According to the writer of the best-selling crime novel ever to have been published in the city of Ankh-Morpork, it is a truth universally acknowledged that a policeman taking a holiday would barely have had time to open his suitcase before he finds his first corpse. And Commander Sam Vimes of...
His Grace, the Duke of Ankh, Sir Samuel Vimes.: The Duke of Ankh (although he doesn't want to be), the Protector of the Kinge's Piece (surpress your sniggers), the Commander of the City Watch, and Blackboard Monitor (the highest honor the dwarves can accord a human).
Lady Sybil Deirdre Olgivanna Ramkin: Scion of the House of Ramkin (motto: What We Have, We Keep), wife of Sir Samuel, the Duchess of Ankh, and President of the Sunshine Sanctuary for Wayward Dragons.
Samuel Vimes: Also known as "young Sam," the eldest and only child of Sir Samuel and Lady Sybil. Six years old, and fascinated with poo.
Mister Willikins: the butler of Sybil Ramkin and, after their marriage, Sam Vimes.
“Aristocrats don’t notice philosophical conundra. They just ignore them. Philosophy includes contemplating the possibility that you might be wrong, sir, and a real aristocrat knows that he is always right. It’s not vanity, you understand, it’s built-in absolute certainty. They may sometimes be as mad as a hatful of spoons, but they are always definitely and certainly mad.”
“Predators respect other predators... They may perhaps even respect the prey: the lion may lie down with the lamb, even if only the lion is likely to get up again, but the lion will not lie down with the rat.”
I tell you, commander, it’s true that some of the most terrible things in the world are done by people who think, genuinely think, that they’re doing it for the best, especially if there is some god involved.
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“What is normal? Normal is yesterday and last week and last month taken together.”
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Indeed, if a poor man will spend a year in prison for stealing out of hunger, how high would the gallows need to be to hang the rich man who breaks the law out of greed?”
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yogurt, which to Vimes’s mind was a type of cheese that wasn’t trying hard enough.
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once policemen stopped being civilians the only other thing they could be was soldiers.
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Everyone should occasionally break the law in some small and delightful way, Drumknott. It’s good for the hygiene of the brain.”
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There was no point in arguing with Sybil, because even if you thought that you’d won, it would turn out, by some magic unavailable to husbands, that you had, in fact, been totally misinformed.
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It is well known that any drive to reduce paperwork only results in extra paperwork.
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I have no particular objection to people taking substances that make them feel better, or more contented or, for that matter, see little dancing purple fairies—or even their god if it comes to that. It’s their brain, after all, and society can have no claim on it, providing they’re not operating heavy machinery at the time.
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good people have no business being so bad. Goodness is about what you do. Not what you pray to.
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