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A dark comic masterpiece—the first solo adult novel in more than a decade from the Pulitzer Prize winner and New York Times–bestselling author. Seth Weinstein knew Tina was way out of his league in pretty much any way you could imagine, which is why it continued to astonish him that he was...
Seth Weinstein: A groom-to-be douche tweeter
Tina Clark: The bride-to-be, an attractive, successful Washington DC lawyer who likes taking up causes when it suits her.
Mike Clark: The father of the bride, a powerful and incredibly rich businessman who desperately wants to get into an exclusive secret organization; he owns two helicopters
Laurette Aubin Weinstein: A Haitian refugee, trying to get to her sister who lives in Miami, with her son and baby
Marty: Seth's best man; he studied law but he studied World of Warcraft more
Big Mike: Seth's groomsman; in addition to being large, he is overly analytical and indecisive
Kevin: Seth's groomsman; he is married but that doesn't stop him from trying to get with every other female in range
Meghan Clark: The Maid of Honor; she is Tina's younger sister and has never done anything with her life other than a lot of pot
Trevor: An orangutan at Primate Encounter: He hates males as much as he loves females, which in both cases is disturbingly a lot
Stephane: Laurette's son
Cyndi Friend Gonzalez: An attractive woman in a very small dress; she won fourth place in at Miss Hot Amateur Bod competition
Duane: A large bald friend of Cyndi's; he makes money handling reptile troubles in Miami, as well as letting tourists take pictures with his pet boa constrictor
Blossom: Duane's boa constrictor
LaDawne: A stripper hired by Marty against Seth's wishes
Wesley: LaDawne's intimidating boyfriend; he owns an absurdly pimped out Escalade with multiple flat-screens inside, including one playing a porno
Rosie O'Donnell: Seth's mother; she tells her husband Sid when he has to pee and take his medicine
Sid Weinstein: Seth's father; he is on "medication" baked into brownies that is illegal in most states, including Florida
Wendell Corliss: An even richer and more powerful man than Mike Clark, he tolerates nothing
Greta Corliss: Wendell's former au paire/ current third wife; she is Swedish and avoids carbs normally
Marcia Clark: Tina's mother; bears a disturbing resemblance to Tilda Swinton as the White Witch in "The Chronicles of Narnia"
Stanley Karpimsky: Owner of Stan's Pizza of Key Biscayne
Blaze Gear: A wedding planner who runs everything by a schedule on her iPad; she is flanked by two assistants, Traci and Tracee. Blaze Gear is not her real name.
Banzan Dazu: A former record executive turned spiritual leader
Ron Brewer: One of Mike Clark's body guards
Paul Castronovo: One of Mike Clark's body guards
Carlos Penin: Add a description of this character.
Joe Sarmiento: Captain of the Bay Wanderer.
Paulo: Works door at a nightclub and harasses Cyndi's ex.
Big Steve: A member of the groom posse.
Glenn Close: The actress in Fatal Attraction who boils a rabbit and is discussed by Wendell Corliss and Marty.
Michael Douglas: The actor in Fatal Attraction.
D.J. Booga Wooga: The singer of Butt Sweat.
Herb Wentworth: Possibly deceased member of the Group of Six.
Traci: Wedding planner's assistant.
Artie Kunkel: The night watchman at Primate Encounter.
Van Morrison: The singer that Wendel Corliss said pot smokers listened to in the 70's.
Carl Juste: The groundskeeper at the Ritz Carlton.
Tracee: The co-assistant along with Traci for the Wedding Planner.
Derek Tritt: Governor of the state of Florida.
Miguel: Tina's hairstylist who was flown in on the day of the wedding.
Yolanda Berkowitz: The tour guide on the Bay Wanderer.
Christopher Delgado: Miami-Dade police officer who responded to call regarding sighting of the Orangutan involved in the robbery.
Bobby Stern: Captain of the Barco Loco.
Dalai Lama: The Tibetan spiritual leader.
Lisbeth Renaldo: The Action 5 newscaster.
Konstantin: The NY makeup specialist flown in for the wedding but who must be kept separate from Miguel.
Mr. Woo Show all 61 characters
Two days before his wedding, Seth was in a cab with his best man, Marty, who was advising him on the responsibilities of the groom.
Chapters 1 through 78
Original Language: English
Publisher: Putnam Adult
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Publication Date: January 29, 2013
Page Count: 352
Reading Level: Adults
There is a lot of intentional and unintentional marijuana use.A flat-panel TV in a car is showing a rather crass porno.A number of songs referenced, real or made-up, include vulgarities
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