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Description edit
"Most people think of love as a feeling," says David Richo, "but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present." In this book, Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships—one that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person.... read more
Ridiculously Simplified Synopsis edit
Quotes edit
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“I may feel I love you and say it with passion when I am mostly reacting to the way my own needs are being met through you”
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“I may feel that I love you because you love me, or will not leave me, or will not let me feel lonely, or will not make me feel anything”
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“Love can be confused with clinging that is welcomed by the other, sexual desire that is satisfied by the other, or neediness that is fulfilled by the other”
- Popular Highlights from Kindle Customers
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We feel loved when we receive attention, acceptance, appreciation, and affection, and when we are allowed the freedom to live in accord with our own deepest needs and wishes.
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Attention from others leads to self-respect. Acceptance engenders a sense of being inherently a good person. Appreciation generates a sense of self-worth. Affection makes us feel lovable. Allowing gives us the freedom to pursue our own deepest needs, values, and wishes.
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In healthy intimate relationships we do not seek more than 25 percent of our nurturance from a partner; we learn to find the rest within ourselves.
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Love from another adult does more than just satisfy us in the present. It ripples back in time for us, repairing, restoring, and renovating an inadequate past.
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Those who love us understand us and are available to us with an attention, appreciation, acceptance, and affection we can feel. They make room for us to be who we are.
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Most of us know just what it takes for us to feel loved. What we have to learn is how to ask for it. A partner is not a mind-reader, so it is up to each of us to tell our partner what our brand of love is. And if we have to teach our partner how to love us, we also have to learn how to love him. Knowing this makes it clear that love is not a sentimental feeling but a conscious choice to give and receive in unique and often challenging ways.
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The neurotic ego, on the other hand, is the part of us that is compulsively driven or stymied by fear or desire, feeding arrogance, entitlement, attachment, and the need to control other people. Sometimes it is self-negating and makes us feel we are victims of others. This neurotic ego is the one we are meant to dismantle as our spiritual task in life. Its tyrannies frighten intimacy away and menace our self-esteem.
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We are fulfilled when we live out our personal capacity for loving. Our spiritual practice is perfect when we show love in every one of the unique and peerless ways that are in us.
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Mindful witnessing is compassionate witnessing, a committed presence free of fear or clinging.
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“I am fully present here and now with all my unconditional attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing. I am happy to let go of judgment, fear, control, and demands. May this be the way I show my love to everyone. May I be ever more open to the love that comes to me. May I feel compassion for those who are afraid of love. May all beings find this path of love.”
Highlighted by 102 Kindle customers
First Sentence edit
We are born with a capacity to dance together but not with the necessary training.
Authors & Contributors edit
- David Richo (Author)
First Edition edit
Original Language: English
Publisher: Shambhala Pubns
Country: Add the country of publication.
Publication Date: 2002
ISBN: 1570628122
Page Count: 240
Publisher: Shambhala Pubns
Country: Add the country of publication.
Publication Date: 2002
ISBN: 1570628122
Page Count: 240
Classification edit
- Library of Congress: Add the Library of Congress Classification.
- Dewey: 158.2
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