My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole. I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging... read more (warning: may contain spoilers)
My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole. I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead. But, I do contribute to humanity in one very important way: I share my adventures with the world. —from the Introduction
Actual reader feedback:
"I am completely baffled as to how you can congratulate yourself for being a womanizer and a raging drunk, or think anyone cares about an idiot like you. Do you really think that exploiting the insecurities of others while getting wasted is a legitimate thing to offer?"
"Thank you, thank you, thank you—for sharing with us your wonderful tales of drunken revelry, for teaching me what it means to be a man, for just existing so I know that there is another option; I too can say ‘screw the system’ and be myself and have fun. My life truly began when I finished reading your stories. Now, when faced with a quandary about what course of action I should take, I just ask myself, ‘What Would Tucker Do?’—and I do it, and I am a better man for it."
"I find it truly appalling that there are people in the world like you. You are a disgusting, vile, repulsive, repugnant, foul creature. Because of you, I don’t believe in God anymore. No just God would allow someone like you to exist."
"I’ll stay with God as my lord, but you are my savior. I just finished reading your brilliant stories, and I laughed so hard I almost vomited. I want to bring that kind of joy to people. You’re an artist of the highest order and a true humanitarian to boot. I'm in both shock and awe at how much I want to be you."
"You are the coolest person I can even imagine existing. If you slept with my girlfriend, it'd make me love her more."
“"The only dangerous amount <of alcohol> is none!"”Tucker Max
“There are fun nights, there are crazy nights, and then there are those nights that make men legends.”Tucker Max
That’s the beauty of alcohol: if you don’t remember it, it didn’t happen.Highlighted by 241 Kindle customers
It was George Burns who said, “It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”Highlighted by 190 Kindle customers
“If you EVER speak ill of the McGriddle again I will personally force-feed you one while I fuck you in the butt using the wrapper as a condom and then donkey punch you when the infused syrup nuggets explode in your mouth.”Highlighted by 190 Kindle customers
Ladies, let me give you some advice. You can throw all your stupid fucking chick-lit, self-help, why-doesn’t-he-love-me books out, because this is all you need to know: Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as “deserving” respect; you get what you demand from people. Let a guy fuck you in the ass, cum on your back, drink all your beer and then leave, and he’ll do it. But if you demand respect, he will either respect you, or he won’t associate with you. It really is that simple.Highlighted by 170 Kindle customers
“Is that a cross on your chest? Just because you spend most of your time in the missionary position doesn’t make you religious.”Highlighted by 167 Kindle customers
I really hope that God has the capacity for forgiveness that Christians claim, because I am going to test the absolute outer limits.Highlighted by 153 Kindle customers
“I can only assume from your cavalier attitude that you have yet to partake of the wonderment that is the McGriddle.Highlighted by 139 Kindle customers
“Did you invite all these people? I thought it was just going to be the two of us?”Highlighted by 125 Kindle customers
I tell them that they are so open-minded that their brains leaked out.Highlighted by 116 Kindle customers
While there are many wonderful women in the world who should be treated with respect, some are just filthy whores.Highlighted by 115 Kindle customers
1. The Famous Sushi Pants Story
8. The Night We Almost Died
21. The Blowjob Follies
27. Everyone Has "That" Friend
46. Tucker Fucks A Fat Girl; Hilarity Ensues
54. The Now Famous Tucker Max Charity Auction Debacle
68. Quite The Vacation
72. Tucker Goes To Vegas
92. The Foxfield Weekend
102. The Austin Road Trip
141. My Key West Trip
144. Girl Beats Tucker At His Own Game
150. Tucker Tries Butt Sex; Hilarity Does Not Ensue
157. This'll Just Hurt A Little
162. The UT Weekend
174. The Pee Game
178. Tucker Goes To A Hockey Game
184. The Absinthe Donuts Story
196. The Most Disturbing Conversation Ever
206. She Wont Take No For An Answer
210. Tucker Ruptures His Appendix
221. The Sex Stories
233. Tucker Has A Moment Of Refection; Ends Poorly
243. The Dog Vomit Story
250. The Midland, Texas Story
265. The Worst Tucker Story Ever
273. Appendix 1: The Tucker Max Female Rating System
276. Appendix 2: The Tucker Max Drunk Scale
You be the judge. This is an actual readers feedback:"I find it truly appalling that there are people in the world like you. You are a disgusting, vile, repulsive, repugnant, foul creature. Because of you, I don't believe in God anymore. No just God would allow someone like you to exist."But on the bright side, "You are the coolest person I can ever imagine existing. If you slept with my girlfriend, it'd me love her more."
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