The First Full Length Stephanie Plum Between-the-Numbers Novel from #1 Bestselling Author Janet Evanovich. Turn on all the lights and check under your bed. Things are about to get spooky in Trenton, New Jersey. According to legend, the Jersey Devil prowls the Pine Barrens and soars above the... read more
“"Ranger doesn't let us use them," Tank said."Ranger this and Ranger that," Lula said."Don't none of you people think for yourself? I bet you can't wipe yourself without Ranger telling you."Tank looked at her in the rear view mirror."I'm telling him you said that.""I might have misspoke," Lula said.”
“I got to my feet and limped out onto the sidewalk, where two scrawny guys in baggy pants and wall-to-wall tattoo's were standing by Lula's Firebird, trying to jimmy the door. "Get away from my baby." Lula shouted. And she opened fire on the two guys. "Stop shooting." I said, "You can't kill them either." "You got a lot of rules," Lula said to me, "To hear you talk, I can't kill anybody".”Stephanie and Lula
“The two guys grabbed hold of their pants and walked away, swaying as they walked on feet encased in unlaced basketball shoes that seemed way too big for their stick bodies. "Between the pants and the shoes, it's a wonder they can walk at all." Lula said. This coming from a woman in four-inch heels and a dress that fit her like a condom.”Stephanie and Lula
“Moments later Diesel returned with Carl and the empty potato bowl. "Who would have thought a monkey could eat all those potatoes." Grandma said. Carl stuck out his tongue and gave Grandma the raspberries. "Brrrrp!" And then he gave her the finger. My grandmother gave Carl the finger back. My mother took another belt of what ever amber-coloured liquid was in her water glass.”Stephanie Plum
“And what's with you and the dud stun gun? Let me take a look at that thing." I handed Lula the stun gun and she tested it out on the guy next to her, who immediately collapsed into a heap on the floor and wet his pants. "Seems to be working now," Lula said, handing the stun gun back to me.”Stephanie and Lula
“I have some good news and some bad news," Hal said, "The bad news is there waas a back window open on your Jeep, and when we got there this morning the Jeep was full of racoons. It looked like they were originally after a bucket of fried chicken, but they pretty much tore up everything when they were done wtih the chicken. And then they relieved themselves." Hal shook his head. "I've never seen anything like it. It was like every racoon in the state came in there to.. you know. We had to get it towed away."”Hal
“Elmer scraped his chair back. "I might have to use your restroom." "It's at the top of the stairs," Grandma told him. "I'll get the coffee started." Elmer climbed the stairs, and moments later.... BAROOOOOM! "What was that?" my mother asked. "It sounded like an explosion." Diesel pressed his lips together and his face turned red. "I appreciate the effort you're making not to laugh," I said to him, "but you're going to burst all the blood vessels in your head if you keep holding it in." "I can't believe you brought the fire-farter home," he said. "Couldn't you have gotten a ride from the Easter Bunny or Sasquatch?"”Stephanie and Diesel
“Elmer came back to the table, and Grandma trotted in with coffee and half an apple pie. She served the coffee and pie, and Elmer reached for the cream and farted. Broomph! Flames shot out of Elmer's ass, set his pants on fire, and ignited the upholstered seat on the cherrywood side chair. Elmer jumped up and dropped his pants, drawers and all. "Holy crap," my father said. "That smells like a slaughterhouse burned down." My mother downed a glass of wine and poured herself another. And my grandmother leaned forward to get a better view.”Stephanie Plum
“Sometimes you get up in the morning and you know it’s going to be one of those days. No toothpaste left in the tube, no toilet paper on the cardboard roll, hot water cuts out halfway through your shower, and someone’s left a monkey on your doorstep”Stephanie Plum
“We watched the game, and it was almost like he was human. What did you do?" "Blew up a fuel depot, stole twelve rockets and made off with them in a stolen van, got kidnapped by a maniac, and had dinner with a guy who farted fire." "That would be funny, but I'm worried that it's all true."”Morelli and Stephanie
“Cupcake, we'd all like to be able to fart fire.”Morelli
““Are you really okay?” he asked. “Yeah. It was scary, but I got away before anything bad happened.” His voice softened and dropped to a whisper against my ear. “I had to see for myself.” I allowed myself a moment to relax into Ranger. He was warm and strong, and all the bad, frightening things in life went away when he held me like this.”Stephanie and Ranger
Sometimes you get up in the morning and you know it’s going to be one of those days. No toothpaste left in the tube, no toilet paper on the cardboard roll, hot water cuts out halfway through your shower, and someone’s left a monkey on your doorstep.Highlighted by 14 Kindle customers
“Yeah. My skill level is so high I do things I don’t even try to do.”Highlighted by 6 Kindle customers
“That was a pip of a fart,” Grandma said. “I’ve seen people fart fire on YouTube, but I never saw anyone do it that good.”Highlighted by 6 Kindle customers
Stops people from going forward. Makes a statement of sorts. Doesn’t really hurt anyone. This is probably what war would look like if women were in charge.”Highlighted by 5 Kindle customers
“Cupcake, we’d all like to be able to fart fire.”Highlighted by 5 Kindle customers
“I have a highly developed sense of self-preservation, and a low tolerance for monkey business.”Highlighted by 4 Kindle customers
Truth is, I’m a good Catholic girl. The faith has always been elusive, but the guilt is intractable.Highlighted by 4 Kindle customers
“Office party?” the girl behind the counter asked. “No,” I told her. “Pity party.”Highlighted by 3 Kindle customers
My Grandma Mazur moved in with my parents when Grandpa Mazur bought a one-way ticket to God’s big theme park in the sky.Highlighted by 3 Kindle customers
And giving and getting the finger is a way of life in Jersey. Still, getting the finger from a monkey isn’t normal even by Jersey standards.Highlighted by 3 Kindle customers
Preceded by Plum Lucky.
We’re hiding the errata, movie connections, books that influenced this book, books influenced by this book, books that cite this book and books cited by this book sections. If you would like to add content to them, you must first make them visible.