The Gift of Fear (1997) (edit title/settings)

Ridiculously Simplified Synopsis edit see section history

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Characters/People edit see section history

• Mike: Add a description of this character.
• Michael Perry
• Tommy
• Kelly
• Rebecca Schaeffer
• Ressler
• Edward Taylor
• Robert Bardo
• Ruth
• James Vance
• Jackie
• Patrick
• Joey
• Cantrell
• Burke
• Wayne
• Bryan
• Jim Hick
• Simpson
• Farley
• Celia
• Risler
• Eddie Waitkus
• Donna
• Billy
• Janoff
• Johnny Carson
• Cynthia
• Marlene
• Tony
• John Searing
• Park Dietz
• Katherine
• John Lennon
• Robert Thompson
• Laura
• Marcia Clark
• Richard
• Hinckley
• Dustin Hoffman

Quotes edit see section history

• “human beings will get into a steel soundproof chamber with someone they're afraid of, and there's not another animal in nature that would even consider it.”

• Popular Highlights from Kindle Customers

• “No” is a word that must never be negotiated, because the person who chooses not to hear it is trying to control you.

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• At core, men are afraid women will laugh at them, while at core, women are afraid men will kill them.

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• When people are telling the truth, they don’t feel doubted, so they don’t feel the need for additional support in the form of details. When people lie, however, even if what they say sounds credible to you, it doesn’t sound credible to them, so they keep talking.

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• The unsolicited promise is one of the most reliable signals because it is nearly always of questionable motive.

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• We must learn and then teach our children that niceness does not equal goodness. Niceness is a decision, a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait. People seeking to control others almost always present the image of a nice person in the beginning. Like rapport-building, charm and the deceptive smile, unsolicited niceness often has a discoverable motive.

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• Typecasting always involves a slight insult, and usually one that is easy to refute. But since it is the response itself that the typecaster seeks, the defense is silence, acting as if the words weren’t even spoken.

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• Declining to hear “no” is a signal that someone is either seeking control or refusing to relinquish it. With strangers, even those with the best intentions, never, ever relent on the issue of “no,” because it sets the stage for more efforts to control. If you let someone talk you out of the word “no,” you might as well wear a sign that reads, “You are in charge.”

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• Trust that what causes alarm probably should, because when it comes to danger, intuition is always right in at least two important ways: 1. It is always in response to something. 2. It always has your best interest at heart.

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• “Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. For when you look long into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you.”)

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• In the brilliant book Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman describes seven key abilities most beneficial for human beings: the ability to motivate ourselves, to persist against frustration, to delay gratification, to regulate moods, to hope, to empathize, and to control impulse.

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Setting & Locations edit see section history

• America
• Los Angeles
• Louisiana
• Malibu
• California
• Hicklin
• Texas
• Washington
• D.c.
• New York
• China
• Chicago
• Europe
• San Diego

Organizations edit see section history

• L.A. County Domestice Violence Council: Add a description of this organization.

First Sentence edit see section history

Glossary edit see section history

• ephemeral: lasting a short time

Series & Lists edit see section history

Authors & Contributors edit see section history

1. Gavin De Becker (Author)

First Edition edit see section history

Classification edit see section history

• Library of Congress: Add the Library of Congress Classification.
• Dewey: 362.88

Subjects edit see section history

• Books › Health, Mind & Body › Self-Help › Abuse
• Books › Nonfiction › Social Sciences › Violence in Society
• Books › Health, Mind & Body › Mental Health
• Books › Science › Behavioral Sciences