The word-of-mouth phenomenon read online by over 50,000 readers is now available in print! Telling the story now, I'm tempted to say something like, "Who would have thought that John would help bring about the end of the world?" I won't say that, though, because most of us who grew up... read more
The main characters, John and Dave, are friends from an undisclosed town in the midwest. Dave goes to help John's band play at a local party, just outside of town at a lake. At the party, Dave finds Molly, the dog, and meets a strange "Jamaican" dealing a drug called "Soy Sauce." After taking... read more (warning: may contain spoilers)
The main characters, John and Dave, are friends from an undisclosed town in the midwest. Dave goes to help John's band play at a local party, just outside of town at a lake. At the party, Dave finds Molly, the dog, and meets a strange "Jamaican" dealing a drug called "Soy Sauce." After taking the drug, John begins to see things. Thinking John is having a bad trip, Dave decides to take John to the hospital but, after Dave receives an impossible phone call, they end up at the home of "Big Jim" Sullivan and his sister Amy, trying to return Molly to its owner. Amy tells Dave that she's afraid that Jim is dead, and he didn't come home after the party. Not knowing what else to do, and wanting to put the whole episode behind them, the two go to work at the local video store.
At work, Dave accidentally exposes himself to the Soy Sauce and begins having weird experiences as well. Dave and John are brought down to the police station for questioning regarding others who have taken the drug, and are now missing or dead. While they are being questioned, John mysteriously collapses and is taken to the hospital. Dave receives another strange phone call, telling him to go to the pseudo-Jamaican's trailer. Dave finds the fake Jamaican's stash of 'Soy Sauce', but is interrupted by the police, getting shot in the process. However, due to a miraculous occurrence (the bullet not having the proper amount of gun powder due to an error at the factory) knowledge which is brought on by the Soy Sauce, he survives relatively unharmed. Molly rescues him from the burning trailer and leads him to John's comatose body, which has been kidnapped by an evil force on its way to Las Vegas. That evil leads them to the Luxor Hotel, where Dr. Albert Marconi is having a conference on the paranormal. The conference descends into chaos as the evil attacks, and Dr. Marconi helps send it back to where it came from.
A year later, Dave and John are called in to help investigate a strange death apparently caused by Molly. It turns out that the evil is on the loose again in Undisclosed, and is taking over people's bodies. It eventually leads them to the old abandoned mall. There the evil possesses Dave and he tries to kill John, but it is ultimately defeated.
The next summer, Dave notices that someone is watching him through his television set. The feeling continues until one winter night he has an episode of missing time just as Amy disappears. While they investigate Amy's disappearance, Dave begins to feel that he may have killed her, and peeking into his tool shed and seeing what appears to be a dead body, he is sure of it. When Amy reappears, however, the mystery deepens. As the darkness descends on them, Dave has to come to terms with how his paranormal encounters have irreversibly affected him.
“"Dave? This is John. Your pimp says bring the heroin shipment tonight, or he'll be forced to stick you. Meet him where we buried the Korean whore. The one without the goatee." That was code. It meant "Come to my place as soon as you can, it's important." Code, you know, in case the phone was bugged.”John
“My name is David, by the way. Um, hi. I once saw a man's kidney grow tentacles, tear itself out of a ragged hole in his back and go slapping across my kitchen floor.”Dave
“But I told him if he ever got into that kind of trouble again without telling me I would not only kick his ass, but would in fact beat him until he died, then pursue him into the afterlife and beat his eternal soul.”Dave
“Fred said, "Man, I think he's gonna make a fuckin' suit of human skin, using the best parts from each of us." "Holy crap," said John. "He'll be gorgeous."”Fred, John
“The freaks spend their lives shambling around, wondering how they got left out, mumbling about conspiracy theories and Bigfoot sightings. Their encounters with the world are marked by awkward conversations and stifled laughter, hidden smirks and rolled eyes. And worst of all, pity.Sitting there on that night in April, you pictured yourself getting shoved out there with them, the sound of doors locking behind you. Welcome to Freakdom. It'll be time to start a web site soon, where you'll type out everything in one huge paragraph.”
“Son, the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world there was only one of him.”Dr. Marconi
“From day one it was like society was this violent, complicated dance and everybody had taken lessons but me.”David
“Gullibility is a knife at the throat of civilization.”
““BOMB!!! THERE’S A BOMB IN THE FOUNTAIN!! EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! PLEASE DON’T NOT PANIC!!””
“You’re the kind of man a man wants when a man wants a man.”
That ability to see the right choice, but not until several hours have passed since making the wrong one? That’s what makes a person a dumbass, folks.Highlighted by 115 Kindle customers
From day one it was like society was this violent, complicated dance and everybody had taken lessons but me. Knocked to the floor again and again, climbing to my feet each time, bloody and humiliated. Always met with disapproving faces, waiting for me to leave so I’d stop fucking up the party.Highlighted by 96 Kindle customers
All of society is built to prop up that lie, the whole world a big, noisy puppet show meant to distract us from the fact that at the end, you’ll die, and you’ll probably be alone.Highlighted by 92 Kindle customers
“There,” said the large man. “The kittens will make your sad go away.”Highlighted by 91 Kindle customers
Fuck that. Fuck that idea like the fucking captain of the Thai Fuck Team fucking at the fucking Tour de Fuck.Highlighted by 88 Kindle customers
Something coming back from the dead was almost always bad news. Movies taught me that. For every one Jesus you get a million zombies.Highlighted by 87 Kindle customers
Scientists talk about dark matter, the invisible, mysterious substance that occupies the space between stars. Dark matter makes up 99.99 percent of the universe, and they don’t know what it is. Well I know. It’s apathy. That’s the truth of it; pile together everything we know and care about in the universe and it will still be nothing more than a tiny speck in the middle of a vast black ocean of Who Gives A Fuck.Highlighted by 81 Kindle customers
“Fuck all of you,” John retorted. “You don’t even exist. We’re all just a figment of my cock’s imagination.”Highlighted by 68 Kindle customers
Fred said, “Man, I think he’s gonna make a fuckin’ suit of human skin, using the best parts from each of us.” “Holy crap,” said John. “He’ll be gorgeous.”Highlighted by 62 Kindle customers
Society is doomed for one very simple reason: it takes dozens of men working months with millions of dollars in materials to build a building, but only one dumb-ass with a bomb to bring it down.Highlighted by 57 Kindle customers
Book I: They China Food!
1. The Levitating "Jamaican"
2. The Thing in John's Apartment
3. Grilling with Morgan Freeman
4. The Soy Sauce
5. Riding with Shitload
6. Meet Dr. Marconi
7. Arnie Thinks David is Full of Shit
Book II: Korrok
8. The Carpet Stain
9. The Bratwurst Prophecy
10. The Missing Girl
11. By The Way...
13. The Chat Transcript
14. John Investigates
16. Shit Narnia
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