You Suck (2007) (edit title/settings)

Ridiculously Simplified Synopsis edit

Write a ridiculously simplified synopsis.

Characters/People edit see section history

• Tommy Flood: Jody's boyfriend, writer, works the night shift with the Animals. Jody has turned him into a vampire.
• Jody: Tommy's girlfriend, a red-haired vampire
• Abby Normal: aka Abigail Von Normal minion to Jody and Tommy, dayslave name is Allison Green
• Jared White Wolf: Friend of Abby
• Alphonse Rivera: An investigator paired with Cavuto
• Nick Cavuto: An investigator paired with Rivera
• Elijah Ben Sapir: An ancient vampire who turned Jody
• Barry: One of the Animals (a group of Tommy's friends who work the night shift at Safeway)
• Clint: One of the Animals, born again Christian
• Troy Lee: Asian, one of the Animals
• Lash: One of the Animals
• Gustavo: One of the Animals, married.
• Drew: One of the Animals
• The Emperor of San Francisco: A homeless guy who everyone knows
• Bummer: The Emperor's Boston terrier
• Lazarus: The Emperor's golden retriever
• William: Homeless man and owner of Chet, the huge cat
• Chet: A large shaved cat in a red shrunken sweater.
• David: Add a description of this character.
• Pippi Longstocking: Admired by Abby
• Ronnie
• Byron
• James
• Monet: A statue street performer.
• Steve Wong: An Asian student who wants to "experiment" on vampires. Aka "Foo dog".
• Blue: A hooker painted blue, hired by the Animals while in Vegas.
• Francis Stroud: Jody's mother. They do not get along.

Quotes edit see section history

• “Finding her boyfriend tied naked to an upright bed frame, covered in blood, with a dead, blue dominatrix at his feet would be enough to rattle some women's confidence in the stability of their relationship.”

  Jody

• “"I will not be sexually harassed by the entree""Something you ate isn't agreeing with you?"”

  Jody and Tommy

• Popular Highlights from Kindle Customers

• I will slap you so far into next week that it will take a team of surgeons just to get Wednesday out of your ass.

  Highlighted by 17 Kindle customers

• The music coming from inside sounded like robots fucking. And complaining about it. In rhythmic monotone. European robots.

  Highlighted by 13 Kindle customers

• With the exception of the odd serial killer, and car salesmen who think of them as the perfect unit for measuring trunk space, nobody likes a dead whore. (“Yeah, you can get five-maybe six dead hookers in this baby.”)

  Highlighted by 11 Kindle customers

• (I am not inclined to use hip-hop vernacular often, but there are times when, like French, it just better expresses the sentiment of the moment.)

  Highlighted by 10 Kindle customers

• “You’re the one with almost an MBA,” Barry, the short balding one, said to Lash. “You should know what to do.” “They don’t cover what to do with a dead hooker,” Lash countered. “That’s a whole different program. Political science, I think.”

  Highlighted by 10 Kindle customers

• Let me say right here, if I haven’t made it clear, that I have seen as many pale, naked old-man parts in the last twenty-four hours to bruise my delicate psyche for a lifetime, so don’t be surprised if you someday find me wandering the moors at midnight, a crazed look in my eye, babbling about albino Tater Tots nesting in Brillo pads and being pursued by sagging man ass, because that shit can happen when you’ve been traumatized.

  Highlighted by 10 Kindle customers

• (I believe hip-hop to be the appropriate language for taunting, at least until I learn French.)

  Highlighted by 9 Kindle customers

• “I’ll bet it smells like peppermint,” Tommy said. “What?” “Elf sex.”

  Highlighted by 8 Kindle customers

• “well, you look like someone pumped about three hundred pounds of cat barf into a cheap suit and gave it a bad haircut.”

  Highlighted by 5 Kindle customers

• Lazarus, normally the calmer of the two, a golden retriever, pranced and leapt at the Emperor’s side as if it might start raining ducks any minute—a recurring nightmare among retrievers.

  Highlighted by 5 Kindle customers

Setting & Locations edit see section history

• San Francisco, California
• San Francisco
• Nebel
• Las Vegas, Nevada
• Lord Flood
• Indiana
• Chinatown
• Berkeley
• Alaska

Organizations edit see section history

• San Francisco Police Department: Add a description of this organization.

First Sentence edit see section history

Table of Contents edit see section history

Series & Lists edit see section history

Preceded by Bloodsucking Fiends, and followed by Bite Me.

Authors & Contributors edit see section history

1. Christopher Moore (Author)

First Edition edit see section history

Classification edit see section history

• Library of Congress: PS3563.O594 Y68 2007
• Dewey: 813.54

Notes for Parents edit see section history

Adult language and themes

Subjects edit see section history

• Books › Literature & Fiction › Genre Fiction › Horror › Vampires
• Books › Literature & Fiction › World Literature › United States
• Books › Literature & Fiction › Women's Fiction › Single Women
• Books › Romance › Vampires
• Books › Literature & Fiction › Contemporary
• Books › Literature & Fiction › Comic

More Books Like This edit see section history