Shepherding a Child's Heart (1995) (edit title/settings)

Ridiculously Simplified Synopsis edit see section history

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Characters/People edit see section history

• James: Add a description of this character.
• John
• Heather
• Lauren
• Suzie
• Simon
• Aaron
• Abraham
• Mommy
• Donna
• Matthew

Quotes edit see section history

• “Parenting is shepherding the hearts of your children in the ways of God's wisdom.”

  Tedd Tripp

• “The central focus of parenting is the gospel. You need to direct not simply the behavior of your children, but the attitudes of their hearts.”

  Tedd Tripp

• “God calls you by his Word and his example to be authorities who are truly kind. God calls you to exercise authority, not in making your children do what you want, but in being true servants—authorities who lay down your lives. The purpose for your authority in the lives of your children is not to hold them under your power, but to empower them to be self-controlled people living freely under the authority of God.”

• “The central focus of parenting is the gospel. You need to direct not simply the behavior of your children, but the attitudes of their hearts. You need to show them not just the 'what' of their sin and failure, but the 'why.' Your children desperately need to understand no only the external 'what' they did wrong, but also the internal 'why' they did it. You must help them see that God works from the inside out. Therefore, your parenting goal cannot simply be well behaved children. Your children must also understand why they sin and how to recognize internal change.”

• “The behavior a person exhibits is an expression of the overflow of the heart.”

• “A change in behavior that does not stem from a change in heart is not commendable; it is condemnable. Is it not the hypocrisy that Jesus condemned in the Pharisees? In Matthew 15, Jesus denounces the Pharisees who have honored him with their lips while their hearts were far from him. Jesus censures them as people who wash the outside of the cup while the inside is still unclean. Yet this is what we often do in childrearing. We demand changed behavior and never address the heart that drives the behavior.”

• “The important issue for our purposes is how those failures are treated. Are these children made to feel foolish? Are they mocked for their failures? Does the family find amusement at the expense of family members? Some parents show a marvelous ability to see failed attempts as praiseworthy efforts. They always encourage. they are adept at neutralizing the effects of a fiasco. Whether the child has know credible commendation or carping criticism or the mix of those things will be a powerful shaping influence in his life.”

• “Two mistakes are made in interacting with the shaping influences of life. The first is seeing shaping influences deterministically. It is the error of assuming that the child is a helpless victim of the circumstances in which he was raised. The second mistake is denial. It is the mistake of saying the child is unaffected by his early childhood experience.”

• “I have a friend who is a potter. He told me that he can only create the type of pot the clay he is working with will allow him to create. The clay is not merely passive in his hands. The clay responds to him. Some clay is elastic and supple. Some clay is crumbly and hard to shape. His observation provides a good analogy: You must be concerned with providing the most stable shaping influences, but you may never suppose that you are merely molding passive clay. The clay responds to shaping; it either accepts or rejects molding. Children are never passive receivers of shaping. Rather, they are active responders.”

• “It is instructive to ask parents what concrete training objectives they have for their children. Most parents cannot quickly generate a list of the strengths and weaknesses of their children. Nor can they articulate what they are doing to strengthen their child's weak areas or to encourage his strengths. Many moms and dads have not sat down and discussed their short-term and long-term goals for their children. They have not developed strategies for parenting. They do not know what God says about children and his requirements for them. Little thought has been given to methods and approaches that would focus correction upon attitudes of heart rather than merely on behavior.”

• “We don't see ourselves as God's agents. We, therefore, correct our children when they irritate us. When their behavior doesn't irritate us, we don't correct them. Thus, our correction is not us rescuing our children from the path of danger; it is rather us airing our frustration.”

• “Discipline as positive instruction rather than negative punishment does not rules out consequences or outcomes of behavior. Consequences and outcomes of behavior are certainly part of the process God uses to chasten his people. The Bible illustrates the power of proper outcomes to show blessing on obedience and the destruction that comes with sin and disobedience.”

• “We pander to their desires and wishes. We teach them to find their soul's delight in going places and doing things. We attempt to satisfy their lust for excitement. We fill their young lives with distractions from God. We give them material things and take delight in their delight in possession. Then we hope that somewhere down the line they will see that a life worth living is found in knowing and serving God.”

• “The finest art of communication is not learning how to express your thoughts. It is learning how to draw out the thoughts of another. Your objective in communication must be to understand your child, not simply to have your child understand you. Many parents never learn these skills. They never discover how to help their children articulate their thoughts and feelings.”

• “Your first objective in correction must not be to tell your children how you feel about what they have done or said. You must try to understand what is going on inside them. Since the Scripture says that it is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks, you must engage your children to understand what is going on inside.”

• “When a child knows that all his life you have sought to see the world through his eyes, he will trust you. When he knows that you have not tried to make him like you or like anybody else, but only sought to help him realize his full potential as a creature God made to know Him and live in the relationship of fellowship with Him, he will trust you.”

• “Communication is the art of expressing in godly ways what is in my heart and of hearing completely and understanding what another thinks and feels.”

• Popular Highlights from Kindle Customers

• The purpose for your authority in the lives of your children is not to hold them under your power, but to empower them to be self-controlled people living freely under the authority of God.

  Highlighted by 63 Kindle customers

• You may not direct your children for your own agenda or convenience. You must direct your children on God’s behalf for their good.

  Highlighted by 47 Kindle customers

• You need to direct not simply the behavior of your children, but the attitudes of their hearts. You need to show them not just the “what” of their sin and failure, but the “why.” Your children desperately need to understand not only the external “what” they did wrong, but also the internal “why” they did it.

  Highlighted by 44 Kindle customers

• The parenting task is multifaceted. It involves being a kind authority, shepherding your children to understand themselves in God’s world, and keeping the gospel in clear view so your children can internalize the good news and someday live in mutuality with you as people under God.

  Highlighted by 44 Kindle customers

• children generally do not resist authority that is truly kind and selfless.

  Highlighted by 39 Kindle customers

• Your children are responsible for the way they respond to your parenting.

  Highlighted by 32 Kindle customers

• You must help your child ask the questions that will expose that attitude of the heart that has resulted in wrong behavior.

  Highlighted by 28 Kindle customers

• A change in behavior that does not stem from a change in heart is not commendable; it is condemnable.

  Highlighted by 20 Kindle customers

• Are the values of your home based on human tradition and the basic principles of this world or on Christ?

  Highlighted by 19 Kindle customers

• The person your child becomes is a product of two things. The first is his life experience. The second is how he interacts with that experience.

  Highlighted by 18 Kindle customers

Setting & Locations edit see section history

• Hebrews
• Israel

First Sentence edit see section history

Table of Contents edit see section history

Authors & Contributors edit see section history

1. Tedd Tripp (Author)

First Edition edit see section history

Classification edit see section history

• Library of Congress: Add the Library of Congress Classification.
• Dewey: 248.845

Subjects edit see section history

• Books › Religion & Spirituality › Christianity › Christian Living
• Books › Parenting & Families › Parenting