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Liked It “The premise of this astounding book is that in today's culture, more and more children are living their lives being more attached to their peers than their parents. Sound mind-blowing? Maybe not, but at the soul of this book is the idea that our attachment to our children is the one crucial thing...” see full review » see other reviews » |
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“The premise of this astounding book is that in today's culture, more and more children are living their lives being more attached to their peers than their parents. Sound mind-blowing? Maybe not, but at the soul of this book is the idea that our attachment to our children is the one crucial thing that our children cannot truly grow-up without. The book goes in-depth into attachment theory, but not so deep that you can't find your way out again and understand how necessary it is. We learn about how this "peer attachment" can undermine parenting and what happens to children when they are learning their values from people their own age instead of from their parents and grandparents. "Bullies" and their tactics are pieced apart. But not only do we read the gloom and doom of what can happen to peer-oriented children - the entire last section is how, if they're already "lost," we can win them back. And if we still have our children attached to us, we learn ways to help them be truly independent and mature young adults.
sheelysmom wrote this review Thursday, September 24 2009. ( reply | permalink ) Was this review helpful? Yes | No
The structure of the book is very linear - the lead author makes a generalized point and then several smaller sections expound on different portions of that general point. This worked for me, but some folks might find it pretty repetitive. I usually need that in non-fiction, otherwise I forget important things. The writing is very readable and I loved all the anecdotal stories, they made the things I was learning much more concrete - even though some of the examples made me feel terrified for my children to grow up any more than they already have.
I must have underlined half of this book, I found so many statements that rang true in a new way - it took me to places in my parenting mind that I have just never thought about, at least not consciously. Some sections gave me chills, they hit so close to home. I read so slowly that I had chances to try out some of the ideas as I read and I actually saw it - I actually saw that helping my son move from anger over something into sadness over it actually dissipated their frustration.
I have already passed on the name of this book to four people. I want to pass it on to everyone. I am looking at my kids and the way I deal with them in an entirely new way. And what does that mean? It means more parenting for me. More time invested in the three people that will give me the most satisfaction in the end: my kids.”
“I want to share this great book that our neighbor recommended to me. I found it quite afirming about some concerns and challenges we've faced in raising our children. The authors talk about relationships and that children seek closeness to those people that their primary relationship is focused. All goes well when the primary relationship is parents, but when your child become peer focused the net result is that their maturation stops and they are being raised by other children. A very enlightening comparison of peer orientation being the same type of relationship problem as adultery in a marriage which makes a great deal of sense. The authors go further to explain the misguided mistakes that some parents make in assuming that extreme defiance from teens is just the natural progression of maturation, when in fact it is often a relationship problem where their child's primary relationship has become focused on a peer. I think that every parent should read this book.”
Banana King wrote this review Tuesday, September 9 2008. ( reply | permalink ) Was this review helpful? Yes | No
“I needed to read this book. Though I felt it was a bit alarmist in places, the encouragement outweighs that. Yes, it is important for parents to keep making the effort to connect with our kids.”
kickinma wrote this review Saturday, April 5 2008. ( reply | permalink ) Was this review helpful? Yes | No
“This was a really tough read for me. I read it because a friend of a friend recommended it to me with such enthusiasm I thought it must have something good about it. Intermixed between great ideas, useful strategies and amazing principals, for keeping families strong and loving, I felt great despair, and the most horrible of all sensations helplessness. The more I read this book the more applicable the ideas seemed to me. However, the focus is always on the family--what can the family and specifically the parents do? How can the parents hold on to their kids? I work at an Emergency Youth Shelter, so it was depressing for me to read what families, and parents can do, but not what a crisis counselor could do. However, the authors rescued me from certain melancholic doom (I might be over-exagerating...just a little :) in their last 2 chapters by applying the principles to communities and other caring adults involved in youth lives. I'm at once excited yet also fearful to explore some of their ideas. Will they bear any fruit in my everyday interactions with youth and their families? A lot of the ideas were spot on and some I disagreed with, others I have yet to form an opinion. This book is definitely helpful, though, in working with youth and families. I'd just say read carefully and act cautiously. It took me forever to read, mostly because the words are small on the page and I would get lost thinking about families I interact with. So, in conclusion, be prepared for a very long and thought provoking read, which is both elucidating on the one hand and yet has such depth to it that the other half leaves much to be tried and explored.”
Jonny Quest wrote this review Monday, March 17 2008. ( reply | permalink ) Was this review helpful? Yes | No
“Absolutely wonderful book for all parents, no matter the ages of your kids. The premise is to build a loving, primary relationship with your kids, so that you are not the "intruder" on your children's friendships, but rather the other way around. Neufeld's approach takes a large time investment in your kids, but the pay-off is tremendous. One of my favorite parenting books, second only to the Ames and Ilg series on child development.”
strawberry s wrote this review Thursday, February 28 2008. ( reply | permalink ) Was this review helpful? Yes | No“Well thought out ideas that encourage parents to be more influential and present in their children's lives. The tone is sometimes alarming when it discusses consequences of peer attachment - ever immaturity and aggressiveness, for example. I would be interested in reading the authors' answer to culturally accepted and encouraged children pairings. That is, I often hear people (including child educators and seasoned parents) say that it is good for children to play together and experience children's reactions and relationships. How much is enough? Is peer play necessary to reinforce through experience the teachings of a child's supporting adults?”
jtalavage wrote this review Thursday, November 15 2007. ( reply | permalink ) Was this review helpful? Yes | No
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