr. BunnyThis is bunny. Copy and paste
bunny onto your page to help
him gain world domination.
(\_/)
(-- --)
c('')('') -This is Harvey Booth. He wants all the Twilight fans to burn in HELL. If you support Harvey's choice put him on your page! « less
- 666 Underworld Street, HELL
- member since October 27 2008

