Celia Rivenbark’s essays about life in today’s South are like caramel popcorn---sweet, salty, and utterly irresistible Celia Rivenbark is a master at summing up the South in all its glorious excesses and contradictions. In this collection of screamingly funny essays, you’ll discover: * How... read more
“"(P.S. What the hell is a Barista? This is America, you idiots, call them what they are: Counter Help)"”
Look, martyrdom’s overrated. If you resent it, stop the hell doing it.Highlighted by 13 Kindle customers
When did this happen? Who decided that my six-year-old should dress like a Vegas showgirl? And one with an abundance of anger issues at that?Highlighted by 11 Kindle customers
My daughter and her friends are under the delusion that they’re tiny passengers on an invisible cruise ship, and we moms are the cruise directors.Highlighted by 11 Kindle customers
We could all take a lesson from men, if you ask me. Because no matter how slack a dad is, if he does the least little thing, people gush over him.Highlighted by 10 Kindle customers
I hope you won’t take this the wrong way—you, the mom on the cell phone flipping your check card to your kid so she can buy the jeans that say SPANK ME on them—but you’re going down, bitch. No, really. I’m taking you out, putting you on notice, slapping some sense into your sorry ass.Highlighted by 10 Kindle customers
For reasons that I don’t come close to understanding, I have noticed that, the older I get, the more often I am prone to lapse into a pathetic middle-aged-white-woman attempt at rapper cool when extremely frustrated.Highlighted by 8 Kindle customers
Carbohydrates, from the Latin, carbo which means “yummy” and hydrates which means “cinnamon bun,” are not something I can eliminate or even drastically cut back on.Highlighted by 8 Kindle customers
I told her I’d rather have a threesome with Chip ’n’ Dale than cook on vacation, but to each her own.Highlighted by 7 Kindle customers
I’m not sure what jojoba is, but I’m pretty sure I don’t want it anywhere near my noonie.Highlighted by 6 Kindle customers
I say “formerly Catholic” because, as we all know, Tom Cruise is a huge Scientologist, and he likes his women like his coffee, hot and full of beans just like him.Highlighted by 5 Kindle customers
Part I Kids:
1. There's Always Tomorrow(land)
2. Yo! Yo! Yo! Where Can A Sista Get a Cowgirl Outfit
3. Stop Dressing Your Six-Year Old Like a SKANK
4. Flower(girl) Power
5. Weary Mom to Uppity Teens
6. Hillary Duff & Us
7. Field trip, Fornication & a Shit-Eating Giraffe
8. The One and Done Club
9. Toyland, Joyland
10. Slacker Moms, Unite!
Part II Celebrities:
11. Celebrity Moms
12. Something Stinks
13. Montel's Smoking Weed
14. Reality Bites
15. Does Addiction to Days of Our Lives mean That I Don't Actually Have One?
Part III Vanity Flares:
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