Archana Amaragandhi edited the summary of Love will follow - why the Indian marriage is burning Monday, February 13, 2012.
“Those who enter arranged marriages want modern love believing in the old adage, ‘Marry first, love will follow’.
Conversely, couples in love often take the plunge into marriage despite their still developing feelings for each other and as-yet-unformed relationship, hoping that love will follow, and that their love will be cemented more after marriage. Whether you subscribe to the old or the new, the need for love is an essential part of marriage today.”The last decade in India has produced social changes similar to those which have marked western societies since the 1950s. Marriages happen later, divorces earlier and more working women, single mothers, love marriages, cohabitation and premarital and extramarital sex are some of the things affecting the Indian marriage today. What makes a marriage work? What does happiness mean in a marriage really mean? Does love indeed follow?In this groundbreaking study – the first clinical and cultural portrait of its kind—Shaifali Sandhya explores the intimate lives of Indian husbands and wives living in India and abroad across caste and class. Interviewing countless couples, using current research, and looking deeply at the key areas in relationships which cause conflict – sex, money, family – she draws a devastating picture of the modern Indian marriage.Consider these facts:• While western couples fight about money, work and sex, Indian couples fight about in-laws, their children and then their relationship—and the reasons behind it.• If given another chance to live their lives again, only 71% would marry their current partner again and 29% would either not marry or marry someone else.• About 24 - 44% of Indian couples today are somewhat dissatisfied with their sexual lives.• Indian women make four times as many negative statements about themselves and half as many positive statements about themselves as compared to men; Indian men make 8 times as many positive statements aboutthemselves as they do about their wives. And self worth, contrary to western research, harms some Indian marriages.• While most couples call the early years of their marriage ‘honeymoon years’, for Indian couples they are usually the worst.• 80% of divorces are initiated by women.• Frequent arguing does not lead to divorce.Hard-hitting, eye-opening and completely riveting, Love Will Follow: Why the Indian Marriage is Burning takes you into the hearts and minds of Indian men and women. Full of fascinating case studies, amusing anecdotes and surprising findings, it tells you everything you ever wanted to know about marriage in India—and were afraid to ask.
Shaifali Sandhya holds a PhD from The University of Chicago. She is a Professor of Clinical Psychology, a practising clinical psychologist, and an expert in couples therapy and family systems.