My brother was saved by AA, he was drunk for his entire adult life until he got slammed for a DUI, now he is the biggest fan of AA and we are all grateful for that program. My son had, I guess still has addictions, but he has been clean and sober for 2 years because in addition to the 12 steps he went for counseling and did a lot of work on healing and changed the way he deals with issues. I wish AA was a 13 step program, the 13th being counseling for the root of the problems. My brother said he couldn't stay sober without the meetings, my son hasn't been to meetings for a year and a half and is doing great. I think the difference was the counseling. This very discussion creates fights in the family, my brother thinks counseling is a crutch, which apparently is how a lot of his fellow 12 step members feel.
If you are interested in reading about addiction Gabor Mate, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts is excellent. My son read it twice.
People have to want to heal though, and some are too attached to their pain. I lost my other son 5 months ago today to an OD. He had the very same counselor and outpatient program as my son but wouldn't do the work. My step-son had all the risk factor to grow into a needle using addict including death of a parent as a child so he had a lot more work to do than his step-brother.
All you can do is meet your friend where he is, love him and wish him well, but you can't stay in that kind of relationship. You are a wise woman, Auntie.
posted 1 year ago. ( permalink )