« more discussions

• 

  Getting over her

  New Title

  

  So I'm not going to dig an outline around this one. I'll put it plain and simple. I'm in love with one of my best friends. Both girls. She's straight. Her name...er, I'll call her V. She lives in Florida, and is an online friend. I don't CARE what y'all say about online friendships. She IS real. She's NOT a pedophile. I've been friends with her for almost two years now(October 13th is official day we met) and she...just, she has been here for me forever. She's my older sister twin. =) Or...at first she was. Now I...I have a crush on her. I was unsure about it for a while but I feel...different when I'm talking to her versus my other best friends. Like...I can't explain it. I get all hyper and cheery and just...depressed when we can't talk-friends on facebook.
  She said that she won't leave me no matter what. I actually just sent her a message yesterday asking what her opinions on Gays/Bisexuals were(active Christian, but that doesn't entirely matter). Hasn't answered yet, but she's a busy girl. Homeschooled, goes to Theater School.
  Anyways...yesterday morning I was just looking at her profile picture and I just...broke down. I wanted to tell her...I've been going to her more and more when it feels I can't reach my sister(by not blood =()H, but this time...I couldn't. It doesn't help that...nevermind. I don't know if she wants me to tell.
  I just...need advice on getting over her? I'm in love with her. All she knows is I have a crush-ahh, awkwardness. I KNEW she was straight, too. I was being such a dumbass, but I guess H convinced me. It helped, anyways, to tell her. Especially I guess since...I know it'll never happen.
  Help, please. I don't want to lose her, I love her. But I need to somehow change this crush-love to sisterly love. I really want school to start, just so I can get over her. Find a new guy, get my heart broken. Probably will go back to loving her, but oh well. :/ I'll be distracted for a while at least...

  StandInTheRain~Love Lust Faith Dreams is AMAZING! started this discussion 1 year ago. ( reply | permalink )

• 

  Kadaj~ With a hatred for society - All alone with only the lonely night to cradle you... 

  New Title

  

  Think of other people, others you could find potential interest in. And try to force your mind into the mindset that you are viewing each other as sisters and that will help. Trust me, I know.
  I'm really sorry this is going on. I want to help more, but IDK how. If you wanna talk more, you know how to reach me.
  I love you, sister, no matter what.

  posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )

  show 6 replies

  • 

    StandInTheRain~Love Lust Faith Dreams is AMAZING! 

    New Title

    

    I try. There's no one else I find interesting except Veronica. Once I start school, though...maybe I'll get her off my mind. It's impossible otherwise, though. I love her. Why should I be punished for this? (not really asking you, just putting out the open question) Really...during a lot of 7th grade, she was what kept me going. I have reasons why it was her...and she knows. :( It's just not...fair. (I'm about to possibly rant...so be prepared) Why do I have to feel for her this way? NOTHING good is coming out of this, so why the helck is God letting it happen? If-if he loved me, he wouldn't allow this to happen! It's impossible to keep faith in him when I'm in this state. And it's not just..him. It's everyone. Saying it'll get better. That I'll find someone. Well, it HASNT gotten better, maybe just a tiny bit if at all. And I found someone that I love. But this person doesn't feel the same way....I hate her for making me love her...

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )

  • 

    Kadaj~ With a hatred for society - All alone with only the lonely night to cradle you... 

    New Title

    

    L-san, listen to me, and listen very clearly. God does love you. God loves all of His childen. Did you see me give up when He took my Axel? Did you see me abandon Him when I kept cutting? NO. God loves you and He is not punishing you, but rather trying to show you the right way. You have to focus on something else. God allows us pain to show us what happiness is like afterward, so we cherish it more.
    L-san, you will find someone who will hold your heart and not let it break. I promise.
    Love isn't fair. It's complicated and it's painful and it's a struggle. I know, okay? You know, all those times I had to prove to everyone that I wasn't gay for Axel? You know how hard that was for me, when part of me wouldn't have minded being with her? When I constantly wondered whether I was in love with her? I STILL struggle with that. And you're the first to know it.
    L-san, please just take my advice. Do NOT give up on God because He NEVER gave up on you. He sent His son to be killed on a cross so that you might be saved. Do NOT waste that sacrifice. I love you, Ani-san (big sister) and I hate to see you go through this.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )

  • 

    StandInTheRain~Love Lust Faith Dreams is AMAZING! 

    New Title

    

    I've been through enough pain. I want to believe he's doing this for some stupidly good reason but it's kinda impossible at this point...I just can't.
    I didn't know you loved her like that. I always thought it was sisterly love....
    I won't give up on him but I still can't believe he's doing this for a reason. Same with my parents and what was happening in the spring. Things may be better now, but I also can't look at my dad in the same way. It just made our relationship more uncomfortable. And I find it....annoying that he let it all happen...

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )

  • 

    Kadaj~ With a hatred for society - All alone with only the lonely night to cradle you... (edited)

    New Title

    

    He is and he is GOD; of course, us humans, aren't going to understand. We weren't meant to.
    There. You know the truth. The love I have for Axel is unfathomable, and its on that thin border between gay and closes friends. I NEVER viewed her as a sister, mainly because it would be flat-out wrong with all the sexual, lesbo jokes we had.
    I know it's hard, L-san. Trust me, I know. And my father cheated on my mom before... We still don't trust him the same, and I haven't forgiven him for it (and this was two years ago) but it takes time. He needs to really be sorry, and when you're ready, you can forgive him. Just don't shut him out completely, because if you do, things will only get worse.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )

  • 

    StandInTheRain~Love Lust Faith Dreams is AMAZING! 

    New Title

    

    Wow...that explains a lot. So I guess you know what I'm going through after all? :/ I wish you didn't, though. You don't deserve the pain of it.
    My dad cheated on my mom in fourth grade. I'm pretty sure they were on the edge of divorce then...now that I'm older I can't forgive him for that. Or for cheating on her with two other women...he just went out on a date. Guess he thought it wasn't technically cheating since they were "Taking a break". I remember that night...I didn't want him to come back after that day. I was so ashamed of him. I didn't want to face him. And I remember even before that, I cursed myself for just talking to him. I still do to this day. I refuse to let myself get close to him like Mathis is...maybe that's why I get so annoyed with how he acts...cuz I know I'll never have that with him again...*shakes head*. Whatever. If the email I saw that showed he was talking to another woman-the woman I think he cheated on when I was 10/11-then all is good. and then there's the fact that I'm getting the sense that things are going to turn back to how they were...doesn't matter. It's not my main concern, my parents, at least. I went completely off topic aha. Classic me...

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )

  • 

    Kadaj~ With a hatred for society - All alone with only the lonely night to cradle you... 

    New Title

    

    Yes, I really do. I'm not saying I AM gay for Axel, but I've struggled with thinking I was and it's very complicated to explain the right way. But yeah, I know what all of this is like.
    And that is understandable. My dad cheated on my mom when I was in sixth grade and they nearly divorced. My mom is still wary of him and I am too. Everytime he goes out somewhere, I have to sit and wonder, "Will he be seeing someone?" Because every time he went to "get cigarettes" he was seeing that whore he was cheating with who was also married, mind you. I felt guilty for a while, thinking I could have stopped it if I had noticed. Instead of hating my dad, I felt absolutely nothing because I said "Hey, he was only my stepfather. The moment he leaves me, he is nothing to me." (Direct quote by the way.) ANYWAY, my point is, things can get better. You just have to pray and let God take care of it.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )

• To reply to this discussion, please sign in.

Return to top