The... more »
- Dallas, TX, USA
- member since August 19, 2007
Bronte’s last login was Sunday, June 26, 2011.
Thanks for checking in. This school year has been exceptionally busy. Lots of changes and a huge many more demands piled onto the impossible. A lot of my girls have/are reading the Twilight series. Only a couple of kids have been reading Harry potter this year--they aren't to into that. They read a whole slew of different books. I've been reading to them some of the Bluebonnet nominated books. I'm not positive, but I think my kids will be the only students in the school that get to vote on that this year. We just finished reading Someone Named Eva. It is an incredible book. Next up--Number the Stars and A Boy In Striped Pajamas (I have not read that one before, but have heard it is good). Most of my kids want to know more about World War II and the treatment of other people which is why we are going to read those next. Hope you are doing well yourself.
Pertains to Zenith Rising: http://www.shelfari.com/groups/23648/discussions/130349/Shall-Hiss-and-Wag-His-Hand
On horseback? Well I didn't have the pleasure of such a fine experience. That said, I have many wonderful memories of St. Augustine and my time there. Sometimes, I wish I could reply parts of my life...
Thank you for the kind words about the books and if you ever happen upon them in your travels, I'd be honored to hear your thoughts. In any case, warmest regards and happy memories!
I am sorry (feel for you) for the disruption in your family.
I know how such things can be.
Artwork .... SDon't think I knew that.
I am certain you are aware from reading some of my other"interactions" with my "friends" that I went to Pratt. That and my piano are my salvation's.
And writing. Though I need to do that more.
Your fascination with flight is your Da Vinci connection I presume.
I know I'm "answering" you memo in line fashion, forgive me ...
I'm being simplistic today. Perhaps I deceive myself and I am always so.
Not something I think about. I am who and what I am.
But I do not step out of my cave, my forest .... except at night.
The daylight is my own ... to do as I wish .. and most of that has nothing to do with this race. Mostly sunlight. Air. Breezes. Still watching the stray rabbit .. though i do not chase them any longer.
But I go out at night. And that is a different animal. Still withdrawn. But in a different element.
And I collect many things ... as you no doubt have assessed by now ... on many different shelves. Not just "girls" upon shelfari. Though you are not the first one to make such a comment to me. Not to make this such a marathon message, which was not my intent, I thought I was going to be direct to the point ... but I copy you a part of a response I sent to her also ... who made such a comment to me ...
"...As for my so called "friends" list. Yes. There are two of the, what? 60 people listed on my page, that are male.
And I do not speak to them. I should probably just delete them. I probably will after I send this. Why is that? Because I am an Internet stalker of course, this is a silly question.The dungeon master, or whatever the *sshole sonofab*tch was who stalked women, talked them into coming to him, then raped and killed them, keeping their bodies in barrels on his property.
I listen to Loreena (McKennitt) to calm myself after such activities.
That's sarcasm in case you didn't pick it up.
Why are they women?
Because I have absolutely NO use for men. I have no male friends. None, zip, zero, nada. Never have. Ever since I was a very small child. I do not follow pro sports. I think all that yelling and false excitement is total bullsh*t. I do not involve myself in male camaraderie, I do not male bond or "go out with the guys". There are .... eleven guys in my immediate office ... I do not speak to them, go out for a beer with them, do not get invited to their homes for coffee, dinner or barbecues. And I do not do likewise for them. They come to my desk I tell them to ask their question in 20 words or less, not 20 minutes, and then leave.
On the other hand, I find women totally captivating. I always have. I have said that I haven't met a woman that I haven't found something about that was ... engaging. Or positive. And I enjoy speaking to them. I love to watch the way they move. Their smell. They are ... intoxicating. Not as much as Patron ... just different. And the "criteria" that I have on Shelfari is that they have about 15-20% of common listings as I do. That's about as high as I have ever found thus far. So that I have a certain amount in common with them. So that perhaps I CAN get into a conversation or dialog with them. Every one of them does. And of those 60, .... perhaps about ... six respond to me if I attempt to engage them in a conversation.
Two on a regular basis. I am quite certain they are all, as you, quite suspicious of anyone who attempts to do so. ..."
This is all too much information really .... I am certain you are not even interested ... you ...endure or simply tolerate my interference in your day...
... small smile upon you face.
..and another point ... I have been told before by women also that
they "cannot "save" me" ...
Which always makes me smile ... I did not know I wished to be saved ....
I have also been told that I thrive in chaos .. in conflict ... and if it does not exist ... then I will create it ..
I have more belief in that perspective ...
I came to Shelfari to list my collection, and to use it as a resource for others ...
.. it evolved ... No apologizes to anyone for that.
It appears you questioned my recent "civility" towards you.
One of us is reading something out of context.
This is the second time now that you have "suggested" we part out ways.
I don't know if I'd care for a third. I'd seem a fool.
I do not mind honestly, however brutal ... but I do not like to be threatened.
Perhaps it is the animal in me.
Decision, as always, lies with the lady.
Apologizes for the length of the memo.
And if it also appears, "brutal".
We're starting Zenith Rising June 1 (I know you were thinking May, but Moby Dick took us awhile): http://www.shelfari.com/groups/23648/discussions/105903/Zenith-Rising
You know, I meant to add or ask in that last one ....
have I gotten myself "involved" with a for "real" Texas cowgirl?
I mean, you don't go around saying things like "cowboy up", do you?
I'm thinking probably not, cos the martial arts, the skydiving, the archery, ....
so i think I found a fellow adrenaline junkie .... but the "horse" comment
made the hairs on the back of my neck bristle.
Not that there's anything wrong with that ....
Was just the wolf in me I think ...
Caio, Darling ....
Yes, I have altered my display in deference to you.
How does that make you feel, what is your reaction?
"Proud", honored ..."accomplished"?
I can almost see the half smile (of satisfaction?) upon your lips ...
being the woman that you are (or appear to be).
No, you never mentioned that you were so glad you met me ... and still haven't.
It's funny ... it's only two notes ago that you said to me .... "OK, this has gone far enough!" Then your next message states, "OK, I'll admit it. I like you. I (really) like you."
(You have to do that one in your best Sally Fields impression.)
Charming. Amusing. Heard that.
Now you are "so glad" to have met me.
My only response is to smile slyly, sharp glint in my eye and murmur ...
" Come closer, step deeper into the cave, dear child, my lair.
For it is warm and dark. The scent of moss and mushrooms, green lichen glows
from the walls and lights your way. Come closer. You have nothing to fear.
You are safe here, now. Come closer. Closer."
It seemed funny to me, I threw so many (or so I thought) hooks out to you in my last memo, and you swam past them all, just ignoring them.
But as I told you .... it is good you are far. I think.
I listen to your descriptions ...
it all sounds so .... Kubal Khan-ish to me ...
Riding your horse bareback at breakneck speed ... lobbing arrows from your large bow ..
I see your Attila identity ... but I think it more the grandson ...upon the steppes ...
or it has the air of American Indian to it also ... of which you have a touch in your makeup ...
(is there anything of which you do not have a touch???
you seem to be quite the pedigree - mutt!)
And none of this long lost family stuff. (Though it is probably true.)
There will be none of that "kissing your sister" perspective in this relationship.
Unless you're like third, fourth removed.
Sorry, this missive isn't as "clever" as I would want it to me.
I have other matters to attend to these past days. They distract me.
I beg your indulgence please.
I feel somewhat silly.
After I sent my last note to you ... I checked my page .. oh probably seven or eight
(probably really 18) times to see if and how you responded to me.
It felt all so "new relationshipish" ...
(I made up a new word ...I love when I do that ...lets all use it 40,000 times a day
and get it into the dictionary)
As you say is what I often mean ... conotation and tone is misconstrued ... and often harsely so ... so I in particular should be careful. You can see how well that works for me. Or how well I follow it.
Both my paternal grandparents are from Vilnus ...
I grew up listening to stories my father would tell of how his mother and a few of her girlfreinds "bribed" (I don't even want to think of what that word in that context really represents) a guard and crawled across the Russian occupied border ...
she then lived in the Lithuanian community in Brooklyn where she met my grandfather ... but our name is on the walll on Ellis Island ...though I haven't seen it myself ,
I have a neice who has and made the "crayon" copy of it ..
My mother is a true Italian ... My grandmother from Calabria, my grandfather from Sicily ..
since we're talking roots a bit ... makes me only second generation American ..
that makes me not a "true" American according to some, no?
I'll have to look into other history though ... see if I can find other things out ...
I know my great-grandmother in Vilnus was a housekeeper for a man who repeatedly raped her... until finally she murdered him ...
... perhaps that's where the "insanity" streak in my family stems from .. .. ...
... Too much information?
And you know I am into ships? Are you "reading my mail" dear Bronte?
It's funny. I love the tall ships. I love all boats really. But the triple masters the most.
But I am terrified of the ocean.
To be on a cruise ship would be horrifying for me. And if it sank?
This would be my Hell. Rather would I burn. (Which I probably will anyway!)
A gay Oak Ridge Boy truck driver who speaks French?
I don't even want to think about that.
Where do you find them?
Or are they simply draw to you?
God, I like you.
I am very glad I imposed myself upon you.
It is well you are far.
If you were near, I think I would find it difficult to stray.
But it would be a tempestuous relationship, I am certain.
Almost Burton / Taylor-ish ... in a sense.
(I am tempted to say another thing, but I will hold my tongue,
for fear of crossing boundaries again.
But I think you know where I am leading ..... that what is often born
of such turbulent and stormy relationships ....(?))
Instead I will satisfy myself gazing upon the "yoga topped" back of your muse ...
graze my fingers across the soft of her skin ... my teeth gently into the crook of her neck ...
close my eyes in the scent of her hair .... as she lowers her book and gently turns to me ...
(Can't get mad at me for that .... I was talking about the picture ... not you!)
You stated twice that you "liked" me. Dangerous signal.
Charming? I'll take that. They used to call me D'artagnan. Some still do.
My mother thinks l look like a young Robert Goulet. But she's probably just jiving me.
Amusing? I don't know if I like that word. It has an air of ... what word am I looking for dear Bronte? ... being looked down upon to a degree .... as a child ...
Do you see me as a child?
I am not.
Should I do the Pesci thing?
"What? I'm funny? You think I'm funny? Like what? I "amuse" you. Like I'm a clown?!?"
Don't "trust" me?
If you can't be trusted with me, you can't be trusted with anyone.
If you have read anything of what I have written, you know I'm in it for the "hunt".
To stare into the animal's eyes and watch its chest heave. Then smile at it.
And turn away.
Would I be like that with a woman?
Depends upon the woman.
But I have.
Oh, and my French is not where it should be. I was one step way from conversational, and I need to go back so I do not lose it. Then Korean, Mandarin, and I'd like to do some Eastern European also. So I guess I've have to start with Russian. Or so I've been told.
I leave you to your men in kilts and long bows.
I have to apologize ... I meant not to "make you wait" for three days
before I responded to you. I've had a "week".
No doubt you (might have) thought you had me running to the woods, with your rebuff.
Well, no. Sorry.
I don't run.
Photo of you, or not of you ... is of little consequence.
800 lbs and home bound ... nope, don't buy that one either.
Man ??? No again.
But as I said ... it is of little matter.
I also apologize (which I am getting sick of lately ... but that's one of the things I hate about the internet and emails ... the misunderstandings ...
though I know I DO push things sometimes ...)
but I do ... if I offended you with my prior.
"We" were into a bit of a ... "intellectual tryst" .... a fencing ..... or so was my impression ...
and I do so love to fence ... (maybe that's what I'll take up next ... if I survive Kendo ..)
My shelf I started to catalog my possessions ...
it mattered not to me what anyone else thought about what I thought ...
but I will attempt it, as I said. It will require many of them being picked up again ... and reviewed ... which I have absolutely no problem with at all.
..."drag branches behind us " ... have you stumbled upon my "nom de plume ?
or one of them at least?
Obviously not enough branches to cover my tracks though? N'est pas?
I keep different "shelves" for different genres. I don't mix them.
As for People of the Lie.
It is an important story for me. Very personal.
And a true one.
I was standing in a hallway .... (actually .. I think I was doing laundry !!... how romantic ..)
...and you ever have that sensation that someone was either looking at you or just coming right up to you?
I lifted my head ... and there was this redheaded Angel looking right at me ...
coming straight intentionally to me.
The next ...five days .... were terribly intense ... from an intellectual and emotional perspective.
As I learned about her ... and the things that were done to her as a child...
and the various violations she imposed upon herself in order to survive...
I did everything I could to learn about her ... and her afflictions.
And I got very, very angry also.
You see ... I don't know if I have actually walked out of a door yet.
Are people evil, truly? Or merely capable of atrocities, to weaker individuals?
I have no doubt of the sociopath ..but where did it begin ...? born or bred?
I haven't decided. I think perhaps I am afraid of what my answer will be.
I WANT to believe the person is the evil. I think because I want to punish them.
I HATE child molestations.
I hate reading about young girls being kidnapped and raped and murdered.
I have gone to a young woman's wake, her name was Kelsey Smith, because I felt I HAD to do SOMETHING.
I just hate the oppression of the weak. I cannot conceive of how such minds work, that they find themselves capable of such horrors.
And then, I tell myself, well Rick, if you did understand it, perhaps that might mean
you'd be capable of it also? .... No.
But where I'm going is, what I don't want to hear myself say is,
I want to punish these people .... and I cannot.
I guess I come out the ... "love your enemy ...hate the sin, not the sinner .." door.
.... God, I have made my back so tense writing this to you.
I could probably count the number of true fights I have been in on one hand.
I have always thought, that if you resort to violence, it is because you are incapable of winning your argument intellectually.
Though, the rules are ..... (I have to look it up, I paraphrase ..)
head in the dust ....walk away rather than defend,
defend rather than attack,
kill rather than be killed.
That's a terrible rendition of it ... I'll find the correct one ..
Your Kunitz is very good (it's probably the half Lithuanian in him.)
I'll leave you this ...
I Have Not Lingered In European Monosteries
and discovered among the tall grasses tombs of knights
who fell as beautifully as their ballads tell;
I have not parted the grasses
or purposefully left them thatched.
I have not held my breath
so that I might hear the breathing of God
or tamed my heartbeat with an exercise,
or starved for visions.
Although I have watched him often
I have not become the heron,
leaving my body on the shore,
and I have not become the luminous trout,
leaving my body in the air.
I have not worshiped wounds and relics,
or combs of iron,
or bodies wrapped and burnt in scrolls.
Some men would pause and turn away
accepting what they can
with a comfort in their simpler truths,
but I am not that Man.
For I have stared into the Sun
and heard the full Moon moan ..
I found a sea that roared in flame ..
and wade into its foam.
I'd rather drift upon the waves of this unending sea
of dreams of forbidden Angels
of what would never be.
you know .. that entire bit of nonsense .. didn't respond at all to what you asked ...
just me muttering ....
to respond to what you asked ....
I was ... in an ... OK .. institution ....
and I met a woman there .. it was all very "fire and rain" ish ....
she was deadly beautiful, red haired, pale white skin ..... I LOVE redheads ....
we had the most intense relationship that two people could imaginably
have over a 30 day period ...
but such things happen ... in such surroundings ....
she suffers from Anorexia, and is a cutter ...
and is a survivor of childhood incest ....
I read such books to understand her more ...
though now ... she will not speak to me at all ... (can you blame her?)
because our relationship threatens her marriage ....
anyway ... I'm still not answering the question ... what did I think of the book ?
Nothing .. too opinionated.
I am trying to understand a woman.
Or Women perhaps ...
I don't know ... I don't know if you feel this also.. probably not .. but you have made me smile many times these last few days ... and I have "known" you but only a few ...
we "fence"a bit ...you and I ... or so I feel ...
you have a wit ... you would make a good companion ...
so ... to carry on ...
a few things ...
and I know I threaten Chaney again by saying this ....
but ..... ... ... .... .... ....
the "camisole" is back ... (or "yoga tank" if you prefer)....
can I take this as your acceptance of my saying that I was lost gazing into the curves of your back ... wondering what the scent of your hair might be this night... as it changed one evening to another ... depending upon your mood ...
I know ... I transgress ... you lead me ...
or as I said ... we fence .. don't change it ... please
you picked a .... very special book .....
I do not know what else to call it .....
people of the lie ...
I read this because ...
do you really want to know the truth ???
Oh, believe me, I am not giving you up.
You are quite compelling.
I had only thought, that I ... repelled you.
I have a tendency sometimes, since I speak so little in the "real" world
to speak a bit too much here in this ... ethereal one.
I accept your honestly ... I accept your ... candor ...
and I accept and respect your sense of humor.
You make me wish I knew / could know you .. face to face.
I bet you would be a h*ll of a companion over a bottle of Patron.
It was just too much, after gazing upon your back for so long ... and I gazed upon it often (I'm flirting now ...in case you couldn't tell ...) to stare into the glaring eyes of Chaney... so now I am being candid with you.
Attlia the Hun .. well.. when I was on the floor of the exchange in NY ..
they called me "Maddog".
I feel you have challenged me though to write reviews of the books I have listed.
So I will undertake this ... near Herculean task ....
But no, I will not give you up, nor seek to look upon you, or your shelf, from afar ...
my handspringing friend ...
and if what you seek (that's probably too strong a word) is to understand me ...
good luck with that ...
but you have made me smile often these last few days ...