Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank (2006) (edit title/settings)

Ridiculously Simplified Synopsis edit

Write a ridiculously simplified synopsis.

People edit see section history

• Sophie: Add a description of this character.
• Midge
• Montel
• Alan
• Hilary Duff
• Dr. Phil: Television counselor
• Larry
• Ken
• Lisa
• Mommy
• Howard Johnson
• Bennett
• Linda
• Ms. Duyser
• Marlena

Quotes edit see section history

• “"(P.S. What the hell is a Barista? This is America, you idiots, call them what they are: Counter Help)"”

• Popular Highlights from Kindle Customers

• Look, martyrdom’s overrated. If you resent it, stop the hell doing it.

  Highlighted by 13 Kindle customers

• When did this happen? Who decided that my six-year-old should dress like a Vegas showgirl? And one with an abundance of anger issues at that?

  Highlighted by 11 Kindle customers

• My daughter and her friends are under the delusion that they’re tiny passengers on an invisible cruise ship, and we moms are the cruise directors.

  Highlighted by 11 Kindle customers

• We could all take a lesson from men, if you ask me. Because no matter how slack a dad is, if he does the least little thing, people gush over him.

  Highlighted by 10 Kindle customers

• I hope you won’t take this the wrong way—you, the mom on the cell phone flipping your check card to your kid so she can buy the jeans that say SPANK ME on them—but you’re going down, bitch. No, really. I’m taking you out, putting you on notice, slapping some sense into your sorry ass.

  Highlighted by 10 Kindle customers

• For reasons that I don’t come close to understanding, I have noticed that, the older I get, the more often I am prone to lapse into a pathetic middle-aged-white-woman attempt at rapper cool when extremely frustrated.

  Highlighted by 8 Kindle customers

• Carbohydrates, from the Latin, carbo which means “yummy” and hydrates which means “cinnamon bun,” are not something I can eliminate or even drastically cut back on.

  Highlighted by 8 Kindle customers

• I told her I’d rather have a threesome with Chip ’n’ Dale than cook on vacation, but to each her own.

  Highlighted by 7 Kindle customers

• I’m not sure what jojoba is, but I’m pretty sure I don’t want it anywhere near my noonie.

  Highlighted by 6 Kindle customers

• I say “formerly Catholic” because, as we all know, Tom Cruise is a huge Scientologist, and he likes his women like his coffee, hot and full of beans just like him.

  Highlighted by 5 Kindle customers

Setting & Locations edit see section history

• Paris
• Maine
• North Carolina

Table of Contents edit see section history

Authors & Contributors edit see section history

1. Celia Rivenbark (Author)

First Edition edit see section history

Classification edit see section history

• Library of Congress: Add the Library of Congress Classification.
• Dewey: 814.6

Notes for Parents edit see section history

adult humor

Subjects edit see section history

• Books › Entertainment › Humor › Essays