The Dirty Parts of the Bible (2007) (edit title/settings)

Ridiculously Simplified Synopsis edit

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Summary edit see section history

Characters edit see section history

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• Sarah Hawthorn: A hired hand on Uncle Willburn's farm.
• Wilburn Henry: Tobias's uncle who now lives on and runs the family farm in Texas.
• Mama: Tobias's mother
• Millie: Aunt Millie, Uncle Will's wife.
• Craw: An African American Hobo with a hook for a hand who befriends Tobias during his journey.
• Tobias Henry: Main Character, sent on a quest to recover his father's fortune and keep his family out of the poor house.
• Malachi Henry: Tobias's father. A Baptist minister, once a pretty decent singer and musician.
• Chester: Add a description of this character.
• Radney Larse: Police officer in Remus.
• Glen Rose: the small town in TX near the Henry family farm
• Granny: Tobias's Grandmother
• Will: Uncle Will, Malachai's younger brother
• Toby: A nickname that Sarah gives Tobias. He hates it.
• Mister Henry: Uncle Will, as know by the hired hands.
• Adam
• Cain: Bible Character who killed his brother Abel.
• Rosalind Hawthorn: Sarah's mother.
• Eddie Quackenbush
• Bob Rufus
• John
• Red: Hob that Tobias meets during his trip from Remus to Glen Rose.
• Jim Tully
• Ada Jackson
• Lloyd Snoats
• Lester Crouch
• Ida Red
• Sammy Swisher
• Emily Apple
• Billy
• Will Junior
• Lars Lundgren
• David
• Mademoiselle Colette
• Mrs. Pike
• Jimmy

Quotes edit see section history

• “Remember this, my boy. The two greatest men who ever lived—Jesus and Socrates—were both hoboes.”

• “Oftentimes,” Craw said, “a truth is so big, so far beyond our understanding, that the only way we can grasp it is through a story. The creation of the whole universe is like that. How can our puny brains contain it?”

• “You know what our nation’s great founding father, Benjamin Franklin, said? ‘Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”

  Craw

• “Why do girls always fret about chest size? The fact that a girl has breasts is the exciting thing—doesn’t matter how large they are.”

  Craw

• “Craw and Granny went whirling past us, hand in hook. Craw looked at me over his shoulder. “Why are Baptists against fornication?” “I don’t know.” “They’re afraid it might lead to dancing.” Then he twirled Granny till she crowed with delight.”

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• “The problem with a lot of church people,” Craw said, “is that they’re trying to be holier than Jesus.”

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• When the actors take off their costumes, they’re all equal. So it is with life. When death strips us of our roles, we’re all equals in the grave.”

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• Society always tries to enslave, imprison, and execute its greatest men, those who dare to stand apart and rise above.”

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• “Oftentimes,” Craw said, “a truth is so big, so far beyond our understanding, that the only way we can grasp it is through a story. The creation of the whole universe is like that. How can our puny brains contain it?”

  Highlighted by 226 Kindle customers

• Remember—Adam was only God’s rough draft, but Eve was his masterpiece. And if you don’t appreciate God’s masterpiece—why, that’s what I call blasphemy.”

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• “Remember this, my boy. The two greatest men who ever lived—Jesus and Socrates—were both hoboes.”

  Highlighted by 178 Kindle customers

• Some people put more effort and money into the wedding day than they do into the marriage itself, then it’s all downhill from there. I was happy for a simple start; things could only get better.

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• “Warm weather pampers a body,” he’d say. “But winter mortifies the flesh and invigorates the soul. There’s nothing like a brisk, biting wind to fend off gluttony and lust.” I could see his point: it’s hard to fornicate when your balls are frostbitten.

  Highlighted by 127 Kindle customers

• “Just because a story didn’t actually happen,” he continued, “you think it’s a lie. But myths and fairy tales aren’t lies—they’re deeper truths.”

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• Deep inside, every woman is a princess. And every princess has a dragon.” “First you want me to believe in demons—and now dragons?” “Stop thinking like a damn Baptist. It’s a myth, boy. And the point is, every woman is a vessel of beauty, life, and love—though most don’t know it. And all the forces of evil in the world are dead-set against her. That’s why loving a woman is the hardest battle you’ll ever face. Love isn’t going to fall into your lap—you’ve got to fight for it.”

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Setting & Locations edit see section history

• Texas
• Chicago
• Michigan
• St. Louis
• Fort Worth
• Muskogee
• Oklahoma

Authors & Contributors edit see section history

1. Sam Torode (Author)

First Edition edit see section history

Classification edit see section history

• Library of Congress: Add the Library of Congress Classification.
• Dewey: 813

Subjects edit see section history

• Books › Literature & Fiction › Women's Fiction › Single Women
• Books › Literature & Fiction › Comic
• Books › Literature & Fiction › Contemporary