"A moving read of tragedy, trying to prevent it, and coping with life after." - Midwest Book Review
"Moving, intimate and very inspiring." - Mark Shelmerdine, CEO, Jeffers Press
"Poetically visceral, emotionally honest. An extraordinary memoir." - Irvin D. Godofsky, M.D.
"A... read more
“Listen to me out there. Bipolar disorder has no cure. You can control it with drugs if you’re lucky enough to have someone in your care who will stay on drugs. But if there is any slip, the result could be fatal.”
“More and more I realized I didn’t know my first-born son anymore. Manic-depression and the prescribed antipsychotic and anti-mania drugs had turned him into a different person.”
“From the moment Paul had his first manic break, our family changed as a unit and each one of us changed individually. It was like falling off a cliff.”
“I always answer the dreaded question, How many children do you have? this way: I had two sons. My oldest son died.”
“Officially this (gravestone) dedication ceremony marks the end of the Jewish year of mourning, but mourning wasn’t over for me. And even though I made much progress in that first year toward surviving his loss, official or not, I was not through mourning for Paul.”
“He always told me he loved me. How could a son who loved his mother choose to do such a thing to her?”
“I found that I wasn’t happy being with people, and I wasn’t happy alone. I just wasn’t happy, period.”
“I knew in those first months that I didn’t want to get better. Getting better meant that I was accepting that Paul was dead.”
“What parent is ever prepared for the details and aftermath of a child’s death? I wasn’t supposed to make those kinds of choices for my son. He was supposed to make those choices for me.”
“Nothing takes this loss away. There is no recovering from a loss of this kind.”
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