Stanley is your typical everyday, apathetic slacker, stuck in a dead-end job, when fate, destiny, and/or an unusual shipping error on the part of a large e-commerce site suddenly bestow upon him a shiny, sexy, nearly-magical sword.
Soon thereafter, he encounters a succession of... read more
The story begins when Stanley, the unfortunately average assistant manager of an airport convenience store, receives--either through a mistake by a large e-commerce website, or the subtle and mysterious machinations of fate--a sword in the mail. When, a few days later, he meets a... read more (warning: may contain spoilers)
The story begins when Stanley, the unfortunately average assistant manager of an airport convenience store, receives--either through a mistake by a large e-commerce website, or the subtle and mysterious machinations of fate--a sword in the mail. When, a few days later, he meets a self-professed invisible white-supremacist ninja assassin that is, coincidentally, in desperate need of a sword, Stanley decides that perhaps he was destined to provide the ninja his sword, and strikes a deal with him: the ninja helps Stanley meet women, and Stanley gives him the sword in time for his next assassination. The ninja's plan to have Stanley meet women end abruptly with the ninja being arrested for trespassing and property damage, and leaves Stanley dejected, but still in possession of his sword. However, a chance meeting soon leads to Stanley going on a date with a very unusual woman, who, when their romantic rendezvous is interrupted by a mythical creature, makes him an offer he can't possibly refuse. She'll give him what he wants most in life--all he has to do is kill the creature... and feed it to her. With his heart's desire on the line, Stanley gives that hero thing the ol' college try. Is he fated to be a hero, to slay the monster, get the girl, and live happily ever after? Well, he's got a big shiny sword, that must count for something, right?
“If I had a sword, a bottle of bleach, a mousetrap, a metric socket set, and a carrot, I'd take you into the back room and administer the Test of Purity, but…”Bruce McHoon
“I think wanting to corrupt an officer of the law is probably a pretty good sign that you can be counted among the legions of the damned.”
“They'd met, somehow, hit it off, and before he could really understand what was happening, he'd find himself sixty feet up a pine tree, or on a deserted stretch of the lake shore, or—rather memorably, if for all the wrong reasons—on a moving dog-sled racing through the woods, having sensual, passionate, and above all extremely slow sex with her.”
“(W)hile every man's Happy Dance is different, Stanley's was an unholy amalgamation of the Lindy, Chicken Dance, Hokey-Pokey, and Electric Slide, with a subtle and only slightly ridiculous influence from the Time Warp, and as such rather closely resembled a very peculiar mostly-upright epileptic fit.”
We’re hiding the errata, movie connections, books that influenced this book, books influenced by this book, books that cite this book and books cited by this book sections. If you would like to add content to them, you must first make them visible.