In the late 1960s, the author spent nearly two years on the ward for teenage girls at McLean Hospital, a renowned psychiatric facility. Her memoir encompasses horror and razor-edged perceptions, while providing vivid portraits of her fellow patients and their keepers. "Searing ... captures an... read more
Susanna Kaysen, an eighteen-year-old in April of 1967, agrees to enter McLean Hospital, a residential psychiatric facility in Massachusetts. Although she plans to stay only a few weeks, Kaysen remains at McLean for nearly two years. The doctor who forcefully advocates her committal to a mental... read more (warning: may contain spoilers)
“Scar tissue has no character. It's not like skin. It doesn't show age or illness or pallor or tan. It has no pores, no hair, no wrinkles. It's like a slipcover. It shields and disguises what's beneath. That's why we grow it; we have something to hide.”
“Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It's you or me amplified.”
“I think many people kill themselves simply to stop the debate about whether they will or they won't”
“It was a spring day, the sort that gives people hope: all soft winds and delicate smells of warm earth. Suicide weather.”
“I had an inspiration once. I woke up one morning and I knew that it was my task to swallow fifty asprin.It was my task:my job for the day”
“Suicide is a form of murder— premeditated murder. It isn’t something you do the first time you think of doing it. It takes some getting used to. And you need the means, the opportunity, the motive. A successful suicide demands good organization and a cool head, both of which are usually incompatible with the suicidal state of mind. It’s important to cultivate detachment. One way to do this is to practice imagining yourself dead, or in the process of dying. If there’s a window, you must imagine your body falling out the window. If there’s a knife, you must imagine the knife piercing your skin. If there’s a train coming, you must imagine your torso flattened under its wheels. These exercises are necessary to achieving the proper distance. The debate was wearing me out. Once you've posed that question, it won't go away. I think many people kill themselves simply to stop the debate about whether they will or they won't. Anything I thought or did was immediately drawn into the debate. Made a stupid remark—why not kill myself? Missed the bus—better put an end to it all. Even the good got in there. I liked that movie—maybe I shouldn’t kill myself. In reality, it was only part of myself I wanted to kill: the part that wanted to kill herself, that dragged me into the suicide debate and made every window, kitchen implement, and subway station a rehearsal for tragedy."”
“It’s a mean world. There’s nobody to take care of you out there.”Lisa
“When you’re sad, you need to hear your sorrow structured into sound.”
“If I who was previously revolting am now this far from my crazy self, how much further are you who were never revolting, and how much deeper your revulsion?”Susanna Kaysen
“I wanted to be going on alone to my future.”Susanna Kaysen
“There is thought, and then there is thinking about thoughts, and they don’t feel the same.”Susanna Kaysen
“You can spend another half a minute suspended between two realms of consciousness: the one that knows that you aren’t moving and the one that feels you are. You can flit back and forth between these perceptions and experience a sort of mental vertigo. And if you do this, you are treading on the ground of craziness—a place where false impressions have all the hallmarks of reality.”Susanna Kaysen
“I saw myself, quiet correctly, as unfit for the educational and social systems.”Susanna Kaysen
“As far as I could see, life demanded skills that I didn’t have.”Susanna Kaysen
“What would have been an appropriate level of intensity for my anger at being shut out of life? My classmates were spinning their fantasies for the future: lawyer, ethnobotanist, Buddhist monk (it was a very progressive high school). Even the dumb uninteresting ones who were there to provide “balance” looked forward to their marriages and their children. I knew I wasn’t going to have any of this because I knew I didn’t want it. But did that mean I would have nothing?”Susanna Kaysen
“Emptiness and boredom: what an understatement. What I felt was complete desolation. Desolation, despair, depression.”Susanna Kaysen
“I didn’t say anything—I’d learned not to discuss my doubts.”Susanna
“One moment made to stand still and to stand for all the other moments, what ever they might be or might have been. What life can recover from that?”Susanna
This book deals with some tough themes of mental health. Some violence, language and sexual content. Suicide is also discussed and may be a difficult subject for some.
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