Social Intelligence (2006) (edit title/settings)

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Characters/People edit see section history

• Richard Davidson: Add a description of this character.
• Kagan
• Pamela
• Asperger
• Brenda
• Buber
• Pettigrew
• Cohen
• Borcherds
• Bob
• Bowlby
• Andre
• Peter
• Brad
• Jill
• Yanowitz
• Martin
• Sonya
• Ekman
• Marie

Quotes edit see section history

• “Some degree of anxiety seems to be a price we pay for true emotional intimacy.”

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• That special connection, Rosenthal has found, always entails three elements: mutual attention, shared positive feeling, and a well-coordinated nonverbal duet.

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• When someone dumps their toxic feelings on us—explodes in anger or threats, shows disgust or contempt—they activate in us circuitry for those very same distressing emotions. Their act has potent neurological consequences: emotions are contagious. We “catch” strong emotions much as we do a rhinovirus—and so can come down with the emotional equivalent of a cold.

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• In short, self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection—or compassionate action.

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• Emotional contagion exemplifies what can be called the brain’s “low road” at work. The low road is circuitry that operates beneath our awareness, automatically and effortlessly, with immense speed.

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• Forthrightness is the brain’s default response: our neural wiring transmits our every minor mood onto the muscles of our face, making our feelings instantly visible. The display of emotion is automatic and unconscious, and so its suppression demands conscious effort. Being devious about what we feel—trying to hide our fear or anger—demands active effort and rarely succeeds perfectly.22

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• The ingredients of social intelligence I propose here can be organized into two broad categories: social awareness, what we sense about others—and social facility, what we then do with that awareness.

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• In today’s psychology, the word “empathy” is used in three distinct senses: knowing another person’s feelings; feeling what that person feels; and responding compassionately to another’s distress. These three varieties of empathy seem to describe a 1-2-3 sequence: I notice you, I feel with you, and so I act to help you.

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• Edgar Allan Poe had an intuitive grasp of this principle. He wrote: “When I wish to find out how good or how wicked anyone is, or what are his thoughts at the moment, I fashion the expression of my face, as accurately as possible, in accordance with the expression of his, and then wait to see what thoughts or sentiments arise in my own mind or heart, as if to match or correspond with the expression.”16

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• Empathy is the prime inhibitor of human cruelty: withholding our natural inclination to feel with another allows us to treat the other as an It.

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• By the time the low road has reacted, sometimes all the high road can do is make the best of things. As the science fiction writer Robert Heinlein wryly noted, “Man is not a rational animal, but a rationalizing one.”

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Setting & Locations edit see section history

• United States
• Kalamazoo
• Dark Triad
• Missouri
• Japan
• Manhattan
• New York City
• Boston
• Paris

First Sentence edit see section history

Table of Contents edit see section history

Glossary edit see section history

• Neuroplasticity: Repeated experiences sculpt the shape, size, and number of neurons and their synaptic connections (p. 11). Being repeatedly hurt, angered, or treated kindly by someone we spend time with each day for years can actually have an effect on the way our brains develop.

Series & Lists edit see section history

Authors & Contributors edit see section history

1. Daniel Goleman (Author)

First Edition edit see section history

Classification edit see section history

• Library of Congress: Add the Library of Congress Classification.
• Dewey: 158.2

Notes for Parents edit see section history

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Subjects edit see section history

• Books › Health, Mind & Body › Psychology & Counseling › By Topic › Intelligence
• Books › Health, Mind & Body › Relationships › Interpersonal Relations
• Books › Parenting & Families › Parenting › Emotions & Feelings
• Books › Health, Mind & Body › Mental Health

More Books Like This edit see section history