Zoe W edited the table of contents of Autobiography of a Fat Bride Saturday, March 12, 2011.
1. It's Not You, It's Me
2. Super Idiot Girl: The Sad Life and Lonely Times of Princess Enabler
3. You Never Call Me
4. The Good Guy
5. Dog Girl Bites Back
6. The Fat Bride Is Not a Happy Magic Marker
7. Hair of the Dog
8. Dreading the Wedding
9. Naked with a Stranger
10. The Suck of Bridal G-Force
11. Don't Drink the Kool-Aid
12. Dead Bride Walking
13. "If You Get Divorced Within a Year, You Owe Your Father $35.78 a Dinner Times Two Hundred": Words of Wisdom on My Wedding Day
14. It Takes Guts
15. Grin and Bare It
16. I Think at Night It Flies
17. Sweet Ride
18. Marathon Man
19. My Poor Sister
20. Following Instructions
21. The M&M, the Bee, and the Man Baby
22. Burning the Bra
23. The Lonely, Brown House
24. Erica's Moving Adventure
25. The Squatter
26. A Pound of Flesh
27. Home Sweat Home
28. Spooky Little Girl Like You
29. The Little King
30. What's on That Dog's Butt?
31. Red Mice
32. The Hands of Death
33. The Slattern's Blue Panties
34. White Noise, White Soap, and Man Desire: Marriage Advice from Two Mean Girls
35. As Time Goes By
36. Enough with the Love: Aberrant Tales of an Absolutely and Completely Normal Family (as Told to My Therapist)
37. Jingle Hell
38. The Dead Zone
39. Peace, You Stupid Asshole
40. My Mother, My Self, My God
41. It Only Says That on the Box
42. The Craft Toothbrush
43. The Littlest Operative
44. You Make Me Sick
45. Big Black Bastard
46. Boys and Girlas
47. Pissing Off the Pee Taker
48. What Drugs Can Do to a Family
49. You Have Already Been Preapproved for a Decline
50. Tiger Woods Doesn't Know Where I Live
51. I Think Someone Forgot About My Needs
52. Queen Bee
53. Thirty-fffff
54. Walk All Over You
55. Acknowledgments