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An affirming, revealing examination of the painful effects of shame—with new, powerful strategies that promise to transform a woman’s abilitiy to love, parent, work, and build relationships. Shame manifests itself in many ways. Addiction, perfectionism, fear and blame are just a few of... read more

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Quotes edit see section history

  • “Compassion is not a virtue—it is a commitment. It’s not something we have or don’t have—it’s something we choose to practice.”
  • Popular Highlights from Kindle Customers
  • Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.
    Highlighted by 369 Kindle customers
  • Shame is about the fear of disconnection. When we are experiencing shame, we are steeped in the fear of being ridiculed, diminished or seen as flawed. We are afraid that we’ve exposed or revealed a part of us that jeopardizes our connection and our worthiness of acceptance.
    Highlighted by 255 Kindle customers
  • four defining attributes of empathy. They are: (1) to be able to see the world as others see it; (2) to be nonjudgmental; (3) to understand another person’s feelings; and (4) to communicate your understanding of that person’s feelings.
    Highlighted by 233 Kindle customers
  • “People believe they deserve their shame; they do not believe they deserve their humiliation.”
    Highlighted by 229 Kindle customers
  • Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging. Women often experience shame when they are entangled in a web of layered, conflicting and competing social-community expectations. Shame creates feelings of fear, blame and disconnection.
    Highlighted by 226 Kindle customers
  • Guilt and shame are both emotions of self-evaluation; however, that is where the similarities end. The majority of shame researchers agree that the difference between shame and guilt is best understood as the differences between “I am bad” (shame) and “I did something bad” (guilt). Shame is about who we are and guilt is about our behaviors.
    Highlighted by 213 Kindle customers
  • Shame unravels our connection to others. In fact, I often refer to shame as the fear of disconnection—the fear of being perceived as flawed and unworthy of acceptance or belonging.
    Highlighted by 202 Kindle customers
  • Shame and self-esteem are very different issues. We feel shame. We think self-esteem. Our self-esteem is based on how we see ourselves—our strengths and limitations—over time. It is how and what we think of ourselves. Shame is an emotion. It is how we feel when we have certain experiences. When we are in shame, we don’t see the big picture; we don’t accurately think about our strengths and limitations. We just feel alone, exposed and deeply flawed.
    Highlighted by 193 Kindle customers
  • Compassion is not a virtue—it is a commitment. It’s not something we have or don’t have—it’s something we choose to practice.
    Highlighted by 184 Kindle customers
  • “You cannot shame or belittle people into changing their behaviors.”
    Highlighted by 178 Kindle customers
Show all 11 quotes from this book

First Sentence edit see section history

When people ask me how I became a shame researcher, I tell them that my career was built around one sentence: "You cannot shame or belittle people into changing their behaviors."

Authors & Contributors edit see section history

  1. C. Brené Brown (Author)

Classification edit see section history


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