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Description
From the #1 bestselling author of Running with Scissors and Dry --a contagiously funny, heartwarming, shocking, twisted, and absolutely magical collection. True stories that give voice to the thoughts we all have but dare not mention. It begins with a Tang Instant Breakfast Drink television... read more
Summary
An assortment of hilarious vignettes from the periods of Burroughs’ life not already canvassed in “Running with Scissors” or “Dry”. Brilliant, Brilliant, Brilliant.
Memorable Quotes
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“‘To nobody’s surprise, steroid use is common among gay men. When you combine a love for men with a love for drama, you end up with a guy on steroids.’ … ‘I said – I’m doing it for medical reasons’ my boyfriend would reply ‘your vanity is not a medical reason.’ …. ‘On typical days, (dust) is simply irritating. On Roid Rage days, it made me want to stomp down to the highway, pull drivers out of their cars, and bash their faces into pavement; Suck up that dirt like a good little Electrolux, Jersey Boy Bitch.’ …. ‘It’s weird. The day after I get the shot, I’m usually fine. It’s the day after this where I turn into somebody capable of committing a triple homicide, then going to a Ben Stiller movie.’”
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“I was struck with a bolt of distilled horror like I have never known before. Far worse than suddenly finding yourself walking through a prison cafeteria wearing Daisy Duke shorts and a Jane Fonda headband.”
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“Telemarketers… (are) calling with the frequent urgency of dumped boyfriends. At this point, I cannot help but wonder, is the entire telemarketing industry one big, jilted, clingy gay guy?”
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“Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face.”
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“(The new boyfriend) knows I write every day for hours but has no idea that all I’m writing about is me. It seems wiser to let him think I’m an aspiring novelist instead of just an alcoholic with a year of sobriety who spends eight hours a day writing about the other 16.”
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“My brain is incorrectly formed, and I’m shaped like a tube. Plus, I’m an alcoholic, a ’survivor’ of childhood sexual abuse, was raised in a cult and have no education”
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“I must ease people into the facts of me, not deposit large, undigested chunks of my history at their feet. Too much of me too fast is toxic.”
First Sentence
When I was seven, I was plucked from my uneventful life deep in darkest Massachusetts and dropped into a Tang Instant Breakfast Drink commercial.
Table of Contents
Authors & Contributors
- Augusten Burroughs (Author)
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