Based on a series of letters Mark Twain wrote from Europe to newspapers in San Francisco and New York as a roving correspondent, The Innocents Abroad (1869) is a burlesque of the sentimental travel books popular in the mid-nineteenth century. Twain's fresh and humorous perspective on... read more
“The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad. I speak now, of course, in the supposition that the gentle reader has not been abroad, and therefore is not already a consummate ass. If the case be otherwise, I beg your pardon and extend to him the cordial hand of fellowship and call him brother. I shall always delight to meet an ass after my own heart when I have finished my travels.”
I. We Go to See Kings
II. Our Paddle-Wheels Go 'Round
III. Fine Day at Sea? "Oh, My!"
IV. Our Singing Provokes Head-Winds
V. The Watch that Couldn't Keep Up
VI. The Poor, Shiftless, Lazy Azoreans
VII. Gibraltar - a "Gob" on a Shingle
VIII . Morocco, Where Riches Have Stings
IX. The Frenchman's Sacred Cat-Mat
X. The Marseillaises Misunderstand Us
XI. The Melancholy Chateau d'If
XII. France is a Bewitching Garden
XIII. Napoleon and Abdul Aziz See Us
XIV. We Shudder at the Can-can
XV. Down with the Dastardly Abelard!
XVI. Versailles Entrances Us
XVII. Oh, the Superb Genoese Ladies! Genoa - Superb but Tomb-like
XVIII. Milan - a Poem in Marble
XIX. Who Glorifies Poor Mr. Laura?
XX. Como? Pshaw! See Lake Tahoe
XXI. Luigi to the Rescue! Whoop!
XXII. Gondolas are Water-hearses
XXIII. We Master the Old Masters
XXIV. Galileo's Pendulum in the Duomo
XXV. Why Don't They Rob Their Churches?
XXVI. Rome and St. Peters Overwhelm Us
XXVII. Rare Sport - Guying the Guides
I. The Good-natured Brother of Skulls
II. How Vesuvius is Climbed
III. The Rags and Riches of Naples
IV. Pompeii and the Proud Sentinel
V. Seeing Athens by Stealth - and Moonlight
VI. Constantinople the Bewildering
VII. Morals and Whisky are Scarce
VIII. In Sebastopol the Battered
IX. What Richelieu and Odessa Did for Each Other
X. We Visit the Czar of All the Russias
XI. Smyrniste Girls are Beautiful
XII. Who Took the Oysters Up the Hill?
XIII. Ephesus: a World of Precious Relics
XIV. Our Luxurious Camp on Lebanon
XV. We Meet Noah's Family
XVI. Baalbec the Beautiful and Mysterious
XVII. I Drink Out of Anania's Well
XVIII. Nimrod's Tomb, at Jonesborough
XIX. By Ain Mellahah, the Desolate
XX. The Blank Voice of the Turtle
XXI. The Melancholy Holy Land
XXII. Where the Crusaders Perished
XXIII. Where the Horses Cried
XXIV. The Bedouins - Tatterdemalion Vagrants
XXV. Joseph's Tomb and Jacob's Well
XXVI. I Weep at Adam's Tomb
XXVII. Jerusalem - We are Surfeited with Sights!
XXVIII. We Miss Lot's Wife
XXIX. Why the Whale Threw Up Jonah
XXX. We Endure Cairo
XXXI. Tortured on the Pyramids
XXXII. Seven Delightful Days in Spain
XXXIII. Our Small and Only Mishap
A Newspaper Valedictory
Followed by A Tramp Abroad.