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  If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."

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  SO WHAT DO U THINK ?

  Nana started this discussion 5 years ago. ( reply | permalink )

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  geetha 

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  My worry is that if I let them go and if they return, I may not want them back again...
  

  posted 5 years ago. ( permalink )

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    shakiba66643931 

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    don't worry dear geetha.because you were not in love with them!! but what it says begins with "IF"! so...
    

    posted 5 years ago. ( permalink )

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  khabira 

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  Well, we turned that phrase in the 60's and I have always found it to be true. If they come back to you they will know their heart much better and be at peace with commitment. If they come back and you leave, then it is not a right relationship for you and you need to move on. You never keep anything by clutching onto it. It is a question of suffocating what you want. You must always be willing to give the freedom you would want.

  posted 5 years ago. ( permalink )

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  Himani Sharma 

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  hahha......very true geetha.....meanwhile we get the the enough time to test if we really might have wanted tht person in our life or not.....so if they come back we can exactly figure out....want them or not..??

  posted 5 years ago. ( permalink )

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    Dr. J. G. 

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    Safer to figure it out when someone walks away - and close the door softly but firmly, though no need to go about declaring it.

    posted 4 years ago. ( permalink )

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  ghost of a rose 

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  Is anybody ever really ours? Can we own another person? I would say no. Nobody is ever ours. Even our children do not belong to us, but are only given into our care for a while.

  posted 5 years ago. ( permalink )

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    Lopsided 

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    I agree. We are each our own persons and no one can own our thoughts and emotions. If we choose to be with someone, or vice versa, by our own free will, there is a lot more meaning and commitment behind that than staying out of feeling obligated or expected to.

    posted 4 years ago. ( permalink )

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    khabira 

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    Well good evening everyone
    Since I am the " old crone" her I will say that in the 60's when we really used that phrase a lot, we didn't mean really yours in the way you would think of ownership today. The irony is that commitment was not something we did back then. And it is still hard for many of us. So if you can't commit you can't own. We said it a lot to ourselves as we walked away. It was a kind of mantra. Does that make any sense?

    posted 4 years ago. ( permalink )

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    Dr. J. G. (edited)

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    There is generally much misunderstanding about "belonging" when it is about people, rather than inanimate objects. People do not belong in the same sense, but if you do not "belong" together it is not a relationship really. Even children yes, you do not own them but have the duty to protect and guide and care and provide, and privilege to love them.
    
    As for the whole topic of the discussion, when someone leaves you are free to close the door rather than expect and wait and hurt yourself over and over, by hoping. For a missing person you wish alive and returned it is one thing - for someone who chose to leave you are entirely entitled to choose yourself first and close the door, even if you love still.
    
    Learn from men who have the healthier lifestyle, in many respects - think shoes (who uses stupid and dangerous high pointed heels? Do you not realise it is demeaning?) and make up (stupid and unhealthy - why does anyone do it?) and more.
    
    So in this respect as well.
    
    If you leave a man he might at best not have ill will towards you but is he going to use that "if she comes back she is mine " crap and wait? Who is kidding whom?!!

    posted 4 years ago. ( permalink )

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  Doris T 

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  I think that it means that you give people the freedom to make choices. If they are free (because you are not holding on to them) and they make the choice to be with you, then they are there by choice and that's what you want: by choice, not by force.

  posted 4 years ago. ( permalink )

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    khabira 

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    Thank you Doris--my favorite word in the English language:
    
    CHOICE1

    posted 4 years ago. ( permalink )

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  Meghan G 

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  Maybe I'm taking this too literally, but it took me a while to figure out why I'm uncomfortable with this quote. I think it places too much emphasis being inactive, on waiting for others to fix things or come back to you or make decisions.
  
  Now I think it's useful to have this quote in situations where you truly can't do anything; at those times, this quote may bring you peace. However, I'd think of it more as a last resort for when you've already done all you can to make a change, and another person is still unsure--that's when you truly have to "let go." But until that point, be more proactive!

  posted 4 years ago. ( permalink )

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  Karen 

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  Your quote reminded me of the famous, often quoted, line from Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem, Memorium:
  "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

  posted 4 years ago. ( permalink )

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  MS Judy L (edited)

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  In the book I am reading, The Delicacy and Strength of Lace, a book of letters of correspondence between Leslie Marmon Silko & her friend, poet & novelist James Wright - Leslie writes about Spinoza's Ethics.
  "Spinoza says that the human being is a miraculous creature & his miracle consists of his capacity for love. He can love anything from an atom all the way to God. But it is just here, says Spinoza, that the tragic difficulty arises. For man must realize that his capacity for love gives him no right to demand that anyone love him in return. Not anyone. Not even God. I have found that a hard thing to face, but there is something in it that goes beyond pain. Frost wrote ("it must be I want life to go on living.")"
  
  If you love someone let them go knowing you have no right to expect them to return. If they do return, will they even be the same person? I would hope not. I want that one who grows & changes. People who stay the same are boring to me.

  posted 4 years ago. ( permalink )

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  Dr. J. G. (edited)

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  In reply to the original post on this -
  
  Would you advise your brother or son to do that? If not, what are you saying about your own gender?
  
  Gentlemen would let you go - and close the door, gently. Firmly, at best with no ill will - with no thought and no question about your coming back.
  
  No need to model oneself on those that are not gentlemen, of course, though if a woman does that route it is just as much understandable an action as that of any redblooded male.

  posted 4 years ago. ( permalink )

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  Laurie G 

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  On the lighter side I agree with Geetha!
  I do beleive this, but it seems when you are IN the situation, it is sometimes difficult to do. Although the older I get, letting go seems to be getting easier.

  posted 4 years ago. ( permalink )

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