Paul West: Main protaganist. A young English import to a French meat company who must learn his way around lazy co-workers, and french culture, and how to walk in Paris while keeping his trainers clean.
“"Fuck you Mr Darcy," I told the ceiling, "Fuck you, Hugh Grant. How can you expect a Brit to get his end away if you go around being so bloody polite all the time?"”
“Christine phoned around to find out about getting me a carte de sejour... All I had to do was take my passport, work contract, three passport photos, a recent electricity bill and the marriage certificates of any hamsters I'd owned since 1995, all photocopied on to medieval parchment. No problem.”
“"Ah, yes, but you'll notice that before invading the Normandy beaches, all the Americans stopped off in England for a cup of tea."”
“It was, Marie informed me, just one of France's sexual traditions. For instance, they call an overnight bag a 'baise-en-ville' - a 'screw in town' - meaning that it contains just enough for a night of illicit sex.”
“At one committee, Marc suggested that the waiters should all wear bowler hats and carry umbrellas like "Monsieur Stid" in 'Melon Hat and Boots of Laid Air. (Chapeau melon et bottes le cuir - Bowler Hat and Leather Boots' - was the French name for 'The Avengers,' apparently.)"”
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