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Bright Lights, Big Ass (2007) (edit title/settings)

A Self-Indulgent, Surly, Ex-Sorority Girl's Guide to Why It Often Sucks in the City, or, Who Are These Idiots and Why Do They All Live Next Door to Me?

by Jen Lancaster (Author) (edit contributors)

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Jen Lancaster hates to burst your happy little bubble, but life in the big city isn't all it's cracked up to be. Contrary to what you see on TV and in the movies, most urbanites aren't party-hopping in slinky dresses and strappy stilettos. But lucky for us, Lancaster knows how to make the... read more

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  • “Note to self for future reference: Tubby girls with smart mouths will be given paper robes, not cloth, by nurses who lack sense of humour.”
    Jen Lancaster
  • “I begin to get very angry at the exploding clothing. Exactly when did I turn into the Jen-credible Hulk?”
  • Popular Highlights from Kindle Customers
  • “You know, coming to IKEA is a lot like doing tequila shots.” “Why’s that?” I ask. “Because when someone suggests it, it seems like a fantastic idea—big fun and all—but in the morning you wake up nauseous in the middle of a pile of table legs, with no idea how you got there, and swearing to never do it again.”
    Highlighted by 24 Kindle customers
  • The state of being annoyed is like a cancer. My aggravation spreads and begins to encompass everything around me.
    Highlighted by 13 Kindle customers
  • And if your dumb ass accidentally gets killed because you’re down there voluntarily vacationing during hurricane season? That’s not bad luck; it’s social Darwinism.
    Highlighted by 13 Kindle customers
  • Do you think the Devil will get a kick out of me and perhaps allow me a small fan in Hell?
    Highlighted by 7 Kindle customers
  • I know I’m fighting a losing battle to stop people from talking on their phones in public. For some reason, most people need that constant stimulation. God forbid anyone be quiet for a minute, because that’s when they begin to hear the voices in their heads. You know, those little voices that make them question their views on society, ethics, organized religion, etc.? And we can’t allow those thoughts, now can we?
    Highlighted by 6 Kindle customers
  • As a graduate of the School of Snappy Retorts and Clever Rejoinders, I respond by telling him, “Shut up.”
    Highlighted by 5 Kindle customers
  • girl wearing pearls may not be the best candidate.”7
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  • guy who invented Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups felt.2
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  • P.S. If I could endure the fraternity party otherwise known as the Clinton administration, you can deal with President Churchy Mc-Jesus.   P.P.S. If Bush were so intent on imposing a stringent Christian lifestyle on everyone, wouldn’t he have started with his kids? As it stands, the twins are but a Jell-O shot away from starring in the presidential edition of Girls Gone Wild.
    Highlighted by 4 Kindle customers
  • When did the cell phone become a license to be rude? And why must I be subjected to your personal conversations?13
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Table of Contents edit see section history

Author's Note
Sucks and the City
Church of the Magnificent Mile
The Butt-erfly Effect
All Quiet on the Westerville Front
Tuesday Afternoon Drinking Club
The Neocon Express
The Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Rachael Ray
Jen Hollywood
Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin' (and Bruisin')
Loathe Thy Neighbor
If the Werewolves Are in London...
My So-Called (Superficial) Life
Loser? Yes, but Not the Biggest
I Love the Smell of Cardboard in the Morning
Maisy and Me: Life and Love with the World's Most Spoiled Dog
No Molestar - The Attack of the Sock-Monkey Pajamas
The Holiday Drinking Season
The Marquis de Sade in Mary-Kate Clothing
Be Witch
Acknowledgments

Authors & Contributors edit see section history

  1. Jen Lancaster (Author)

First Edition edit see section history

Original Language: English
Publisher: NAL Trade
Country: Add the country of publication.
Publication Date: May 1, 2007
ISBN: 0451221257
Page Count: 400

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