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Stanley and His Sword
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Stanley and His Sword (2011) (edit title/settings)

by George Berger (Author) (edit contributors)

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Description edit see section history

Stanley is your typical everyday, apathetic slacker, stuck in a dead-end job, when fate, destiny, and/or an unusual shipping error on the part of a large e-commerce site suddenly bestow upon him a shiny, sexy, nearly-magical sword.

Soon thereafter, he encounters a succession of... read more

Summary edit see section history

The story begins when Stanley, the unfortunately average assistant manager of an airport convenience store, receives--either through a mistake by a large e-commerce website, or the subtle and mysterious machinations of fate--a sword in the mail. When, a few days later, he meets a... read more (warning: may contain spoilers)

The story begins when Stanley, the unfortunately average assistant manager of an airport convenience store, receives--either through a mistake by a large e-commerce website, or the subtle and mysterious machinations of fate--a sword in the mail. When, a few days later, he meets a self-professed invisible white-supremacist ninja assassin that is, coincidentally, in desperate need of a sword, Stanley decides that perhaps he was destined to provide the ninja his sword, and strikes a deal with him: the ninja helps Stanley meet women, and Stanley gives him the sword in time for his next assassination. The ninja's plan to have Stanley meet women end abruptly with the ninja being arrested for trespassing and property damage, and leaves Stanley dejected, but still in possession of his sword. However, a chance meeting soon leads to Stanley going on a date with a very unusual woman, who, when their romantic rendezvous is interrupted by a mythical creature, makes him an offer he can't possibly refuse. She'll give him what he wants most in life--all he has to do is kill the creature... and feed it to her. With his heart's desire on the line, Stanley gives that hero thing the ol' college try. Is he fated to be a hero, to slay the monster, get the girl, and live happily ever after? Well, he's got a big shiny sword, that must count for something, right?

Characters edit see section history

  • Stanley (aka Fearless Leader): Humble and unassuming assistant manager of a convenience store in an airport, chosen by fate, destiny, and/or an ecommerce website to become a modern-day, sword-wielding hero. Pretty laid-back, but a bit traumatized by past relationships.
  • Karen: Computer-savvy college student; Stanley's most insubordinate subordinate.
  • Lois: Tall, pale, and gloomy college student; one of Karen's best friends. Has eclectic tastes in fashion. Never refuses free food.
  • Bruce McHoon: Card-carrying member of the American Order of Ninja Assassins. An unapologetic white-supremacist. Thinks he's invisible.
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Quotes edit see section history

  • “If I had a sword, a bottle of bleach, a mousetrap, a metric socket set, and a carrot, I'd take you into the back room and administer the Test of Purity, but…”
    Bruce McHoon
  • “I think wanting to corrupt an officer of the law is probably a pretty good sign that you can be counted among the legions of the damned.”
  • “They'd met, somehow, hit it off, and before he could really understand what was happening, he'd find himself sixty feet up a pine tree, or on a deserted stretch of the lake shore, or—rather memorably, if for all the wrong reasons—on a moving dog-sled racing through the woods, having sensual, passionate, and above all extremely slow sex with her.”
  • “(W)hile every man's Happy Dance is different, Stanley's was an unholy amalgamation of the Lindy, Chicken Dance, Hokey-Pokey, and Electric Slide, with a subtle and only slightly ridiculous influence from the Time Warp, and as such rather closely resembled a very peculiar mostly-upright epileptic fit.”

Organizations edit see section history

  • American Order of Ninja Assassins: An explicitly white-supremacist organization of invisible ninja assassins, dedicated to ensuring their racial superiority through the use of force. Members undertake a strict vow of chastity.

Authors & Contributors edit see section history

  1. George Berger (Author)

First Edition edit see section history

Original Language: English
Publisher: The Usual Suspects Publishing Co. Ltd. GmbH
Country: United States
Publication Date: July 26, 2011
ISBN: 978-1-4657-1726-9
Page Count: 44

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