Lean Mean Thirteen (2007) (edit title/settings)

Ridiculously Simplified Synopsis edit

Write a ridiculously simplified synopsis.

Summary edit see section history

Characters edit see section history

• Stephanie Plum: Bounty Hunter working for Vinnie Plum and heroine of the novels. Not the greatest in the world, admits that a lot of her captures are more due to luck than anything else. Lives with her hamster Rex. Has an on again off again relationship with Joe Morelli. Describes herself as being 5'7, having blue eyes and curly brown hair. Is infamous for destroying cars, and not always her car either. Described as the Bounty Hunter from Hell by cops
• Joseph "Joe" Morelli: Trenton PD vice cop and Stephanie's on again off again boyfriend. Has a Ducati and later on a big orange dog named Bob. Described as being 6 feet of hard lean Italian muscle with dark hair and dark eyes and in the words of Stephanie "Yum". Would like to marry Stephanie, on the provision that she quit being a bounty hunter. Calls Stephanie Cupcake.
• Carolos "Ranger" Manoso: Bounty Hunter who works for Vinnie, and also owner of his own security consulting firm in later novels. And also later a romantic interest for Stephanie. Formerly Special Forces. Two months older than Stephanie and described as being 6 feet or a few inches under or over. Cuban American with skin the color of a mocha latte, dark hair and dark eyes, always dresses in black, very muscular with no extra fat on him and also Yum. Say he loves Stephanie in his own way. Always drives very expensive black cars. Full name is Ricardo Carlos Manoso. Got the nickname Ranger in Special Forces. Calls Stephanie Babe. Has an endless supply of brand new black cars with questionable origins.
• Vincent "Vinnie" Plum: Owner of Vincent Plum Bail Bonds. Stephanie more or less black mails him into giving her a job. He's Stephanie cousin. Said to have had a romantic relationship with a duck at one time. Described as looking like a weasel.
• Lula: File clerk for Vinnie Plum, though how much filing she does is pretty debatable. Used to be a Hooker and still dresses like it. Is described as being short, plus size with a propensity for spandex. Has a talent for jamming her size sixteen body into size ten clothes. Changes her hair color on a regular basis.
• Dickie Orr: Stephanie's ex-husband that has gone missing. Now back with Joyce.
• Joyce Barnhardt: Stephanie's rival. She caught Dickie and Joyce on her dining room table leading to Trenton's nastiest divorce. Dickie and Joyce are back together.
• Grandma Mazur: Stephanie's crazy grandma. Eccentric. Loves going to funerals.
• Peter Smullen: One of Dickie's law partners.
• Connie Rosolli: Vinnie's office manager. High hair, red lipstick, and very Italian.
• Roland Petiak: One of Vinnie's law partners.
• Bob: Morelli's dog. Big and orange. He eats everything.
• Gorvich: One of Dickie's law partners.
• Simon Diggery: A skip that Stephine is chasing down. Has a tendency to rob graves. He also does taxes on the side.
• Stewart Hansen: A skip that Stephanie is tracking down.
• Marty Gobel: A cop that has to interview Stephanie for Dickie's disappearence.
• Ziggy Zabar: accountant at the Law Firm of Smullen, Petiak, Gorvick and Orr.
• Hal: One of Ranger's Merry Men. Described as a stegasaurus.
• Pierre "Tank": Ranger's right hand man who has an on/off thing with Lula. Described by Lula as a prehistoric monster in bed.
• Ella: Ranger's housekeeper. Adds character to Ranger's apartment with flowers, key bowls, etc
• Brett: Works for Ranger
• Rufus Caine: middle-management pharmaceuticals aka drug dealer
• Binkie: New guy working for Ranger
• Frank Plum: Stephanie's dad. Retired from post office. Now drives a taxi part time.
• Myra Kellner: a Burg citizen. Her tombstone was a familiar in the cemetery.
• Rita: Add a description of this character.
• Rex: Stephanie's pet hamster and her best friend.
• Coglin: An unusual taxidermist.
• Milton Buzick
• Uncle Mickey
• Melvin Pickle
• Cynthia Hawser
• Manny
• Norman Wolecky
• Great-Aunt Ethel
• Jeremy
• Bill Diggery: One of Stephanie's FTA who robs graves.
• Randy Sklar
• Tank: Ranger's second in command.
• Eddie Aurelio
• C. J. SLOAN
• Jean Newman
• Targa
• Dave
• Harry Slesnik
• Victor Gorvich
• Lorraine Birnbaum
• Dillon Rudick
• Caesar
• Rudy
• Valerie: Stephanie's sister.
• Elmer
• Blackie: The "cat" Grandma receives as a gift.
• Zook
• JANET EVANOVICH: Author of the Stephanie Plum, Bounty Hunter, books.
• Mario Rizzi
• Loretta Rizzi

Quotes edit see section history

• “Babe, you've destroyed a car, burned down two buildings, stapled a guy's nuts, and you have sixteen stitches in your leg. Take a night off. Have a glass of wine, watch some television, and go to bed early.”

  Ranger

• “Morelli's house was a destination for him. Ranger's apartment felt like part of his journey.”

  Stephanie Plum (thoughts)

• “We were in such a rush to get out of the house, I forgot I was holding this here mutant rodent" Lula said. "It doesn't look like a third eye" I said to her. "It looks like a switch. Maybe this is a mechanical rodent." Lula pushed the switch and studied it. "It's making a noise. It's sort of ticking. It's..." BANG. The squirrel exploded. We both shrieked. I jumped the curb and sideswiped a streetlight. "What the fuck?" Lula said. "Are you okay?" "No, I'm not okay. That squirrel just friggin' blew hisself apart on me. I got squirrel guts on me."”

  Stephanie and Lula

• “Joyce fidgeted with the hat. "It's cold out. Everyone wears a hat in this weather." Especially everyone who has beaver fur stuck to their hair.”

  Stephanie Plum

• “I felt comfortable that she wouldn't have to shoot anyone because Lula, holding her big Glock, dressed in her Sasquatch boots, poison-green tights, and matching spandex mini skirt, topped off with a shocking-pink rabbit fur jacket, was enough to make a strong man faint.”

  Stephanie Plum

• “He backed me against the wall, leaned into me, and kissed me. His tongue touched mine, and I felt my fingers involuntarily curl into his shirt as heat rushed through my stomach and headed south. He broke from the kiss and looked down at me with a suggestion of a smile. Just a slight curve to the corners of his mouth. "That's an advance on services I provide" he said. He grabbed his jacket and left.”

  Stephanie (about Ranger)

• “That's some outfit you got on" Elmer said to Joyce. "I bet you put out." "Behave yourself" Joyce said. "And you got a nice pair of melons there. Are they real?" Joyce smacked Elmer on the head and his toupee flew off and landed on the table in front of my mother. She jumped in her seat and beat the toupee to death with the empty wine bottle.”

  Dinner at the Plum house

• “I cleaned my plate and looked over at the tray. No dessert. Ranger never ate dessert. Another reason I couldn't marry Ranger. That and the fact he didn't see marriage as an option.”

  Stephanie Plum

• “Heck, when I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school. I mean, you don't know the water's over your head until you jump in, right?”

  Stephanie Plum

• “'No, I'm not okay. That squirrel just friggin' blew hisself apart on me. I got squirrel guts on me.'”

  Lula

• “I've been asked by the boss not to wear a suit. I look like a casino pit boss when I wear a suit. I don't inspire trust.”

  Morelli

• “No thanks. I already did my time with Dickie. I'll take my chances with the flamethrower.”

  Stephanie Plum

• Popular Highlights from Kindle Customers

• She was a stabilizing influence on the family. She was the representative of accepted social behavior. She was the guardian of our health and security. She was the bran muffin that allowed us to be jelly doughnuts.

  Highlighted by 18 Kindle customers

• “It isn’t diamonds that’s a girl’s best friend. It’s a .9mm Glock.”

  Highlighted by 16 Kindle customers

• Women grow up wary, and men grow up thinking they’re immortal.

  Highlighted by 16 Kindle customers

• One time, I got drunk and got Eisenhower tattooed on my balls, but now he looks like Orville Redenbacher.”

  Highlighted by 13 Kindle customers

• “Babe, you’ve destroyed a car, burned down two buildings, stapled a guy’s nuts, and you have sixteen stitches in your leg. Take a night off. Have a glass of wine, watch some television, and go to bed early.”

  Highlighted by 11 Kindle customers

• SLEEP IS VERY strange stuff. One minute you don’t know anything, and then you’re awake and life starts over.

  Highlighted by 7 Kindle customers

• I caught you porking that pig on my dining room table fifteen minutes before I filed for divorce, you scum-sucking, dog-fucking lump of goose shit.”

  Highlighted by 7 Kindle customers

• I know what to do with a man. You get them undressed, and they’re all basically the same. Scrotum and ego. If you stroke them, they’re happy.

  Highlighted by 6 Kindle customers

• I mean, you don’t know the water’s over your head until you jump in, right?

  Highlighted by 5 Kindle customers

• “Whoever invented Costco knew what they were doing,” Lula said. “I don’t know what I’d do without my Costco membership. Sometimes, I even buy shit there. Costco’s got everything. You can buy a casket at Costco.”

  Highlighted by 5 Kindle customers

Setting & Locations edit see section history

• Trenton
• The Burg
• Costco

First Sentence edit see section history

Series & Lists edit see section history

Preceded by Twelve Sharp, and followed by Fearless Fourteen.

Authors & Contributors edit see section history

1. Janet Evanovich (Author)

First Edition edit see section history

Classification edit see section history

• Library of Congress: Add the Library of Congress Classification.
• Dewey: 813.54

Notes for Parents edit see section history

Add a note to help parents select a book for a child.

Subjects edit see section history

• Books › Mystery & Thrillers › Authors, A-Z › ( E ) › Evanovich, Janet
• Books › Mystery & Thrillers › Mystery › Women Sleuths
• Books › Literature & Fiction › Comic

Books with Additional Background Information edit see section history