This book tells the tale of an unnamed 15-year-old girl as she becomes acquainted with the world of drugs. Desperate for friendship in a new town and vulnerable from typical teenage insecurities, the narrator gets involved with a seemingly-harmless group of teenagers who introduce her to... read more
An unnamed fifteen-year-old diarist, whom the novel's title refers to as Alice, starts a diary. With a sensitive, observant style, she records her adolescent woes: she worries about what her crush Roger thinks of her; she loathes her weight gain; she fears her budding sexuality;... read more (warning: may contain spoilers)
An unnamed fifteen-year-old diarist, whom the novel's title refers to as Alice, starts a diary. With a sensitive, observant style, she records her adolescent woes: she worries about what her crush Roger thinks of her; she loathes her weight gain; she fears her budding sexuality; she is uncomfortable at school; she has difficulty relating to her parents. Alice's father, a college professor, accepts a teaching position at a different college and the family will move at the start of the new year, which cheers Alice up.
The move is difficult. While the rest of her family adjusts to the new town, Alice feels like an outcast at school. Soon she meets Beth, a Jewish neighbor, and the two become fast friends. Beth leaves for summer camp and Alice goes to live with her grandparents. She is bored, but reunites with an old friend, Jill, who invites Alice to a party. At the party, Alice unwittingly drops LSD and experiences a fantastic drug trip. Though curious, she vows not to do drugs again.
Alice happily experiments with more drugs and loses her virginity while on acid. Roger and his parents show up unexpectedly to visit her grandfather, who has had a small heart attack. Alice is enthralled with Roger but feels guilty about her drug use and loss of virginity. She doesn't know to whom she can talk about drugs. She is worried that she may be pregnant. Alice goes home and her family accepts her warmly. Unable to sleep, she receives powerful tranquilizers from her doctor. Beth returns from camp, but Alice finds that Beth has changed. In a boutique, Alice meets Chris, a hip girl. Alice's parents worry about Alice's "hippie" appearance.
Alice and Chris are both dissatisfied with the establishment and their own families. Alice gets a job working with Chris, and the two become best friends. At school, they use drugs and are popular. Chris's friend Richie, a college boy, turns Alice on to marijuana. To make more money for drugs, she and Chris sell drugs and do whatever they can to help Richie and Ted (Chris's boyfriend and Richie's roommate). Alice and Chris discover Richie and Ted having sex with each other and flee to San Francisco. Alice turns Richie in to the police and vows to stay clean with Chris. They move into a cramped apartment. Chris secures a job in a boutique with a glamorous older woman, Sheila, and Alice gets one with a custom jeweler. Sheila invites the girls to a party at her house.
At Sheila's swanky party, the girls use drugs again. They continue to party with Sheila until one night, when trying heroin, Alice realizes that Sheila and her boyfriend have been raping and brutalizing them. The girls kick their drug lifestyle. They find a new apartment in Berkeley and open a jewelry shop there, which turns into a hangout for the neighborhood kids. Alice misses her family. She returns home for Christmas, and the holiday spirit and family camaraderie revive her. She begins school and resists drug advances from old friends, though some are aggressive. Chris smokes marijuana with her, and Alice goes back on drugs. The police raid Chris's house while she and Alice use drugs. The girls are put on probation, and Alice will be sent to a psychiatrist.
Alice continues to do drugs without her family's knowledge. She hitchhikes to Denver (recording her diary entries on scraps of paper without dates). She travels to Oregon with other drug users but soon loses them. A janitor directs her to a mission similar to the Salvation Army. Alice is cleaned up and meets a young sufferer of lifelong sexual abuse, Doris, who lets her stay at her apartment. They get sick from malnourishment and hitchhike to Southern California, where Alice takes more drugs, even prostituting herself for them. Alice talks with a priest about teen runaways, and he calls her parents. They want her to come home. In the city, Alice meets several other runaways and talks to them about why they left home. She imagines she may go into child guidance or psychology some day to help out others, and she vows to quit drugs.
Alice comes home and is excited to renew her life with her family. Alice loses consciousness and drifts off into a reverie that she thinks is either a flashback (caused by LSD residue in the spinal cavity) or a schizophrenic episode. Otherwise, Alice is happy with her family and with herself, except for her social isolation: she can't hang out with drug users, and "straight" kids don't want her around. Alice's grandfather dies in a coma from a stroke. She agonizes over the thought of worms and maggots eating his dead body underground. Her relationship with her father matures. Someone plants a joint in Alice's purse, and she leaves school to go to his office. He consoles her, and gets her permission to study at the university library.
Alice meets a freshman at the university library, Joel; his father is dead, his mother is a factory worker, and he works as a janitor to pay for school. He and Alice get to know each other better, as does her family. She fantasizes about marrying him. Pressure to use drugs at school intensifies, as the kids harass Alice and her family. Alice's grandmother dies. After the funeral, Joel has a long talk with her about death that makes her feel better, and they kiss. She opens up to Joel about some of her past, and he is kind and supportive.
Alice writes in her undated diary from a hospital. She is unsure how she has ended up here and can only think of the worms she thinks are eating her alive. She has chewed her fingers to the bone, and clawed up her face and body. Her father says that someone dosed with LSD the chocolate-covered peanuts Alice was eating while she was baby-sitting. Alice finds out she is being sent to an insane asylum. Her father tells her that when her case was brought before a juvenile court and that Jan and another girl testified that Alice had still been on drugs and was selling them. Alice registers at the State Mental Hospital. She is frightened by the ugly building and by the inmates. She meets a little thirteen-year-old girl, Babbie, a former prostitute and drug user with a history of sexual abuse.
Life in the asylum drains Alice. A visit from her parents brings a warm letter from Joel. Her father reports that Jan has retracted her statement, and they're trying to get the other girl to do the same to free Alice. Alice returns home and is happy to be with her family. The family takes a vacation together, and when they return, Alice is invited swimming by Fawn, a "straight" kid. She has a fun time with Fawn's friends and hopes that they haven't heard stories about her. Joel makes a surprise visit and gives her a friendship ring, which she vows to wear her whole life. She is worried about starting school again but feels stronger with the support of her new friends and Joel. She comments that she no longer needs a diary, for she now has people in her life with whom she can communicate.
In the epilogue, we are told that Alice died three weeks later of an overdose—whether it was premeditated or accidental remains unclear—and that she was one of thousands of drug deaths that year.
“Yesterday I remember thinking I was the happiest person in the whole earth, in the whole galaxy, in all of God's creation.”September 16 (first entry)
“Isn't it funny, but it seems that when something is going good, everything else goes good too.”October 17 (first year)
“When I bought you, Diary, I was going to write religiously in you every day, but some days nothing worth writing happens and other days I'm too busy or too bored or too angry or too annoyed, or just too me to do anything.”December 10 (first year)
“Mother is worried about me I know, because I've become so quiet, but what is there to talk about? If I went by her standing rule of 'If you can't say something nice about things don't say anything at all,' I'd never even open my mouth except to eat, and I've been doing plenty of that!”January 14 (first year)
“Her father is a doctor and away from home most of the time just like Dad, and her mother nags a lot but then I guess all mothers do. If they didn't I'd hate to see what homes and yards and even the world would look like. Oh, I do hope I won't have to be a nagging mother, but I guess I'll have to be, else I don't see how anything will ever be accomplished.”May 13 (first year)
“Hurrah! School is out! But I'm kind of sad too.”June 13 (first year)
“I must talk to someone. I must find someone who understands about drugs and talk to them. I wonder if i could talk to someone at Dad's university. Oh, no, no, they'd be bound to tell him and then I'd really be in a mess.”August 10 (first year)
“Adolescents have a very rocky insecure time. Grown-ups treat them like children and yet expect them to act like adults. They give them orders like little animals, then expect them to react like mature, and always rational, self-assured persons of legal stature. It is difficult, lost, vacillating time.”December 26 (second year)
“Mike said his parents were taking away all his freedom and power of decision. He was becoming dehumanized, mechanized, forced into the mold of his father.”Another day (second year) -- continue
“What a wonderful time to start a new diary and a new life. It is spring. I am home again with me family.”April 6 (second year)
“It's good thing most people bleed on the inside or this would really be a gory, blood-smeared earth.”May 1 (second year)
“I wonder if Joel really likes me? I wonder if he thinks I'm cute or pretty or attractive? I wonder if I seem like the kind of girl who would mean something serious to him? I hope he likes me because I like him a lot, I think I really love him...”June 1 (second year)
“I wonder if Mom ever kissed another man besides Dad. Oh, I'm sure she did, because Dad sometimes teases her about Humphrey, but I know she wasn't having sex with Humphrey. I don't think many girls did things like that when my Mom and Gran were young. I wish things were still like that. I think it would be much easier to be a virgin, marry someone and then find out what life is all about.”August 14 (second year)
“Anyway, this morning I was reading an article on identity and responsibility, and it said that kids who aren't allowed to make any decisions for themselves never grow up, and kids who have to make all the decisions before they're ready never grow up either.”September 11 (second year)
“Why is life so difficult? Why can't we just be ourselves and have everyone accept us the way we are? Why can't I just be me as I am now and not have to concentrate and fume and get upset about my past and my future.”September 19 (third year)
“Diaries are great when you're young. In fact, you saved my sanity a hundred, thousand, million times. But I think when a person gets older she should be able to discuss her problems and thoughts with other people, instead of just with another part of herself as you have been to me.”September 21 (third year)
“This was fondness and liking and desire and regard and admiration and affection and tenderness and attachment and yearning.”
“Perhaps it was even right for me to go through all this suffering so that I could be more understanding and tolerant of the rest of humanity.”
Even now I'm not really sure which parts of myself are real and which parts are things I've gotten from books.Highlighted by 61 Kindle customers
It's a good thing most people bleed on the inside or this would really be a gory, blood-smeared earth.Highlighted by 60 Kindle customers
Adolescents have a very rocky insecure time. Grown-ups treat them like children and yet expect them to act like adults. They give them orders like little animals, then expect them to react like mature, and always rational, self-assured persons of legal stature. It is a difficult, lost, vacillating time.Highlighted by 57 Kindle customers
I feel like Alice in Wonderland. Maybe Lewis G. Carroll was on drugs too.Highlighted by 49 Kindle customers
“a man's blood soon runs cold when there is no one around to warm it up.”Highlighted by 47 Kindle customers
Kids are like robots, off an assembly line, and I don't want to be a robot!Highlighted by 43 Kindle customers
I have this very silly fear, dear friend, that one day I'll be old, without ever having really been young. I wonder if it could happen that quickly or if I've ruined my life already. Do you think life can get by you without your even seeing it?Highlighted by 41 Kindle customers
After you've had it, there isn't even life without drugs. It's a prodding, colorless, dissonant bare existence.Highlighted by 38 Kindle customers
I used to think I was the only one who felt things. but I really am only one infinitely small part of an aching humanity.Highlighted by 21 Kindle customers
BP. 3 She told me all of this so quietly I felt like ripping my heart out.Highlighted by 9 Kindle customers
The book, purported to be a teenager's diary, focuses heavily on detailed descriptions of drugs and their harmful effects, yet very little on things more typical of a teenage girl's diary, such as relationships and gossip.
For this and other reasons, the book is believed to be a work of fiction despite the editor/author's claims (publishers usually market newer editions of it as fiction).
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