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Description edit
A self-deprecating and laughably unfiltered view into the daily mishaps of a man who wants to rule his suburban family, but is little more than a drone in the hive.
Ridiculously Simplified Synopsis edit
Summary edit
Lost in the Hive is a celebration of the insane yet glorious moments that punctuate everyday life. While I use my own experiences to shape the chapters, readers will see themselves and their own questionable decisions in many of the stories. Lost in the Hive is full of what most of us think... read more (warning: may contain spoilers)
Quotes edit
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“In this realm, every remote control button launches a buffet of hardcore smut, year-round baseball, or novelty hybrids like porn baseball (where the seventh inning stretch is can’t-miss entertainment). I try to watch, but miss a lot; my wife insists upon sexual excesses that would send the Marquis de Sade shrieking away. (“You want me to put what where? And how does this six pack of ginger ale figure into things? And why does that ferret look so angry?”)”
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“I now live by a simple formula: explosion or fire (or chance for sex) = now; anything else = later”
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“What’s more, I’m forever catching myself falling into the clichéd but entirely instinctive habit of extending my top teeth over my bottom lip—the dreaded white man’s overbite. I make this same face during sex, although few similarities exist between dancing and lovemaking, other than that I’m winded after doing either for a short period of time . . . that, and I don’t do either very well.”
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“Patty rolls over and flop-drapes an arm across my chest. This is her way of saying she’s there for me if I receive irrefutable evidence hell is freezing over, but she’d prefer to be well rested for any imminent apocalypse.”
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“When I wake, I flip the sheets off my wife, hoping against hope I’ll come face to face with a juicy, roasted turkey leg, like in the old cartoons. I’m tempted to lick her arm once, just to be sure. I don’t. Just about everything in the world tastes like chicken, but Patty, I am sure, does not. This sudden nude moment turns out to be unexpected and not entirely welcome. Patty grumbles, “Stop that,” and flips over in a huff.”
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“Our dog Echo also did the most adorable thing—he’d saunter in while my brother and I were watching television, squat like a center lineman ready to snap a football, and instead snap off a tightly coiled pile on the carpet before us. He’d then look at us, as if to say, “Not bad, huh? And get this—I was just outside.” We would pull our shirts up over our faces, like bank robbers, and pretend this grotesque indecency hadn’t just gone down before our eyes. If we tilted our heads just so, we could ease the offending pyramid out of our range of vision, so that if my mother walked in we could both pretend we hadn’t noticed. When Echo returned moments later, not to apologize (“Sorry, guys, I guess that was disgusting”), but to consume the evidence, we decided there was nothing on television we’d ever want to see again, and went outside.”
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“As I leaned in for a closer look, something else timeless and evil assailed my nostrils—cat urine, in amounts that, in spite of my horror, inspired a form of twisted awe. To this day, we haven’t the faintest idea how an average-sized cat could remove the lid, do his business for what had to be a full half-hour, and then reseal the works to be discovered later, a terrible biohazard surprise. All of this within five feet of a clean litter box.”
Organizations edit
- Chicago White Sox: Author describes a day at the ball park that went completely wrong from start to finish.
First Sentence edit
Like many not-so-dangerously-handsome men whose hopes of gracing the cover of People's Sexiest Man Alive issue long ago fell into the giant compost heap of what-could-never-have-been-and-sure-as-hell-won't-happen-now, I often drift into whimsical daydreams.
Table of Contents edit
Introduction: A Drone Before the Queen
Shoo Fly Try
Hope Springs Eternal . . . and Early
A Clean and Present Danger
Things Weigh Heavily on Me . . . All Over Me
Pets—A Cautionary Tale
A Day in the Life
Tim Treadwell, We Hardly Knew Ye
My Wife Told Me Not to Write About Sex
Midnight in My Garden of Pure Evil
I Thought I Told You Not to Write About Sex
Victory and De-Feet
Immaculate Misconceptions
Going Green
Years on the Throne
Tenderness, Pleasure, Hope and Experience
Funny as a Heart Attack
The Pursuit of Happiness . . . and Other Trivia
Land of the Mocking Stork
Straining the Weakest Link
Favor of the Month
Not a Guy’s Guy
Waiting for God . . . Oh
Authors & Contributors edit
- Brian O'Mara-Croft (Author)
First Edition edit
Original Language: English
Publisher: PublishingWorks
Country: U.S.A.
Publication Date: June, 2010
ISBN: 1935557084
Page Count: 215
Publisher: PublishingWorks
Country: U.S.A.
Publication Date: June, 2010
ISBN: 1935557084
Page Count: 215
Classification edit
- Library of Congress: Add the Library of Congress Classification.
- Dewey: 920
Subjects edit
Popular Tags
Links to Supplemental Material edit
- Lost in the Hive (official site)
- Lost in the Hive blog: Author's blog, a companion to the book.
- Lost in the Hive on Facebook
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