The Stories (2009) (edit title/settings)

Summary edit see section history

Characters/People edit see section history

• Sykes: Awesome hero, among the last of the Tesco Managers and owner of a living phone box. He is also a bad detective and an unsuccessful writer. And he likes a drink and a sit down. Speaking of drinking and sitting down…
• Willow: He is Willow. Or WILLOW. Depending on how loud you are speaking. He is part Tesco Manager apparently, a fearsome magician – having reached The Lifting and trained under Bill Bailey to use the powers of Willow the Religion, and he is also General of the Time Agency. He’s also Maddie’s son. Weird, huh?
• Maddie: Good friend of Mr. Sykes, the penis leg toting, Jared / Noel fancying Maddie spends most of the older stories having pie, or at least wanting it. In later installments, her cravings for it mellowed somewhat and she settled down as a more level-headed leader of the gang, often looking after the ‘S5 family’ and their elf relatives in times of need. Years of karate have hardened her into a formidable warrior more than capable of taking on the horrors that just keep appearing in Lewes…for some reason. She also has her own special language, choosing to use words such as 'man-whore, poo-heads, and men-liker' in place of more traditional expletives.
• Jad: Also known as JD, Jad, Jaddie the Wee Bad Laddie and Dartnell the Bad, everyone’s favorite “RR!”ing computer maniac lends his technological genius to aid James in his adventures. In later stories, JD is revealed to be god. In the 15th story, his friends look for a way to make him god.
• Matt: Time Agent with incredible fighting abilities. Besides helping James in his fight against Ramez, Matt has taken Willow as an apprentice to train him to become a time agent himself. Matt also acts as an assistant to JD. He is also well versed with The Formula.
• Jon/Hatman 368: Has a complicated history. Well, this is an encyclopedia. Made by the Tesco Managers, it was part of the “Hatman” projects. It is made from an incredibly durable metal alloy, made from the time vortex itself. As a result, it is indestructible. It was made as a case for the time vortex, as living things burn after having possession of it for too long. It has trouble controlling the time vortex due to its unpredictable nature. As a result, it stays away from people to avoid harming them. The Tesco managers managed to program 368 to ensure that the Tesco managers never become extinct.
• Ramez: The “evil genius”. Well, apart from the genius part. Between stroking his head, patting his head, breathing himself and shaving his head, Ramez is often seen conspiring to take over the world/universe and shoving his head down the sink in an attempt to wash his hair. Not to mention falling over bins and ordering his butler, G, to implement his devious schemes and to do his coursework.
• Simon: Simon invariably appears in the stories. He rarely takes a side in the proceedings, although he does briefly help James. He is often seen eating Willow and playing on his PSP. He is known to play Counterstrike often. Simon also reads the stories. In the later stories, he became a member of the White Lodge, giving him the power to appear in dream sequences. He is now a far more prominent character, often fighting with ninja throwing stars, and offering people cups of tea/cider.
• Will: Besides being obsessed with Maddie, Will helps Sykes in the stories. It can be argued that he was more helpful in the original stories (remember the rocket launcher?) but he still helps him fight against Ramez. And whatever else he fights against...
• Isaac: Isaac does not make many appearances in the story. In his brief appearances he plays on his PSP, appears in Swanage on Studland beach and owns a unicorn. Called Sally. He also completes the Seaford trio with Simon and Matt.
• Sherwood: Also known as “Alex”, “Sprite” and “Farmer”, Sherwood has been a frequent player in the stories. He is an elf-like creature that possesses a tranquilising bite. He used to fetch cups of tea for Mrs Kamal before learning of her evil intentions. After the first story, Sherwood helps Sykes in his random adventures.. Sounds exciting...Following being hit by the DVD of Life, Alex has become invincible.
• The Cat: James’ mysterious ex-pet. He can talk without moving his mouth and possesses glow-in-the-dark whiskers, the ability to levitate, an infinitely big stomach and a fully working set of gills. When he talks, he must end every sentence with “James” for unknown reasons. The Cat is also known to have a cat sized hat, guitar and suit. The Cat is still a figure shrouded in mystery.

Organizations edit see section history

• Dartnell and Sykes Investigative Detective Agency: Add a description of this organization.
• Time agency

First Sentence edit see section history

Authors & Contributors edit see section history

Other Contributors:

1. Willow (Contributor)
2. Madeleine Bates (Contributor)
3. Jon Harper (Contributor)
4. James Dartnell (Contributor)

First Edition edit see section history