Books
Group avatar

Young Writers Group

Welcome to The Young Writer's Group!

Current Picture Prompt: Is Anyone There?
(Use this picture as muse in our Picture Prompts Page!)

I'm glad you joined the lovely Young Writer's Group! Since we first started over four years ago, we've been one of Shelfari's most active groups, and our love for the written word has...more »

« more discussions

  • Erin Elaine.

    Writing Without Prose (The Exercise ALL writers need to practice!)

    Save Changes Cancel
    Hey youngins!

    So, you know that feeling when you know you need to write, but you have no idea what to say? I don't mean that your NaNo novel is at a dry part, or your Fan Fiction has lost relevancy. I mean, you honestly have no idea what you need to say, but something in you is pulling at your gut, and you know the only cure will be pen to paper. And so you sit down to write...but it all turns to crap, and you smash your head against the keyboard...and so on?

    Well, I've been feeling like that a lot recently. So I did this. And it REALLY helped remind me that all writers are, are dreamers who find ways to make pictures with words. Who CARES about grammar, or prose, or spacing, or any of that? All that matters is the story you're trying to tell, even when no one else could possibly understand it but you.

    So here's the idea:
    I want you all to open a new document, page, whatever.
    And now....
    I want you to type. Don't worry about grammar. Don't worry if your sentences are even sentences, rather than just a jumble of words. Don't worry if your story makes sense or has a plot, because why SHOULD IT?! Write everything you feel, no matter how lame. Don't look at what you're writing, don't even THINK about it. just WRITE.

    It sounds hard, right? We're all perfectionists, and we strive to be mini Shakespeares. But for once, write something that other people would read and say "...what? was this written by a delusional six year old?" even though, to you, it really means something! Write about things you see that no one else does, or even write about how you don't know WHAT to write! JUST. WRITE. Don't think about stretching your language skills, showing off your chance with metaphors, or any of that. Don't think about anything but what your subconscience is ALREADY thinking, on it's OWN.
    Say things you'd never tell a soul, but tell yourself when even YOU aren't listening. Just write. All writers strive to be is someone who can make others feel what they feel. Sometimes, though, I think we forget to pay attention to the feelings that are truly OURS, lost in the backs of our heads.

    Just let your fingers take control of your brain. :)

    Mine is directly below, if you want an example of what I mean. There is no right or wrong. just WRITE.

    I look forward to seeing these, guysss!
    -E
    Erin Elaine. started this discussion 1 year ago. ( reply | permalink )

1022

replies
collapse replies 
Sign in to participate in this discussion.
  • Erin Elaine.

    Erin Elaine. (edited)

    Save Changes Cancel

    Kind of hard to figure out what to write. Think I might just forget about it all and breathe in, in, in, in, in. Pretty tired of trying so hard to find words and not knowing which words are the right ones once I find them. So I'm gonna write and I hope this works I hope this works I hope this works because it's all I have. Sometimes I watch movies and imagine what would happen if maybe real people were as emotional and strong and beautiful on the insides as the people in the movie. Emotional things happen to us everyday but if there were a movie people would laugh because we're not feeling any of the right emotions and we never say the right things. In movies, they make those mistakes too but it's okay because you cry and they cry and music plays and it makes sense and afterwords you smile because it's sort of a crazy thing they've done to you. And you'll never have as good a story to tell, because your face can't play the part right and you listen to the wrong kinds of music and the lighting's never right. Sometimes I watch the stars and make wishes like in the movies but I walk away feeling the same as always and nothing changed. Wind blows my hair in the wrong directions and my bangs stick to my forehead and I run out of things to wish for so I go back inside. And I'm a writer, I really hope, so why does this sound like it was written by a six year old? Neil Gaiman told me to write and write and don't stop because elves aren't gonna come and finish my stories for me I need to tell my stories and no one else, just me. Just me just me just me. So I'll begin right now, I guess. Sorry for wasting your time.
    But wait, I'm not sure what to say now. I've already told you about how the stars are beautiful but nothing more and how people aren't as full as pretend ones and now I like to think I'm a writer when really I'm just a confused little girl with a laptop who, right now, is trying to be very creative by throwing her grammar out the window and writing with no rhyme or reason, honestly I have no reason I just know that I have story, but I'm not sure yet what that story is, so why do I keep writing? In my head, these words are monotonous and dry but my foot is tapping as I type which is weird, I wonder if I do that every time I write, yet somehow I've never noticed. How nice. I have a quirk. Anyway I wonder if my story's worth telling because it's not special, but I think all stories are worth telling in a way. And that the publishing system is fucked up because what's the point in saying books are the universe if the universe grows every day while some slut with a type writer barks out who has a place and who doesn't. I really am not a profane person. Truly I never say these things, I don't. But sometimes it's okay to overreact irrationally. Wow, look half a page already, this is crazy, crazy, fucking crazy I don't even know what I'm writing about these are just words words words with no sentences. My English teacher would kill me right now. I'm sorry. I am. But this feels really good. And I think every once in a while every writer should do this. Just sit down and write about whatever the hell their fingers say to write about, because elves aren't gonna come down and write your stories for you and we all need to tell our stories and this is mine. And mines long but short and hard but easy and bright but dark 'cause that's how all stories should be, just like seas with cool sand but deathly tides. Look at me, I just made a simile about another God forsaken body of water just like every other writer does at some point or another just so the bitches in New York can tell them to suck it, because no good writer compares life to the sea. Where's this story going after all, I really don't know, I'm kind of hungry, that was strange, I'm so sorry. I wonder if any one will ever read this and laugh because I call myself a writer when truly I can't even form a sentence to save my life I'm like all those fucked up teenagers swimming from shore to shore, phase to phase, oh look another water comparison, who pretends to love dead flowers and long poems because they're trying to be themselves just like their parents always tell them to be even though they don't know who they are yet, so why try to be that person anyway? I'm not one of those people, I promise, hopefully not, because words are so much more to me than wilted roses and a buried Juliet and everyday I try very hard to dream up the story I'm supposed to write someday, but I get stuck very very easily, always at the summer of 2011, where everything changed and I had a new story but I couldn't write it, and I'm scared to death. So I try hard to figure out how to tell that story, but it hurts me too much so I give up and do this. I write words that make no sense, but hey, my foot keeps tapping. Maybe I've got a rhythm to these words after all, and someone out there's trying to tell me, but I'm not sure I'm not sure so I'll just keep going. Maybe. Thanks for reading? I hope you understand.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 30 replies
    • Luker (Home for the Summer)
      Save Changes Cancel

      Wow wow wow. For someone who didn't edit that at all (except maybe grammar...hopefully cus my grammar is awful first draft) that was beautiful! And wonderfully written! Im also really glad you got that all out in the opened, because you kinda needed to....I think...Also, Im tapping my foot too :) I don't mean to, but it just happens. I like to think that we are connected somehow in our writing if nothing else because of all of our similarities and wierd quirks and because I (seem to) get you even though I've never met you. And just so you know, right now Im doing what you told me to do...that was just an fyi. Anyway, I left off with I like to think that we are connected. NOw I am dreming up a storm of what I should write so I apologise for the great deal of clicheness that is to come. I think that if we see the same moon, and if we see the same stars, and if we see the same sun, and if we breathe the same air, and if we are connected by nothingness that magically appears on a computer screen, then we've got quite the relationship...I think that anyone that could feel as close to someone as I do with you without meeting them is someone who is worth having a friend, so I thank you an awful gosh darn lot for that. Erin, I dont think Its fair what happened to you, but at the same time, I don't think its fair to your dad what happened to him. He had a moment of weakness, and now he will have to deal with that for the rest of his life. I think that anyone who has done something wrong, no matter what it is, if they are a good person, that it should be irradicated. But with the system we've set up in this government, in this world, as a race of human species determining what is right and what isnt, that isn't possible. All I know is, I cant even imagine your dad as anything less than perfect by the way you descrie him to me, and I know that you have similar feelings toward him, knowing that he is nothing less than perfect because he is YOUR father. He is your person, he holds your blood, your genes, and he always will. Anyone with the blood as perfect as yours can't be bad at all. I doubt there is even a blemish in his heart and in his mind. But that is for God to decide I guess. Good thing God is NOT a part of the human race. He actually has a brain, and he uses all of it, not just the lousy 10% or whatever % it really is.
      Erin, I love you. I mean it. You are a fantastic person and I am wholly and completely blessed to have you as a friend. I don't think I could love someon I have never met more than I love you ERin. I feel like I have known you my whole life, and Im glad that I stumbled upon this little page. I loved writing, and I wanted to be in a group that loved writing too. Actually, I think I used "Stumble Upon" to find this page...but I dont remember now....Since then we have been on many adventures (our subconciouses too)--more adventures that I will have in a lifetime. We went to an island, we ran a union, we defeated an eveil leader, we prepared funerals, we held parties, we talked and talked and talked and talked (actually, I think I have talked with you more than I talk with my friends in person since I see you more than I see them. Besides, when I write, everything i say is polished and perfected to say exactly what I want, whereas when I speak, I think to quickly for my words to ever catch up and I lose the important parts), and most importantly, we have written. Poetry, RP's, Short stories, essays, everything. YOu are one of the most talented writers I have ever met, conveying emotion perfectily in every peice you write to the highest and most honorable degree. I just hope I could be as good as you someday.
      As a final note, I want to again say that I love you. a lot. I want to give you a hug or something (which for me is saying a lot since Im not from a hugging family), but, due to our circumstances I never will. Oh well. WEll, not really oh well since there is a HUGE chance we will never meet and that makes me more depressed than a weeping willow cut down for firewood.
      Whatever (that word being both mad and sad...though those are mild words for it). Thats it. :\

      I REALLY wish I could edit it, but you asked for an honest spilling of mind, so thats all I have, and thats what is on my mind, and that is unedited at all.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Erin Elaine.
      Save Changes Cancel

      Luke. Wow. Just wow. Thank you, more than you know. I think I really needed that. And I don't know what more to say because you've covered absolutely everything I would have said to you, had you not beat me to the punch. Really, honestly, and truly. I think that had I not been given the chance to know you, I'd be stuck in the illusion that all male counterparts of the human race carried the brain capacity of about three percent, each quartile consisting of an imbalanced ratio of girls, sports, cars, video games, and Lil Wayne. And it really hurts to know that those are the only people I have real and materialistic contact with, because no matter how hard I try, I'll never be able to see them eye to eye. And you showed me, in big ways, that the world is much greater than I'd grown to believe. That there's a lot out there for me, and I can reach it all if I try. This net of nothingness that connects us has grown pretty thick. Let's keep that growing. Thanks for everything, Claude. :) I honestly don't know where I'd be had you not been there to guide me, from however many miles apart. You're just really incredible. And thank you. Again. :)

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Luker (Home for the Summer)
      Save Changes Cancel

      I think, just for your information Erin, that maybe those guys just arent mature yet. I can tell you one thing that I know for sure, a lot of guys ARE all about the three S's (Girls (make that into S form I just dont want to be graphic) Sports, and sandwich.) Luckily, a few of us realise how dumb this is and act like mature boys (add some experiences, and the big picture and youve got their minds) and then there are the odd few that act like they are 50 (girls and sandwich are now out of the picture, repaced with compassion and knowing the knowledge that our big picture isn't all that big)

      There was my rant..I dont even remember the point I was going to make so...yeap :)

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Erin Elaine.
      Save Changes Cancel

      You're right. You are. Thank you. I don't think anyone else is as observant about life as you to notice that, and make it known.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Daria
      Save Changes Cancel

      I just read this entire thing, all of Erin's writing and all of the replies, and that was really deep. Because it was real. I'm still young and haven't been through any real feelings like that so I can't write about any, and I can't give you advice that will really help like Lucy there does ;) but when I read your writing I feel like I can write about it, just seeing powerful writing like that. Keep on writing from your heart and soul Erin, and even something like this will make sense to everyone who's human. :)

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Allie ~ Where do I have to go to find a honey with a little soul?
      Save Changes Cancel

      I agree with Diya. You're like this huge inspiration to us, Erin. You never seem bummed and if you are you turn your emotions into a spectacular piece of writing like this. Beautiful :)

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
      Save Changes Cancel

      *Daria
      But tis okay.

      Ok, so I just wrote out a really long response to this, and then my internet quit. This always seems to happen to me.


      Anyways.
      Erin, this is legitimately one of the most beautiful things that I've ever read. Ever. In my life. I just want to emphasize how truly amazing you are.
      There was something in this and I don't know what it is. It's something buried in the disarray of the words that would never show up if this was organized. I literally wouldn't change a single word in this. There's something here and it's beyond what most people can grasp, let alone write about. And you wrote about it perfectly, and I'm truly amazed.
      I'm not sure if you realize just how amazing this is, and if you do, you should be proud beyond belief. I don't know if I've mentioned this yet in my rant, but I was crying at the end. Like actually crying. Because like I just said, there was something in this that really struck home, and I can't find it, but it's definitely there. It's something beyond the words, beyond everything.
      If I was to list off all of the role models that I've ever had that I could remember, the list would only be two people long. First, this girl named Gabriella who is two years older than me and went to my elementary school. And then, you.
      I want to be able to write like you...I always have. I want to be able to write like this. And I want to be able to always stay strong. I want to be able to smile after crying and cry after smiling. I want to cry when I'm sad, but mostly cry when I'm happy. I want to be able to hold my head up. I want to be responsible, and assertive, and a fantastic leader. And really, I know I don't know you nearly as well as Lucy does, but you're one of the most amazing people I know.
      From what I can tell, you have so much going for you, Erin, and I probably only know a small piece of it. You're an inspiration to everyone here, just as Allie said.
      And this writing really displays all of that. There are so many and thoughts and feelings and everything put into so few words.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • laikapearl
      Save Changes Cancel

      I don't know how to express how much all of this means to me. It wasn't even meant for me, but I can feel the vibrations of love and sensitivity emanating from all of your words. You guys are so precious to me. Luke. Your relationship with everyone, but most importantly, Erin. Daria, your pure beauty of making me feel what you feel. Allie. You make me smile :) And Diya. Your heart. It's so whole and well.

      Erin, I never know what to say after reading your writing. You help me tune out the overwhelming buzz of life and you aid me in being myself. I haven't been writing lately, and that upsets me until I read your writing. I know things will work out. I look up to you and I truly love you. You are fabulous.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Luker (Home for the Summer)
      Save Changes Cancel

      YOu guys are great :) I was just saying the truth. Thanks for taking it and using it for your gain. And I agree with all of those replies. They were very well written, and all you said about Erin is totes true (and thanks for what you guys said abut me :) ) Good work kiddos xP

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
      Save Changes Cancel

      And just because the lovely community/family feeling is so strong right now.....
      I propose a group hug xD

      Just because it is truly necessary.

      You guys are amazing. I love you all to death, and I'm so glad to be back after my repeated Shelfari lapses.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Mia A. Hikari ~plan to be on more during the summer c:
      Save Changes Cancel

      *jumps into group hug randomly*

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
      Save Changes Cancel

      OhheythereMia.

      YAY GROUP HUG.

      *joins hug*

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Mia A. Hikari ~plan to be on more during the summer c:
      Save Changes Cancel

      Ugh, I feel bad now. Okay let me set this straight Erin: You are a genius. That was so touching. I wish I can write a whole paragraph about it but I have a pounding head ache. You inspire us all to strive for the best and I really admire that about you :)

      YAY I'M NOT RANDOM ANYMORE ! :D ...that wasn't the point though....oh well !

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Allie ~ Where do I have to go to find a honey with a little soul?
      Save Changes Cancel

      Did somebody say hug?
      *joins hug also*

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Anna~
      Save Changes Cancel

      That was utterly beautiful to read in its entirety. And it really really did have a rhythm to it! I could almost imagine the beat of your foot, that's an amazing thing, to be able to create such a sense of rhythm and such a beat. It takes a real and genuine wordsmith to write something like that. It's deeper than preciseness and trying to pick the exact words...it's an outpouring and this, just this...is beautiful.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • laikapearl
      Save Changes Cancel

      anna- totally agree! that was beautifully put :)

      *group hug!!!!*

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
      Save Changes Cancel

      Miaaaa ♥ I wasn't implying that xDD Randomness is fun.

      YAYISTARTEDAGROUPHUG
      #accomplished

      And everything that Anna said.
      It's lovely. And so, so true.

      You guys are amazing. Really.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Mia A. Hikari ~plan to be on more during the summer c:
      Save Changes Cancel

      Diyaaaa ♥♥ I was talking about my own randomness XD

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
      Save Changes Cancel

      Ahh okeey. ME UNDERSTANDS NOW (:
      And that's a difficult thing to do....to make me understand something.....considering the state that my brain is in right now.
      SO CONGRATULATIONS(:

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Erin Elaine.
      Save Changes Cancel

      Oh, guys. :)
      You really have no idea how it felt to read all of that. I really don't have words right now other than, just, thank you. And when I say that, I hope you understand that I don't say that out of obligation. I look at this piece of writing that really was never meant to be a piece of writing at all, and I don't know what to think. It's just a cookie jar of my thoughts up there, and to me, sure, it won't be exactly what you say it has become for you, because for me, it's just life inside my head. But reading all that you had to say about it just really opens my eyes. And I meant it when I said that I have a story to tell, even though I'm not sure what it is exactly, and even though I'm scared to write it. Because for people like me, who's dreams are bigger than everything else, life is a pretty mortifying thing from day to day. I'm one of those people who constantly thinks about my future. Not in the sense of, like, "Oh, I want to marry a lawyer and then finish off medical school and have a few kids", but in the sense that I have everything planned out in my head, plans too big to fit on any map, and I want to grow old knowing that I've checked absolutely everything off my bucket list, and written those novels, and seen those plays, and raised that family, and built that house, and took that picture. I probably aren't making sense right now. :) My point is: I have a lot ahead of me, but I don't know how to get there. Everyday, I try to make the decisions that will get me to those places, but when you're a teenager, that's impossible. And every day, I grow cold at the thought of all those plans never coming true. Because they're just so important to me, and my dreams are the only thing I have. And when I write, I tend to write what people want to read. Stories with fake names and places, and great adventures....whatever. But I don't ever gain as much from them as I intend. I don't get the reassurance that what I'm doing is worthwhile and going to get me to those places. But sometimes, I do. And this was one of those times, for me. And that's really the entire reason I made this a groupwide activity: because we ALL feel this way, I think. And this REALLY helped me. And to me, it was not a grreat piece of writing, but a long car ride or falling asleep, or smilign after crying, or any of those things. That was all it was. It was just the words that make me who I am. So I'm so grateful about everything you had to say about it. You all mean the world to me, and I hope that every day you find the chance to do these things. To forget about the status quot you didn't even know existed, and to figure out just exactly why you write, and what you're writing for. I lvoe you all. :) Thank you to the moon and back.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Luker (Home for the Summer)
      Save Changes Cancel

      :) First: DANG I HATE YOU (In a jelous way)
      Second: Idk if you want advice (and idk if im qualified to give it since im only three....wait two years older than you) but do what you can on that bucket list now (I.e. write those novels, sing those songs) and then keep at it.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • laikapearl
      Save Changes Cancel

      Eeerrriiiin. You're pretty cool. And your writing (even when you ain't tryin) makes me insanely angry with myself, and like Luke said, very, very jealous. You're just the coolest cat I know. Don't ever forget that :) And about that bucket list, don't ever forget that NOTHING. IS. IMPOSSIBLE. The word itself says so. I'm Possible.

      So, go get 'em tiger! We love you to Pluto and back.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Erin Elaine.
      Save Changes Cancel

      I love you guys. :) I really do.

      Holy pumpkin juice. "I'm possible." "Impossible." MIND BLOWN.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Cora: Musical theater, how I love you <3
      Save Changes Cancel

      AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK. MY MIND IS BLOWN RIGHT NOW HELP ME.
      I can't believe that I haven't found this until now. Two months later. Sorry.

      I can't really find the words. Most people I know don't think like you all do. They're superficial. Skimming the surface of the world of knowledge and emotions. When I'm with you guys, I don't have to think about what to say when I'm just talking and ranting. I feel like you guys really, really know me.
      Sometimes, I wish I could express everything I feel outwardly. I wish I wasn't afraid of being judged. But I'm human, and most humans have that same problem. But I feel like you guys aren't "outwardly." Talking to you all is like talking to another part of myself. It's like looking into a mirror and seeing yourself, except it's not really yourself, and you hesitate for a second and you're like, "Who am I?" (by the way, has that happened to anyone? It's creepy!) And then you start to see some familiarity to yourself again. It's not a perfect analogy, but that's like you guys. You're kind of like a reflection, but you're not a perfect replica, of course, because we're diverse and awesome. But we have so many likenesses that you guys still feel like that familiarity.
      I can divulge my world to you when I want. And other times, I can smile and goof off and participate in our weddings, funerals, flower-givings, etc. God, I miss Elfy. I always think of her when I think of our funerals. I know I wrote her, so she's technically my character, but I always feel like I shared her with you all, and you guys helped shape her, so I feel like she's part of you guys, too. You guys helped me create Elfy, and I'll be forever grateful for that. Thanks, guys. You rock.

      I can't thank you guys enough, and I can't express that. It feels like sometimes, in times of great need, even writers can't find the words.
      I guess that's the irony to it all.
      Love you all.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • ~MusicMaster~ singing is a passion not a chore
      Save Changes Cancel

      wow... Thats just... i dont have words...

      posted 12 months ago. ( permalink )
    • Erin Elaine.
      Save Changes Cancel

      I wrote that up there a year ago now, maybe more. Today I was feeling unmotivated, and I found this, and read all of these responses and everything again. And I know that now this is probably, this response, never going to be read, because we've sort of buried this discussion. But if anyone happens upon this response just know that this little thread won't ever be forgotten. I love you guys. I just...I really do.

      posted 8 months ago. ( permalink )
    • Kathryn
      Save Changes Cancel

      Hi. I just wanted to tell you that I did indeed see this. I don't think this discussion is buried or forgotten or whatever at all. There are still quite a few of us that stop by here every once in a while just to talk. Well, write, but you know what I mean. The original instructions have kind of been forgotten, but it still is something we need. It's become the place where I come when I have to talk to someone about something but I don't have anyone that will listen. Actually, I have people that will listen, but I don't know how to talk to them. Because we're all just a bunch of confused, broken teenagers that have the words but don't know how to say them. So this is where we store them. It's our little word storage place. :D This is getting long, so I'll finish it up. I love this discussion. I love this group. I love you, Erin, for creating this beautiful place. I love everyone here, for making this place what it is.

      posted 8 months ago. ( permalink )
    • Daria
      Save Changes Cancel

      I love you too, Erin. Like Kathryn said, how you've created a beautiful place- it's so true. You've created a real world where all the authors can hang out. It's a story for us to live.

      posted 8 months ago. ( permalink )
    • Laura ~ she had a nostalgia for a life she had never lived
      Save Changes Cancel

      That's such a good way of putting it, Dariar.

      posted 8 months ago. ( permalink )
    • iNoorier- Sorry for the inactivity and the late replies. I am doing college and life together.
      Save Changes Cancel

      I so remember commenting on it. I CANT BELIEVE I DIDNT!!
      ok, Erin you spin words so wonderfully, its insane. It is not even real.
      ok that was such a weird way to comment on such a beautiful piece. Get this though, that I LOVED it. I love all the WWP posted here.

      posted 8 months ago. ( permalink )
  • Beth
    Save Changes Cancel

    Well, hey.
    I’m beth, and this is where I shall do writing without prose.
    Or whatever it’s supposed to be.
    I don’t know. I’m going to try to write something without just being distracted by the internet, without giving up and running downstairs to go get some food. well, maybe not running. Running. Walking. Whatever.
    Whatever whatever.
    I spend a lot of time now trying not to care. I got stressed, so hung up, on trying not to do something stupid, trying to look okay, make good first impressions. So now I try not to care. I think I’ve got to try harder, though, because it’s not working.
    Am I meant to be feeling anything?
    Writing this, I mean. i’m feeling nothing. Maybe I should try harder at this, too. Maybe I should try harder at being truthful. Try harder to be truthful. I know if I was telling complete truth, I’d be feeling something. Not that I’m writing outright lies. No, I save that for when I’m using a character I’ve made up myself. I’ve been doing that a lot, recently.
    It’s November, so I should be doing NaNoWriMo. I think I’ve sort of given up, though. Not on the novel, but on the event. It’s feeling too forced, not what I want writing to be for me.
    Writing.
    Writer.
    Author.
    I try and bung titles onto things. People. Me. I’m a “nerd,” I’m an “author” …. But am I anything? Why do I do this? I put titles onto everything
    I think I’m lying again.
    I need to learn when to make things fiction, when to make things fact.
    This is good.
    I’m feeling something now.
    So, what facts do we have?
    I’m Beth.
    I am fourteen.
    I am in love.
    In love?
    In love with the idea of love. I am not in love with a person. There are people who I love. But love is different to being in love. I think I got that from a book. Either way, it’s true. So true. I will lay awake at night, and I will think about love and being in love, I will picture my future, I’ll picture myself in love. And I love it.
    Lovelovelovelovelove.
    I hate how people at my school talk about how much they “love” their boyfriends. I’m not saying that they’re incapable of it, I’m not saying it’s always a lie. But I am saying that I so, so highly doubt it. They must feel something for their boyfriends. But I just don’t know. I think that they are, at least in part, just joining some silly ring of high school couples.
    I want to travel the world. I want to find myself. Wanderlust is the word for the feeling, apparently. I want to see and … let’s not talk about that here. I spend enough time on the topic. I feel like I am writing out the same thing again and again now.
    Sometimes I feel nothing.
    Sometimes I just sit in my room trying to make me feel some sort of emotion. Sometimes I feel so little emotion, I can’t even think of how to make myself feel anything.
    I truly think that one day I will go insane. Properly insane. And I’m scared.
    I pick books that I love and try to make everyone else read them.
    I am forever on a quest to find the largest jumper. I want one that I can wear over tights and have it go down to my knees.
    I secretly think that there is nothing sexier than nerd glasses.
    I want to go to Wonderland and Narnia and Hogwarts.
    But the Inkworld most of all.
    I want to go back in time and tell my three-years ago self how lucky I was. But then I don’t, because not knowing made it so much better.
    I want to stand in a big city and just feel anonymous. I want to feel like no-one, because that makes me feel like everyone.
    I don’t think there’s much more to this.
    I may think I’m complicated, but I can be almost totally explained in just under seven hundred words.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 15 replies
  • emzie &hearts; - [yeah, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone.] &hearts;
    Save Changes Cancel

    Hi. I’m Emma. Who are you?
    I am a wisher. I wish wishes all the time and imagine what it would be like if they came true.
    I used to wish I was seventeen. I thought it would be cool.
    I could do things I couldn’t do then.
    But now I’m thinking, “Why?” it’s so nice to be young and free,
    And fantasize about what could happen then.
    But there are other things
    That are better when a reality
    Not just a wish

    I am a writer.
    Words. How wonderful, words are. They are the very reason that we are who we are.
    So many beautiful things can be done with words.

    -proposals
    -apologies
    -songs
    -stories
    -compliments
    -lullabies
    -endearments
    -love letters

    Words are wonderful things, and when you string them together, they make one wonderful thing. Above are the good things that can be done with words, but most importantly, stories.

    Stories passed from generation to generation. Stories, songs, and poems from hundred of years ago and more. And guess what? They all started with a pen, ink, and, of course, a word.

    I am a romantic.
    Love is lovely. To love, to be loved, to be lovable. All wonderful.

    Well, I’m at more than 200 words now, but I’m not even remotely done. You now know that I am a wisher, a writer, and a romantic. But there is more, of course. So many tiny details that make up me. That’s what I love about us humans as a species.

    If you web together all the details of your life, they would make a fine web, indeed. Millions of details all combined. And the beautiful thing is: No one else has that exact combination. Sure, many could have similarities. Some people may share your love of horses, or dragons, or reading, or they could have braces. Some may be even close to your match. But they’re not. Because, when a person is made, all of their little details string together to make their web. And that web cannot be made twice.
    And I have chosen to share with you some of my web. Some of the things that make up me. I could go on for a while. A long, long while, but it would probably bore you and my fingers would get tired.

    So I’ll save some more details for another time.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 9 replies
  • Allie ~ Where do I have to go to find a honey with a little soul?
    Save Changes Cancel

    Well, what should I write about? I thought of something even before I got past the first two words. It’s an odd story. Is it eve a story? I’m not sure.
    One of my life dreams, one of the things I always imagined happening, was this.
    I’d grow up in this lovely neighborhood.
    I think I’d be 13, maybe 14, or even 15.
    Anyways.
    I’d probably be out on my front lawn, sitting on some white plastic piece of furniture and I’d see a lady of about 70 across the street, gardening.
    I’d go over to her and offer to help her with her gardening.
    She’d give me one of those smiles, the really sweet, heart-warming kind.
    She wouldn’t have dentures.
    She prided herself on taking care of herself and always had good hygiene.
    So no dentures.
    Now, back to this daydream sort of thingy.
    So, after we finished with her garden she would offer to make me some tea.
    And who doesn’t love tea?
    I’d accept and we’d sit in her garden, the one in her backyard.
    She’d have a really beautiful trellis, a metal one.
    I would come back many times and ask her about a bunch of things.
    What should I do about my best friend? She always ignores me…
    Does he like me? Should I tell him that I like him?
    My family never has time for me.
    And she’d give the perfect advice.
    Time passed.
    I think I was 17 or 19 or so by this point.
    She was about 75 or 80. She was never very clear about her age.
    I was out in our yard reading a book when she called me over to her garden, the one in her backyard.
    She’d tell me that I’d inherit her little cottage and her amazing garden, the one in the front, and the even more beautiful one in the back.
    I’d smile and decline her offer.
    Your daughter, I’d say, she should inherit it.
    She’d shake her head sadly.
    She’s in Africa.
    Won’t be back for a long time.
    She’d take my hand in hers.
    I know you better than I know my own daughter, she’d say.
    I’d smile.
    Thank you, I’d say.
    Thank you so much.
    Now, now that you’ve read about an odd dream of mine you know a shred more about me, don’t you?
    Hm, perhaps.
    But you know what?
    You only know about 1/10 of everything there is to know about me.
    I’m like an onion, or something.
    I have a bunch of layers, and you’re only unwrapping one.
    See what I mean?
    I'm comparing myself to an onion.
    How weird am I?
    About as weird as an onion.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 17 replies
  • September | ;all of time and space;
    Save Changes Cancel

    Writing without prose! I can do that! No, no, no, no. I don't know what to write about. My minds all jumbled up and the words are coming faster than I can type. And, I can type pretty fast too. Like, it's amazing how fast I can type without making one mistake, well maybe a few. Okay, what should I write about at random? I wasn't really in a writing mood until I read this and felt like contributing, at least until my dad gets home from work. I don't like my dad to see me on the computer anymore, it makes me nervous, like he's going to just randomly decide to go through my computer history. Not that I have much to hide(note: I say "not that I have much"), I just get embarrassed when people see what I'm doing and I lost my train of thought. Oh! And I like to have privacy, but my parents don't believe in privacy. Well, not really.

    Still, I like this writing without meaning and just going with whatever comes to mind. I'd like to delve into my boy problems. Maybe I'll figure out how I feel by typing what comes to mind. This is almost better than talking to my Imaginary friends. Yes, I have IFs, that does not make me crazy. I actually have five. Matt, Rocky, Kurt, Candy and Hop-Hop. Not many people know about them. They're all really quirky I realize and I don't know what I'd do without them. Anyways, back to my boy problems. We're both friends and talk all the time. We talk about lots of things I realize that are unimportant and improtant. Everything and nothing and he never judges me about anything I say. But thats when we text. Whenever we are together in person, I can't bring myself to say anything and it always makes me feel guilty because of how shy I get. And I really think he likes me back. But then I'm always bashing myself because I don't want a boyfriend right now. Well, that doesn't sort through my problems. I wonder when my dad will be home, I'm running out of things to say. And my sisters are downstairs watching Roseanne without me. I'm really hating these mom's coming upstairs!!!! Oh, back on track, she went to her room. I really hate the later episodes. they seem so unrelaistic and cheesy. AND I REALLY HATE HOW THEY KEEP SWITCHING BECKY'S. I LIKE THE FIRST ONE BETTER. Huh. My mom got a message from my dad I think. Maybe he's telling her he has to work late.

    I really need to work on my letters for Purdue and Hillsdale and I'm possibly writing a letter to Julliard. Oh, he does have to work late! My parents told me I should major in something that isn't Liberal Arts, but I'm only interested in the Liberal Arts. Which is why I want to go to Julliard. Piano is the only think I'm interested in aside from Liberal Arts. And if I go there, I can learn about piano and "minor" in Liberal Arts. I wonder if they have minors. Wow, I said Liberal Arts a lot in this paragraph! I said it again! Liberal Arts Liberal Arts Liberal Art Liberal Arts my dad is home.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 3 replies
  • the kid formerly known as Chloe (Luna! We all love you!)
    Save Changes Cancel

    WOW. THIS WAS SO AWESOME. I can suddenly write again! Thank you Erin, for being amazing. [3



    Today was an extremely eventful day. We were intending to travel the docks of the fishing community Navale. The people of Navale are renowned for their fish—they are supposedly the greatest catchers of fish in the West Seas. It was Hastings’ idea to go among the docks; Hastings himself came from a fishing village, and he is partial to boats and sailors. I have often wondered why he gave up his life at sea for one that is decidedly land-loving.

    Rigel agreed with Hastings, for once, and so we set out in the early hours of the morning to help the fishermen fix the various broken pieces of their ships.

    I do not care for fish, and I do not believe that Rigel does, either. I have never learned to swim, and the stench of salt water and decaying seaweed is almost too much for me to bear. I wrinkled my nose up the second we arrived in Navale, and I do not think that I have unwrinkled it yet. The air rising from the ocean is harsh, and my eyes are watering. I can tell that Rigel, stone-faced as he may be, hates it every bit as much as I myself do. But Hastings loves it, and as we rode our horses down to the shipyard, he sang at the top of his lungs; a fine, strong sea-song that I would have loved had it not been about the sea.

    When we came to the shipyard, however, Hastings stopped singing. For there was a ship docked there that had not been expected, and was clearly much the worse for wear. As far as I could tell, shipyards were always bustling with activity, but today the activity was frenzied, nervous. People’s cries rang out, but far from being the harsh, loud cries that they usually were, they were desperate.

    “Doctor! We need a doctor!” someone cried out, and Rigel leaped from his horse’s back.

    “Here!” he called, in his gruff voice. “We can help! We are magicians!”

    This was how I came to be bandaging the arm of a wounded cabin boy.

    He was just a boy, perhaps five years younger than I. He told me his name was Tristan; an odd name, perhaps, but one that seemed to fit him. This is the story he told me.

    “We were sailing through a peculiar stretch of silty water when it attacked.” He said, shuddering. “The sailors had been bragging about their battles at sea. One man had even claimed to have once seen the spined back of the Leviathan, and we all called out his mistruth. Leviathans do not have spined backs; they have smooth, dark ones.”

    I chose not to ask this boy what a Leviathan was, but made a mental note to ask Hastings. I now know that a Leviathan is the worst of all sea monsters; a vicious brute of a beast who swims around. It has fire in its belly, and can swallow a flagon of ships whole. At least, this is what Hastings tells me, and Hastings is prone to hyperbole.

    “That night, a serpent attacked the ship,” the boy said, shuddering, “I have fought many serpents since I became a cabin boy, for I have been one since I was but nine. But none of those serpents were like this one. He was easily four times the length of the Marie at the waterline.” (the Marie was the boy’s maimed ship) “And his scales were as dark as the water. We were rushing around, preparing the harpoons to spear the monster, and someone cried out, “Oh, God! Save us! It’s the Leviathan!” And immediately men began to wail in despair.”

    “What did you do?” I asked, forgetting momentarily the stench of brine that filled my nostrils.

    “We attacked the bloody beast.” Tristan answered with vengeance. “But there was a lot of men lost. The serpents have a nasty habit of picking men right off the top of the ship, and drowning ‘em before eating ‘em. They’re bloody impossible to harm, ‘cause they flat-out refuse to die unless you spear ‘em through the head.” This was a lovely picture, and Tristan continued to make it even more gruesome by continuing his story with the graphic detail and painstaking clarity of a shell-shocked sailor.

    “This serpent was an old man of a serpent, and he knew all the tricks. He picked off almost half the crew before one of the sailors, John Drew, managed to stick a harpoon down the things throat.” I didn’t have to ask to knew what’d happened to John Drew.

    “It still didn’t die?”

    “No, ma’am. It just got madder. By now, the men were going crazy tryin’ to kill it. I grabbed a harpoon that one of the men ‘ad dropped, and just stood there, waiting for my orders. Then, out of nowhere, came the big head of that snake! It was headed straight for me, with that huge mouth wide open, and those big fangs, and its poisonous blood pouring out onto the deck!” Tristan swung his good arm in a wide , dramatic arc, and I winced.

    “What did you do?”

    “Well, I flung that harpoon, didn’t I?” he said, sounding victoriously in awe of himself. “And that thing flung itself around like the great serpent ‘imself, and ended up writing down in the ocean ‘til we couldn’t see it no more, couldn’t see nothing but it’s blood boiling the waters and turning it black.”

    “You killed it?” I was in awe.

    “Yes.” He agreed.


    And now I am lying in a cot that an innkeeper was kind enough to provide me with. Rigel is telling me to go to sleep. I can still smell the retching scent of fish blood all over my skin.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 4 replies
  • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
    Save Changes Cancel

    So before I start, this is kinda a rant. I just have to write all of this down. It's just been bugging me.



    Hey mom and dad?
    Yeah.
    I was just thinking
    that maybe...
    maybe...
    you could realize something.
    Maybe I'm not perfect.....no?
    I mean, I thought you would know that. I really did.
    But maybe not. Maybe you still expect me to be perfect.
    So how about that?
    How about you lower your expectations just a tad?
    Maybe if I felt less pressured, I'd do better. Maybe I wouldn't cry at night because I wanted so hard to make you proud.
    Maybe I'd go to school every day with a smile on my face because I'm just so glad to see my friends
    not a frown
    because you know, I have a test today.
    Or a quiz.
    Or an essay due.
    There are bigger and better things out there, you know?
    You can't expect me to get straight As in one of the best school in the country. I used to be the one pressuring myself
    but now.
    now...
    I don't know.
    I just don't know.
    I'm sick of it.
    I've been trying to let the words out, but I'm afraid.
    You know why I'm afraid?
    I'm afraid you'd find them.
    And you wouldn't be proud.
    And you'd say I was making excuses
    or being irresponsible.
    That I was a slacker, and I was just trying to cover it up,
    or that you couldn't trust me anymore.
    That you were afraid I'd always be talking behind your back.
    RIght?
    Right.
    I know you well enough to know that you'd say that.
    Not a single, "I'm sorry," or a "I didn't know that you felt that way."
    Really.
    It's tiring to live this way
    live every night for the test that I have the next day,
    and once it's over, move on.
    No time to talk to friends. Ever. Every time you see me texting someone, you yell.
    "Shouldn't you be getting something done?"
    Well yes. Yes I should. There's always something to be done. To walk the dog or do my homework, finish my writing or clean my room.
    There's always something.
    And sometimes, you just
    have
    to
    let
    go.
    So why aren't you letting me free? Just for a minute. You see how hard I work. You don't see the tears, though.
    You know why?
    Because I'm afraid that they wouldn't make you proud.
    So I'm sorry.
    I'll never get a perfect score on my GREs, you know.
    I might never be as successful as you are, and I'm okay with that.
    You know, you have big shoes for me to fill.
    And I don't want to tell you that I don't think I can do it.
    You know why?
    Because I'm afraid that you wouldn't be proud.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 25 replies
    • September | ;all of time and space;
      Save Changes Cancel

      I completely understand, my friend.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • iNoorier- Sorry for the inactivity and the late replies. I am doing college and life together.
      Save Changes Cancel

      Story of my life…
      I completely understand and it sucks when you are under all that pressure to be prefect in school. Everybody wants you to get the highest grades and all these expectations really really pull you down. Sometimes I just want to let go and scream at the world to JUST let me study for the fun of it not for the sake of getting the best grades. Its been MONTHS since I did something just for my own self. Lately I have become more and more absorbed in my world that REVOLVES ONLY around book s and marks and tests and studies. I no longer go out and look at the stars... I haven’t read a story book properly in months, I haven’t gone out with friends… even when I am out, I never have fun because there is ALWAYS this test I have to study for.

      For me, its not the parents usually. It’s the teachers and the class fellows, basically everybody who has known me for some time.…
      And almost everyone.
      Even your own self.
      You are so used to the great grades that are when you fall back a bit, you feel so guilty and it takes more effort than before you get yourself back up on track…

      We are not robots. People shouldn’t expect us to be prefect all the time. So yes… Just felt like saying all that. Hang in there; we are in the same boat.

      AND dont stress yourself too hard. We all need a break. Your comfort and happiness is what should matter to you, I bet your parents will understand if you take a break.. well, they might,.. but still, dont worry too much... AND I know you will make your parents VERY VERY proud one day.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
      Save Changes Cancel

      Thanks September(:

      NOORIEE. Exactly!!! It's so frustrating...I used to be the one criticizing myself, but now its my parents....I guess my own criticism is drowned out by theirs. I never have time for anything anymore. Like both yesterday and the day before, I spent literally 5 hours studying each day. I have midyears coming up, and I'm so scared. Because if I get anything below a B+ on any of the five, my parents won't stop screaming at me for days. I'm terrified.
      But yeah, same with me. I used to be a straight A student, and now I'm taking all honors courses and not even quite getting straight B+'s. It's just so hard.
      and thank youu ♥ I'll try to hang in there! It's kinda hard sometimes, but it's doable(:

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • iNoorier- Sorry for the inactivity and the late replies. I am doing college and life together.
      Save Changes Cancel

      IKR!! All what you are saying is soo familiar its not even funny.
      I was EXACTLY this way last year because I had papers to give in May 2011 (VERY IMPORTANT ONES) and trust me, you HAVE to work on the pressure and the fear. ITS TOTALLY CRUSHING if you dont. Nobody can work and study under pressure and that is what I realized earlier this year (but before my papers actually!)
      Dont be scared. Trust yourself and start believing again that you will be on the top. Infact, do this. i know its going to sound silly but buy thus book 'Sam the magic genie' and read it. it will work wonders. HONEST.
      AND dont be too tensed. Just try your best because ONLY that matters. Give it your best shot and forget about the results. I am always here if you ever need to talk to somebody about it. About anything basically. ROCK ON DIYA!! ♥♥
      P.S ♥ the NOORIE! :D

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Allie ~ Where do I have to go to find a honey with a little soul?
      Save Changes Cancel

      This is absolutely perfect and so true and wonderful and wromvp,wep, so honest and lovely and amazing.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
      Save Changes Cancel

      Thanks, Alliee (: I'm glad that people are relating to this. Good to know that I'm not insane xD

      NOORIE. Bahhaha I just saw that post. I can't believe I missed it o.o
      Oh wait. 9 hours ago xP I thought this was from like a few days ago.
      Ahh, thank youu! I'll try not to get too stressed out. My parents can get a bit crazy about grades, but I'll try to ignore the pressure xD I actually talked to my mom on Friday (or maybe Thursday?) and asked her to let up a bit and let me worry about myself, because it just stresses me out a lot. I told her that basically I'm the only one who's gonna be receiving the consequences if I don't do well, and I'm not exactly a little kid anymore, so I should be allowed to manage myself and my own life. And since then it's been a lot better.
      So yes.
      I shall try out the book, too, if I can get my hands on it. CHRISTMAS LIST STUFF :D

      I quite liked that myself. I shall call you Noorie now xD

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Allie ~ Where do I have to go to find a honey with a little soul?
      Save Changes Cancel

      Well, to be honest, anyone who can write as magnificently as you can has to be insane, but in the best way :D

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
      Save Changes Cancel

      Ah, yess. I'm good insane. Lovely (:
      YOu know, being normal is just too normal. I don't like being normal. I tried it once, and it only lasted like ten minutes.

      But that's okay. I'll settle for my strange self.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Allie ~ Where do I have to go to find a honey with a little soul?
      Save Changes Cancel

      Same here. Normal is boring. Watch the spongebob episode where he tries to be normal. It's so sad :'( liq

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • iNoorier- Sorry for the inactivity and the late replies. I am doing college and life together.
      Save Changes Cancel

      @Daria GREAT!! Same with me. Mum really freaks out when I get bad marks on this test that wasn't even important but yes, they realized I was working hard and they understood so I am not under pressure now. Not any pressure to be honest.. and maybe thats why I am not doing my Maths when I have a paper on Wednesday. I am such an extremist :D
      Oh yea!! GET THAT ASAP!

      @Allie love your reply ;)

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Allie ~ Where do I have to go to find a honey with a little soul?
      Save Changes Cancel

      Oh well thanks :)

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
      Save Changes Cancel

      *Diya
      Ahh, tis okayy. No problem.
      SAME. Exactlyy! I've finally gotten them to appreciate that I'm working on my own accord, and that's a lot in itself.
      Gahhaha that's me right now. Exams tomorrow....and I'm on tumblr. And Facebook. And Shelfari. I think I have a problem xDD

      Spongebob is like my best friend ever. I remember that episodee!!! So one of my friends always asks me compares things to Spongebob, and I always know exactly what episode he's talking about, and I'll start talking about it too and everyone else will think we're really weird because they have no idea what we're talking about. And we'll be like ranting about Spongebob....like normal kids......

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • iNoorier- Sorry for the inactivity and the late replies. I am doing college and life together.
      Save Changes Cancel

      Liq! I have no idea I wrote Daria instead of Diya :D Sorry about that!
      But yea.. YES! WE ROCK!
      :)
      Saaaame here! its my MATHS paper here and my preparation is equivalent to zero. Well, not exactly zero but not that much either. :D

      #yayfordiyathespongebobnerd

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
      Save Changes Cancel

      No problem xD
      INDEEDY WE DOOO.

      Gahh, same. Well. I've gotten past the worst part. Now I can procrastinate a bit more and not feel too bad about it.

      #yayformeee (((:

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Allie ~ Where do I have to go to find a honey with a little soul?
      Save Changes Cancel

      Oh, Diya. I hope you did well o your exams today :)
      AND HOORAH FOR SPONGEBOB!

      We were in Family and Consumer Science today and we're going over the things you use in the kitchen and our teacher's like "Now, contrary to what Spongebob says, this isn't a spatula, it's a food turner. In this case Spongebob's wrong." and I turn to my friend and I shake my head and I'm like "Spongebob's never wrong." XD

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
      Save Changes Cancel

      Gahh thank youu ♥
      YES. HE'S AMAZING.
      Ahhaha that's hysterical. I feel like that's something that I would do, too. Spongebob can NEVER be wrong. It's the truth.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Allie ~ Where do I have to go to find a honey with a little soul?
      Save Changes Cancel

      Welcomee ;)

      RIGHT?
      Yeah. She's a student-teacher, what do you expect? XD

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
      Save Changes Cancel

      Ahhaha that's hysterical!!! I wish we had teachers that cool.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Catherine ~It's a time machine. You never have to wait for breakfast.~
      Save Changes Cancel

      @Diya,
      Last I was the one who wanted me to be perfect.
      This year, I think because I got the scholarship award for the best grades I'm now supposed to be perfect.
      I completely understand.
      Really,
      I really do.
      Even my teachers are being tougher on me. Expecting that I will automatically get it or be perfect at it.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
      Save Changes Cancel

      That's exactly how I feel. I'm normally my own critic and this year I've tried to let up on myself and now my parents are the ones putting the pressure on me. And thanks so much ♥

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Charlotte
      Save Changes Cancel

      I understand. My mom isn't so uptight, I guess that's how you would describe it, but my dad is.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
      Save Changes Cancel

      Thanks! It's good to know that you guys feel the same way.
      Parents can be that way. Ah well :|

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Catherine ~It's a time machine. You never have to wait for breakfast.~
      Save Changes Cancel

      You are welcome. Just always remember you can talk to us, we are hear for you. :)[3

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Cora: Musical theater, how I love you <3
      Save Changes Cancel

      DIYA!!! IM TEARING UP AGAIN!!!! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME TEAR UP!?!?!?! :'(

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
      Save Changes Cancel

      BECAUSE
      BECAUSE
      I DUNNO.
      BUT CORA YOU'RE AMAZING ♥
      IT MEANS A LOT TO HEAR THAT MY WRITING IS ACTUALLY EMOTION-PROVOKING.
      (Is that a phrase? Like thought-provoking? Well you know I'll make it one. Like AMCT.)

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Save Changes Cancel
    September | ;all of time and space; removed this reply 1 year ago.
  • Lakely
    Save Changes Cancel

    Okay, I just read all of yours, and I know the direction my writing is going to begin. No idea what direction it shall blow onto and take. Since I have the sudden urge to not stop typing, random good-for-nothing sentences like this tend to pop up in some places. Sorry about that. But what good are apologies? All just seems to lead to them in the end :/ Reading what you guys wrote made me realize something. Though we are miles away, we may never meet in real life, and all we know of each other is what we write over the computer, in a way, we are all alike and we have a bond. Though, to be honest, I feel a little out of it. You are all… family, and I’m just a newbie. Anyways, we all share similar problems, all think the same thoughts every once in a while. We all wonder sometimes, about why our parents treat us this way, why people make choices… why we were even born. And why are we still here? I haven’t got answers. That isn’t why I’m writing this, to give answers.
    The thing is, it’s just amazing. So amazing I can’t quite put it to words. How brilliant it is, that we have formed relationships over the internet, without caring about things that people are bullied for in everyday life. It goes to show how beautiful some people truly are. And I just wanted to thank you all, for making me realize that.
    On to the topic of myself. I know some of you are going to yawn, scroll down, possibly type out a short comment on that first part, and forget that I even had more. But this is the part about me. Lakely Alice. The leprechaun in a Scottish town. The one who is desperate to be a good writer, yet drives herself to tears staring at an empty document. The one who has been an only child except four furry siblings, also known as dogs, for nearly fifteen year… then suddenly ends up with an adopted sister. Astoria Kaleigh, her name is. She’s amazing and beautiful and… I’m just so excited to think about all the lovely times she is going to have. The times I hope she is going to get the chance to say that her sister has guided her and never stopped loving her or believing in her.
    I’m the girl who can’t stop laughing when you tell her a joke she doesn’t even get right away, then when she finally gets it ten minutes later, is unable to breathe from laughing so hard. I’m the girl who drives herself crazy, tells people she doesn’t care, and sometimes hates herself. I don’t think I’m a good writer. I don’t think I’m a good singer. I think I’m ugly, have an awful accent, and can’t even act. I’m not saying this so you will feel sorry for me. Don’t. Please. My friends are my world, while my family is my universe. That was a terrible metaphor. Oh well.
    I have an ongoing crush on a guy I know doesn’t like me. At least not that way. He’s so oblivious. Those times he leads me on by flirting back. Or just looking at me with those eyes. Or smiling… that beautiful smile. As I live in constant fear that he’ll hurt himself because he’s suicidal. And I can only help him so much.
    I know this is getting boring. I can feel it. So I’m going to rant. I just need to… azsdfghjkmlgk GET IT OUT. Sorry.
    The world sometimes seems so dull to me. While everyone is smiling and laughing and just having a good time, it all flashes in front of my eyes in black and white. People expect so much of me, and I’m not the person they want me to be. I’m…. GRRRR!!! I’m crying right now. I can’t get the words out. I can’t calm down. I’m at a page already, and I’m just writing down random shit nobody cares to read. Excuse my French. No don’t. It felt good. As does writing all this. I still feel as though I’m holding back though. Like I’m talking and talking but some of the words mean nothing. It’s not interesting to read. It doesn’t make sense. How would I even know? It’s written in my words. Which, to some people, obviously are words that can only be deciphered by myself. I feel like I know you guys just by reading yours, when, really, you’re probably looking at my name and picture and going “Lakely… Lakely … Um… Lakely? Nope, no clue.” Which makes perfect sense, as I’ve posted maybe three or four times.
    I don’t even know where all of this is going. I’m just trying to get out my feelings and failing miserably. I guess I’ll try and end it. Thanks so much for reading, if you did. I’m Lakely. The girl to whom writing is everything. IMAGINATION is everything. Yet somehow, I’m the girl who can’t bring myself to think of myself as a person with any talent. No matter how hard I ever try. Which wasn’t very hard in this, obviously, because it’s mostly me ranting about my life. I hope I didn’t bore you.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 11 replies
    • iNoorier- Sorry for the inactivity and the late replies. I am doing college and life together.
      Save Changes Cancel

      WOW. WOW.
      There is so much emotion in it, I cant even write an appropriate reply to that.. Cox if I do, it will sound meaningless and stupid. so yea.. But great. I hope venting out your feelings helped :)

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Skylar Starr
      Save Changes Cancel

      I read it completely, so don't worry!! You're sister is adopted? What's her name?
      I think you're an excellent writer, Lakely!!!! Is that you in the picture next to your name? If so, I absolutely DO NOT think you're ugly!!! You're very pretty!!!

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Lakely
      Save Changes Cancel

      Oh my gosh, THANK YOU GUYS. :D I wasn't expecting people to read it. I just... wasn't. I almost didn't post it. I really love this idea though, it's completely brilliant, and I had to try it, and then I'd typed it all out, so I figured posting would be a good idea. And yeah, it definitely helped, Noor. Thanks for reading it[3
      As for Nidha, you just made my day :) Her name is Astoria Kayleigh :) Thanks about my writing, I try, really hard (but not so much on that up there, because my spelling and grammar kind of failed XD) Yeah, the picture is of me. But... it's really just a good picture ;) Lace's picture taking skills are wonderful :D But thank you anyways[3

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Allie ~ Where do I have to go to find a honey with a little soul?
      Save Changes Cancel

      That was so lovely :)
      You're such a talented writer and like Noor said, this reply can't possibly explain how great that was :)
      And I'm sorry about the person you like :(
      And about the newbie thing, I was there about half a year ago. It's awkward at first because we're all sort of insane (that's a common trait we all share XD) but just jump in because everyone's so loveing and accepting and if I write to much I'll start ranting about everyone's awesomeness, but anyways, you're already part of the family :)

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Lakely
      Save Changes Cancel

      Naaaw thank you Allie (Lol, I typed out "Ellie"!) I love this group so much :)

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Allie ~ Where do I have to go to find a honey with a little soul?
      Save Changes Cancel

      Welcome and my friend Sarah calls me Ellie, despite the fact that she knows my name is actually Allie XD

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Skylar Starr
      Save Changes Cancel

      Oh, sorry... I didn't see that her name was right next to the sentence... sorry!

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Mia A. Hikari ~plan to be on more during the summer c:
      Save Changes Cancel

      Lakely, that was remarkable

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Lakely
      Save Changes Cancel

      Hahaha Nidha, s'all good :)
      Thanks Mia! :)

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Anna~
      Save Changes Cancel

      Anna this is beautiful, such a massive part of your soul here, it's like you just told us a surface and in doing so gave us this deep clear pool. You may have only written the top but we can see right deep down into it and that is the mark of a brilliant writer. You are talented! You are exceptional. Thank you for being in my life.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Cora: Musical theater, how I love you <3
      Save Changes Cancel

      This part really stuck with me: "The world sometimes seems so dull to me. While everyone is smiling and laughing and just having a good time, it all flashes in front of my eyes in black and white."
      I've been there. I feel that ALL the time. Thanks for writing this, and welcome. Welcome to the group. :)

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • laikapearl
    Save Changes Cancel

    I NEED to do this. Thank you Erin! I'll post ASAP! :)

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Kayla- "I ate my twin in the womb."
    Save Changes Cancel

    Just to make sure of everything, i want you all to know that i have WHKSTHOAIC (Weird Hyper Kayla Syndrome That Is Harmful To Others and Is Contagious). I am a very random person and i have a weird personality. The thing is that, i want to be a sucessful writer and i am always out of ideas. And just to say, if you get confused while reading this...just keep on reading :)

    Ok so my name Kayla L and i love to write short stories. Mainly about vampires and romance, or about the factor of werewolves (because my twin sister is a werewolf fanatic. Like seriously, she sits on the roof and howls at the moon... creepy), and sometimes about why i think ghosts are real. I base most of my stories on dreams that i have had, or i write based on a bunch of books that i have read, and i put them all into one big book. Right now i am currently working on a book called "My Bloody Nightmare", which is a vampire/romance book. Now you may be saying, "Well, your stories arent that good..." I will glady answer that; I am only in 8th Grade. And i am just learning how to write using perspective and how to use other stuff like quotation marks, and stuff like that... which i am pretty sure i already know how to do, considering i have been writing random stories since i was like... what.... five? Anyway, lets start to get into the really weird, but true stuff.

    The first story that i ever remember writing was based on robots. A maid, robot... something of those sorts.... like i said, i was five at that point. I have always had a creepy obsession with writing. One time i had a dream of this camp, where the camp counselor like to kill the kids, and one girl would try to escape the camp, for her 4th time... i stopped writing after the 2nd page because i didnt know whaat or where it was going to... Was the girl going to die? Would she escape? Usually i would of always picked the easy way out and let her survive, but thats not how it always works out... consider The Hunger Games series for example. You gain some you loose some. She got Peeta back, but her home district got blown up. Plain and simple. Easy as pie. Crazy as it can be, writing bad endings are sometimes easier. Instead of having to explain how the person survived, if you end up running out of time, you know, you just say, "Eh, lets just kill them off." And boom, the main character is dead. Boohoo. It may cause quite a riot from the fans and readers, but hey, life isnt fair. Wait, i was on the subject of my first story... ok you know what, lets just get on. Anyways, yes. I love to write stories about sad, bad, crazy, hectic, annoying, weird things. My favorite genre is teen romance. I just am in love with them. You know how when you read a book about ghosts and you want to turn all the lights on, and stand near your parents all night long because your so scared? I know that happens to me allot. Oh and the reason why i am writing on here is because i have always had a hard time picking topics. At our school, we had an author, which i forgot the name of... came to our school and told us an idea of how to pick a topic. He said just pick one word, just ONE simple word, and work off of that. And guess what? He ended up coming up with more than 10 sample titles! OMFreakingG! Yup. I was impressed too, but you wouldnt see me sitting there with my mouth wide open and stuff like that... Hey i have a question... Why do teachers take so long to teach stuff to kids? Like for instance, why do they wait UNTIL NOW to teach you how to use quotation marks, even though some people love to write stories.....??? I dont know, you tell me.... You know, i just realized that i get better at writing when i particiapte in the RPG role-play things right here on Shelfari? They help me learn how to use thoughts and stuff like that, and they help me learn how to handle certain situations when you have to deal with them one way or another.


    I know this may be long, and i know you guys may be like, wait, i thought you said you had... in fact... had WHKSTHOAIC... well i havent gotten to the point where i want to actually show you guys my side that is completely not normal. For example, all my friends seem like they have ADHD, even though my friend, Helen, has ADHD. She said that it makes everything seem interesting... and then she has a 10 minute conversation on why scoreboards look the way they do... and the only reason why she didnt continue the conversatition was because we had to leave. I also seem to have ADHD, since i talk WAY to fast for other liking, i talk WAY too loud, and i am just... how do we say this??? Oh yeah.. hyper. And some people say that i am an "attention grabber" which i would love to say, that i am in fact... an "attention grabber". Do you guys like to always have a book to read, or do you like to NOT have a book to always read? I need to always have a book to read...What is your favorite genre? Vampires!...No?... Oh...Should i stop? Yes or No? I had a test today in science and i wonder if i got a A+ or a Z... Are aliens real? Can i fly? I wish i could fly! Then i wouldnt have to worry about walking all the way to my bus stop.. yeah, im kinda..::: gulps:::l-a-z-y... and thats why i read books. The only hard work is to get up off your butt, walk over to the library or your bookshelf, grab a book of your liking, and sit down for 12 hours. The only trouble is that you have to get up to pee....more trouble. Tell me, what was the fastest time you have ever read a book over 200 pages? Tell me now in the replies below my super long post. Mine is 1 day. And guess what the book was called? "The Ghost and the Goth"..... Well, i have to go... gotta catch up on my reading. I just spent what.... like 10 minutes writing this....? Thats means i am 10 minutes behind in reading! Gots to go! But before I go... Comment below!!!!!!


    --- Oh yeah, i am a rhymer ;D-----

    Yours Truly,
    Hold Dearly,
    ~ Kayla L.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 8 replies
  • Mia A. Hikari ~plan to be on more during the summer c:
    Save Changes Cancel

    I was almost scared after I read the prompt. Writing makes me anxious sometimes and I realized that I haven’t shared many poems and short stories to the YWG. I’m not sure why. And I feel pretty bad about that.
    All I know is that above anything, writing is my passion. I feel that it is pretty incredible that writing manipulates the ideas and pictures forming in my mind and let them release into the world for everyone to savor. Sometimes the idea of writing comes easy for people. Yet it sometimes isn’t for me. To get the words just perfect, to make sure your point is made clear, to use all those new-fangled writing devices, the anxiety I feel when I’m scared that my writing might turn out like Stephanie Meyer’s… see what I mean? Somehow it is nothing but worth it.
    In fourth grade I wrote my first actual story. It was called The Quest to the Unknown Passage. Reading it now, four years later, all I can think is: Wow, I wrote that?? Then I wrote a short story for school in fifth grade called Alice in Candyland. Ever since then, I’ve never been able to complete writing another novel. I have many, MANY story ideas in my head –they’re just growing like cells until they multiply into chapters. The most difficult and rewarding part is transferring them out into actual words and paragraphs. I’m having a difficult time with that. Am I not passionate enough about the story? Do I need to take another break? Why isn’t this working? That’s the kinds of things that float amongst all those amazing story ideas I have.
    Reading all of everyone’s writing is very inspirational to me. You all know how to blend the perfect words together and it never fails to amaze me. I really thank you for that. Sometimes I get jealous of my fellow writers, XD More importantly, it makes me want to strive to the finish line with my stories when I read everyone’s NaNoWriMo updates. As writers, it‘s our job to keep each other motivated and to pick each other up after falls. And I absolutely love that about us.
    Sure I feel frustrated while writing but I guess it is normal. Whenever I produce a good chapter I just want to read it over and over again. Now that I’m pretty pumped to start writing again -after a five month period of writer’s block- I’m trying to make it easier for me to write so I can feel that bliss of success over and over again. I find that writing an outline makes it very easy to pour all your ideas out and you can refer to it if you ever forget something.
    I’m not sure how impactful this writing piece was to all of you. But it, for sure, struck up something inside of me. I feel relieved. All I can think now is thank you Erin, this was a huge help.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 11 replies
  • tvnc

    tvnc (edited)

    Save Changes Cancel

    i feel like i should start with writing; in p5, i guessed i wasn't a writer, in p6 i thought i wasn't a writer, in sec 1 i knew i wasn't a writer, in sec 2 i assumed i wasn't a writer, and now i'm in sec 3 and i don't feel like a writer. because anyone at all can feel the things a writer feels, but not everyone takes the elusive thing that is feeling and shapes it into concrete words. but the truth is i am so, so scared. i think the real reason why i haven’t written in so long is because ’m scared that what i write will be ugly, what i write won’t turn out the way i want it to. before i begin i always have an idea of what i want the end to be, and if the end isn’t my end, i get frustrated, and i don’t love my work. i want to love it. but what i haven’t really uncovered before today is that maybe imperfection is just a different end. perfection is my end, but imperfection is a different conclusion to whatever i do. and i hope so. i want to be imperfect, once in a while. i want to not care about what anyone, including myself, expects of anything, and i want to throw all my cares aside and do what i want to do. sometimes i just want to write with the vocabulary of a 5th grader and see what comes out of it. i want to stop thinking about the ideas of society, especially when society's too busy thinking about them. i want to write something that means nothing. i want the page to never end as i write nonsense and gibberish and i want to write in my own language and feel and understand what the meaningless words mean and listen to what the meaningless words do not say, because words are such a constraint.
    which is why, obviously, i mash on my keyboard so often.
    i wish nothing meant something, and something meant nothing, and the two just blended into each other to become one plane of highs and lows, and no one would catch me if i wrote something meaningless or meaningful or somewhere in between. i think too much and so does everyone else, and i just wish that maybe one day people could maybe put aside their worries and live like a leaf in the wind, but everyone needs to do it. if i was the only one who did it, what would it mean? everything i do is nothing. and you know what? i think nothing is underrated.
    literature. i've never told this to anyone, because i have no one to tell this to. most of my friends in real life don't care for writing, or reading for the matter, and those that do are too easily offended, too - since they aren't here i'll say it - volatile. and i've always felt that it might be out of place, or even wrong to say this in a young writers' group, of all places. but i hope none of you will be offended, because you know the writer you are and probably none of the below apply to you guys. i just need to get it out of me.
    less and less people are reading, and more and more people are writing. this is a trend worrying enough to be presented in a times article. if people don't read and don't appreciate reading, how can they write? people who do not read cannot be writers. i am quite sorry, but i feel this way. while writing shouldn't be exclusive, neither should it become a free-for-all. not the writing that comes out of the publishers all bound and printed in the thousands. publishers need to start asking the question "what makes a good writer?" instead of "what makes a good book?" because personally, i do not want to be told a good story. i want to read a good book. and people need to read and they need to pay attention to what they read, and publishers need to look beyond the story of a book because i'm quite sure the readers do, and they'll have to understand that. there are many, many underrated young writers and many, many overrated adult writers, none of which i am going to name and many of which we probably agree on. that being said, i am against nanowrimo. in my somewhat unreliable but firm opinion, 30 days is far too short a time in which anyone can create a piece of art. half a piece of art, perhaps. a story, yes. but a book that i will read, then finish, then stare at in thoughtful silence, then start over, probably not.
    but that is the kind of book i want to read.
    and that is the kind of book i should like to write.
    actually, i have no idea what i'm typing right now. what i'm really concerned with is how many plastic bags we're dumping into the ocean and how governments seem to have no motivation to ban the use of plastic bags and replace those pieces of filthy useless garbage with paper bags which of course should be shredded and recycled, even though they are seeing the horrid impacts plastic bags have on our environment. how people don't care that a significant bit of africa is starving to death and then there are guys who own fleets of yachts and live their happy oblivious lives in luxury how people who have so much still manage to be rude and corrupt and greedy, and how i might perhaps be one of these people, how open racism still exists everywhere, and people fight wars for nothing.
    but the day after i'll be flying off to san francisco, and for just under two weeks i'll be there, having fun, god willing, and when i come back everything will be the same and i'll continue having nightmares about what the world will look like when i hit thirty, if i do.
    and i wish i could change the world, but i can't.
    i'll live with the regret of having spent two whole years next to my soul mate, not knowing he was and of course being a complete ass, and then waking up the minute he walked out of my life. here i quote elizabeth gilbert: "people think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. but a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. a true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. but to live with a soul mate forever? nah. too painful. soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave."
    and i wish, and i wish, and i ache.
    i'm pathetic. i sit in my bed on my computer and hum old songs. yet, i've met what might just be the most amazing people that at present walk the earth. AND doctor who is my new virtual boyfriend. isn't life unfair?
    i don't know if i want school to start again, or not. i hate wasting my time, and i love learning. but secretly the way i want to learn is from selected teachers and one-to-one, everyday, the whole day, and i'll tell him or her what i want to learn and that is what i will learn.
    i am my own enemy. sometimes i hate myself. sometimes i really really hate how in real life i'm dodgy, and i run away from old friends because we honestly have nothing left in common and i'm avoiding the awkward silences, and i hide from new people too because to begin with we have nothing in common. i kinda hate how i haven't found a way around this yet. i find it sad that my online life is a billion times cooler than my real life. i've grown into the identity tvnc so much that if someone shouted "tvnc!" at me on the road, i think i wouldn't be surprised, or shocked, or angry. i'm by far closer to people i'll probably never meet in my entire life than people i see every day. the mask of anonymity does wonders for me. i know who tvnc is, but i have no idea who i am, and i laugh at it sometimes.
    people need to live with who i am. my mom needs to stop telling me to get off my computer and my dad has to stop telling me to sleep.
    i have one friend i really really enjoy being with, in particular. she's a complete dork and talks about things i am not in touch with at all. but as far as i know and can remember, she's never, ever judged me. i once dragged her into a haunted house, out of which she came a complete mess, actually crying. and she hasn't given up on me yet. the world might be nice with more people like that.
    i remember when the school organized a huge barbeque for us, and we sat in the courtyard under the stars with our marshmallows, talking when it wasn't silent and feeling just as comfortable when it was. everyone says you make the best friends in high school, but i think the people in high school just aren't like the people in primary school, and it's not the same kind of friendship.
    i'm terrified of planes crashing and machines malfunctioning, and i'm scared that one day there will be no place nice to take photos of.
    and i don't know where this is going but i know where it leads, after i click the save button i'll copy this ramble onto a word document, and i'll edit it, deleting more than half of it in the process, probably, and i'll add names and change them and change them again in a fit of indecisiveness, and it will become a story. it will be a dull story, and a boring one, and a seemingly endless one, and a meaningless one, and in short a very, very badly written one.
    but for me right now, that's okay.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 3 replies
    • Allie ~ Where do I have to go to find a honey with a little soul?
      Save Changes Cancel

      Jeez, tvnc. That was so...I don't think there's actually a word in the English alphabet that can describe this.
      You want to know something? I don't think I've actually ever seen a piece of your writing.
      And I've been in this group for half a year.
      But when you said you wanted to do a collab novel with me? I had like a spaz attack. You express yourself so well and you see everything as it is, not through rose colored glasses. I was so happy, I've never really read anything you've written but everything you say is so crazy and lovely and if I could explain to you how amazing every word you type is, you'd probably stop listening cause I'd just be ranting about how you're probably cooler than half of the people I've met and become friends with. You're two years older than me but it doesn't feel like that, I feel like you're my cousin. You're that cousin who I only see on the holidays, so when we finally get to hang out we. go. INSANE. Like, more than usual XD
      I'm hoping you read this and it gives you hope, hope to write all the words that this failing world needs to hear. Because they'd listen to you, they really would.
      And to be honest?
      You're one of my role models.
      Weird, because I've never even met you, and now that I think about it, I don't know that much about you. But that's ok because what I do know about you is that you're an amazing person.
      And I'm 100% positive you're an amazing writer.
      AND ARE YOU WATCHING DOCTOR WHO NOW? AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?!???!?

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Allie ~ Where do I have to go to find a honey with a little soul?
      Save Changes Cancel

      I meant English dictionary, not alphabet, forgive me XP

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Cora: Musical theater, how I love you <3
      Save Changes Cancel

      this was SOOO thought-provoking. just stirs everything inside of me and makes me want to write and rant. YES.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Erin Elaine.
    Save Changes Cancel

    Guys, I hope you realize how simply incredible these all are. You're all so talented, and I've learned so much from you all. Keep this up.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 5 replies
  • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
    Save Changes Cancel

    I'm just gonna try this again, just because it's a really good way to vent.



    I've always tried to make the words beautiful. Always. They always have to be perfect, or they're no good. They're either the top or the bottom.
    But now, I just get to write. It doesn't matter anymore. It doesn't matter that the words are good, it just matters that they're there. Individual words are nothing.
    The words are coming, which they never do. They normally catch in my heart, and aren't let out. They get lost in there as I analyze them - are they right? Are they wrong? They could be better....of course they could. Right?
    But now, the words flow from somewhere that I didn't know existed. They dance from my fingers, and I'm not sure whether they're graceful or not. They trip and fall, as some words do, and they may never be right, or the best they can be.
    But I don't care.
    I just don't care anymore.
    All that matters is that there are words. And they're coming steadily. I don't know where from, but they're coming. And I hope that place will stay. I hope it'll stay, so that I can tap into it whenever necessary. I can let the words flow rather than stopping every few seconds so that they can be double and triple checked. There's no second guessing involved. There are words, and they're perfect just how they are.
    I may not have them wrapped around my little finger. They stray away. They grow and spread, consuming everything. They come to life. They run away from me, and may never return. But I don't care...I can't care.
    And the flowers that bloom may not be the most beautiful. They may not be the most vibrant. They may not be vibrant or beautiful or colorful or delicate. Not in the least. But they're here, and they're waiting for me to water them, and to let them grow even more. And maybe, one day the color will start to show up. One day the petals will flush pink and blue and yellow and orange and red, and it'll be beautiful. For now, I just have to keep watering them. And that's what I'm doing.
    Are my flowers ever the best, though? The most beautiful? Colorful? Interesting?
    No.
    Never. There'll always be some brighter flowers out there. There will always be some flowers that everyone will crowd around to get a better look at. Some people might even try to pick them. But my flowers are my flowers and they come from me. They may hide in the shadows. They may never be admired or observed by any eyes but my own. And they might be the second best, or third, or fourth. They might be the worst, but I will always, always have pride in them.
    Because pride is that water.
    And I can just hope that one day my flowers will grow tall. That the color will start to appear. That the people will cluster about to admire my flowers, the fruit of my labor, and that their stems will be too strong to be picked.
    But the first step to beautiful flowers is planting the seeds. And that's the hardest part of all.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 26 replies
  • Chloe K~ Won't be on for a WHILE. Sorry lovelies, school and rehearsal are hard to keep up with. :(
    Save Changes Cancel

    -Entry 1-
    December 14
    3:40 PM

    So…I’m Chloe I suppose.

    Is it possible to hate something yet love it at the same time? Well, if so, I hate and love many things. Most of all, I hate and love how many people there are in the world because everyone has a story. No matter how unimportant, nasty or sleazy the person might seems, something caused them to act that way. Or maybe they were just born like that. I hate how everyone has so many stories, and I’m not able to know any of them. I’m a curious person. Well, more nosy then curious actually and lately whenever I see someone, no matter how unimportant, nasty or sleazy they look, I feel really sad. Sad because I’ll never know their story. Sad because maybe no ones ever cared about them, including me. Sad because maybe they don’t have a story. Maybe they’re just a placeholder or filler on earth, created to just be there. Sometimes, when I have nothing to do, I wonder; maybe I was created to be a filler too, like the gross stuff in the burgers at McDonalds. I don’t know.


    You know what else I hate and love? How I can never write something without having perfect spelling and punctuation! What’s up with that anyway? Well, I wanna write more but I have to go. I’ll write more later!

    Peace!

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 4 replies
  • laikapearl
    Save Changes Cancel

    okay. i can do this.

    reading these gives me peace in myself. gah. i'm already failing at this. okay, stick with me. i know i can do this. but it's just too easy to stop and correct yourself. i HATE that. even my own, private thoughts. those shouldn't have to be guarded, but they are. i feel like people read me too easily. maybe that's why i like you guys so much? because when you read me, you're really READING me. if i had anything to write...

    there's the thing. this is the young WRITER'S group. but i'm not a writer. not anymore. i can barely get through an english essay, let alone write for myself. this here? this little practice? i can feel myself being sucked at. just writing this drains me of being. i don't want to leave you guys. but if i can't write anything, do i belong?

    fairy tales make me feel secure. you know, no matter what, the people who deserve it will live happily ever after. but in our world? no one deserves anything. you have to work for it and if something good ends up happening, it's only because you were lucky. i didn't ever want to believe this about us, but GOD. it's true. you know what else is true?

    i have a collage of posters, quotes, pictures, brochures, you name it! on my walls in my room. if there's anything i'm proud of, it's my walls. go look. you'll understand me in a second.
    one of my quotes says "the sad thing about today is that you CAN put a price on beauty"

    that's what's true.

    i am an outsider. i guess i've always known it? if we can't hear what goes on in other people's heads, do we all feel like outsiders? you can let someone get into your mind and mess with you and influence you, but they're still not completely there. so, do you still feel like an outsider?

    but. when it comes to the heart, if you let someone influence your heart. well then. you're screwed. they better let you in theirs, or else it gets to your head. and you feel even more of an outsider.

    love is a word i am fantastically afraid of. i'm so scared to write about it. terrified to read about it. even more afraid to feel it.

    before i post this, i must confess, i did erase a sentence. i said i love you guys. and i guess, that much is true.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 4 replies
    • Allie ~ Where do I have to go to find a honey with a little soul?
      Save Changes Cancel

      You're so amazing Laika.
      I actually know you probably least out of everybody.
      And yes, you still belong. Once a writer, always a writer ♥
      Just wonderful that was. Wonderful :)

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • laikapearl
      Save Changes Cancel

      Thank you Allie. I'm glad I sat down and made myself do this. Thank you for reading and for all the compliments :)

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • nightlock bell/Athena/Ghostwolf120/Youngin4life/YOLO
      Save Changes Cancel

      Lai!!

      Man, now I feel kinda messed up for constantly getting on you about our HP RP. :P
      Don't leave. I kinda sorta like your responses to my otherwise suckish posts. Like Allie said, once a writer always a writer. Or a reader. Or an artist.
      That's kinda me, actually. I felt I was too easily read, but if I try to be indirect so I'm not being "rude" or "mean" I fail epically, or people randomly break into my train of thought on something else and expect me to go on the split second for a decision.

      So yeah, I'm not gonna rant. Don't leave, though. It'd suck to never see you in one of my groups ever again.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • laikapearl
      Save Changes Cancel

      Thanks, Bell :)
      I forgot about this here post. I don't think I'll be leaving you guys. Ya'll mean too much to me :) I guess I was just having one of those depressing moments, ya know? But thanks for the comforting words anyways. They mean a lot :)

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Anna~
    Save Changes Cancel

    Nothing nothing nothing nothing. there's a beat inside my head like a constant constant drone like the mosquito that flies by your head by your mind at night and buzzes angrily, sadly I'm not really sure. The buzzing gets closer and further then closer and further and you reach up to smack at the noise but it has no body, it's just an angriness, a nuisance, an annoyance, a nothing nothing nothing nothing. Time and again and again and again I'm beating at my head at my ears hoping to catch that incessant noise but always it evades my grip. Is it worse to hear it buzzing in the distance, or when it's by my head and surely about to bite or is it worse again when I can't hear it at all but know it is there somewhere, lurking and just out of my reach. I am consumed by the thought of it, when will it strike again, when will the buzzing end. It's an anticipation more than anything else.
    And then someone comes along, something. a net. and the net creates a haven and the anticipation means nothing and the buzzing can't reach you because i know it's still there, the mosquito still circles but i am untouchable and finally i can sleep and my mind can rest. and that's what you are, my net. I know it's there in both of us but we've created a haven away from anything and everyone and nothingness. There is always something, we have each other...well I have you, I'm not sure you have me. But that's okay. And suddenly I'm circled with nets, suffocating, they're choking. too many. too many. not the right one. too much control. I know the mosquito is circling and i know he wants to come at me and i don't want him to die, he needs to be fed but the nets are so thick and i'm dying dying of nothing nothing nothing, no pain, no happiness, endlessness. And I'm ripping the nets to shreds because i want him back because I'm lost and alone without him and it was better when there was no silence, when I knew that at least there would be something, even if it was just him. Too much control. They're tugging and pullling and stripping away everything. It's a thin veil, I like it that way. I can breathe but now I'm sealed in and you can't understand all the nets already in place that you covered and suffocated too and now I'm in a prison of lead with no air and there's nothing nothing nothing. How could you not see that I had all i needed. You yearn to control, keep the mosquito out for good good good. Well you're bad bad bad. You're wrong wrong wrong. Because he'll always always always be there, just out of reach and you can't destroy him, not when you can't see him. He will circle forever, but you, you're suffocating. At least all he did was draw blood to survive. What is this sick game you're playing? I preferred it before. Give me back the nets I chose to put in place, because now they're dying too and there's nothing but you.
    The thin veils aren't beautiful anymore, they're sick and you made them like that. I'll take the mosquito any day over this.

    Nothing
    Nothing
    Nothing.

    You've made me into nothing.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 5 replies
    • Anna~
      Save Changes Cancel

      Whoaaa....I just re read this....hahaha makes about no sense XD oh well!

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Allie ~ Where do I have to go to find a honey with a little soul?
      Save Changes Cancel

      That was really cool :D
      I loved it :)

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Anna~
      Save Changes Cancel

      Oh thank you so much :) That means a great deal, it was amazing to just sit back and let everything pour out like this. A lot of it makes no sense but I'm pleased with it...when I read it I feel like there's such a presence of who I am in it.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Lakely

      Lakely (edited)

      Save Changes Cancel

      Oh Lakely [3 It was wonderful!
      You're such a great writer!
      It flowed so beautifully...
      I wish I could write with that much meaning.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Anna~
      Save Changes Cancel

      Awww Anna [3 It was total nonsense, I have no idea what any of it was....but thank you so much! And you do write that well! You write even better actually! You're an incredible writer.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
    Save Changes Cancel

    Why hello.
    So. I was all frustrated and stuff with society today. So...so I wrote this rambly thing on tumblr. And I'm not sure if it counts or not, because I did edit it as I went a little bit, and I planned it a bit, but it's a rant and I don't know where else to post it. And I feel that it needs to be shared.



    Beauty is a lie.
    Beauty is simply what society defines it as. It’s changed so much over the years that every single trait has been considered beautiful at some point.
    Think about it. Everything about you is or was beautiful. Everything.
    Curly hair, straight hair, fair skin, dark skin, smallness, largeness, light hair, dark hair, acne, scars, clear skin, blue eyes, brown eyes, green eyes, mismatched eyes, a large nose, a small nose, short hair, long hair, no hair at all.
    It was beautiful. It is beautiful.
    And you know, if beauty is a lie, then so is ugliness. You can look yourself in the mirror every morning and say, “I’m ugly.”
    But you know what? You’re lying.
    You could instead say that “Society does not currently define me as beautiful,” but the key there is the word “currently.” You’re made up entirely of beauty. Of historical, antique beauty. All you have to do is find a history nerd, because, you know, they’ll think you’re the most beautiful thing to ever walk the earth.
    Because you are.
    And society? Fuck society. You’re you and I’m me and that’s all that matters.
    The definition of beauty has changed so much that it shows us, if nothing else, that it can be done. All that we have to do is tell our children that straight hair is beautiful and curly hair is beautiful and that paleness is beautiful and dark skin is beautiful and skinny and fat and light hair and dark hair and acne and scars and clear skin and blue eyes and brown eyes and green eyes and mismatched eyes and large noses and small noses and short hair and long hair and baldness and people in wheelchairs and people who can’t talk or see or hear or read or spell or give speeches without stuttering are all beautiful, and to never let anyone tell them differently.
    And if all of our children know that everyone is beautiful, then they’ll pass it on.
    Society works in stages. And I think that it’s time for the curtains to close and for us to move on.
    Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for the next act.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 15 replies
  • Catherine ~It's a time machine. You never have to wait for breakfast.~
    Save Changes Cancel

    Ok. Hi, hello to you out there. Ahhhh! My problem is that I have to much in my head and it’s all getting jumbled together!! There is no empty space far me to clearthings out and just think. But then again when I’m thinking there I’m not thinking. Does that make any sense. Well it’s like trying to write a story. You get into it and then wham. There is a major roadblock. BEEEEEEEEP! It’s like a mojor stop sign that won’t let you move forward or back.And then all you do is sink into that little space in the back of your nogin. yup i said nogin! Sorry, umm where was i? Oh yeah so at that space in the back of your nogin there is a area of nothingness around you, and it consumes you and then......... something pops. It just comes into your brain and it stays there. Ok. Umm am i doing alright? I shall lay an egg. That just came to me and I just typed it. Those were the wise words of a friend of mine named Libby- the rider of horses. And you know what I’m fed up with? I’m fed up with people who think they are beter than you just because of what sport team they mde!! I mean I may not be the best basket ball player, but I love reading and I think I am a pretty good author! Hah! There you go J.S. In your face!!! Sorry had to let that out. Wow.. I wrote quite a bit. Well this reallisn’t like anything you guys wrote but ok! I am sad because things have to end. Like everythig. But my friend told me something very interestng. He said and I quote “You are living when you are dying.” If you think about it he’s right. I mean we are all dying very slowly as we get older. I really don’t know if that is much of a comfort, but what I know is a comfort is that Izzy wouldn’t want my family to be upset. Izzy would want us to be happy. Izzy, if you are reading this I would like you to know that I have followed my dream as you would have followed yours. I now carry a notebook and a pen everywhere. I get inspiration from the smallest thing. But you know what’s the worst thing in life. Is that when you want to talk there is no one to talk to. That is why when you were sick I was stuck to books even more that I am now. When you died I was reading a book. I would bury myself in them. Cover myself in page upon page. I would become part of another story so I wouldnt have to experience the story I was living in. And now margot seems to love her friends more than me. All she does when we’re at her house is invite friends. YOu wouldn’t have done that you would have stood by me. I can’t even talk to her about anything like Icould talk to you because you would listen, she would not. Izzy i really miss you. When I cried by your grave on the saturday after thaksgiving that was the first time I had cried for you since the night you died. I felt like I had to be strong for everyone, like I had to pick them up and carry them acrosss a river because they couldn’t do it themselves. But when I really thought about it I think I have made peace with what happened. I f o r g i v e y o u. Ireally miss you and wish you could come back. And you know what, I will take Mrs. Fong’s advice, I will write something about you. Maybe I will write about you for the speeech contest and read it to everyone. Or maybe I will write and lock it away in a silver box and hang the key around my neck. I love you Izzy and I miss you!
    Love you Isabelle, Catherine

    There I am finished. I haven’t written something like that in a while.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 2 replies
  • iNoorier- Sorry for the inactivity and the late replies. I am doing college and life together.
    Save Changes Cancel

    My head aches and I have no idea what I am doing here. Maybe you just write better when your head is hurting. Probably not, but I just want to ramble on and on about things that don’t really make sense. Its feel so soothing to see my fingers fly on this keyboard... type stuff that no one would read or think is worth-reading but I would write it all anyway. My head feels free. I wish everything in life was this way. I wish everything in life made you feel this way whenever you did it.
    The weather right now is beautiful. Its dark outside but its cloudy. And clouds bring rain. Winter rain. ONLY then winter will officially be here and I will start wearing my sweaters. I don’t really have a notion what I want to write. I don’t even know if I am using the right words. When you are tired, nothing makes sense and maybe that’s why I can’t find the right words. I want to write about places I have never visited and make it so vivid that people actually believe that I have. I want to write about people I have never met and the things they never do. I want others to think they are real and that I have known them for a long long time. I wish my writing gave people the feelings they get when they see the starlit sky when they really need to. Starlit is such an amazing word.
    It gives me mental images of the most wonderful places ever. I am obsessed with the universe.
    The stars twinkling on the Milky Way are beautiful but they are so so far. I want to REACH them.
    How???

    Fly and fly and fly high and never look back. Touch them and return with stardust on my hands.
    I know stardust is beautiful and that it will stay with you forever.

    They are right. Nothing makes sense when you are exhausted but surprisingly I am feeling a lot better. My head feels light.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 6 replies
  • Sydney "I've never seen a city life so clear. I smile as you whisper in my ear."
    Save Changes Cancel

    Hi. I'm Sydney. I'm 12. I totally believe and hope that I am a writer. I love to write! My friends are all really weird. I am too. I don't like to dress up very much. I care about what I look like. Some of my friends don't. I have crushes. Some of my friends don't. I want a boyfriend, but I 'm too young and too embarrassed to admit it. One of my friends is in love. I think it's stupid. I'm in love with Harry Potter. I wish I was a wizard. I want a dog. I am crazy and weird but I wish I wasn't. I like eating, and I get stomachaches really easily. :( I love hanging out with my friends, and I am a basketball player. I'm an alternate on the basketball team, but I think I should be on it. I don't mean to brag and I hope it doesn't seem like I was! I'm not an idiot, my life isn't crappy, and I am not a nerd. I just happen to like Harry Potter. I have had a rough few years, but that's okay because I am getting through it. I am constantly anxious, but not messed up, and I hate Justin Bieber. Taylor Swift is my fave singer, and I love her song Ours!!!! The music video is really great!!! Blue is my favorite color, and I love staring up at the sky. Fuzzy things are really great, and I don't like to sleep. I love shelfari, but I really want a dog. I know I've already said that. Writing and basketball and guitar is my life! Poems are my favorite pieces to write, but I also love creative stories. I play guitar, and I am pretty good at it. I've said enough. :)

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 8 replies
  • Lakely
    Save Changes Cancel

    Yeah. It's me again. Just me again over here. One small part of one big world.
    One big world in one big universe... and one big universe of many.
    They tell me nothing is impossible. They tell me they'd never lie to me.
    But what if that's a lie? That'd make two. Which would turn to four. To eight. Forever. Lies.
    They tell me I'll grow up and be great if I believe in myself.
    Believe in myself how, exactly? Believe I can do it? Or believe I will fail?
    Currently, it seems the second. I will fail, because I believe in the wrong one.
    They tell me to believe. To have faith. In God, in my friends, in my parents.
    Did they not forsee betrayal and agony? That the God we know would abandon me?
    Because maybe He has. And maybe He wil if He has not, now that I have doubted Him.
    They tell me I'm beautiful. That I have so much ahead of me. So much to live for.
    Must I write it all out? What about the past? Haunting memories...
    Affecting the future, and the "So much to live for." My future is probably gone.
    They tell me to be kind. To show respect. To never let others down.
    What about when they let me down? Is it okay then? No?
    Where is this respect supposed to come from? The bitterness of my broken heart?
    They tell me I need to stop asking questions and pay attention more.
    Look where that has gotten me. To ask more and more questions.
    It's an ongoing cycle. It's the beauty of my humanity. Seeking answers to the unknown.
    They tell me I need to stop and think. Do what is important and right.
    Important and right to whom? Becase at this point, it most certainly wasn't to me.
    They tell me to feel love. To stop hatred. Never to fear.
    I fear hatred. Yet I fear love to. What do I do now?
    They haven't got the answers. The questions sure to be asked.
    They rule my life, telling me what to do.
    And yet they don't have answers. They never do.
    They tell me it's all worth it in the end.
    But what if it's not?
    What if all that is waiting is more questions?

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 3 replies
    • Anna~
      Save Changes Cancel

      I don't even know...how to say what I want to. So just...know that I have now read this through 4 times and each time it has grown and grown and become more and more beautiful. I didn't think it was possible, for this to reveal anything more after the first read but it keeps growing and it's just incredible. Anna you are amazing [3

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Allie ~ Where do I have to go to find a honey with a little soul?
      Save Changes Cancel

      That was really deep and beautiful and amazing. Lakely, you're so amazing I can't even mpsmvpwamg. I'll just have to come back and reply when I can actually speak properly.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
      Save Changes Cancel

      Lakely. I'm with Allie and Anna here.
      My goodness.
      Okay.
      Give me a moment to learn how to breathe again.
      Alright. Here goes.
      Lakely, that was beautiful. Beautifully amazingly fantastically stunning. There aren't strong enough words in the English language to describe this.
      It's just.....everything. I mean it's so easy to identify to. And it's just everything. For me, for everyone reading this, and for you, I'm sure.
      You're amazing.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Joanna
    Save Changes Cancel

    Wait wait wait. I'm expected to just write, and not care about what happens to my writing? This will be the end of me, I swear it. My writing is practically everything. And when I write meaningless paragraphs, I know that they will be, well, meaningless. And I don't want people to read or see them. So stop... stop right there. Why oh why am I repeating words? Great. More meaningless words to add to the meaninglessness of the paragraph to add to the meaninglessness of this whole discussion. Not that I'm saying it's a bad idea. It was actually quite a good idea :)
    What was NOT a good idea, was for me to start writing. Because I'll write and write. I'll go on and on. I'll never stop. The words will flow out of my fingers, and they'll just keep going. And then I'll have to abruptly have to stop myself, and my words won't have gotten out, because I stopped myself. I cut off the flow. And I didn't say all I needed to.
    I'm not usually a random person. I'm usually straightforward, a hint of bitchyness, sardonic, depressed, etc. So this probably won't be too interesting. My thoughts aren't the kind of things people want to hear about. They're the kind of things that make you want to sit down and just cry. However, I'm not always depressing. I don't try to be. Sometimes I can be happy and upbeat, like when I'm with my best friends, trying to have a good time.
    Other than that, I mostly write. I like the feeling of my fingers hitting the keys, or the words forming underneath my hand with the lead of the pencil. I love how the letters spell out words, while the words spell out sentences, which make paragraphs, which can turn into ongoing stories.
    In which case, which stories truly end? Every one of them is ongoing. Just because an author chooses to stop doesn't mean a story is over. When an author chooses to stop, it's because now it's your turn to say what will happen next. It's your turn to fill pages and pages of beautiful words.
    Which is technically what I'm doing now. I could go on forever with this. I could describe the beauty of colours, of friendship, of love.... but I'm not going to. Because I'm not choosing to. I'm choosing to tell you what I've told you, and let you say the rest. I only get a tiny part of this giant world, and my writing is an even smaller part.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 3 replies
  • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
    Save Changes Cancel

    Hey. So I wrote this REALLY long rambling. I just kept going, and I'm not sure what I was going on about.


    Hello. I’m Diya N_____.
    See, it’s funny. I’m trying to open up, and I’m already hiding my name. Just my name.
    I need to open up and let people in and know what I’m thinking. I don’t do that anymore. I used to be an open book. People who had known me for two days knew me as well as my best friends.
    You know why? Not just because I was an open book. Because there was nothing to me to know.
    I talked a lot, back then. I would talk and talk and no one would care about what I was saying. No one. I didn’t mind…I’d just keep talking.
    And then middle school came and I started getting called obnoxious and annoying. By the end of seventh grade, I decided something. I decided to stop talking.
    I went through eighth grade in silence. I spent the year hidden inside my own skin, trying to decide whether I was right or if I would ever say or do anything right or if my hair was long enough or if my words made sense or if I was pretty or smart or talented enough to be worth anyone’s time. Within the first two months, I decided I wasn’t, and I didn’t speak at all to anyone who wasn’t one of my best friends.
    This year, I’ve started talking again. I’ve talked, sure, but I can only remember two times in the last six months when I’ve actually talked.
    So maybe I’m completely wrong. Maybe it’s the opposite of what I just said. Maybe it took me until the end of eighth grade to decide I wasn’t good enough. Because last year, I actually talked, despite never talking. Maybe it was on my birthday that I decided to stop trying to get sympathy, because people didn’t care enough to waste their time on me.
    On an unrelated note, it was just 11:11, and I let it go by. Without making a wish like I normally do. I was just staring blankly at the clock thinking about my writing and words flooding my brain and I couldn’t come up with a wish to save my life. But I think somewhere in the words, there was a combination of the words “I wish I was worth it” that swirled through my head just before the clock changed.
    I sound like I’m looking for attention. I’m not. I’m just trying to vent. I’m not special in this – everyone has felt this way, I bet. It’s completely normal, I just have problems dealing with it.
    I feel so constricted this year, though. I’m afraid to speak up. I’m afraid that the things that I say will change my friends’ opinions of me, like they have in the past. I’m afraid of the sympathy. I’m afraid to seem weak. I don't want to be defined by who I was or what happened to me when I was six or eleven or even yesterday. I want to be me. Now. In this moment. And so every time I come to school and my eyes are red and they ask if I’m ok, I say I’m fine. I blame it on allergies or how I didn’t get any sleep last night or how I have a bit of a headache. And it’s worked. Eventually, they just stopped asking.
    To them, I’m just smiling, happy Diya N_____.
    And they think I’m okay with that.

    I’m fourteen years old, and a freshman in high school.
    High school is confusing. It’s not the schedule or the building or the stuff we’re taught in class. It’s confusing simply because it’s not confusing.
    Everything is supposed to be so different in high school, isn’t it? But it’s really not. Almost the same people, using the same lunchroom. I still run into my old teachers, sometimes. It’s just different classes in a different building. And I was so set on it being confusing and new that it’s confusing simply because it’s straightforward.
    And I don’t have a group of friends anymore…that’s confusing, too. I have many groups. I’m a drifter. I don’t belong anywhere, but I am everywhere. I don’t have a best friend anymore.
    Actually, I do. I have Renee. I’ve always had Renee. I’ve had her since first grade. Renee was there…I sided with her…in my first ever fight between friends, in third grade. It was over me, originally. Originally, Renee and another girl both considered themselves my best friend. And Renee was fine with me having another best friend. The other girl, however, wasn’t.
    I suppose the tension between the two had been around for a while, but what actually started the argument was a friendship necklace that was given away. The fight lasted for three months. I’m not sure how, but it did. Anything could happen back when I was afraid to climb the monkey bars, but I could clamber up the tree in our front yard without a problem. When I wore the scar I got from falling off of my scooter proudly – it was a battle scar back then, not simply a blemish. When cyberspace consisted of Google and that computer game with the letters on the conveyor belt that they had used to teach us how to spell back in first grade, and when I could fume about a ruined leaf pile for weeks because honestly, I had nothing bigger to fume about.
    And so when it all came down to it, after the fight, Renee and I were best friends.
    I’m afraid that it’ll happen again, though. I have a friend in school who calls herself my best friend, and she’s certainly one of my best friends, but she isn’t the best friend.
    Friends are confusing.
    Friends, and love.
    You know how it feels to walk down the hallway and smile when you pass Him, when you aren’t sure why you’re smiling so widely because you really don’t like him that much, don’t you?
    Of course you do.
    Maybe it’s just high school, I think sometimes, and how it seems to make everyone overreact to everything. Or maybe I just don’t know myself.
    And some days, I don’t believe in love. Because when it comes down to it, you really don’t gain anything from love, except for a little bit of happiness. A little bit of happiness that comes with a lot of pain. It’s like getting a cookie after a ten-mile hike over a mountain when it’s ten degrees out. Unless you enjoy that sort of thing.
    My point is, sometimes I think it’s just not worth it. And then I see Him in the hallway, and my cheeks get red and I feel like one of those obnoxious, giggly teenage girls in the movies who don’t know anything because they spend all of their time on their heart. But maybe we’re not that different, after all. Maybe I could be in a much better place. Maybe. Maybe if I hadn’t spent so long trying to mend a broken heart that would just be broken again. I should’ve just let it be. A broken heart is a broken heart, and if it’s broken, it can’t be broken again.
    I just don’t seem to learn from my mistakes, do I?
    And some days I’ll be talking to Him and I’ll think that maybe we’re just friends, and maybe I’m okay with that, because friendship doesn’t hurt, and friendship lasts much longer. But then my angsty, pain-seeking teenage girl kicks in and insists that maybe I do really like Him. I might. Who knows? But I’m afraid to break the friendship that is so young.
    And then there’s the unreal love that I sometimes mix in.
    The “I would love you if you were older/younger/taller/shorter/more popular/brunette/smarter.”
    That doesn’t exist. There’s no such thing as conditional love. You either love them or you don’t. And I can’t quite grasp that.
    And then the tricky part. I think, “If he was short, would I still love him?” and I have to stop and think. And the answer I’m trying to hide from myself is that no, no I wouldn’t. But then when I realize it and force myself to admit it, I say that not being short is part of who he is. And I love him for who he is. But then I think, I’m basing who he is on physical appearance.
    And then I stop and go back to the beginning, with “I love him,” because all of this hurts my head.
    It starts over. “Or do I? We’re friends, is that not enough?”
    And that’s how I start to not believe in love.
    I confuse myself. I really should stop thinking. It’s not good for me, sometimes.

    I was planning on writing more, but I think I’m going to stop. I’m starting to think too much, and I have two and a half pages written, and I’m not sure what half of it was even about.
    That couldn’t be two and a half pages. It felt like two sentences.
    Perhaps it was, though. It’s funny because I haven’t been minding my grammar and run-ons, and it truly wouldn’t be outrageous for this to be two sentences and two pages.
    This was good for me. It really was. It’s like the time capsule I made two days ago for when I turn 16. I enjoy making those. I wrote a letter to myself and told myself that I’m a great person and capable and I’ll do great things…I probably already am by then. And I don’t believe any of those things now, but I wrote them in the hope that I will by the time I read them in a year and a half.
    I just wanted to let out all of my thoughts and put them on paper and leave them so I can sleep tonight because if I tried to sleep as I was about an hour ago, I wouldn’t have been able to. The thoughts would just be buzzing around in my head and I wouldn’t be able to let them be. But now they’re down and they’re written on paper and then I’ll come back to this tomorrow morning and start to stack these thoughts neatly away, back into my head, into drawers and filing cabinets, and cardboard boxes for the thoughts that might come in handy later. The rest are all going in the trash. And when I look back, a lot of this is going in the trash. A lot of this was nothing, but you know, some of the best stuff is nothing, so I have hope.
    And I wanted to write this to do just that. I wanted to empty my head for a few hours so that later maybe it’ll all make sense. And I thought of how I would do that. And I thought of this exercise. And then I thought of a first line.
    Hello. I’m Diya N_____.
    It’s not amazing, but it’s a place to start.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 2 replies
  • nightlock bell/Athena/Ghostwolf120/Youngin4life/YOLO
    Save Changes Cancel

    Okay, here goes my first attempt. Please refrain from screaming in horror at how bad this is until the entire show is over. Thank you!
    Onto the feature presentation.....
    Sorry people of the Internet, I like starting my monologues and such as if they were part of a movie preview. I'm weird like that.
    I also adore reading and am more mature than most 15 year olds in my grade at school. However, I am too shy to truly make friends with anyone beyond the computer. Which is sad but also how my life works. My younger brother is the extrovert and I'm the introvert who sits in a corner reading instead of talking about stupid things to fill space in silences.
    Or partying. Or worrying over guy drama. I'm not quite a boy but not quite a girl either. I prefer Ts and jeans over planning out outfits. I'd rather read a good book with a friend doing their own thing than go shopping at the mall.

    I want to be a writer maybe. I'm not totally sure what I want to be, which is kinda a problem since I'm getting toward the age where I'll pretty much be forced to choose what I want to be or people will be upset with me. I hate when that happens as I usually feel a really bad sting from it when it does.
    However, I frequently have writer's block and end up typing random things to fill the space in RPs or on the montior on this site.

    I just got my laptop back, which makes me ecstatic but paranoid that viruses are going to sneak in again and cost my parents another 300 or so to fix. :(
    I also hate when people don't know how to spell a word and so delibrately misspell it. Like ecstatic. There is a C, people!! Not an X, a C.

    So far, all my writing ideas would be a very twisted and dark piece based around the Vocaloid song Alice Human Sacrifice that took shape while I listened to it and read a Vocaloid fanfiction. Yes, I realize I am very weird. I'm a Christian and yet I listen to Vocaloid and pop...... a bit of everything really.

    ...... I think I understand now what a mind vomit is. I also think I'm actually very innocent which makes an interesting puzzle considering the other kids in Drama Club are not.

    Alright, the show is over. Scream in horror, laugh at me, cry, whatever. Exits are down and to either your right or left. We here at the theater hope you enjoyed the presentation. :)

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 1 reply
  • Save Changes Cancel
    September | ;all of time and space; removed this reply 9 months ago.
    • Annie Lynn

      Annie Lynn (edited)

      Save Changes Cancel

      *Hugs* Let's be friends or something.
      Sorry... :P
      But we're like twins, not even kidding.
      X_♥

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • September | ;all of time and space;
      Save Changes Cancel

      *ish hugged* I seriously love this face right here: X_♥ Can I borrow it? :P

      Like twins? Really? Haha, how much alike?

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Annie Lynn
      Save Changes Cancel

      Yeah, sure of course (about the face) :)
      Almost the entire first paragraph (though the age/timing is a little different, and we didn't move, and I'm not homeschooled.)
      Same with the second, except I'm blonde and I talked a lot up until the past couple of weeks.
      Third and fourth are straight on.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • nightlock bell/Athena/Ghostwolf120/Youngin4life/YOLO
      Save Changes Cancel

      Weird how I keep finding friends with people like you. :)

      Seriously, that's interesting and not a put-down. Particularly on what you thought about the Church and God. I'm actually a Christian and it's always interesting to see the other side of it.
      No worries, if we ever met in real life, I wouldn't really speak to you either. I listen and watch more than speak. That's just who I am.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • September | ;all of time and space;
      Save Changes Cancel

      @Nightlock- my family actually goes to a Presbyterian church so I get to see the Protestant side of Christianity. No sure if Gnosticism would be Protestant...

      @Annie- Woah-double-oh. Seriously? *high-fives* Even about the Gnostic thing?

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Annie Lynn
      Save Changes Cancel

      *High fives back and nods*

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • September | ;all of time and space;
      Save Changes Cancel

      That's so flippin' amazing. :P You are officially my new favorite person. ♥

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Annie Lynn
      Save Changes Cancel

      Haha :)
      ♥_X

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • nightlock bell/Athena/Ghostwolf120/Youngin4life/YOLO
      Save Changes Cancel

      @September Yeah, don't know about that one. My family and I are Protestant too. Though not Presbyterian. :)

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
      Save Changes Cancel

      This is SO easy to relate to. All of it. Really.
      I agree with Annie.....well maybe we aren't twins, but we're similar. Very, very similar. Especially with the being like someone else and not talking because you think you'll say something stupid and the liking being a loser and....well....basically everything.
      YOU'RE AMAZING.
      STAY AMAZING.
      YEAH THAT'S IT.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • September | ;all of time and space;
      Save Changes Cancel

      Thanks Diya.(: You stay amazing too!

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Ivy Lynn - Now is the time to seize the day!
    Save Changes Cancel

    before I do my thingy majig, can I jsut say I love this. It is just what I've been looking for, like I literally got chills reading your instructions. Thanks Erin!

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Ivy Lynn - Now is the time to seize the day!
    Save Changes Cancel

    every time I see her, or see him, or see them, or if I see the ring on her finger, every time I feel a little stab of pain, even though I don't physically feel anything. I feel deflated, and empty. Why couldn't that be me? Why does it have to be someone so perfect? Why couldn't at least have told me about it? I feel like any connection we had has been broken. He didn't even say goodbye to me today. Come to think of it, I'm not sure he even said hello. A ring. its the truest sign of commitment I can think of. wedding rings, engagement rings, promise rings, they are all circles. It symbols continuity, and something that never ends. is that what he tried to get across to her? I was so incredibly foolish, to think anything he's said, or any gestures he made meant anything about him having any feelings towards me. When he waved at me, why did I get so excited? When he asked me to do something for him in his place, why should it mean it was because he liked me above others? I was so blinded, so dumbfounded. It was probably those eyes. His brilliant blue gleaming eyes. They grab you by the heart and pull you straight in, and once that happens, you will never be able to squirm out. I am trying to push the hopes out of my mind. THat sounds terrible that I am trying not to hope, but I am. I don't want to be just another foolidh girl thinking "Oh maybe he's trying to get me jealous." Because he's not. Why would he be? He has no reason to. Why should I think "maybe she doesn't like him after all!" because she does. Its obvious the way she looks at him. She's been put under his spell just like me. But unlike me, he's fallen for her too. I shouldn't be mad. But somewhere, and somehow I am. Its wrong, and I can't put my finger quite on it why I am mad, because I can't blame him, or her. They did nothing wrong. Maybe I am mad at myself. For being so dumb to believe that someday in the future something could happen between us. No. That will never happen. I will forever be his little sisters friend. Just like I used to think. But to me, he will never be my friends brother. He will be much more than that to me, and the chances are he will grow older, get married, have beautiful kids with the same entrancing eyes that he does, and will break millions of hearts, and he will never know what I have gone through. The hours spent ready so that I could hopefully look pretty, and try to impress him. It never worked though, because those beautiful eyes were always focuse on one thing. Her. I still go back to the one time I danced with him, and I was so elated. So happy, I think this must be how she felt the whole day. That dance... Just one more misconception I've had about him. To think we almost could have had something made me so happy, I couldn't help but smile. Now, I know I was just a foolish little girl. I will never be as pretty as she is, I will never have his eyes. I will never have the friendship or relationship she does with him, But I will never. Ever stop loving him.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 2 replies
  • Ivy Lynn - Now is the time to seize the day!
    Save Changes Cancel

    I feel strange writing again, but I have so many topics I didn't know how to write about but I need to, and this is the perfect way.

    I don't want to grow up. OT be honest, I wish I could live my life over again, and I'm only fourteen. This life is just too fast. I think I seem to be wasting the days away waiting for something extraordinary to happen. I am a freshman. in four years I will graduate. Next year one of my best friends will be a junior, which is one year away from graduating. That is scary. We don't have enough time to be a little kid. We are rushed into adulthood way to fast. Remember those carefree days when we were little, and all we had to worry about was cooties, and Steve finding blue's last clue? I want to go back to that. Back to the simple days. The dirty hands, and feet days. The days where no one cared what you looked or sounded like, and you could wear clothes that clashed and no one would make fun of you. You could be friends with anybody, and you wouldn't be labeled for it. Those days ended when I was about seven, and earlier for other kids. But time has to pass, and it does swiftly, and without warning. I hate it when people say to grow up. Now there are some times when people can be irregularly immature, in an annoying fashion, such as when when a brother in ninth grade and his sister in seventh argue over who has to hold her coat on the bus, and end up yelling at each other, and throw it in their faces, that is not an appropriate time to be childish. An appropriate time is when your friend burps at the lunch table during a dead silence, and you can't help but to burst out laughing. Why do people tell other people to grow up? On average we have sixty years to be a legal adult. To legally be a child we have eighteen years. just a guess, we spend 3/4 of our lives being a grown up. Why waste that time now? Save your years as a child, they are precious and limited, and I really want people to understand it. The strange life of a grown up can seem foreign and scary to many of us, and that includes me. I have so many fond memories and tings I can get away with that I do not want to leave behind. And time is cruel. They say time flies when you are having fun. I believe it. The best moments of your life go by so fast you barely notice they happened. I guess I just want to make a difference, and I don't feel I have enough time. I don't want to leave, I don't want to grow up, I want to be little, to have my mom wrap me up in a blanket and tuck me in. I want to dance on my big brothers feet, and color in coloring pages. I want to regain the simplicity and innocence of a child. I don't want to change, I want to slow down.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 2 replies
  • Annie Lynn
    Save Changes Cancel

    Sit down, and let me tell you a story.

    But, hmm... what to tell? Is there anything left? I could tell you about unicorns, or happiness, or theft. No that wasn't meant to rhyme, just to go together. However, I suppose, if I wanted to, this could go on forever.

    I'll stop the rhyming now, as it's probably annoying. I could tell you about a river... a magical river! And the strange creatures that live by it... let's call them Xeniphs. They could have rainbow eyes and long purple wings! (See can't we just imagine wonderful things?) Sorry... more rhyming.

    Hey maybe I could tell you a story of a girl who went crazy. A futuristic story. Her name was Annie Lynn. She had blonde hair, eyes that did not technically have a colour (grey/violet), and an accent that was far too posh for her liking. She used to have a best friend. She used to have a life. But that friend has died, has moved on.... and her life has left her.

    I could tell you a story that has already been written.... with a twist! Fanfiction! I could tell you about Dramione or Drapple! (Draco and apple). But that might not be a good idea... never wrote a make out scene with an apple...

    I could tell you about vampires... they sure as hell won't be sparkling though. They will be the kind that suck your blood (cos you can't leave THAT out), are not romantic, and are always on the run... and they're coming for you.

    Or I could tell you a story about a story I could tell you. Because maybe you don't want to hear a story after all. Maybe you want to write your own. Maybe you want inspiration. Well, I hope that I've possibly inspired you to go write about Draco Malfoy making out with an apple. Or the story of the war between the Xeniphs and the.... Gazooks.

    Maybe I could just keep writing, ranting about anything. Hey, maybe I'll just completely change the subject... start complaining about how much life sucks... a lot, that is.

    By the way, just thought you all ought to know...
    Everything I do really does has a reason.
    Most times I yell, I'm yelling at the world...
    Not necessarily at you.
    Anything I say has meaning.
    And not everything I say is directed for you.
    I love my dads,
    I sometimes loved my life.
    But maybe it's not all good enough.
    Just saying that it's not your fault,
    No, it's usually just me...
    Or life, screwing everything up...
    But yep, I love you guys...
    Sometimes.
    But, you know, sometimes is most of the time.
    So thank you for being in my life.
    You mean so much to me.

    I just wanted to write a story. Maybe I won't be telling much of a story at all today. I'm sorry, I did tell you to sit down... I didn't tell you to stay. But I'm glad and thankful if you did.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 1 reply
  • the kid formerly known as Chloe (Luna! We all love you!)
    Save Changes Cancel

    To me, words are like dragons. I hear a word, I see a reptile. That is the way of things.

    Take "prologue", for example. The dictionary says that it is "a separate introductory section of a literary or musical work" or "an event or action that leads to another event or situation". To me, the word "prologue" is slate blue. It is sluggish and warm, like my cat. It curls up under my tongue, purring and humming and breathing mist. It smells like nutmeg.

    To me, words are more powerful than anything else. A sharp, cruel word slices its claws through your flesh and sets your heart on fire. If too many words attack you, your chest is sliced open and your heart is urned, charcoal-black, disintegrating into ashes. But a kind word will curl up in the hole, slumbering, and when you need strength the most it whispers in its place, "Beautiful... beautiful... beautiful..."


    Haha... that was random. :3

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 1 reply
  • Austere. The most important retard in the universe.
    Save Changes Cancel

    3 o clock in the morning, Austere Rex Gamao is writing in the dark by his laptop’s screen glow. He needs sleep, but his wants far outweigh his needs, he wants to write, to write something incredible or maybe a cheap imitation of what has been said. He is impulsive and he doesn’t want a burst of literary inspiration skip through without it being put in paper or in the screen. He planned to sleep at midnight after watching the smurfs but alas, the want to write overtook every sense of practicality and he swept up his laptop and turned it on again after an hour or more of imagining scenes that would never happen to his life (i.e getting the girl he wants, being a companion of the doctor, and some other thing that got lost in the plain of remembrance).
    He is writing in secret, everyone is asleep and he wants to avoid a screaming father, a mother who’s afraid of his health, and a vindictive sister. Did he mention that he sleeps in the kitchen? No?...alright, he sleeps in the kitchen because there are only two rooms in the house, one for his parents and another one for his sister (his sister doesn’t like sharing), he’s in college which means he has a dorm to go to, and---that’s it. His father just cleared his throat just now and he’s afraid, another sound, a clicking...footsteps? Darn... He’s now lying down on his stomach with his face inches away from the screen, typing like a ninja. He peers above his laptop to see if the coast is clear, it was clear.
    He used to think of himself as nothing, he’ nothing...just plain old nothing. He degraded himself harshly and thought he was inferior compared to his friends. I don’t know why he did it, maybe because he hates that he wasn’t musically inclined, maybe he wasn’t as smart as his friends, maybe life wasn’t really great for him. He envied them silently, he wants everybody to laugh so he makes jokes, he likes jokes... he feels good when they laugh, he holds no grudges at all (whatever stupid bastardly thing you did to him will always be forgiven or forgotten by him), he likes to think that he’s good at writing and he will always think that writing is his talent.
    He doesn’t degrade himself so much now, he’s happy today and probably he will be tomorrow and the day before that. Ruinous, he likes that word, he enjoys how it sounds and how it feels in his tongue....ruinous. He’s clumsy klutz, he knows it and would often compare himself to superheroes who were wimps back then---he likes that kind of stuff.
    He’s very weird and he thinks it’s a compliment if you say his weird. He likes weird...normality is boring, he hates boring. HE has an infinite interest to little details of the world and also the big details. He uses the word “like” to often, and he’s too loud for his own good. He’s never good in math and his teachers would look down on him because of his incapability to solve problems. Well! He’s sorry that he has no interest in math because he finds it downright awful and boring.
    He writes because he wants to, he writes because he needs to, he writes because he loves to. He especially finds horror and thriller to be most delightful of all the writing genres because he loves death (although he doesn’t want to be a rotting corpse), he has a fascination for blood, he worships Stephen King’s brain. But he tends to write the fantasy adventure kind of thing when he writes (or tries to write) a novel (he hasn’t finished writing one). He can only do horror if he’s writing a short story.
    Poems are okay but he’s not really good at it. He writes disjointed and messy poems of which the themes are mainly about death and anger. He doesn’t show his anger often and he keeps that emotion to himself. He usually writes his anger to that person or group of people by writing how he’s going to kill them and what purposes their parts will make. A friend of his read something like it and never talked to him again until he gives up and writes down his apology explaining his side.
    He’s not good with talking in front of people. He is socially awkward and would not enter a room full of people all by himself especially if the people inside are highly respected. He avoids walking by a cluster of people...he doesn’t like the feeling he gets at all.
    He’s writing this in third person because he finds it humorous and enjoyable. He has a lot to learn with this writing stuff because he’s planning on making it his job. *fingers crossed* Oh how he dreams to be an author, to overthrow Stephen King (Ha! I wish), to have an office to write his novels, to sign his name on his printed novels. Just thinking about it makes him so happy.
    And oh, he’s the high ruler of Pluto and he will destroy Jupiter with his secret weapon named “They’ll see” (extended version is: “They’ll see, they’ll all see”). He is a co ruler of 2.5 galaxies...his ally is the planet Neptune (or Uranus, he forgot). He thinks jellysishes are awesome and he is a jellyfish, he is telepathic, a zombie and a vampire....also he’s a timelord and he’s got a type 40 TARDIS (Time and relative dimension is sexy). He enjoys fire....oh fire....hmmm...fire, maybe he’s going to be an arsonist... a murderer, a psycho...the possibilities are endless! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! He wants to scream but there are people on earth. He doesn’t want to clean after they explode.
    Holy crap on a cracker, why is he feeling hyper al of sudden..no! uuuugh...stop it! Stop ruining everything Austere! You know very well that being hyper is dangerous...expecially in this kind of hour! We need to sleep..now please...shush! hmmm...well the hyper energy is ebbing down a little bit...lalala I should stop.
    Hey we should talk! We should talk! We should talk! Please talk...I would feel great if you actually reply and talk to me...please? no? I’m not a creeper! I promise..please..I’m absolutely charming *shows toothy grin* Go Gryffindor...*sighs*

    Auster should go, he needs to sleep for tomorrow is back to his dorm day. He bids you a farewell! Navaer!

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 2 replies
  • Save Changes Cancel
    tvnc removed this reply 1 year ago.
  • Charlotte
    Save Changes Cancel

    Well here I am. I don’t know if you care, but it’s me.
    I’m not much, but I try to be. I try to do well in school, and when I don’t I just try to cover it up. I lie, is that so bad? I live in books so I don’t have to face the real world.
    Is this me or just a character I made up in my head?
    No, it’s me. It’s sad that I hardly recognize myself anymore. I study. I stay out of everyone’s way.
    When I’m with my friends, I’m the funny one. I laugh and joke.
    But is that really me? Really me?
    Who am I?
    I don’t know. How do I describe myself? How does anyone?
    I know this has turned out really awful. I’m thinking too much, backspacing, eyeing every spelling error with my icy glare. I’m a perfectionist I can’t help but point out every mistake, and fix it.
    I guess that’s just one of my problems. One of my many problems. I obsess over grammar, I rant about it all.
    Problems, problems! How can I hate them so, yet have so many.
    I guess this is turning into teen angst. Right?
    I don’t know.
    What do I know?
    I sometimes scoop up my cats and hug them and kiss them, while they struggle to get away from me. I guess they hate me. Seems like everyone hates me nowadays. My mom says I’m unhelpful, and my sister, she always hates me and makes a point to show. I fight more with my dad. My only haven is my friends.
    Friends.
    Friends.
    I need them, I truly do. Do you ever feel like your friends care more about you than your parents? I do. Now I do.
    I am myself when I laugh and dance and sing. I can be that way because of them. They don’t judge.
    They care.
    Friends.
    My friends.
    I guess this is all I really had to say. Not much, but that’s just me.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
    Save Changes Cancel

    There are words I need to let out. Just words. So many words. I don't even know what half of them are. They're just there and they're beating at my skull and trying to get out and I don't know why or why they can't just stay there, but I suppose it is quite lonely in there. Not lonely, exactly, as there are plenty of thoughts in my head. Plenty of things stuffed in there because I'll need them later, I think, or they'll help me, or maybe they're just good to know. But they're busy rushing around, doing their own thing, and the words are all alone.
    They want out.
    So here they are. I'll lay them down on paper and let them free. And some of the words are just disjointed like frog, airplane, salmon, food, music, guitar, because that's just sometimes how words are.
    But then there are words that form sentences and sentences that form paragraphs and paragraphs are really quite big things to have in your head. They take up all of the space before they get kicked out.
    I don't know if you're like this, but for me everything in my head is fighting for space and fighting to stay in and the words might find space for a while, but then they'll get bigger, and the sentences will get longer, and eventually my brain will just kick them out because there's no space for them anymore. It's like growing a giraffe in an apartment. A baby giraffe. Eventually it just has to go. You're not sure where, but it has to go.
    So I'm selling these words - this baby giraffe - to the zoo.
    And wow I'm not sure what I'm talking about anymore. I'm writing about words, and I'm promising words to come, but they still aren't coming. And then I throw baby giraffes into the mix, and I'm just not sure what's going on anymore.
    Turtle, rose, blue, friends, mall, food.
    More random words. I apologize. I really must learn to fit them into sentences.
    So here I am.
    I'm not sure what I'm doing.
    I'm sitting here, just thinking and feeling.
    Feeling alone.
    Replaced.
    Unneeded.
    And whenever I feel that way, I just have to write. I just have to write it all better and let the words stream out. I just have to let them happen because, well, it's impossible to control baby giraffes.
    Not that I should know.
    When you're the most upset, your brain says the strangest things. I'm worked up right now and I'm not sure what about, I just am. It's one of those moods where just the littlest thing sets you off and then everything is just wrong, wrong, wrong.
    I want to be right.
    I'm jealous because everyone else seems right.
    I'm just wrong. So, so wrong.
    You know, in seventh grade, my friends (well, one specifically) would joke about how I was to be forever alone.
    And as time goes on, I think they're right.
    One of my best friends just went on her first date last night. I'm so happy for them...don't get me wrong.
    It just makes me think.
    What's wrong with me?
    Almost all of my friends have boyfriends or girlfriends or people who like them that they don't like back. Almost all of them had homecoming dates, and have no trouble talking to guys.
    Me?
    Oh, no.
    I wish I was braver. I wish I could open up more easily but the only time I ever, ever do that anymore is through my writing.
    And then I see ten-year-olds talking about how they're "in love" with their boyfriend/girlfriend. "In love."
    Love.
    Does love even exist?
    I mean I've been talking to some friends from camp (namely one), and she just told me something yesterday.
    There's this guy that she likes. She figured out why she liked him.
    He has the same eyes as her best friend.
    Her best friend who moved to England, and who happens to be gay.
    Well how about that?
    She's so pure. So true. And I know that if she says she loves him, she really does. I just don't know what to say to her anymore. I don't know what to say to anyone.
    And that's where we get back on track. Back on track at wrong.
    Because I'm just so wrong.
    Wrong.
    It's the only word in my head right now.
    Wrong.
    Wrong.
    Wrong.
    Wrong.
    Hello, my name is Wrong.
    Wrong.
    I can't take it.
    I want the word to go away.
    But it's the only thing there.
    Why can't I be Right?
    Teach me to be Right.
    Please.
    Please?
    And now I want to learn to be normal. Normal in a weird way. Weird in a normal way. I just want things to make sense.
    Because now everything is moving and I'm not sure where it's moving; all I know is that it is.
    Wrong.
    Wrong.
    Wrong.
    And I'm hanging on to that moving mass. That moving mass of....I don't know what. I'm hanging on for dear life because the moment I let go,
    I
    Might
    Just
    Fall
    Off.
    And I wish I knew where I'd land.

    Wrong.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Save Changes Cancel
    tvnc removed this reply 1 year ago.
  • Rin~ &hearts; We accept the love we think we deserve. Won't be on as often, track just started.
    Save Changes Cancel

    kay... here it goes
    I feel so empty... half full? I dont know but my state is evil... I HATE MAINE!!!!!!! I wanna go to boston... or New York! I wanna dance... I wanna run... I wanna be free. ugh... see this is what I get from being a teenager... why'd that have to happen and make me hate the whole world... suddenly I become more serious... and hateful. UGH!!! Whatever happened to dancing for the fun of it... because its a habit? Now it's dancing to escape... so that I can breathe properly... because I want to get out of just needing good grades. I wanna be SOMEONE. I wanna do SOMETHING. MY LIFE WILL BE NOTHING IF I CAN'T DANCE!!!!! MY LIFE WILL BE NOTHING IF IM NOT REMEMBERED! I CAN'T JUST BE. I HAVE TO BE ERIN!!!! I HAVE TO LIVE UP TO MY NAME AND WHO I CAN BE!!!!! I can't be that girly with golden brown har and ocean blue eyes and always tanned skin (no i dont go to tanning booths... im part native american.) I hate NOT belonging someplace... I have being uncomftorble in my skin. At MSK I'm an outcast because im a ballerina.... kinda... I think life is made up of dreams and hopes.... but that may just be me. I'm unusual... but Im a dreamer. Arent we all? Don't we ALL wanna escape? I think maybe thats what life is... a long battle to end in a pleasant escape to a beautiful world where all you do is what you wanted to do in life. And please dont take this in a way that im saying i believe in heaven... or anything like that. I'm not religious. If I was I'd want to be a politician, or something else, IMPORTANT. I dont care about important. My parents say, "We know you love to dance... and we know that's what you want to do, but we think you should have a backup plan." and I think, ' Go eff it.' People tell me I'd be a good writer... because I have soooooooo many words that I keep in my head. People tell me I'd be a good lawyer, because I don't give up that easy. People tell me I'd be a good teacher, because I love kids. I tell them the I promise to write a book... about ballet. I tell them I promise to argue... about my DREAM. I tell them I promise to teach... dance classes. lalalalalalalalala I love to sing too... but I'm pretty sure I sound like a beached narwhall. XD Well thanks... byeeeeeee.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 2 replies
  • Lupinsnape 

    Save Changes Cancel

    alright, here i go:
    there's this party that i'm supposed to go to tonight, but it's a murder mystery and i have no clue how to play it! even worse, i have to play the murderer! i'm going to have no clue what im doing and i have to be the best actress there! i really don't want to hurt the bday girls feelings, but i have no clue how to do anything there. luckily, her mom sent out guidelines, but i still fear that i'll fail at whatever im doing. there's these goals that we have to do, but i feel like i wont get them done. also i dont even know if shell like her present.UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just hope i dont fail at everything. thanks for reading my rant. BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 3 replies
  • Charlotte
    Save Changes Cancel

    Here it is:
    I could be saying an awful lot of things right now. But I can't. I could be talking about Rob's cats, or exams, or history, life or death, day or night... ANYTHING!
    But I can't. I don't know why. My brain is parched for words, yet nothing comes to fill its need. As I write this, I'm not even thinking, it just happens. These washed-up words just write themselves on the page, making their mark. There's a poster in the Global room that says, "Everywhere you go you leave footprints." That's what words do. That's what I want to do. Last night I was thinking how awful it is to live and die, not going down into history books, without your birth and death recorded, gone without a trace. Never making a mark. It sounds horrible. I want to write stories, great ones, that people will want to read over and over. Rob said to me today, "You need to make your voice be heard." I do. I have to.
    Life is so precious, irreplaceable. I don't want to waste it.
    So Rob is right. I need to make my voice be heard.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 1 reply
  • Anna~
    Save Changes Cancel

    Ink stains over labouring hands. Cracks in the flesh. Rivers of blue seeping through. Paper marked with fingers, burning acid like into the skins of hidden dreams and broken friendships. There’s a play scattered out over the table and the characters are falling off the edges. The blue is burning through and the playwright’s hands are frozen, the pen in midair, thoughts wavering, ready to drop. Will they fall or will they scatter? Will they die when they finally begin their descent? We’ve had too long now. The hands can feel an ending. They’ve never known anything else but the steady rhythm of pen on paper. When the final words drop, will the mind live? Or does it crumble, fade away like the characters it created. Disjointed unity. The play was never meant to be. Carefully planned introduction. The plot lines and the web were weaved in a mind of searching, desperate pleas. It was brought about in a mind of loneliness, seeking, seeking, seeking. Something common. And for years this web of plot lines and relations and motives and causes and outcomes was built to a solid form. An entity. A climax. Now with nowhere to go. The playwright forgot to write the ending. The characters are lost. A thread has been pulled and the web untangles. Disjointed. Cracking. Breaking. Too complicated. No way to cleanly cut. Acidic blue burning burning burning. Characters screaming save us. Clutching on to threads. Plot lines unravelling. Frantic. Fading. Tugging. Too many connections. Too thickly knotted. The spider has left. The breeze closes in. Nowhere to anchor. The hands hit the page. The pen snaps. Ink leaking, burning, destructive. The conclusion never written. A single gleaming thread. Alone. Maybe, the spider will return and lay eggs beneath the skin of the playwright and those hands will take pen to paper once again. Clean of ink stains. Fresh white paper.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 1 reply
    • Charlotte
      Save Changes Cancel

      This is so good! I love this very much!

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Cora: Musical theater, how I love you <3
    Save Changes Cancel

    Sometimes, I feel like a traitor. There's this huge conflict bubbling inside of me, and I need to just get it out.
    I'm so jealous of all of you.
    You know your passion. You know you love words. You seem to know who you are at your core.
    Sometimes, words don't seem to suffice. Sometimes I feel like I can't be a writer. Writing is a star. A little star in a world of possibilities. I feel an obligation to change the world. I don't know why. It's just a feeling, a pull inside of me. A voice screaming at me, a weight on my shoulders. Sometimes, I feel like one little star can't make a huge difference. And sometimes, I feel like words can't suffice.
    But I feel horrible for saying that. I have to be a writer. I've written since I was little. But will it be enough? I don't completely doubt my abilities, but sometimes I don't feel like a writer. Authors say that their characters come to them. But I have to create mine from scratch, working tediously, getting mad at myself for not giving them enough time or value, for not making them whole. I used to think that my characters were too shallow because I didn't see them or feel them nearly as much as I should. I used to sketch my characters to try to unravel their secrets, but it didn't work. The yarn was too tight. I'm alright at drawing when I have a picture, something solid before me. Something to look at and copy. But when I'm on my own, I don't know what I want my characters to look like, or sound like, or be like. And I'm afraid that it's the same for when I write. I'm afraid that the yarn will never give. I'm afraid that all of this might be for nothing, because I feel like words can't suffice. And if words can't suffice, what's left?

    I've heard it be said that you're only a writer if you question yourself about it. I'm just afraid of words sometimes. I'm afraid that they'll all run out at one point. Maybe at one point, they will all just drift away.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 3 replies
    • Daria
      Save Changes Cancel

      Cora, that was beautiful. I know you posted on le announcement board that these thoughts freaked you out a little, but... This is deep stuff :) You know that I have certainly questioned myself as a writer a lot, and that I'm really not quite one... So don't feel like a traitor. We may all fit together somehow, like a puzzle, but all the pieces came from someplace different, and we all hang with other pieces. (puzzle piece party, yay :D)

      Words don't always suffice- sometimes you need art, speech out loud, sometimes music. Sometimes even that awful math and science-y stuff that we artists tend to hate is needed. The world only works because everyone does something different, and sometimes we like to mix it up a little. You can definitely make a difference, Cora! I LOVE reading your writing, even though I never respond to any of your writings :( You just need to find your voice, and your combination of hobbies and loves that make you happy and powerful. Someday, you will change the world and it will all be to your liking!

      You don't HAVE to be a writer- I know I probably WON'T be a writer, but I'm sticking it out on here with you guys, because I love you and I love poetry. If it makes you happy, writing is enough. Also, don't worry about that when people say that they create their characters out of the blue and are totally inspired by everything. They're just bragging, or they are very imaginative in that way. I definitely have never had a character come to me. Mine are fakeish and have weird, totally fixated personalities and have their whole life figured out. Just give it some time and you will feel more natural. And I promise you, Cora, that your writing is BEAUTIFUL, and you are, too! [3

      Maybe they will... but we all have each other, and we will never drift away. The eARTh without ART is eh, and so we'll always have something to turn to. I really hope this helped :)

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • tvnc
      Save Changes Cancel

      "There is no such thing as originality. It has all been said before, suffered before." -Clive Barker
      i say: true dat but cora, you just put it into words like no one else can.
      and what daria said. (:

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Cora: Musical theater, how I love you <3
      Save Changes Cancel

      Awwww, Daria!!!! Thank you sooooo much!!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!! YOU'RE SO AWESOME!!! I LOVE YOU TOO!!!! [3

      @Shen: awww, thank you :) btw, can I call you Shen?

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Abelink

    Abelink (edited)

    Save Changes Cancel

    The thing is, it’s all hard. It’s so hard to breathe, so hard to think about something, and even so hard to live. It would be easier if the wind’s not humid, if all the perfect words escape from my mouth, or if anyone notices me. But no, not all things that can happen will be all good. You just have to accept that sometimes, things are not going to be the way you wanted them to be. I want to talk about myself—everyone wants to talk about their selves. But of course, because everyone’s caught up with their selves, no one would want to listen to me. Some may listen but not the way I wanted them to be. And some will listen, but they will to others who have more interesting story than I have. How’d they do it? What did they do to be heard? That is why I listen as much as I can because I am hoping that maybe someone else I’ve listened to will also listen to what I want to say. You know, the kind of listening that you really know that person is listening. Sometimes I don’t want to listen; I just want to block out the whole world. Because I’m getting too tired—of listening to my mother’s stories about whatever happened to her day, or of my father’s stories about his job, or my brother’s stories about computers and how smart he is, or of my friends’ stories about how much their achievements are, or of the annoying classmate’s stories about how eventful her life is, or of someone’s paranoid worrying about something, or even of the news in the TV that will never help me escape the sadness of life. Sometimes, silence is just the remedy. But then silence would also slap me in the face the fact that I am alone, that no one’s around to listen. So maybe that’s why I write. I want my words to matter even for once. I want to matter even for once. I want to find a place in this world, even if it was I who created it. I want to find a refuge of my loneliness, of how the world never approves of me. The world is so lonely that’s why we create diversions of our attention. We have the beauty of the poetry, the false promises of a good film, the enchantment of the music, the drugs that God created and that man had invented. You don’t require those things to listen to you, in fact you’re the one to seek for them. And because of this, we are then comforted by the fact that at least, there are things in the world that can make you happy even though you didn’t really expect them to listen. How sad it is when no one wants to listen. How sad it is to be ignored. How sad it is to tell something in class and not be heard, and someone will take your idea to make their own and praise them for it. How sad it is that even you, hates listening as time comes. Because I’m just too tired to listen; even if I want someone to listen to me. There’s no use in talking to someone that never cares for you in the first place, or to someone who’s too busy with life. I know each of us have this kind of a burden to carry; and I’ll help you. But I just got tired of helping others, when no one’s helping me. I should never expect for a return, but expecting is human nature. The thing is, all’s too hard. All is too tiring. Even listening. So I stop wondering and hoping that someone might actually listen to me—because everyone else is just like me, they just wanted to be listened to. Like me, everyone’s getting too tired to listen, too.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 2 replies
    • Cora: Musical theater, how I love you <3
      Save Changes Cancel

      That was really beautiful. I read every single word, and it felt beautiful.
      I want to say that I've been where you have been, but that would be a lie. I talk. A lot. And somehow, I've had people who surround me who want to listen. Well, most of the time. Everyone seems to want to be listened to, and when everyone wants attention, it's hard for anyone to fully listen anymore.
      Anyway, what I find really interesting is that when I think about our differences, I am reminded of how diverse we all are. We're all so different in so many ways, but we all gravitate towards writing, which I think is really unique and awesome. :)
      Thanks for sharing this, and remember that you DO matter, and your words do, too. [3

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Abelink
      Save Changes Cancel

      Thank you, Cora. :)

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Sydney "I've never seen a city life so clear. I smile as you whisper in my ear."
    Save Changes Cancel

    So I've already done this, but I've changed in the past year or so. Here I go. Again.

    Hey! As you all know, I am Sydney. I am a writer, and I am inspired by quotes. I'm not tall, I'm not short, I'm in between. I don't share secrets with people who I know can't keep them, and I don't share secrets with anyone at all. My friends can read me like a book, but some of the font is white, and they can't see it at all. I wonder what people think when they see me. I like to put up a cover and act brave and strong, like nothing can tear me down, when I'm really all torn up inside. I've been through a lot in the past six years, some good and some bad. The bad things don't ever seem bad to me until I stop my crazy life for a while and really think about what has happened. I watch soap operas sometimes, and I think, "That situation would freakin' suck!" and then I actually think about it, and I'm like, "Dammit! That's my situation!" I can't help but be different, weird, and odd. But I like to think of myself as unique, not odd. I hate drama. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. One of my best friends loves drama, and it gets me into some bad situations. Oh well. I try really hard not to swear, because then I feel all bad about it and I can't erase what I said. I love writing. I love it sooooooo much. It is my refuge, my passion, my everything! I would be nothing if I didn't have the ability or opportunity to write. I am a published author, and I am extremely excited about it! I consider myself more of a poet, but I also enjoy writing stories and fan fictions. I am an athlete. I play basketball, I run hurdles, and I swim. Swimming is new for me, though. I have never made it onto a real basketball team, and I am not proud of that. I am most definitely not shy. Definitely not. I will talk to anyone who is not a stalker or a madman. Or a murderer. Or anything like that. I have a lot of friends. I am very anxious and nervous most of the time, and this is where I come to relieve my worry or pain. To you guys. You are my friends, though I don't know you all very well, I feel like we are all connected by writing. We may be halfway across the world, but we are still connected. I am currently in love with Union Jack things. I don't know why. I absolutely love Harry Potter, and I can't wait for J.K. Rowling's new book to come out!!!!!! xD I love typing xD, :), and :D! I love lace dresses, leather jackets, and jeans. I have two hamsters named Pip and Squeak. I am a triplet. I share my bedroom with both of my sisters, and I REALLY want my own room. They can drive me insane. I've read the Twilight series, and I liked the Breaking Dawn move a lot, though no one really knows that. It might be kinda lame, but I am addicted to the show House of Anubis. I think one of the characters is really hot. I have never dated anyone, but I like to dream about the future. I am constantly making up new characters and story lines in my head, and then I play them out like a movie. No one needs to know this, but I have a stomach disease. I am fine. I got an A on all of the poems I wrote for English class last year! I don't think I am super pretty, but I'm not insecure. I am confident. I love dogs!!! I am not afraid to take a risk. Life can be tough sometimes, but I hold my head up high and watch the rest of the world stare in awe at my talent. I am just kidding about that. I love my laptop!!! I live on it!!!! :) If you are ever looking for me and you can't find me, go to my driveway, where my basketball hoop is. I talk a lot, and I talk very fast. I am a fast typer. I am giving you useless information. I love this quote, "There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, nobody knows what they are".

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • emzie &hearts; - [yeah, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone.] &hearts;
    Save Changes Cancel

    Can you keep a secret? I can't. Well, I keep secrets, but I was born without the ability to lie. If I lie (and I never do) it eats and eats and EATS at me until I can't take it anymore. Actually, usually it isn't a lie, just something I'm not supposed to say/do. Ever been on the Urban Dictionary? It's quite a scary place, and it is there that you find out that there are words for things that you NEVER thought there were words for. It's the same with regular English. There are some things that you just don't need a word for, but you have one. Like "martyr". Why would you need a word for that??? Ah, I'm ranting. Then again, it's one of the things I do best. My friend recently told me a quote that I thought was amazing: "If life gives you lemons, make orange juice, then sit back and let life wonder how you did it". It's also my Shelfari name. =) Well, okay...so...I'm Emma! Oh, and there's another one: "If life gives you lemons, squirt it in life's eyes!" I love different versions of that quote. Anyway, I love learning new words. Like, yesterday (I think), I learned the word "viridescent", which means green. It's pretty awesome.

    At the moment I am reading Wolf Star, Inheritance, and How to Ditch your Fairy. I REALLY want to read The Fault in Our Stars. I often see that written as TFiOS, and pronounce it in my head as "Tee-Fye-Ose". A little weird, but whatever. You know, I keep spelling weird wrong. I keep spelling it wierd, because I is always supposed to come before E. But weird is different because it's a weird word!

    Okay, I'm stopping now, because I've just been prattling on randomly and I'm probably boring you if you're reading this.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Lani G
    Save Changes Cancel

    Here goes
    Here goes
    Like nothing I’ve ever done before but I’m doing because you told me to
    Writing without prose
    Not looking
    Not thinking
    Just writing and I fear that nothing I think is actually very good
    And that’s my worst fear
    What if I just think too hard and make things too profound so that no one can understand and at that point, no one wants to figure it out but they assume that it’s good because they can’t understand and therefore it must be brilliant beyond their understanding
    But it isn’t
    It isn’t
    It’s not that brilliant
    And what makes my writing more than dots on a page that spell out meaningless crap?
    What sets me aside from those who have never written anything but school papers and only because they have to? Is the difference that I don’t have to? Is my doing it by choice what makes it art? And how does that even make sense? Because it doesn’t. That’s why. Nothing makes sense. But then, isn’t that what makes it profound?

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 1 reply
  • -Celeste- 

    Save Changes Cancel

    I'm bored.
    I'm tired.
    I love to sleep.
    I don't like going outside.
    dave grohl is awesome.
    gotta hear Best of you again.
    love that music video, it's awesome.
    Walk, that is an awesome music video.
    i love that they dont curse, my mother approves.
    yay.
    i don't like my brothers haircut.
    he doesn't take care of his acne very well.
    he is starting to look really gross.
    he doesn't understand how to play basket-ball.
    he doesn't follow the rules the right way.
    I've seen him play on a team.
    i know he is tall and has to watch out, but he still sucks.
    i've never really been scared of anything, more like shocked.
    spiders, they shock me. like if i go around a corner and see one, i jump back at first.
    somehow i really love eminem.
    just do. not the gross songs like 'ass like that' and 'superman'.
    but the songs like spacebound, and lose yourself.
    i think beiber is a jack ass for compairing himself to Kurt cobain.
    I also think he needs to shut up about making his own '8 Mile'.
    Eminem is awesome.
    i can't remember why i started writing.
    it was awhile ago, i found an old poem i wrote.
    it was my first one, and it inspired me to do more.
    i can't remember the poem now, but i do know my brother said he like it.
    he doesn't like a lot of things i write.
    wait, i am scared of one thing.
    my mom not liking what i write, and thinking i got some bad influence somewhere, and not let me do stuff, or listen to stuff that i really like.
    oh, the offspring.
    they're amazing. Gone Away, and You're Gonna Go Far Kid, those are two of my favorite songs.
    Shinedown. I love them. espacially the sound of madness, they whole album is amazing.
    along with other songs from other tracks, like Save Me, i like that he is crying out for help, instead of focusing on rehab, in that song.
    Green day. i liked them a couple years ago but didn't get into them all to much.
    but early last year i heard 21 guns on the radio, and started really loving them.
    i like their new album, but it gets old really fast.
    i like american idiot, i like that they fucked america, personally they should do it again.
    Nirvana. whoa. just whoa.
    (good whoa of course)
    i like staing up late, and sleeping late.
    i wanna change something big in the world.
    i wanna wear the clothes i like.
    i want converse, not nikes, i feel stupid in those.
    i wanna bring y bird my back from the dead, i loved her. i had her for three months :'(
    she was beautiful. Lucy and Peter. Peter loved her so much.
    first loves are appearantly hard to get over, i sadly feel he will never feel the same way about natalie as he did about Lucy.
    i wish i could stop daydreaming.
    atleast daydream less.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Amber Lady of the Valley, Currently fairly busy, won't be on too much.
    Save Changes Cancel

    Details, detail, details. Too much for my head. A long walk ahead of me. Why are there no adventures?!?!?!?!? Bored out of my mind. Forgot paper and pens at school. Florian really irks me. Oh, you say it's not his fight. Then good god girl- fight for him. Three types of magic- what color is Solarius's? Ghostie elf or real- not dead? Should I even care to resurrect Oberon? Magic mutants, always fun and dangerous. Make very much a good story. Too much Overlord II. God I need a new hobby. Magic words and phrases or just magic alone? Too many choices for my small brain to comprehend. Musical inspiration- again GOD I NEED A NEW HOBBY. Claws closing on his neck- no wait, shouldn't it be fingers closing on his neck? Should the mask cover his ears or should they show? Arena fun is a total YES! Killing soldiers off- practical but not fun. Need Solarious, Lirithen, Birch, and Sayron to all meet up at some point. Three bracelets idea is out. Debating bringing in mutant sheep. DIE SHEEPIE! Wolves are epic and so is Kelda. Juno is just boobs on legs. Fay is annoying as ****. I hate trolls. I hate dryads. I ESPECIALLY HATE CENTURIONS! Fatsoes in golden armor. Sentinels red light annoying as ever. Does 'Solarius' really need to be summoned to the last Sactuary? Magic shields- am I going for an Eragon effect? Hippie elves are annoying. Evernight rocks. Everlight is fun to crush- same goes for Nordberg. Did I mention that I really hate bomb throwers?

    My expert Overlord I and II rant.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • nightlock bell/Athena/Ghostwolf120/Youngin4life/YOLO
    Save Changes Cancel

    Luna made my mind whirl. 11 and trying...maybe succeeding.... in dying.......
    We're friends, aren't we? Cause I have my own secret and this somber, somewhat depressing atmosphere is as good a place as any to admit it to someone.
    ..... Sometimes, I want to die. Or cut. Or... something. I'm just stuck anywhere we go, completely alone. I play everything off fine in the daylight or limelight, whatever you want to call it. But at night in my room alone, I just want to bawl if I feel anything at all.
    I was so against being emotional when I was younger that I can literally not feel anything of myself. Like, people have to compliment me for me to feel any value to me.
    Is that pathetic or what? I need OTHER PEOPLE to tell me that I'm good at something, or that I look pretty (yeah, right.). That is, if I'm even there in the first place.
    Mostly they just go to their friends and leave me alone to bleed, metaphorically, in my own little corner. Inside my own little head.
    I don't know how to speak of this exactly. You know, pastor's daughter and all. Plus, I tried to tell someone I truly trusted and even then I was misunderstood to mean that I thought my health was out of whack. :(
    (I have CF, remember.)

    I want to die or bleed, but I'm enough of a baby that I hate pain and truly fear dying. I've had, counting Luna, 3 people in my life already tell me they wanted to die.
    And every time I've broken down sobbing later.
    2 haven't, one has. I know I have all my life ahead and blah blah blah, but seriously, do I matter AT ALL? And where's God in all this?
    I mean, I feel him sometimes when I just break down and cry but not in a way that lets me know he's always there in this with me.

    I'm a girl whose never really a girl. I mean, even my own parents have mixed me up with my brother and we ARE NOTHING ALIKE!!
    Or a young woman at our church who has her own issues who tends to make my parents into therapists/babysitters. I'm in the backseat or somewhere near the entire time and not once am I talked to until I bring myself into something.
    I don't know, I really don't.
    I can't even look at pictures of myself without seeing how young and stupid and just plain ugly I look. Letting people take pictures of me is torture.
    By tomorrow this'll be back to my default mood of numb/happy-ish but this is just what I feel and I need to have it somewhere.
    I'm not clinically depressed or anything, I just..... I need the help of someone who'll listen to me without misunderstanding or telling my parents there's something wrong with me.
    I guess I'll start Gold By Moonlight that said person recommended and lent me. Not like I have a life or anything else to get to.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Emma - "Hot Chocolate, Peppermint Coffee, Cool Air - Beautiful."
    Save Changes Cancel

    (I know this is short.... But I like it.)

    “Welcome to your new home!” The words pound in my migrained head like she’s using a bull horn. I slowly open my eyes to see white. All white. Completely white. Terrifyingly white. The lady that had oh so kindly ‘welcomed’ me gave me a jacket. Two men come and put it on. I close my eyes and I feel like I’m being hugged. I open them to see only my own two thin arms. “I’M NOT CRAZY!!” I shriek. Everything goes blurry. I wake to see nothing, the white walls now dark, and the people with the goofy grin now gone. I go to sleep, and I do not wake up.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 2 replies
  • -Celeste- 

    Save Changes Cancel

    My fingers are shakey whenever i write, and i don't know why.
    They're also that way when i type. I've never understood it why, maybe it's because i know the future before someone else gets it.
    that made no sense whatsoever.
    oh, well.
    Half the time, i don't like what i write, or i change my thinking, or i funnel whats really inside me when i'm writing.
    That's partially why i don't like showing my mom what i wrote, because she'll ask where i got it. and when i say 'got it', i don't mean online, but the thought.
    The influence, and stuff like that.
    Sometimes music influences my writing and it helps me get started. But usually, i all of a sudden just have something, and then i get this compulsion to have a paper and pen under my hand. because if i don't write as soon as i get it, i'll loose it in the thick brain of mine. or i'll remember, but decide i don't like it, then change it.
    half, the time idon't know how to start a poem, so i just start with something odd, or that doens't relate, which gives me something to work off, in another direction basically.
    I can't write something, just by sitting down, and just starting to type.
    well, i did now. but only because i need someone to tell this to that can answer.
    or that will cut in, and try and change what's really happening. and listens. and cares. and doesn't interupt.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Emma - "Hot Chocolate, Peppermint Coffee, Cool Air - Beautiful."
    Save Changes Cancel

    “NO NO NO!!” My friend says, “You are NOT getting me into this with you!” Well, that didn’t go as planned. I pull back the map to a very particular house on Main Street. “Look, I thought we were in this together! Why the change of heart?” I reply with a not so subtle tone. “Because, I thought you were joking, you are seriously twisted and sick, I’m calling the cops and you can’t stop me.” I smile the evil Cheshire cat grin. “Oh, I can’t, can’t I? Well, maybe I should call the cops myself!” That confused face on hers was like a gourmet meal, just the stuff I feed on. “Wha-a-at? I don’t understand...” She says stuttering. “There’s simply no need to honey.” I say in my best sweet talk voice. I flip open my cell phone with one hand behind my back. “I’m sowwy! Twuce? C’mon give me a hug!” I say as I walk toward her. That stupid baby smile on her face, I dig what was in my hand into her chest. “Haha!” That terrified O that her mouth shaped was just delicious. I dial 911. “Hello, Police? There’s been a murder, 137 Rose Street. I was walking home from school when I found her.” I twist the knife and walk away, swaying my hips and licking my lips. I slip the bloody knife into my thigh pocket. I knock on the door on 57 Main Street. “Hello?” A girl my age opens the door. “Hi, I go to your school, want to take a walk?” I grab her hand and walk out to a deserted park; I slip my hand into my thigh pocket.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Emma - "Hot Chocolate, Peppermint Coffee, Cool Air - Beautiful."
    Save Changes Cancel

    “Hey!” I hear calling. “Where are you?” I wish I could call out, ‘I’m right here!’ I am barely able to lift my arm; the blood is coming out faster and thicker. The end is coming, I can feel it. “Annalise! Where are you?!” The cool concrete feels cold no more, the migraine lessening, the blood thickening, my eyes glazing over, my skin dirtying, my heart beat becomes slower and quieter each beat. I can finally use my voice! “I’m right over here! I’m behind the dumpster in the ally!!!” I raise my bloodied hand, I hear pounding footsteps coming near, I can see Alex now; I am about to wave when it falls and I grow still.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Logan ;)
    Save Changes Cancel

    I can't even really think enough to think right now. Wow, I'm lazy, and that didn't really make sense, but oh well. I'm so tired, even though I haven't done anything all day. Again, I'm lazy. Blah I can't think of anything to say! My life has been turned inside out lately and I don't have anything to say. How weird is that? I guess that I just don't want to think right now, because it hurts. It hurts to think about the train wreck my life has turned into. Okay, now I'm being over dramatic. I'm lazy and over dramatic, what a great mix! Is over dramatic two words or one? I'm not really sure. Spelling is definitely not my best subject. I mean, I just learned how to spell "definitely" this year, for example, and I'm in 6th grade. I wonder how it never came up on spelling tests. It probably did and I just blocked it out. I've become very good at blocking things out. Anything that was slightly embarrassing, or I didn't like the way I behaved, I probably just blocked it out. I'm not really sure, because I can't remember it, since I blocked it out. Ugh, ugh, ugh. . . I really don't want to go back to school. I mean I like school but what kid wants to go back to school after a break? A crazy one. I'm not that crazy yet, although if you check on me in a couple years I most likely will be.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 1 reply
  • -Celeste- 

    Save Changes Cancel

    i've got nothing. i have been writing poetry but i haven't typed them up. or posted them i want too. maybe i'll do that when i'm done. ones about a blue unicorn, one doesn't make sense, and theres one about road kill. :/ I've mostly done stuff on flickr, i have 105 pictures up now. and 150 views, my brother was on months before me but he has like 170, i think theres a little bit more then that but i mean. i'm close. i want a better camera. the canon powershot A410 was made in 2005. it has only 3.2 mega pixels!!!!!! my brother has like eight or more on his kodak!!! he has three cameras. wait. 1. 2. 3. yeah that's right three. i have one.
    i wanna take amazing pictures at night, in the city. in new york. st.louis is boring. i wanna live somewhere awesome. but doesn't just about everyone??
    i'm bored. whatever. i saw someone spill soda today at church, but never went back over to the spillage area to clean it up.
    i don't like cheese, unless it's on pizza, with toppings. not cheese alone. it's disgusting...
    and so wrong.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Austere. The most important retard in the universe.
    Save Changes Cancel

    I don’t know what to write. I can’t write anything good. i can’t write anything new. It’s frustrating and I hate it...I want to write but there’s something in my brain that’s clogging up. It’s stupid and I want to take that clog and strangle it the best I could and shove it into non-existence. I feel like my brain is stone and it’s being an asshole. It doesn’t want me to write anything...good thing he took and I have this chance to write something...what is this anyway? Is this productive? Am I being productive? All i do is sit in front of the computer all day and marvel at the internet. It’s not good! although it’s very, very entertaining...at some point but not at this moment...No! NO!
    I am boooooring...I need something to write about. Hmmm...nope..no there’s nothing in my brain but badger badger badger badger badger MUSHROOM MUSROOOOOM!
    What the fuck? So the world...the world is an elliptical shaped thing with the earth and bodies of water in and on it. It has atmosphere and a moon. What if the earth didn’t have a moon? what if the earth have rings instead? that would be neat...the sky would be much more interesting...well it’s interesting now but think about the rocks shining and glittering in the sky. That would whoooooow what is this wonderful beauty?
    My head’s hurting right now, I don’t like it. I don’t like most things...i just want my Doctor Whoa nd Sherlock back. Explaining Doctor Who is like explaining quantum physics to cavemen...you just can’t stay in the same subject because once you hit a new subject, you’ll have to explain that and that would branch out into newer subject...so it’s challenging.
    Nothing
    Nothing Nothing
    Nothing is wrong with me! Nothing is ever wrong with me..I’m the sane one here! all of you are the insane ones. i don’t know how to type I just use my index fingers to type. which is kinda funny and tiring.... my other 8 fingers are useless when I type. yep...fun fact about me!
    It’s just weird....you know, this whole thing...this place we live in. I don’t know anymore..I need my rest. What is this that I’m doing? Why am i writing this garbage? Because I don’t have anything else to write and when i do decide to write I just stare at the words and feel frustrated at how I suck! Then i’d edit sentences and stare and stare some more and just.....stop. i’d close the program and feel deflated that i didn’t write anything. What is wrong with me? I feel like I don’t know how to write anymore and it scares me..what if i can’t write anymore? Writing is my life...it’s what i want to do and what if I can’t write anymore?
    The question haunts me like a nightmare... it’s scary and my head is tightening and I feel woozy. I want to sleep but it’s 6 in the evening. What the hell! I should lay off the internet...maybe I should read. I should...I should but I have my responsibilities in the internet. I can’t leave them.
    I can’t roleplay properly..and it sucks! I actually like roleplaying..it’s a lot of fun and blaaaaaaaah. i’m just …..... lost. What am I doing? I’m writing stupid random things that don’t colaborate with each other and I suck! Why am i such a failure?

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 2 replies
  • Emma - "Hot Chocolate, Peppermint Coffee, Cool Air - Beautiful."
    Save Changes Cancel

    I walk onto the diving board, squeezing my floaty with all my might. I close my eyes, listening to the tune in the wind and letting my long blonde hair get whipped back into the blue sky. I remember the lullaby that Mother used to sing to me, "La, sweet child, overcome your fears, listen to your heart and let it take your brain over, la!" I sing softly, my words losing themselves in the breeze. A dark sparkling blue tear falls from my hot suntanned face, threatening more to come. I wipe the sweat from my brow and jump. My toes hit the cold water first, then to my ankle. "Mommy"

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Lupinsnape 

    Save Changes Cancel

    right now i am annoyed to death. I'm stuck on my story, it was my first day back at school, and right now I'm being COMPLETELY ignored and i am so irritated. i want to write and write and write, but i cant. i just cant. its so stupid and annoying and now im rambling and not caring, and i dont care, my mom and brother are watching a horror story that im not and i cant go to my friend's house to do anything and now i have to go to dance for an hour. i dont even want to do that, thats how annoyed i am. i want to write on any of my six stories, and dont at the same same time. deep breaths. in-------------------------------out---------------------------in---------------------------------out. take a drink and breathe. ok, i feel better now. i'm going to try to write again. thank you for reading my rantish thing. good bye

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • -Celeste- 

    Save Changes Cancel

    dude.
    so i watched the most bodacious movie yesterday, as well as being most excellant! it being Bill And Ted's excellant adventure of course!!
    duh. so this writing without prose, but tht is how i always write... usually not really.
    i'm tired.
    so like just saying... Volbeat is awesome.. they'll be here in may... i wanna go... except they curse... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh
    hey. stop that. don't sit there drowning on until i shut up! because i have no one else to tell this to!!! uh, hello!
    anways. i got nutin'. but nuts. that are salted. and taste llike almonds. :)
    yum.

    whoa. my mind just died for like, ow know for thirty seconds (to mars baby!!!!)
    uh. how's it going.
    my brain, it lost its train.
    so soon it will be slain, and will have lots, and lots of pain!
    but than a krane swoops in and swallows it whole.
    and still wants more, so it took the human and fed him to her young.
    and in only seconds they were done.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Beth
    Save Changes Cancel

    She's crazy, she's crazy, she's crazy crazy crazy.
    She dyed her hair blue and ran and ran and ran.
    Ran across the world with a notebook in hand.
    Just to put an ocean and a river between herself and her life.
    She'd have gone to the moon, had it been possible.

    Because she's crazy crazy crazy and
    scared scared scared scared
    and lost lost lost lost
    so she hid herself,
    just so that she could find herself again.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 7 replies
  • Laura ~ she had a nostalgia for a life she had never lived
    Save Changes Cancel

    Um, hi. I'm Laura. I've been in this group for a while, and have been wanting to write for an even longer while, but just not quite sure how or when or what. But then this opportunity presented itself. I love to write, but most of the time I have nothing to say that's worthy of the pleasure of pen and paper. Or screen and keyboard, whatever. So this is perfect. I suppose I should introduce myself. Or maybe not. I've always wanted to try the mysterious thing. All you need know is that I am Laura. Or you could come up with a new name for me. I don't like my name. It's boring and traditional, two things I aspire never to be. I wish I had a name I could love, but then, you tend to dislike what you're born with. No matter, one should try to be positive. At least Laura is the name of a certain wonderful author who filled my childhood with dreams of long skirts and spinning wheels and corncob dolls. I long to live in that world. My own world is filled with demented cats, essays that don't deserve the privilege of my time, and tectonic plates that can't be relied on to stay still. I hate what goes on under the Earth's surface. Hate it with a burning passion. How ironic that the very thing that supports life and provides resources is now shaking my own life to pieces. If you live outside of the Ring of Fire, count yourself lucky. You don't have to live in a dysfunctional, half-empty city devoid of creative inspiration.

    So yeah, that's my life in a nutshell. Let me know if I should continue with writing. I used to write lots, but then my pen began to doodle pictures, not words. I've been an artist ever since.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 2 replies
    • Beth
      Save Changes Cancel

      This is wonderful. Really just kind of ... shimmering and (I assume) very truthful and real.
      I love (what I am assuming must be) a reference to the Little House books ... they were a huge part of my childhood (I kind of used to wish that my name was Laura).

      You should certainly continue writing, because that was fantastic.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    • Laura ~ she had a nostalgia for a life she had never lived
      Save Changes Cancel

      Yes, it was Laura Ingalls Wilder. I'm so happy someone noticed! And I'm glad you like it.

      posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Emilie Elisabeth - Imagine Dragons concert!
    Save Changes Cancel

    "Little Emily?" They say, "Yes, I knew her! She was the crazy child! Yes, yes I remember now!" that was how Emily was known. At the age of two she was literally somersaulting down the stairs and bouncing off the walls. At the age of six she joined gymnastics, she was very good but the coaches hated her so that didn't last long. Then figure skating. Ah yes, what a wonderful time. She could do camels, which are very hard to do, and much more. She ended up moving, sigh. She joined swimming lessons but in a few years soon passed level ten. Now she spends her free time writing and riding her donkeys. She is more relaxed, mature and fun to be with.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • -Celeste- 

    Save Changes Cancel

    "the guys old."
    "give him a year and we'll all be at the cemetary staring at him"
    "don't say that!"
    "sorry, long live old dude."

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 2 replies
  • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
    Save Changes Cancel

    A teeny bit of editing done to this (as in I basically deleted a stanza), but ah well.

    ~

    Painted people tell her
    she's not good enough.
    Plain.

    And so,
    she puts ribbons in her hair
    and paint on her face
    and frills everywhere
    to hide and to cover up the
    thoughts in her head
    and scars on her wrists
    and everything they said.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 2 replies
  • emzie &hearts; - [yeah, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone.] &hearts;
    Save Changes Cancel

    If you ask me
    Who I love
    I would say
    The world

    Goodbye
    People
    Everyone
    World
    I love you, World
    Never give up
    Don't be what we want you to be
    Be what you always were

    It's crowded
    To populated
    We're smooshed together
    Is this some sick joke?
    Try to make us work together
    When all there is is
    Pity
    Hate
    Disappointment
    Loss

    Where is the love?
    You'll find it, my friend
    Among the rest
    Of the tangled mess
    Of emotions
    You will find it
    Glowing
    Faintly
    But surely
    Never wavering
    Peel back the rest
    To find
    What we once were

    Without Prose
    That is what I wrote
    Goodbye
    ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Okay, I'm really sorry, because this is REALLY weird. I'm not even sure I believe what I just wrote. It's just what came out of me...so...sorry.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
    Save Changes Cancel

    So cold.
    Cold.
    I wish someone would notice
    the
    shivering.
    It's getting to be too much.
    It's my fault,
    I suppose,
    for hiding.
    But what am I to do?
    Criticism shows its face
    wherever I show mine.
    So I cover my face with my hands.
    If I can't see it,
    it can't see me,
    and neither can anything else.
    And so I'm cold.
    So cold.
    And I wish someone would
    notice
    the
    shivering,
    but I suppose that's
    asking
    too
    much.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
    Save Changes Cancel

    It's amazing
    I think
    how a little bit of color
    can make things
    so
    much
    less
    gray.

    Their eyes
    are different
    from yours,
    so don't listen
    to
    what
    they
    say.

    There's so much
    undone,
    it's just a
    matter of time until
    you
    find
    your
    way.

    And you wake up
    every morning.
    Don't worry
    too much
    it's
    a
    new
    day.

    The days past-
    You can't change
    your mind,
    so the scars
    are
    here
    to
    stay.

    And remember
    little things.
    A little bit of color
    can make things
    so
    much
    less
    gray.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Beth
    Save Changes Cancel

    Why am I not who I was meant to be?
    Why is none of this – none at all – correct, right, true?
    Why am I here?
    Why am I fucking still here?
    This isn’t who I was meant to be, this isn’t where I was meant to be. I was not meant to be sitting with these people, saying these things, doing these things. I was not meant to attract glares from my fellow students because they think that they know me. I wasn’t, wasn’t, wasn’t meant to. I was not meant to sit with the ragtag group at lunch; the group of kids with nowhere else to go. This sieve, this high school sieve, was not meant to spit me out at the bottom.
    And I wasn’t meant to care about this. I wasn’t wasn’t wasn’t wasn’t wasn’t meant to care. But then again, I wasn’t at all meant to have reason to care. I was meant to be respected; I was meant to be a bit more brave and a bit more proud. I was meant to know where I belong, not be told where I belong.
    Because we’re the ones who everybody laughs at. We’re the group who take all the new kids, because they have nowhere else to go.
    And I told you that I’d find my own place, not just fall down to the bottom. But how have I spent three years here, and yet still be hanging out with people who don’t know the first thing about me?
    I’m meant to not care who my friends are – and I wouldn’t, if I really fit in. But I don’t. And I wouldn’t, if I was the person outside as I am in my head.
    If I acted the way that I do in my mind, if I was – outside – the person in imagine myself to be, I’d surely have friends. Somehow, somehow, I’d surely have friends.
    But I don’t and I won’t and they all hate my so I should hate hate hate hate hate myself.
    Hate hate hate hate hate this life.
    I cannot wait for these chains to break. I cannot wait to start living my life. Because I want to find meaning. Yes, yes of course I do.
    But how? And where?
    Not here. meaning will not find my here, meaning does not await me here. meaning is far away, and meaning will find me one day. it does not lurk amongst these streets. I can brush it through the pages of a book. I can feel it sending electric sparks up my fingers. But then it leaves me, and I know – I know that I must reach for it.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Emilie Elisabeth - Imagine Dragons concert!
    Save Changes Cancel

    We could pick one foot up in front of the next. Leave the government, and rules behind. Make our own. I once knew a time where everything was perfect, everything was fine. We bartered and traded, for what we needed. We need to take charge, get messy, make mistakes and take chances! The moral, as in all good stories or poems, is we're not where we're meant to be. Wherever that may be.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Emilie Elisabeth - Imagine Dragons concert!
    Save Changes Cancel

    I don't know what happened,
    To us,
    To you,
    To me,
    I swing on a swing,
    Slide down a slide,
    And wonder,
    What happened to us,
    To you,
    To me?
    I think my soul shattered,
    As we two halves of a whole parted,
    Fairy tales said soul mates were real,
    But if a soul is shattered,
    Can it have a mate?
    In our case it's false,
    But what does that mean?

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 1 reply
  • -Celeste- 

    Save Changes Cancel

    I love the light, i love the stars.
    I hate the sun, i hate your rays, that burn me every other day.
    You know I'll be out all summer long, in the pool, at the park, my sweat stings my face.
    As i quickly pace for a time where i can be inside, and happy in the air conditioned living,
    instead of outside simmering.
    I want the cold of winter to last longer, i wish it had snowed, i wish that it would rain.
    I love when i cannot see the sun, for then i shall live longer, and my body wont hurt itself outside in.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
  • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
    Save Changes Cancel

    I turn streams into rivers
    and rivers into seas
    and seas into oceans
    that are slowly drowning me.

    I should wash it with the bathwater
    but it's stuck in the drain.
    The water's pulling me down
    but I can hardly feel the pain.

    Every teardrop is an ocean
    because I'm just so young.
    Every note is a song
    that I've sung. I've sung.

    And I'm so far from knowing,
    but first I have to see.
    That rivers are rivers
    and the sea is just the sea.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 6 replies
  • Allie ~ Where do I have to go to find a honey with a little soul?
    Save Changes Cancel

    Do you ever feel like no one understands you?
    Cause that's sort of how I feel right now.
    I know, I know. There's plenty of people out there right now who are in the same types of predicaments I'm in.
    But will I ever meet them, know their story?
    Probably not.
    It's not just that no one understands me. It's that no one actually attempts to understand me.
    Oh, here's a girl who ignores people who put her down. A girl who listens to music that others would cringe at. A girl who watches TV shows no one's heard of. A girl who hides everything about her family, afraid of being judged. A girl who only has a few actual best friends. A girl who ignores the phone calls, hoping everyone can understand why. A girl who hides what she wants to be, what she could be if everyone knew who she really was.
    No one wants to learn her secrets because it hurts.
    I wish I could just tell everyone everything about me.
    But it's never quite that simple is it?

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 14 replies
  • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
    Save Changes Cancel

    I want to get out.
    Out out out.
    But where to go?
    I'm far from home. Home? Where is home?
    Home is not here. Not here with the paper people in their cardboard houses where everything is the same.
    SAME.
    And yet so, so different.
    And we all think we're so different
    and so special
    but really we're just paper people
    in cardboard houses.
    And that makes us the same.
    I know there's somewhere better outside but I can't find the door and I'm TRAPPED.
    So trapped.
    And even if I found it, I'm sure it would be closed. And locked. And the key would be sitting right outside.
    I want to go somewhere where the people are paper, but of a different sort.
    A paper of stories and memories and life.
    A paper that I could never read all of, even if I dedicated my whole life to it.
    I just want out
    but I don't know where to.
    And I'm sad.
    Sad, sad, sad.
    And I ask myself why
    but I don't know.
    I want to get something out but I don't know what. I want to run away from the demons that aren't even there.
    WHY.
    There has to be something, right? I can't just be running in circles, my footprints fading after a few seconds.
    Something.
    I need something.
    And I think of the past and the abuse and the pain and the fear and the anticipation but that's all gone
    so what now?
    Disappointment? Could that be it?
    That I'm no farther than I was before and I'm just too close to where I started. As a paper person in a cardboard house and I'm just so far from where I want to go (if only I knew where that was).
    Fear?
    Of what is so close, and so far. Of who doesn't understand me, and more importantly, of who DOES.
    I'm just afraid that people will know me, and I don't want that.
    I don't want people to be able to read me. My paper, paper self.
    Fear of what I'm losing?
    What I've lost?
    What I haven't lost?
    Of myself?
    Anger?
    At myself
    at my friends by name but not by truth
    at my family
    at all of those people who think I'm just a paper.
    Paper, paper, paper.
    I know it's true, and yet I want to be more.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 3 replies
  • Emilie Elisabeth - Imagine Dragons concert!
    Save Changes Cancel

    In this corrupt land of ours,
    There is no place,
    For a girl without meaning,
    Blood can flow,
    Veins can pop,
    But her lack of meaning will always be there

    Wasting space,
    In this dull land of ours,
    No room,
    No room for her,
    Her bags will pack,
    Her ticket bought,
    But she will always be there

    She understands,
    She isn't needed,
    But why isn't she needed?
    Bubblegum bought,
    Designer dresses made,
    By some two year old in China,
    Is that her only meaning?

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 3 replies
  • Beth
    Save Changes Cancel

    It is time for wings to be spread, and it is time for a past to be forgotten.
    It is time for rest to be taken and love to be spent, a time for people to rip off that protective barrier, say "I'm here, and this is who I am."

    It is time for me to leave this,
    and time to take that one long road trip.
    Drive and drive to the edge of the earth, off into some unknown.

    An unknown in which I am anonymous, an unknown in which I am finally free.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 3 replies
  • tvnc

    tvnc (edited)

    Save Changes Cancel

    how can we dance and sing
    when we live in a world like this?
    there's a gun at our necks, each of us,
    but this is my little utopia
    if the world had what we did here it wouldn't be so bad,
    wouldn't kill me bit by bit,
    if life can be defined as hope then what do i have,
    what do i have to do?

    and then i feel wrong for thinking that way, i've been so blessed,
    greed has found my hiding place like it always does,
    what then?

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 3 replies
  • Beth
    Save Changes Cancel

    I want to live in a world of roaring traffic and people to all sides.
    I want to live a life of green parks, dappled shade.
    I want to live a life of coffee mugs and coffee shops,

    Bookstores; libraries and whispering aisles of bindings pressed together.

    I want to live in a world of safety and danger; mornings spent in the comfort of pages and print. Nights spent running through streets, tasting smoke and darkness and voice.

    I want to live in a world of making and doing and creating and expressing. I want oil paints up to my elbows, songs and the clop-clop floors of whisper-whisper galleries. More than anything, I want words. I want to take these words, my words, and wrap them around my world. I want to create and recreate, spreading ink and whispers and voices. I want stories to flow from my mouth and limbs and mind, I want them to trail behind me like the slime of a snail, but bursting with potential and magic.

    posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )
    show 2 replies
  • Beth
    Save Changes Cancel

    Please, please, please let’s run down wet streets with light reflecting in the puddles and voices in the background. Let’s breathe in the cigarette smoke of those trendy starving teens with the ripped tights and vintage shirts.
    Let’s listen to music by people long dead, and think about how dead we really are. Because your face is all bones, and mine is all eyes, and aren’t we a very, very good match?
    Yes, we are.
    We’ll haunt parks in the mornings, sitting in the dappled shade of ancient trees. We’ll read poetry and drink black coffee; my nails will not dig all the way into my palms anymore.

    posted 12 months ago. ( permalink )
    show 2 replies
  • Diyar ~ {weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart}
    Save Changes Cancel

    "What do you want?" you ask.
    What do I want?
    I want to run away from this place and leave everything behind but not care.
    I want you to look at me and notice.
    I want to know. I don't want to be confused anymore. I want to know what I am and what I'm capable of, which has proven to be very little. How much is a little? It seems to get smaller every day.
    I want to be worthy. I want to belong. I don't want to be stupid and useless. I want to participate, not just sit on the sidelines. And I want to deserve that chance to participate. I want to deserve my friends, my family. I want to be good enough. You say that you care. You say that I am worthy and you deny that I'm stupid. All of you. But I see your faces and I know you well enough to know that you don't believe your words. To know that you're lying. Because that's what it is - pity and one big lie. I don't deserve what I have and you know it as well as I. I deserve punishment for wasting space and stealing the spotlight. Because I know I'm a waste of space. I know it better than anyone. I am just a thief. Pretending to be better. Pretending to be good. Stealing what undeserved treasures I can. But in reality, I am nothing.
    Nothing.
    And at the same time, I hate this town. I hate my school. I hate my family - the way we function as a group - and I just want to get out.
    But where do I go?
    I want to run all the way until I'm back home.
    My real home. Not here in this house in this town with all of the people that lie.
    I want to be real. I don't want to have to hide in fear of judgement. I don't want to have to close myself off for fear of gaining unwanted and undeserved attention.
    Undeserved.
    But still, I really want you to notice.
    I want you to see past my smile and know that I am worse than I ever have been before.

    posted 12 months ago. ( permalink )
    show 3 replies
  • Emilie Elisabeth - Imagine Dragons concert!
    Save Changes Cancel

    I guess I just don't know,
    Your attraction to all the things that are wrong,
    Where did I grow moldy,
    In teaching you the ways,
    The ways to grow up,
    And be a woman,
    Strong and proud

    That woman is gone,
    Replaced by a bumbling idiot,
    Where has everything gone,
    Where did I go wrong?
    I guess I'll never understand,
    The need to get a boyfriend,
    I guess I'll never have a big enough wallet,
    To buy the most expensive.

    posted 12 months ago. ( permalink )
  • Chloe K~ Won't be on for a WHILE. Sorry lovelies, school and rehearsal are hard to keep up with. :(
    Save Changes Cancel

    -Entry 2-
    May 28
    2:55 PM

    I don't understand what's happening. Back in the early 2000's, it was cool for woman to be strong and stand up for themselves. Now It's like the 18-1900's all iver again! All of my friends are acting like sluts just for guys. My ex boyfriend says I'm too violent just because I wouldn't let him call me "woman" or "hot". Is it really my fault that I'd rather be treated like an independant individual rather than someone who prefers letting someone control her and would rather be known as "babilicious" rather than beautiful.

    God, help me.

    posted 12 months ago. ( permalink )
  • Allie ~ Where do I have to go to find a honey with a little soul?
    Save Changes Cancel

    You know that space where you can always feel happy? Maybe it's a couple places. You know exactly what I'm talking about. That place that can brighten your mood if you go to it, even if you had the worst day ever.
    I have a place like that and I've been able to go to it all the time and I feel like reality is collapsing around me, and a new reality is taking its place. A good new reality.
    And each time I go there, each time I can escape the real insults. Instead I can throw around fake insults and sarcasm with a few kids who are just plain fun. Kids who will have my back no matter what.
    Each time I pick an apple from the tree on the top of that hill I feel like nothing can hurt me.
    And every time I sit on that pier and look at the milk chocolate water, I want to stay there forever, forever and ever and ever, where nothing's ever wrong. Where the worst thing that can happen is falling off ym bike and scraping my knee, or getting mosquito bites, or breaking my flip flop.
    So, this is my official goodbye to my old reality. I know you were once semi-decent but you grew into a monster and it was a long fight.
    But I won.
    And my prize is this new golden reality, where everything's beautiful and I can relax and enjoy all the beauty that was hidden underneath.

    posted 12 months ago. ( permalink )
    show 6 replies
  • Beth

    Beth (edited)

    Save Changes Cancel

    You are all
    cold shoulders and warm faces and waving arms.
    And you are all
    smaller than you think but you could be bigger than you imagine.
    Though only if you
    all stop your drama and stop pulling me closer, stop pulling me towards it - I have bigger things on my mind than high school; bigger things on my mind than a group of people who don't know me but all think they're so-so-special to one another.

    because out of all twelve-or-fifteen-or-so of you
    I can only picture myself talking to maybe
    oh -
    two of you
    after i'm out of this place.




    i'm far, far too busy burning down the disco to worry about any of this.
    so please leave me be, let me sit alone with my lips shut tight and voices of the dead in my ears. it's where i want to be, not standing in the middle of a group of screaming teens.

    posted 12 months ago. ( permalink )
  • Emilie Elisabeth - Imagine Dragons concert!
    Save Changes Cancel

    This is my weird version of Don't Cry For Me Argentina - I know it sucks, but....

    It won't be easy, you'll think it strange,
    To listen to me - while I try to explain how I feel,
    After all that I've done,
    You won't believe me,
    All you'll see is a girl you once knew,
    Although she's dressed up to the nines,
    While you pick on, and torment her!

    Don't fret Dear Canada,
    The truth is I never left you,
    All through my wild days,
    My mad existence,
    I kept my promise,
    Please, don't distance,
    Yourself from me!

    And as for Love,
    And as for Hope,
    I never meant to leave them,
    In skin, perhaps I did,
    But in heart I was with them,
    Every second,
    Of every day!

    Don't fret Dear Canada,
    The truth is I never left you,
    All through my wild days,
    My mad existence,
    I kept my promise,
    Please, don't distance,
    Yourself from me!

    Have I said too much?
    There is a lot more I can think of to apologize for,
    But for now, I am better,
    Just remember, Dear Canada,
    Not to fret!

    posted 12 months ago. ( permalink )
  • Kathryn
    Save Changes Cancel

    I’m not really sure how this is supposed to work and people seem to be doing several different ways. Some people are just writing big masses of words on whatever comes to mind and some people are writing what seems to me to be poem like things. Did that make sense? Probably not. Oh well. I thought I would try this because I always have so many thoughts in my head but I am very hesitant to share them. Anyways. On to the point. But there isn’t a point. Whatever. Today was the last day of school. It was kind of sad. It was the last day of middle school. I’m very eager to move on to high school but this year I made a lot of new friends. For sixth and seventh grade I went to one middle school where I knew a bunch of people and everything. This year I switched to a new charter school where I didn’t know anyone. I’m very shy and I kind of had a hard time meeting people. But I think this year was good for me. One of my friends taught me to be myself, no matter how insane I appear to others. In the beginning of the year I kept most of my thoughts to myself but now I’ll talk out loud more. Even though a lot of the time people have no idea what I’m talking about. I wrote letters to three of my friends today and yesterday thanking them for making this year better. I also wrote a letter to John Green yesterday. I may or may not send it. It will probably be awhile before I send it if I do. He had seriously changed my life. He is my inspiration to write. This is very different than what I thought it would be. On to a different topic. I want to make goals for this summer. I’m afraid of wasting my whole summer sitting in front of the computer. I want to make my whole life count. I’m really scared of death. I think about much more than I probably should. I really scare myself sometimes thinking about it but it’s also a blessing having the ability to think deeper about things that a lot of normal teenagers. I always try to break as many social conventions as possible. Yesterday, I started eating rice with my hands. I also think shaving your legs is stupid. Why can guys have hairy legs but not girls? I don’t get it. There are so many things that we do without thinking about it. We do these things for no reason. I should probably stop now. This is getting really long. Four hundred and fifty words about. This felt really good. Just getting some of my thoughts out of my head and onto the paper. Or onto the computer. I like this. I’m going to do this more often. Goodbye.

    posted 12 months ago. ( permalink )
    show 3 replies
  • ~MusicMaster~ singing is a passion not a chore
    Save Changes Cancel

    nice

    posted 12 months ago. ( permalink )
  • Ivy Lynn - Now is the time to seize the day!
    Save Changes Cancel

    I am empty. I am just drained of emotion. Lately I've had no clue who I am, or where I'm going. I don't know if I'm doing what I am supposed to be doing, or even what I'm supposed to be doing even matters. I don't know anything anymore. I feel like there are no answers, just questions, replied to with more questions. Why do some people get favored over others? Its just not fair. People may tell me, "oh life isn't fair, get over it." but I won't. why does it have to be unfair? Can't some things be right, instead of everything wrong? Why are some poeple so blind, and so closed. They won't take chances, they won't let their feelings roam, they stick to the same old thing, day, after day, after day. I can be differant too! I can be one of your favorites, I can be special, let me have a chance. At least once. Sometimes it seems like you pick every one except for me. Other times it seems like I have a chance, and then it seems like you have two or three people you give everything you have to. Sometimes I think you like me, that I'll be your pick. I wonder, and hope and daydream. I'd like to say I wake up to face reality, but I don't even know what that is anymore. I suppose I face my reality, the one where you don't like me, the one where I am ignored, because I need to tell myself that nothing is going to happen, because everyday I look in the mirror and say why? why would you get picked compared to her? But I don't even know if that is true, you are so unreadable. I give up so many times, but then I get a little sprig of hope to lift me up, higher, and higher, so it hurts all the more when I come crashing down. What if this is all my imagination? What if this is just a dream? No. I can't do that, live in a dream for four years? FOUR YEARS! When will you wake up, and see what I am, what I could be. I am not some insignificant little girl who could never catch anyones eye. Or am I?

    posted 12 months ago. ( permalink )
    show 2 replies
  • ~MusicMaster~ singing is a passion not a chore
    Save Changes Cancel

    ll
    V

    posted 12 months ago. ( permalink )
  • Rebecca H ~ Is sorry for all the inactivity!
    Save Changes Cancel

    My name is Rebecca. I am sixteen years old. I found this discussion just now, and something told my fingers that it would be nice to write to it, if not just for the sake of expression.
    I have brown hair and eyes and pale skin. I may or may not be five foot four, and I'm reasonably shorter than most of my friends. I have ink stains in my fingernails from cleaning out the ink trays in Art class, and I have a huge callous on the side of my right ring finger from twelve years of holding a pencil wrong. Sometimes I wear glasses, but most of the time I wear contacts. I wear black eyeliner and mascara unless no one is looking, and sometimes I don't feel like drying my hair, so it works its way into a mess of loose ringlets and wavy strands. I've had a streak dyed on my right side for about a year now. It's in the process of fading, and has gone from deep teal to a lighter aquamarine. I eat healthy foods all the time and probably don't drink enough water. That is me on the outside.
    I've wanted to be an author since I was ten years old and my family told me that they liked my story about a roller coaster. That same year, I wrote poems in my journal every week and my teacher entered one into a contest. It didn't win, but it was still encouragement enough for me to write more. I want to be an engineer. I think. Sometimes I'm not sure. Sometimes I think that maybe all I want to do is sit around and write and draw and never have to look at another calculation again, or walk into an office space. My worst nightmare is a cubicle. I hate the flickering fluorescent lights, the cramped-in spaces, the punishing stare of the computer screen that makes my eyes scream and look away. I don't want to leave work every day with watery, red eyes and carpal tunnel. Please, God. Don't let me work in a cubicle. My thoughts need room to breathe.
    Sometimes I'm not so sure what I want to do with my life. We were supposed to be firm with the idea of our occupation since eighth grade, but here I am, an incoming junior, looking at colleges and wondering if I'm doing the right thing. What if I don't like my job? What if I want to be a psychologist? Or an English teacher? Or an artist? What if I can't pay off my college debt. What if I hate college and hate my career and hate my life and don't know what to do with myself? In eighth grade, they told us to pick a career and write about it. They told us to make a plan. They told us to pick what classes we would take in high school. They gave us four core subjects and three electives. I remember looking at those elective spaces and thinking that I could fit the whole world in that space, and then picking three classes and seeing just how much of the course book I had ignored. I wanted to take art classes, but I can only take one. I wanted to take psychology and sociology, but I can only pick one. And now I wonder, am I doing the right thing?
    Sometimes I think I'm the only one who feels lost.
    A psychologist will ask you what the first thing is that comes to mind when they hold out an ink splotch on a card. When I think of these, I think of colors. i equate everything with colors. I love color. I love the aura it produces. I love how it changes the world. I always think of colors, whenever people ask me the first thing that comes to mind. When I think of books, I think of deep, olive green: rich, studious, deep. When I think of summer, I think of cool, watery blue: the color of nothing, of freedom, of no obligations. When I think of nighttime, I think of deep purple: A heavy, warm color, like a blanket; and enigma. When I think of myself, though, I think of gray. It's difficult for me to place my personality. I find my definition to be all covered in soap and water and butter and all that slippery mess, enough to get away from me every time I dig for it. I don't know who I am. Only half the time, I care. The other half of the time, I am perfectly content to be empty.
    Sometimes I am empty. Sometimes I am not. Sometimes I feel like a zombie, and other times I am so full of emotion I could burst. I am excitable, although sometimes I forget what I'm excited about. I am easy to read. Emotions come over my face before I even feel them. I am an open book.
    I love books.
    I find it doesn't matter how little I know about my own personality, because my greatest love is to lose myself. When I was little, I always loved playing make believe. One day I was a princess. Another day I was a warrior. It didn't matter. I always loved living in my own imperfect world. My worlds were always broken beyond repair, because what, really, is a perfect world, other than a lie? Perfection implies that there is no need to change. We all exist to change the world, whether we know it or not. There is no such thing as utopia. Only disutopia. I'd rather avoid disutopia, so I embrace the fact that no one is perfect. I am a perfectionist that hates perfection. It makes life more interesting.
    As I moved on from make believe, I found books. As I found books, I found alternate dimensions that I couldn't have even imagined. I began to lose myself in those instead. Shortly after finding books, I found writing. Just as those books painted a world for me, I could paint a world. I could live in whatever world I chose, with whatever characters I could write. I am my characters. My characters are me. A lot of people say that their characters come from themselves. That is only minimally true for me. On the contrary, I come from my characters. They become real to me, and the more I write, the more bones come together, with muscle to blanket the bones, and flesh to build upon the muscle. I never stopped playing make-believe. I've only turned it into a passion. My greatest love.
    I find that I love beautiful things. Not physical beauty, no, but mental beauty, emotional beauty, unconventional beauty. I love little knick-knacks that tick and buzz and make mechanical buzzing sounds. I am fascinated by clocks. Everything has a rhythm. Clocks grab onto the very fabric of time and become the world's drummers. I love words. I love the art of every letter, the formation of words on the lips, the way they curl around the tongue and rest upon the paper, sometimes lighter or heavier, sometimes floating off into the air we breathe upon utterance, and quickly dissipating, becoming as much the world around us as radio waves and memories. The word "phrase" is a beautiful word. First the p dips low, then the h, reaching up. And yet they only make one sound, not akin to either letter. Perfect equilibrium. An S is a lovely letter. It swirls, like a snake. It can be a hiss or a hush goodnight, or the sound from out of a whipped cream bottle. I like the pronunciation of the word "phrase." It has a nice feel to it. It means strings of words, not quite finished. Unfinished thoughts. Memories are phrases. They are hardly ever sentences. The world is a phrase. It goes on forever, but hasn't finished yet. A circle is a phrase. To pronounce the word "phrase" in France would be to say "strawberry," a sweet, red fruit of the summer. Flavor is beautiful. Flavor is color. Strawberries taste juicy and red and pink and lemons taste yellow. Alfredo sauce tastes warm, pale tan, while banana cream pie is cool, pale yellow.
    People are beautiful things. They are never the same. No matter how hard one tries, no one can be the same as their neighbor, or their neighbor's neighbor for that matter. Contrary to popular belief, people change. People are change. People are God's children, meant to live and grow and mature and prosper and change. We are not sedentary things. We cannot be static. We are dynamic. We move. People are many different colors, like clothes in the washing machine, swirling around and around until the colors lose their meanings. We know only that they are fascinating, and that maybe there's something a bit deeper in washing machines than soap and water. People are beautiful.
    I am a person.
    My name is Rebecca.
    I am sixteen.
    I have brown hair and eyes. I may or may not be five foot four.
    Sometimes I feel lost, but I don't really mind.
    I love beautiful things.
    I am a person.
    Hello.

    posted 12 months ago. ( permalink )
    show 9 replies
  • ~MusicMaster~ singing is a passion not a chore
    Save Changes Cancel

    I don't know why I'm writing this but here we go...
    Everything is confusing like why people get cancer or things happen to great people! I'm confused about everything! My heart is going crazy my brain pounding with confusion... Everything around me spinning! Someone telling me to do this another telling me to do that! Which way should I chose. I think with logic, but there is none! I'm yelling on the inside, and smiling on the other. Hiding my true feelings. I suck it up thinking its no big deal, but really it is! I don't care if you read this or not, but This little thing I'm writing may be small but it means a lot...

    posted 12 months ago. ( permalink )
    show 2 replies
  • ~MusicMaster~ singing is a passion not a chore
    Save Changes Cancel

    Its confusing,
    Everyday,
    I'm confused,
    Every way,
    I cannot speak,
    I must hide,
    All these feelings,
    Held up inside,
    I think ahead,
    But stay behind,
    I'm ok,
    But I'm not alright,
    I take steps,
    1,2,3,
    But The sidewalk isn't moving beneath my feet,
    I think I'm stuck,
    In this one place,
    For the rest,
    Of my sad days,
    I must lift my head,
    And think positive,
    But I know that,
    Its another story to deal with...

    posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    show 2 replies
  • Emilie Elisabeth - Imagine Dragons concert!
    Save Changes Cancel

    First Impression

    My name is Emily. I have natural brown hair that numerous people say I dyed.
    At the age of five, my role model was Stephen King. I write horror novels, that people get too freaked out to read.
    I watch zombie movies on Friday night, and my favorite is Zombieland. I have big crushes on fictional characters, and I have insomnia - so at night, I stay awake and daydream. Since I live on a farm, and am in biathlon, I know how to use a gun.
    People seem to think that I'm a two year old firing a rifle at people. No. I take my 22 out to targets - for biathlon.
    "I avoided all people, before they were zombies. Now that they are zombies, I kind of miss people."
    I am an author and forever a believer in fairy tales. I sing and dance in musicals that I have written myself.

    posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    show 1 reply
  • Chloe K~ Won't be on for a WHILE. Sorry lovelies, school and rehearsal are hard to keep up with. :(
    Save Changes Cancel

    -Entry 3-
    June 17, 2012
    9:32 PM

    My dreams have always been just that. Dreams. Because every time I feel like one is coming true, the harsh truth destroys it. And the worst part? I have no say in it.

    But this is truly, straight out unfair. My body is killing my entire future. Because of science, I have a bust. Most girls desire this; I'd give anything to rid of it. I'm tall. Most girls would give a hand to be tall; I'd give a hand to be short. I have acne, which is the worst of them all.
    And why do I hate these features, you ask? One, simple word. It sounds so innocent, but it's a crusher. A soul crusher. Reality.
    Because the reality of how old I look means one thing. I'm a freak. I'm a disgrace. I'm a monster.

    posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
  • emzie &hearts; - [yeah, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone.] &hearts;
    Save Changes Cancel

    So, here we are again. Writing Without Prose. I cannot edit, I can only say what comes to mind? Well, this should be interesting, because my mind is filled with hundreds of places, twisting and turning, and every room is cluttered with thoughts. There are some things I can't even remember thinking, but they're there. I often sit and look over my thoughts, thinking about times when they first popped into my head. Some of my best memories are hidden there.
    So, here I go. Writing Without Prose. Writing is merely one's thoughts printed on a page. No, actually, I don't think that. One can lie on a page. They make up stories, and print them. But writing WITHOUT prose. My, that's a different story. You simply write what you feel, and think of no one ever reading what you wrote. Then there's none of that tale-spinning where you think about what would appeal to other people. Now is just you. Me. Writing, or typing on a computer, saying what WE feel. If no one were to read this piece of writing that I am teling to you now, I would be just as happy with it. However, I do not like to keep things like this locked inside. My imagination pounds on the confines of my skin and skull and everything else. So I let it out, and it runs wild with colors and sounds and music and words. I am a girl of metaphors. I think of everyone having a box, with four walls, around them, where ever they go. There are some people who never notice it, or simply don't care, and they stay inside their box. But there are those people who sit and think for a while, thinking of not only the most effective way, but the CLEVEREST way, to get out. It is those people who know that you need only THINK outside the box. It is those people who tell the most wonderful stories. Perhaps it is making a tiny hold and then building off of it, and seeing the world around you. Or...or just thinking your way out. With words. These words can become spells and incantations and you feel them inside you and they come out as if you didn't even mean to say them. Then, just like that, you're out. Out in the open, still safe, but able to feel the way it is to be outside the box.

    And look at that, you've got a great story to tell.

    posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    show 4 replies
  • Emilie Elisabeth - Imagine Dragons concert!
    Save Changes Cancel

    Round round I go, and where I stop - nobody knows. My life is a merry-go-round, a never ending circle. Which came first, the man, or the man? A question not asked very much, but an important one at that. There is no beginning to a circle that has no end, until the scythe cuts the delicate thread. There is no immunity, or antidote for the final stop of the child hood song. But more threads weave, and the broken ones are cut on the loose ends - creating a block, and hiding the truth. I always end up, coming back to this page, which came first, the pen or the author?

    posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    show 2 replies
  • Save Changes Cancel
    Chloe: Alons-y! removed this reply 11 months ago.
  • Beth
    Save Changes Cancel

    I am on the brink of something massive, I can feel it coming like the night wind. That wind, scented with spices and fireplaces and cold and warmth. I can feel it whistling around my head; it blows my hair around and I can hardly see.
    But this is it, this is it, this is it. It, it, it. I am about to go on my adventure. That adventure - the big one, all on my own. And it's about four years premature ... but I can live with that. It won't be the last, only the first.

    posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    show 2 replies
  • Chloe: Alons-y!

    Chloe: Alons-y! (edited)

    Save Changes Cancel

    Here I go....writing without prose.

    I want this to sound good...I want to make you think…I want this to make sense...I want to make you happy, or sad, or puzzled...I want to make you something...I definitely don’t want to disappoint you. I don’t have anything that seems significantly important,so I don’t write. It’s not that I don’t have anything to say, it’s just that I don’t think it’s deep enough, or profound enough, or important enough. It's not easy to be important. Well, I’ve decided to be done with that way of thinking. I’ve decided to write whether it seems especially important or not. I’ve decided to write for myself, and hope that it's important enough for you. I’ve decided to stop evaluating my writing on whether it’s “good enough,” "Important enough", "Special enough", or "Smart enough", and instead, just let it be what it is. Because that's what it is. I’ve decided to stop over-thinking it. I'm going to make it good enough for me, and hopefully, at least sometimes, it will be good enough for you.

    posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
  • ~MusicMaster~ singing is a passion not a chore
    Save Changes Cancel

    Well I don’t know why I’m writing or if this will even sound good but here I go…
    I hope I don’t bore you with all my dumb rambling… well… I ramble a lot… so hopefully this doesn’t waste your time… here I go…
    I am good at rambling blah blah blah… I am good at nothing but rambling… I ramble on and on… anyway…
    Why is the sky blue and the grass so green? Why am I ugly and the other girls pretty? Why am I lame and not “cool”? I am not as beautiful or great like the sky… I am… Dirt. I get kicked around, picked on, and made fun of. I am un-needed, unimportant. At least that’s what I think…
    But look at those flowers over there wilting. They need dirt… Me I’m dirt, I can help them. They can’t make it without me. The flowers need support and help. I am support and help. They need me to grow. I am needed and important. They need me…

    posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    show 3 replies
    • Chloe: Alons-y!
      Save Changes Cancel

      I love it:)

      posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    • ~MusicMaster~ singing is a passion not a chore
      Save Changes Cancel

      Thanks:-)

      posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    • Kathryn
      Save Changes Cancel

      One line that stuck out to me was 'Why am I ugly and other girls pretty?' The idea of beauty confuses me. Beauty seems to be how well we fit certain standards that are ingrained in everyone's minds. I don't get it. Why are some people's appearances more favorable than other's? They're just different. I think that beauty is a stupid concept that should be eliminated from society. Personally, when I look at someone, I never think about if they're pretty or not. Sometimes someone will point out that a person is pretty, and I'll think 'I guess? I don't know. I never thought about it. They're not ugly, but I they don't seem extraordinarily pretty.' But that's the thing. No one seems extraordinarily pretty to me. Is it just me? Beauty is just a certain set of standards in our minds. People who fit in those standards might be ugly to you, but other people will still say they're pretty. It makes no sense. Now that I think about it, this can be applied to many adjectives, like cool. Hmm...

      posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
  • Allie ~ Where do I have to go to find a honey with a little soul?
    Save Changes Cancel

    So, recently I’ve been considering writing in the Writing Without Prose section a bit more, but whenever I go there to write something I either can’t think of anything or I start reading something someone else wrote and start thinking “How on earth do they write like this? It’s brilliant.”
    So instead I sit back, and read, and reply, and think about something-anything- I could write that might strike someone’s fancy.
    But I haven’t really thought of anything yet.
    I thought maybe I could tell as story, a dream.
    But where is one? I can’t think of any.
    Maybe I could write about my life, or school, or summer or something interesting like that.
    But then I think that I don’t want to bore anyone with my life details.
    Or, perhaps I could talk about something we all like. Like, maybe, the Hunger Games or Harry Potter or Doctor Who or Sherlock.
    But it’s hard to write about anything, these days.
    I just feel like…
    Like I’m drifting off into nothingness.
    It doesn’t matter, too much.
    I’ve got black raspberry jam downstairs that my mom made last night. I can eat it and then I won’t feel so bad about losing my writing.
    Because I quite like black raspberries. I could eat them all day long. I ate a pint of them yesterday, and I ate a pint on Friday too.
    I think life would be so much bloody easier if it was a black raspberry.
    That’s all I have to say, I think.

    posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    show 10 replies
  • Chloe K~ Won't be on for a WHILE. Sorry lovelies, school and rehearsal are hard to keep up with. :(
    Save Changes Cancel

    -Entry 4-
    June 21, 2012
    10:23 PM

    I am so alone.

    posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    show 2 replies
  • Daria
    Save Changes Cancel

    English teachers always say, "When you're stuck, write about what you know." Well, I'm stuck. Stuck in every way. So, here is what I know. My name is Daria. I'm a girl. I'm thirteen years old. I have brown hair, brown eyes, glasses, braces, and pierced ears. I'm a little over five feet tall, and very skinny. I always wear half of a best friends necklace, and my boyfriend always wears the other half. We don't just date because it's cool or we want to have someone, we've been together for six months because we're best friends, not just lovers. I have wanted to be a writer for about four years now, but I have honestly never finished writing anything over ten pages. I write poetry avidly, though. I love photography, and am pretty good at it. I get good grades, but I'm terribly bad at sports, and I am quite weak as well. I have a pretty small house and live in a pretty small town, but it's really not bad. I only have one best friend, but she means the world to me and knows everything about me. From the outside, I seem so happy and kind. People tell me I'm fun to be around. I'm going to quote something I read on Erin's Tumblr, though: "She's got broken things where her heart should be." My mom and I fight a lot, usually every day, and my sisters are never around anymore. I have three sisters, but the last one is heading off to college in two months. I'm seriously scared to be alone with my parents next year. This year, I've started to become really confused as to who I am, even though I can state basic facts like I already have. I always hear about fake girls, with their makeup painting their faces and glossy smiles pasted on their lips, and wonder if I'm one of them. I wear eyeliner, mascara, and cover-up, and I feel so fake sometimes. I always say, "YOLO", and "No regrets!" Here I am, though, constantly regretting every single thing I say and do. I can't think of much that I've done that I'm proud of, even though people tell me I'm so responsible and always say the right thing in bad situations. And I mentioned earlier that I had a boyfriend, right? Well, for the past year I've been constantly wondering if I might be bisexual. I'm so confused. But after writing all of this out, I feel absolutely horrible, and so guilty, because my troubles are nothing compared to some peoples' troubles. That makes me feel worse, because earlier this year, let's just say I went to some harmful methods to get rid of my emotions. Some methods that hurt me and left scars. And now I realize that I did that over almost nothing! I mean, my family is still together, somehow I have friends, and I even have a boyfriend. So what's wrong with me? Then, things spiral out of control, and I end up doing something stupid to myself or to someone else. Now I'm so touchy, any kind of joke about the LGBT community, suicide, self-harm, or anything like that, completely sets me off. There's a girl on my grade who has scars all over her arms, and when people ask what they are from, she laughs and says to ask a guy who is her friend. So a few people have asked him, and he always gestures to his arm with his hand slicing it. It's so easy to see them, and I always wonder if someone is getting her help, or if she's lying about that, or if he's trying to spread rumors. I stress about that constantly. And about two minutes ago, my dad was talking to my grandparents, telling them about my sister's senior prom. There is a transgender boy who went to that prom, and he dressed up as a girl. My dad told them about him because he was in a picture, and my grandparents chuckled! Everything sets me off lately, and I've become so angry, sad, guilty, worried, anxious, paranoid, regretful, everything. I can't deal with it anymore, and I have to remind myself of what I have to live for almost every day. I'm doing okay right now, trying to spend all my time with my friends, and avoiding anything that might get me emotional, like my parents. Somehow, I believe I can make it through this, but I just have trouble making myself think that sometimes. Thank you all for being here for me, even though you didn't know what was going on. Every time I came on here this year, I basically posted that life sucked, read your supportive comments, and left for another few months, and that was kind of selfish. I feel like I haven't helped you all with your troubles. But I want to thank you for being there for me even though I'm never here for you. I love you all, youngins. :)

    posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    show 9 replies
    • Emilie Elisabeth - Imagine Dragons concert!
      Save Changes Cancel

      MOG - I love you so much. That was so amazing. Seriously, I just keep re-reading it.
      I can't express how much emotion I felt when I read that, so I'm just going to say, wow.

      posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    • Daria
      Save Changes Cancel

      :D Thanks! It made me feel a lot better to write it, I certainly felt as though all my emotion went into it. I'm so glad you love my writing Emily it really means a lot!!!! :D

      posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    • Chloe: Alons-y!
      Save Changes Cancel

      That was pretty awesome:) Hang in there, it gets better:) Are you in high school yet? If your not, I'm not kidding when I say it gets better. I was this little anti-social nerd who magically skipped a grade and ended up in high-school. I thought I was going to end up failing and making all my teachers regret skipping me, but I did o.k. Now I have friends, good grades, and I'm ever part of clubs at school. My situation is nothing compared to yours, but I just thought I'd let you know, it does get better:)

      posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    • Daria
      Save Changes Cancel

      Thanks Chloe... I'm still in middle school, so maybe things will get better. Wow, skipping a grade does sound pretty hard. I'm glad you got through it!

      posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    • Chloe: Alons-y!
      Save Changes Cancel

      Well, good lock in HS!!!! It's fun:) Thanks:)

      posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    • Sydney "I've never seen a city life so clear. I smile as you whisper in my ear."
      Save Changes Cancel

      MOG Daria, we love you too! That reminds me so much of ... me.

      posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    • Daria
      Save Changes Cancel

      Oh Sydney I love you so much, girl :) Really? Glad to know I'm not the only one who feels so... crazy.

      posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    • Allie ~ Where do I have to go to find a honey with a little soul?
      Save Changes Cancel

      I thought I commented on this...
      ANYWAYS, basically what everyone else said. We're always there for ya, SG!

      posted 10 months ago. ( permalink )
    • Sydney "I've never seen a city life so clear. I smile as you whisper in my ear."
      Save Changes Cancel

      Love you too!! You most definitely are not the only one who feels crazy. I feel insane. :)

      posted 10 months ago. ( permalink )
  • Chloe: Alons-y!

    Chloe: Alons-y! (edited)

    Save Changes Cancel

    I am currently obsessed with binoculars. Does this, then, not qualify as writing without prose? oh well.

    In hidden height
    Unseen by light
    I've seen many people pass by

    Curtains block not my sight
    Not even midnight
    Can take my binoculars away

    I'll wave at them and let them know
    Watching is my name

    No crime committed
    No creepy acts
    Just my binoculars and me

    My eyes set on them
    My binoculars waiting

    My attention, they have held
    Enough to merit a place

    My binoculars are always open
    To seeing a new face

    I sit atop a hidden height
    My perch unseen by any lights

    My binoculars and me

    posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    show 2 replies
    • Kathryn
      Save Changes Cancel

      I love this. It seems that so often we only look at people from afar. Watch them interact with their world. Sometimes it's good to step back behind your binoculars and simply take a look at the world around you. However, you have to get out from behind them as well and do things. You can't let your life slip away watching others. That's a problem I have. I'm always watching and listening. Thinking, coming up with ideas in my head but not sharing them. I need to let things out more and actually talk to people. And sometimes I feel as though I'm speaking in memories. Avoiding the present because I'm different and weird. Sometimes I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to. I don't know anyone who likes everything I do and it bugs me. So I talk to myself as if I'm talking to others. But no one ever responds.

      Sorry this became like my own writing without prose. Take it as a complement of your writing. It made me think. I like things that make me think. And those were new thoughts. Not thoughts that I repeat in my head over and over again and never let out. I'm doing it again! And I think anything can be considered writing without prose!

      posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    • Chloe: Alons-y!
      Save Changes Cancel

      Thanks!!!
      I think every body has that problem:) Even the people who we watch watch back. Speaking in memories...good one:D

      posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
  • stella
    Save Changes Cancel

    (warning: this is really whiny and rambly and WAH MY LIFE SUCKSish)

    Well, hello there.
    My name is Stella Nox. How do you do?

    I have this intense fear of being normal, and I don't know why. I hate attention (which I never get, thank God), but I'm always wishing that someone would just... notice me. And it's weird, because I don't even really want that to happen, but yet half of my brain is like "lol nope" and just completely ignores what I think the rest of me wants. You know? I don't want to just be another person with a mindless life that never leaves their hometown whose life is so mechanical, they get lost in it. I don't want to live that way, and yet I have this feeling that I will.

    I desire to be a writer.

    And yet, I know that's nearly impossible, because my brain doesn't like to keep on one task at a time. It'll be like "YAY I'M GOING TO FLOOD YOU WITH IDEAS SO YOU HAVE TO WRITE AND YOU GET ALL HAPPY... AND THEN I'M GOING TO BE A JERK AND YANK THAT AWAY! :D". I've written 60,000 words of a novel before, but then I just burn out and can't keep writing it because I can't get out of the fact that it sucks, and even though it's a first draft, that just keeps me stuck. And then I get angry and try to rewrite, but then I just get sucked into the same oblivion until I start crying and realize that, just like every single thing I've tried to write before, it's failed.

    This all leads back to the first paragraph, because I have have this dream of actually getting published and being this huge phenomenon, so when I fail, this just gets worse. And it frustrates me, because this is all just one big cycle that I can't get out of.

    I don't want my life to be normal. I don't want to live an impeccably dull life, but I don't do enough for it to be interesting. I see people around me finishing novels and going places and I just sit here, in the middle of nowhere, wishing that I was them, and I wasn't... like this.

    And by "like this", I mean an annoyingly socially awkward teenager who spends most of her time moping because she feels depressed and there's no reason for it. Usually over the summer, I'll just develop this annoying sort of vague sadness that isn't even that severe. It's just THERE, and it annoys me, because there's no reason for it. Sure. I'm basically a hermit right now, but I don't LIKE being with people. So why do I start crying all of the time? It's just annoying, and there's nothing that I can do to help it. Writing does nothing, because all I do is either stare a blank page and think about all the words that I could put on the page but can't because I'm a fail of a writer (which I know isn't even true- I'm not amazing, but I don't think I suck at writing, either), or write but stop because I know it's trash. And then I start drawing, which just makes me feel worse because it's another thing I fail at.

    So, that's my catharsis.

    posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    show 1 reply
    • Daria
      Save Changes Cancel

      Stella, this touched me so much.

      You probably don't know this, but I love you so much. You're one of my best friends, all my non-virtual friends know about you. You're so amazing to me, and it hurts a lot to see that you're struggling. I don't know what I can do about most of this, I'm usually a pretty calculating advice, and give advice for the brain, but this seems like a fight between your brain and your heart. What I can do though is tell you that you mean the world to me, and your writing has inspired me and motivated me to reach for my dreams for the past two (?) years. You got me into tea and Doctor Who, and you're my age buddy! I love all the youngins, obviously, but really you're one of my close friends. I think about you all the time and dream of being half the writer you are.

      If I could, I would move to the little town you live in and be your best friend and show you how amazingly un-awkward you can be. I seriously would. Every time you cry, or feel like you're bad a drawing, or feel like you're like the crowd, talk to me. Email me, anything. I will always be here to give you virtual hugs and cookies. You're so funny, and awesome, and your writing amazes me every time I read it. I know you're probably thinking, "Well gee wilikers thanks, but I'm cooler on the internet." At least, that's how I would feel. But I really, genuinely believe you're one of the coolest people I've ever met.

      Message me if you need me, ever. You have my email, I think.

      posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
  • Emilie Elisabeth - Imagine Dragons concert!
    Save Changes Cancel

    I wrote down my deepest emotions and feelings, but my pinky pressed a button, and I lost it all.
    That's how messed up I am, because I can't even speak, without tearing down my words.
    My pen expresses, the deep black holes, and midnight scars that surround me every night.
    I just want to self destruct.

    I feel as though I'm a ghost, sifting though time, space, and a black hole.
    Every single night, I stay awake and think how every second, I am being sucked in further and further.
    At night is when I lay awake, and dream of resting, and just for a moment, a tiny moment, my eyes close, and I meet those wonders untold.
    But then my brain see's, that the red light, has turned green. It gives me a ticket for speeding, and sets my heart back to red.
    My life is a stop sign, and sometimes I forget to pause and wait. So it's no surprise, that I hit other cars.
    Crash - but it's only my heart that breaks.

    I see other children, and my heart begins to race. Maybe, just maybe, I might slow down my twisted brain, long enough to befriend.
    My brain see's what my heart is trying to do, it stutters my speech, and twists me even more. My memories are sickening,
    and haunt me to the death, they chill my spine, and curdle my blood, until I have no more of me left.
    Maybe it's that I grew up reading Stephen King, and falling in love with zombies, that my heart has finally packed it's bag,
    and my it has said goodbye.

    My brain replays, those haunting moments, but I have no remote, or control of my life.
    Rewind, torture, twist, and darken, are the only buttons I have. And the access key, well, even that I have lost.
    The ground underneath me, slowly begins to crumble. I have lost my throne, and my crown has been stolen.
    Golden gems, and silver jewels, have made their way, further on their path to rehabilitation.
    Their traces leave pain, and empty swirls of frustration.

    I need to say goodbye, because now I see - there is no reason, for me to be.
    Though it's not my time yet, soon it will be. But for now, Carpe Diem.
    Tears streak my face, and smiles hurtle through air, and fall to a frown.
    Pale hands shake, and eventually turn still. Quantum Potes Tantum Aude.

    posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    show 5 replies
  • Alyssa- is sorry for all the inactivity...  I'm super busy
    Save Changes Cancel

    Well hi I'm Alyssa and im gonna tell you about me
    I go to school where I'm surrounded by people yet i feel so alone people will comfort me but nothing feels geniuine. Nothing is really genuine anymore, people see someone crying and go ask if theyre ok but they really couldn't give a crap, heck even human skin isnt genuine anymore it's half plastic!! so when people ask me whats wrong I say nothing, nothingnothignothingimsure nothing. But really everything. At my school and age everyone either has had a boyfriend or girlfriend or has one but I'm over here never had a boyfriend and never will probally forever alone! Lol but really, my friends and I will walk around a baseball park and all of my friends got asked if someone could have their number and my friends crush asked her out, they promise me someones out there but I don't care I want someone now someone genuine and someone who really likes me. But you can't really ask for genuine anymore can you? It's a silly idea, that's my life, a silly idea. It always is a joke and never goes anywhere. Everything I do is a big laugh. Ughhhh I probally sound extremely whiny right now and before you ask I do want some cheese with this whine!! Cheese. Im hungry, sorry getting off track. Ugh I wish the guy I liked would notice flirting, when some1 says date me cuz yolo then it's a dare, then says that you didn't answer... HINT HINT HINT HINT!!! Ugh. But I don't want to be disappointed, that'd the problem with me. I'm incredibly shy, and hate any way I could possibly be humiliated but I also am wild at heart.... CONFLICTING EMOTIONS!!! Umm I'm new to the group, that was a random fact. Random. I love being random. FLYING PURPLE PANDAS EATING LOLLYPOPS!!!!!!!! did you know if you spell random backwards you vey modnar which kinda sounds like modern so is being random being modern? Or is being modern being random?! Weird! And did you know that I hate you..... And that j and k are next to each other on the keyboard !?! See what I did there? If I didn't I was joking, I don't hate you.. I'd say I love you but that seems clingy....... What the heck. I love you!!! Ummm I'm self-conscious- like extremely if I eat a big meal I'll get freaked out about my stomach bulging and having a 'food baby'. Ewwww a baby made of food.... Of track again, Alyssa focus! My hair starts to friz I'll freak out it it gets really bad. Ummm also I hate wearing alot of makeup! Minimal eyeliner and I'm good. Maybbe it's because I wore makeup that took a half hour to put on for dance which I did for seven years or because I think I look fake, I like to loom natural and genuine. Ah theres that word again, genuine. Genuine . Genuine. Genuine. Whats that really mean here in 2012? Does it mean minimal plastic in your skin or posting every second of your private life on facebook? Does it mean being nice, but not too nice or you'll be fake. So this society sucks! Sorry this wasnt that deep but hey. I liked writing it and that's all that matters to me. Bye people's and have a great random ( or modern) day!

    posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    show 5 replies
    • Kathryn
      Save Changes Cancel

      This is wonderful! So much of what you're saying resonates with me as well. That sentence sounded much more formal than I thought it would! Haha.

      Anyways, regarding the boyfriend/girlfriend topic. This kind of bugged me too until I actually thought about it. I mean, why is everyone after love? The romantic kind. I would be perfectly fine if I grow up and never get married or anything. I used to think I would get lonely, but I realized that you can love someone with being romantic. I know that even if I never find romantic love I will always have great friends and family who love me. Also, I don't know how old you are, but dating at a younger age seems silly to me because the whole point of dating is to find someone to marry, and I don't think anyone my age is planning on marrying any time soon. But I do understand wanting to be noticed by guys. I would never go out with anyone, but I'd still like them to notice me. *sigh* What I've learned to do is just to forget about them and focus on the people that you already have. If you have to shove yourself in front of them for them to notice you, you probably don't want them anyways.

      Regarding CONFLICTING EMOTIONS. I am exactly like this! Once again, my advice is to find the people who like you for who you are and spend your time with them. Forget about everyone else who might see you and do what ever you want! If you have to constantly monitor your actions around your friends, they're not your friends.

      Regarding beauty. Beauty is a strange concept. It's just a set of standards in our mind. I rant more about this in a reply to Cold Blood's writing without prose if this is actually worth reading.

      Sorry, if this was a waste of time and space. I honestly didn't mean for it to be this long. So, I hope this helps, or whatever. Anyways, you seem awesome, welcome to the group. I relatively new as well. :) Also, if you want more ranting or whatever it is I'm doing, just ask! I love sharing my thoughts but don't want to annoy people. Hi.

      posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    • Daria

      Daria (edited)

      Save Changes Cancel

      I read your post a while ago, thought I replied, guess not :/

      I agree a lot with the whole genuinity (not a word, whatever) point, I think it's very hard to find someone who actually cares, not someone who's looking desperately for a friend or in a lot of cases, a stepping stone to popularity. I think about that a LOT, and I've unconsciously grown distant from the "friends" I have that I realize don't really care for me, even though I honestly care for them. You want to know what I have left? My immediate family, one best friend, and a boyfriend.

      This brings me to my boyfriend/girlfriend point. I definitely believe a lot of elementary/middle/sometimes even high school couples aren't, well, genuine. I think a lot of them are in love with love, and they probably shouldn't be claiming to be in love with their boyfriend/girlfriend. And I also think that it's probably too young in the elementary/middle range to date, because broken hearts at that age, that would really screw a person up. I do think it's genuine to want someone to care for you, though, and if labeling that person as your boyfriend or girlfriend is necessary to make it happen, then fine. I'm not afraid to say, I've been dating a guy for sixth months, and when he said he loved me I totally believed him and I do believe I love him back. In ten years I might think back and regret it, but in ten years, there's the small chance we'll be getting married. Wow, I got pretty off topic. I just wanted to make it clear there's nothing wrong (in my opinion) with wanting to be wanted.

      I've got those conflicting emotions, too, it stinks doesn't it! I'm only crazy around my close friends because I'm too scared that others will think I'm insane (which I am :P).

      I love you too girl!!!

      That was an awesome post, and my reply was not half as awesome as it BUT I'm posting it anyways.

      posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    • Alyssa- is sorry for all the inactivity...  I'm super busy
      Save Changes Cancel

      lol thanks guys i didnt think this was very good!! thanks for your advice and encoargement (cant spell lol)
      @ Kathryn- thanks at first i felt kinda awkward but now i feel welcomed into the YWG family :)
      @Daria- I hope you and your guy the best and i love you too- im glad i have so much in common with alot of the people in this group :D

      posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    • Daria
      Save Changes Cancel

      Thanks, and I know, right? When I first came here I was so surprised about how perfect this group was for me.

      posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    • Alyssa- is sorry for all the inactivity...  I'm super busy
      Save Changes Cancel

      Yeah its like it was meant to be lol

      posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
  • Chloe: Alons-y!

    Chloe: Alons-y! (edited)

    Save Changes Cancel

    My tea tastes yummy:)

    Teapot teapot why are you
    Screeching
    Just be quiet and brew

    Teapot teapot tip your spout
    Tea
    Cannot be drunk without

    Teapot teapot hurry, please
    Or
    I am sure to become deep-freeze

    Oh, this is fun:D

    posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    show 4 replies
  • Kayleigh

    Kayleigh (edited)

    Save Changes Cancel

    The universe. It is just full to the brim with different ideas opinions and italljuststartstoruntogetherandyouwanttoscreamandtearthemapart.
    Peace. Quiet. Sometimes it's just easier to believe. You don't have to watch your back, because the world is. But i want to be different. Who says that who I am is not speial, is not perfect for me and no one else. I will be me and I will not bow down to what others say I must be. I will not be the same, and that itself will make me different. I will not be the sheep that blindly follows. I will be the bird that soars through the sky.
    My personality is unique and I will rise above and seperate

    me.

    And
    The
    World.

    posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    show 4 replies
  • Chloe: Alons-y!
    Save Changes Cancel

    I guess I can post this here:b
    I woke up and I was thinking about how sometimes personalities don't match appearances. Yah, yah, don't judge a book by it's cover.... I was thinking about how sometimes super funny, outgoing, sporty personalities, are matched up with a body that makes it so nobody sees past it to get to their personality. Then, I started thinking about what kind of body I belong in; blonde, brunette, red-head, ginger, skinny, average-weight, fat, tall, short, etc. I automatically thought: red-head, skinny, tall, blue eyes. Because that's what I am. But I thought, well, am I really?
    I got so confused because I couldn't find a body image for myself that wasn't stereotyped. I kept thinking, and I finally came to the conclusion that your personality doesn't have anything to do with your body! Some people try to make that connection, i.e goth/emo people using piercings, hair dye, and tattoos. Some people use tattoos to 'express themselves' but it looks to me like they're trying to make everyone else SEE their personality.
    I also figure that we use clothes, hair, and accessories to 'show our personality' but it really doesn't matter. How you look is unrelenting to their personality. Grr. This is hard to put into words. Well, do you get what I'm saying?!?!
    Popular girls are stereotyped by name-brand clothes, perfect hair, and boyfriends, while nerdy girls are stereotyped by glasses, straigt- A's, and backpacks. But those two girls personalities are sometimes the same. NO because who you hang out with influences you personality. This is making my head hurt:/ This personality vs. image thing involves too many components.
    If you guys figure it out, let me know:)

    posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
  • Sydney "I've never seen a city life so clear. I smile as you whisper in my ear."
    Save Changes Cancel

    Well, hi. I'm pretty sure I've done WWP before, but I'm going to do it again anyways. Because times change, and people change, and that's the way it is. Anyways, as you all know, my name is Sydney. I'm almost thirteen years old, I have light brown hair that is insanely curly and falls to my shoulders, chocolate brown eyes that people always tell me are so lovely, and I'm about five feet tall. I have many freckles, I don't think I'm terribly skinny (I weigh 90 pounds), I have two ear piercings on each ear, and I'm a triplet. There, got my physical appearance out of the way. On the outside, I seem like a perfectly normal, happy girl. I am happy. But things aren't like they used to be, and I don't like it. I miss the way things were when I was five. I felt like I could express myself in absolutely every way. Now I find myself thinking, "did I sound stupid?". I don't have a large amount of friends, but I'm friendly nonetheless. Actually, I have a ton of FRIENDS, but only a few people I can really talk to without regretting anything. And trust me, I have a lot to talk about. I'm a bit insecure, though nothing a "you're beautiful" from someone who isn't family could fix. I'm not always myself. Honestly, I'm rather frightened of being myself, because I don't know if anyone really knows what myself is. Well, I do. And soon you will too. I think I've been born in the wrong time period. I love the fifties. I adore vintage dresses and other things, and I'm outgoing. I love randomness. If everything in the world was random, I would be so happy. I play guitar, but most people know that. I want to sing. More accurately, I want to be able to sing. I'm pretty sure I sound like a beached whale. I'm so afraid of death. Or oblivion. I'm really not sure which one of the two I am afraid of. I think I'm more afraid of leaving behind everything and everyone I know and love for someplace that I can't even name. I constantly wonder about what happens when we die. Is it over? Are we just ... done? Oblivion. I don't want to die. But if I do die, I want to be able to look down and see who remembers me. See if any of you noticed, or posted. If my family and friends are crying. Everything. Unfortunately, the universe's greatest harmartia is that it won't let us. And I hate that. I'm obsessed with a lot of things. House of Anubis. Writing. Music. I don't know how to not be obsessed. I can't stop thinking about House of Anubis. Or love. I love love. But I've never been in love. I want to go to London so bad. Like, you don't even know just how bad I want to go to London. And someday I will go. I'm a writer. I was born to be a writer, I know I was. I've won writing contests, yes, but I don't believe that's what defines you as a good writer. A good writer is someone who not only pleases audiences and readers, but pleases themselves. Someone who writes for the love of writing, not money. Someone who lives and breathes writing. That's a true writer, and that's a good writer. And therefore I am a good writer. I think every one of you are too. I know I've said this before, but I love you guys, and I seriously think some of you are my literal best friends. My sisters think it's ridiculous, being friends with people you've never met. I think it's perfectly acceptable. I do know you guys. I really do, and we really are friends. Honestly, you help me through tough times. I know that if we met, it wouldn't be like meeting a stranger. It would be like being reunited with a family member after a long time. I truly believe that. I'm not only a writer, but I'm a reader. I adore books like The Fault in Our Stars, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and Harry Potter. I think everyone should read Harry Potter, but that's only natural. For those who don't, I regret that you won't have the magic in your lives that I have in mine. I'm a bit like Harry, but not entirely. My dad isn't here. I won't tell you where he is (I don't tell anyone that), but he's not here. I talk to him on the phone, but it's not enough. I want to be able to say goodnight when he's hanging over my bed, not speaking through a phone. But times change, and people change, and that's the way it is.

    posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    show 10 replies
    • Chloe: Alons-y!
      Save Changes Cancel

      This is beautiful Sydney:) I love your description of being a good writer, and Congrats on winning writing contests:) My dad isn't here either, I only get to see him once a year which is possibly more than you, so I'm sorry:( I agree, saying 'goodnight' over the phone is not good enough, I also love your little 'Times change, people change' thing:)

      posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    • Kathryn
      Save Changes Cancel

      AAAGGGHH!!!! MOG, this is just like me! :) I was hesitant to actually join groups on Shelfari, as for some reason I'm kind of scared of actually doing things on the internet and stuff, but I'm so glad I did. I'm finding people who are just like me. It makes me so happy! :)

      posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )
    • Daria
      Save Changes Cancel