Agnes and the Hitman (2008) (edit title/settings)

Ridiculously Simplified Synopsis edit see section history

Write a ridiculously simplified synopsis.

Characters edit see section history

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• Agnes Crandall: A food columnist with a deadly temper who occasionally tries to kill her unfaithful boyfriends (by hitting them with a skillet), and now people are trying to kill her and kidnap her dog. (main character)
• Shane Smith: A government hitman who makes it a point to keep his work and personal life separate that is until his uncle Joey calls him in to protect Agnes from whoever's trying to kill her.
• Joey Torcelli: Ex-mobster; Owns diner in town; Agnes' friend and Shane's uncle
• Carpenter: Shane's partner
• Lisa Livia Fortunato: Agnes' best friend
• Brenda Fortunato: The previous owner of Two Rivers and the one who is trying to ruin Maria's wedding.
• Garth "Three Wheels" Thibault: grandson of "Four wheels Thibault"
• Doyle: Handyman
• Maria Fortunato: The daughter of Lisa Livia and granddaughter of Brenda, the one who is getting married
• Palmer Keyes: The groom
• Evie Keyes: Mother of the groom.
• Simon Xavier: Police detective
• One-Eyed Alligator: Also appears in Don't Look Down.
• Taylor: Fiancée and business partner to Cranky Anges
• Frankie Fortunato: First husband to Brenda; Lisa Livia's father
• Wilson: Shane and Carpenter's boss
• Rhett: Agnes' blood hound
• Casey Dean: Another Hitman
• Don Fortunato: Current head of the mob family.
• Hammond: Deputy Detective of Keyes; In love with Maria
• Rocko: Add a description of this character.
• Dr. Garvin: Agnes' court-appointed psychologist
• Maisie: The Keyes' Florist
• Reverend Miller
• Kristy: Photographer
• Mr. Harrison
• Downer: Palmer's Best Man
• Wesley
• Michael
• Barry
• Butch: Zoologist
• Brenda Dupres: Grandmother of the bride, Maria; Mother to Lisa LiviaSold Two Rivers to Agnes
• Abigail
• Jefferson Keyes: Palmer's father; Evie Keyes husbandOwns most of Keyes
• Tara
• Roger
• Grandpa

Quotes edit see section history

• “Contentment with the past, happiness in the present, and hope for the future.”

  Carpenter

• “Leave it to the army to mechanize an erection.”

  Lisa Livia Fortunato

• “Angry language makes us angrier”

  Dr. Garvin

• Popular Highlights from Kindle Customers

• “Contentment with the past, happiness with the present, and hope for the future. Learned optimism.”

  Highlighted by 11 Kindle customers

• DOGS AND GODDESSES ISBN: 0-312-94437-3 Coming

  Highlighted by 5 Kindle customers

• Think before you eat, people: Food should be the life of you, not the death of you.

  Highlighted by 5 Kindle customers

• “Is he going to try to kill me?” “No.” “Already I like him,” Agnes said, and went into the bedroom.

  Highlighted by 3 Kindle customers

• I’ll kill any son of a bitch who tries.” He stopped. “Not that I’ll have to. Anybody who wants him will have to come through his mother first, and God help that poor bastard.”

  Highlighted by 3 Kindle customers

• Not that he wouldn’t move in there in a second if invited. Breakfast had pretty much sealed that deal.

  Highlighted by 3 Kindle customers

• “That’s my girl,” Shane said, and went out the back door, remembering too late that she wasn’t. He had to get out of Keyes.

  Highlighted by 3 Kindle customers

• “That fuckin’ hairball is tryin’ to hurt my little Agnes? I’ll kill the bum.” Joey pulled his gun out. “Let’s go whack him.” “No,” Shane said, though it was tempting.

  Highlighted by 3 Kindle customers

• Agnes had awoken slowly to voices out by the gazebo and then quickly to the realization that she was naked on her back porch with a teenage boy imprisoned in her basement and a cop walking up to her back door.

  Highlighted by 3 Kindle customers

• Many of us have a recipe passed down to us by our mothers that pretty much sums up our childhood memories in an ingredient list. In my case, it was “One chilled glass, two parts Tanqueray, wave at the vermouth bottle, stir clockwise if you’re north of the equator, and for God’s sake, Agnes, don’t bruise the gin.”

  Highlighted by 3 Kindle customers

Setting & Locations edit see section history

• Keyes, South Carolina
• Savannah
• Caddy
• Atlanta
• Hot Pink

First Sentence edit see section history

Table of Contents edit see section history

Authors & Contributors edit see section history

1. Jennifer Crusie (Author)
2. Bob Mayer (Author)

First Edition edit see section history

Classification edit see section history

• Library of Congress: Add the Library of Congress Classification.
• Dewey: 813.54

Notes for Parents edit see section history

Contains frequent, graphic language, fairly explicit sex, and comic violence. Most of the content is for comedy, but readers should be warned.

Subjects edit see section history

• Books › Literature & Fiction › Women's Fiction › Domestic Life
• Books › Romance › Romantic Suspense
• Books › Literature & Fiction › Contemporary

More Books Like This edit see section history