Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang (2010) (edit title/settings)

Ridiculously Simplified Synopsis edit

Write a ridiculously simplified synopsis.

Characters/People edit see section history

• Chelsea Handler: Wild woman extraordinaire!!
• Chelsea: The main character and author.
• Ted: Chelsea's boyfriend. He is also the CEO of the network that airs her show, Chelsea Lately.
• Sloane: Chelsea's older sister.
• Ray: Chelsea's brother
• Greg Handler: Chelsea's brother
• Paul: Chelsea's friend who loves to take pictures and goes along with all of her crazy lies and jokes.
• Wendy: Another black woman, who is vacationing with her friend Faliqua. Chelsea meets them in Turks and Caicos on vacation.
• Dudley: An English bulldog belonging to her gay agent.
• Michael Broussard: her sister Sloane's husband
• Sarah: Chelsea's friend
• Lydia: Chelsea's oldest friend
• Stephanie: Chelsea's friend
• Tom: Chelsea's business partner
• Tanya: A childhood friend of Chelsea's friend, Sarah
• Brad: Chelsea's friend from her show
• John Ritter: Chelsea's agent
• Martha: Add a description of this character.
• Mariana Wallingford: A Real Estate Agent who is trying to sell Chelsea's dad's house.
• Sidney Handler: Chelsea's sister
• Mr. Melvin Handler: Chelsea's father, aka Platypus. All of his kids think he is a giant embarrassment.
• Joey: Lydia's fiancee
• Stacy Silverberg: Chelsea's friend in the third grade.
• Brian: Chelsea's brother. He was nicknamed Delicious by Wendy and Feliqua.
• Chuy: Her midget friend who is on her show, Chelsea Lately, with her.
• Eva Magdalenski: Chelsea's assistant
• Feliqua: A black woman Chelsea meets on vacation
• Jake: Chelsea's attorney
• Poopsie Woopsie: Handlers' cat, who bonded with Chelsea, and dislike her sister Sloane
• Michael: Chelsea and Ted's neighbor. He loves their dog, Chunk.
• Whitefoot: Chelsea's childhood dog
• Sharona: wife of Lionel, who write explaining her terrible time renting Handler's house and repairing appliance and cleaning, and return of her deposit to rent the house.
• Rooster: Chelsea's former lover. A man that she "accidentally fell into bed with several times in her twenties".
• Abigail Breslin: An actress that plays in the movie Definitely, Maybe that Chelsea was watching one afternoon.
• Lionel: husband to Sharona and have terrible time renting the Handler's house for a week.
• Sylvan: Chelsea's driver. She calls him Chocolate Chunk.
• Chunk: Chelsea's dog. It is also Chelsea's nickname for her mother and anyone else she wants to cuddle and squeeze. She calls Sylvan Chocolate Chunk.
• Margaret: Stacy's Jamician housekeeper.
• Kim: Chelsea's friend in third grade.
• Jason Rothstein: next door neighbor to the Handlers and expose himself to Chelsea.
• Mrs. Rothstein: Jason's mother
• Dr. Clara: Chelsea's agent
• Beth: Tom's wife
• Mr. Johnny Kansas: producer on Chelsea's show
• Ivory: Chelsea's friend
• Calypso: drug dealer for entertainers.
• Tanya: Chelsea's friend Sarah's childhood friend
• Paul: Chelsea's gay friend
• Mario
• Large Luke
• Charley
• Maria
• Mrs. Danziger
• Beyoncé
• Tracy
• Jodie Foster
• Tito
• Heather McDonald
• Firouz
• Jeff
• Bruce
• Ms. Handler

Quotes edit see section history

• “Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn his eyebrows off.”

• “I take a morning after pill every day, even if I didn't have sex the day before”

  Chelsea Handler

• Popular Highlights from Kindle Customers

• It’s true what they say about patience being a virtue; it just happens to be a virtue that I choose not to pursue.

  Highlighted by 244 Kindle customers

• “Life is like a box of chocolates,” she told me. “Eat too many and you’ll end up with your father’s tits.”

  Highlighted by 148 Kindle customers

• Chelsea is about two Saturday nights away from being Anna Nicole Smith.”

  Highlighted by 127 Kindle customers

• My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.

  Highlighted by 110 Kindle customers

• When it comes to math or electronics, I am somewhat more advanced than a six-year-old who’s been homeschooled by Levi Johnston.

  Highlighted by 106 Kindle customers

• I would rather sit next to a transgender person and discuss why every single one I’ve met smells like a bar in the daytime than listen to people tell me why I want to have children and that I just don’t know it yet. I do know, because I’m me and my feelings are the ones in my head. I don’t want to have kids, and it’s not a device to get attention or have conversations about it. I simply find children incredibly immature and, more often than not, dumb.

  Highlighted by 101 Kindle customers

• “It doesn’t matter if it’s an outdoor cat. It will still take a shadoobie in the backyard and walk right back in the house all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, like, ‘Hey, what’d I miss?’ I’ll tell you what you missed, you cat, you missed wiping your ass!”

  Highlighted by 93 Kindle customers

• “Why can’t we just get a baby dolphin and I’ll smoke a bunch of pot around it so it doesn’t grow?”

  Highlighted by 88 Kindle customers

• “There’s a reason you never see anyone’s house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they’re not even worth mentioning.”

  Highlighted by 79 Kindle customers

• I’ve found that many of the people who have a passion for karaoke too often have misplaced confidence, which can become aggressive and at times border on sadistic. I know my limits, and karaoke is where I draw the line. I wouldn’t put anyone through the hell of listening to me sing a song, and I sure as shit wouldn’t wait in line to do it.

  Highlighted by 76 Kindle customers

Setting & Locations edit see section history

• Los Angeles
• Hawaii
• Laguna
• New Jersey
• Santa Monica Pier
• Turks and Caicos
• Martha's Vineyard

First Sentence edit see section history

Table of Contents edit see section history

Series & Lists edit see section history

List the series to which this book belongs.

Authors & Contributors edit see section history

1. Chelsea Handler (Author)

First Edition edit see section history

Classification edit see section history

• Library of Congress: PN6231.W6H27
• Dewey: 814.6

Notes for Parents edit see section history

Sex, drugs and other adult behavior.

Subjects edit see section history

• Books › Literature & Fiction › World Literature › United States › Humor
• Books › Entertainment › Humor › Satire, General
• Books › Entertainment › Humor › Satire
• Books › Entertainment › Humor › Essays

Links to Supplemental Material edit see section history

• Author's Website

More Books Like This edit see section history