Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me (2011) (edit title/settings)

Ridiculously Simplified Synopsis edit see section history

Characters/People edit see section history

• Chelsea Handler: Author
• Heather McDonald: Chelsea's friend/employee
• Brad Wollack: Chelsea's friend/employee
• Johnny Kansas: Chelsea's friend/Employee
• Sarah Colonna: Add a description of this character.
• Roy Handler: Chelsea's Brother
• Ted: Chelsea's ex-boyfriend/CEO of E!
• Gina
• Zoughi
• Gary
• Shannon
• Shana: Chelsea's Sister
• Beth
• Linda
• Tom
• Peter
• Rick
• Amy
• Kevin
• Meryl Streep: Actress
• Chuy: Chelsea's assistant
• Rose
• Michael Broussard
• Chuck
• Chris Franjola
• Glen

Quotes edit see section history

• Popular Highlights from Kindle Customers

• Even when it’s at the expense of others, it’s important to laugh. Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

  Highlighted by 106 Kindle customers

• You slice the bagel, scoop out all the carb-infested middle, then toast what’s left, and pile on light cream cheese, tomatoes, and cucumbers, and a hint of fresh lemon juice.

  Highlighted by 41 Kindle customers

• To Chelsea, discovering an unattended, unlocked computer is like finding a giant bowl of dicks. She can’t keep her hands off it.

  Highlighted by 35 Kindle customers

• My mom didn’t mind if we cursed, as long as it was casual and we didn’t use curse words as verbs or in anger. She told us life could be very disappointing at times, and if we were upset about the outcome of a soccer game or a D-plus on a math test, “Oh, fuck” was a perfectly acceptable way to express ourselves.

  Highlighted by 31 Kindle customers

• That’s one of the first things you learn in business school. It’s hard to take a man seriously when you can see his nipples.

  Highlighted by 29 Kindle customers

• I think I should mention a couple of things here. First, Chelsea is an insanely fast typist. She’s like one of those idiot savants you see on 60 Minutes who can’t tie their shoes but can play the shit out of Rachmaninoff on the piano. Chelsea can’t sing, can’t cook, and she looks like an asshole on the dance floor, but she can type like a coked-out court reporter with a plane to catch. I don’t know why or when she learned to type like that, but my guess is that in high school someone said, “We’re giving free abortions to the fastest typist in the room.”

  Highlighted by 29 Kindle customers

• I would never lie; I willfully participate in a campaign of misinformation. —FOX MULDER

  Highlighted by 26 Kindle customers

• You think Tina Turner didn’t jump every time Ike reached for the salt?

  Highlighted by 23 Kindle customers

• Watching him apply sunscreen is like watching someone rub Ranch Dressing into a brown shag carpet.

  Highlighted by 22 Kindle customers

• misanthrope with the maturity level of an eight-year-old who had to repeat the third grade several times. Am I pleased with myself? Sort of, but I am definitely not proud. I know that I should be more mature than I am, and I have sometimes tried to curb my behavior, but it never seems to take. I have to come to terms with what it is I have to offer the world, and obviously what it is isn’t mind-blowing.

  Highlighted by 15 Kindle customers

Setting & Locations edit see section history

• Livingston, NJ
• Cabo San Lucas
• Los Angeles, Ca
• Bahamas
• New Jersey
• Hawaii
• Sydney
• Mexico

First Sentence edit see section history

Table of Contents edit see section history

Authors & Contributors edit see section history

1. Chelsea Handler (Author)

First Edition edit see section history

Classification edit see section history

• Library of Congress: Add the Library of Congress Classification.
• Dewey: 814

Notes for Parents edit see section history

Add a note to help parents select a book for a child.

Subjects edit see section history

• Books › Entertainment › Humor

More Books Like This edit see section history