Search advanced search
 
Books
Search:
x dismiss this message

Did you know you can edit this page?

Sh*t My Dad Says
  • Rated 0 stars
Read Sh*t My Dad Says

Sh*t My Dad Says (2010) (edit title/settings)

by Justin Halpern (Author) (edit contributors)

Share this book on:
see page history

Description edit see section history

“If you’re wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud yes.” (Christian Lander, New York Times bestselling author of Stuff White People Like ) “Justin Halpern tosses lightening bolts of laughter out of his pocket like he is... read more

Ridiculously Simplified Synopsis edit see section history

  • - Foul mouthed father expounds paternal wisdom via curse words.
  • - Author relates memories of humorous quotes of his blunt father.

Summary edit see section history

To begin the book, Halpern describes the circumstances which lead to the writing of this memoir; after a harsh breakup, Halpern was left with no job, no home, and only his parents to help him regain his emotional and financial footing. Halpern's parents allowed him to move back into the... read more

To begin the book, Halpern describes the circumstances which lead to the writing of this memoir; after a harsh breakup, Halpern was left with no job, no home, and only his parents to help him regain his emotional and financial footing. Halpern's parents allowed him to move back into the house, and throughout the narrative, he gives childhood stories which illustrate his father's personality as well as the author's sense of humor.

We learn (in not so many words) that Halpern's father has always been an honest and honorable person, even if his blunt nature tends to be embarrassing to those around him. Most excerpts Halpern offers show a through-line of fatherly guidance beginning in early childhood, progressing through early adulthood, and finally ending at the culmination of his own success as a writer. Throughout the narrative, Halpern showcases quotes which show the support he has gained from his father.

The end of the book is much like the beginning, returning to the breakup which resulted in Halpern's decision to write a book, but it is augmented by an insight into his father's life which thus far, has been seen through the lens of Halpern's memory. Halpern's father encourages him to write the last chapter of the book about his own long ago mistake concerning love and selfishness. The implication is that this last anecdote has helped the writer to move past his emotional disappointment, as well as allowing him to see his father as a man, rather than the familiar father figure he has always known.

People edit see section history

Show all 20 characters
Popular Covers

Loading covers…

Choose your book’s cover

Quotes edit see section history

  • “"I just want silence.... Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more."”
  • “On Off-Limits Zones in Hide-and-Go-Seek: "What the fuck are you doing in my closet? Don't shush me, it's my fucking closet."”
  • “On Waterslides: "You go on ahead. I'd rather not be shot out of a tube into a pool filled with a bunch of nine-year-olds' urine."”
  • “That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them."”
  • “Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking”
  • “Never Assume That Which You Do Not Know”
    Justin's Dad
  • “It's Important to Behave Oneself”
  • Popular Highlights from Kindle Customers
  • “You’re going to run into jerk-offs, but remember: It’s not the size of the asshole you worry about, it’s how much shit comes out of it.”
    Highlighted by 547 Kindle customers
  • “If you work hard and study hard, and you fuck up, that’s okay. If you fuck up and you fuck up, then you’re a fuckup,”
    Highlighted by 528 Kindle customers
  • On Accidentally Eating Dog Treats “Snausages? I’ve been eating dog treats? Why the fuck would you put them on the counter where the rest of the food is? Fuck it, they’re delicious. I will not be shamed by this.”
    Highlighted by 429 Kindle customers
  • On My First Driving Lesson “First things first: A car has five gears. What is that smell?…Okay, first thing before that first thing: Farting in a car that’s not moving makes you an asshole.”
    Highlighted by 404 Kindle customers
  • On Getting a Job as a Cook at Hooters “You, my good man, are not as dumb as I first fucking suspected.”
    Highlighted by 342 Kindle customers
  • “Los Angeles is like San Diego’s older, uglier sister that has herpes.”
    Highlighted by 339 Kindle customers
  • On Sharing “I’m sorry, but if your brother doesn’t want you to play with his shit, then you can’t play with it. It’s his shit. If he wants to be an asshole and not share, then that’s his right. You always have the right to be an asshole—you just shouldn’t use that right very often.”
    Highlighted by 255 Kindle customers
  • On Sportsmanship “You pitched a great game, you really did. I’m proud of you. Unfortunately, your team is shitty…. No, you can’t go getting mad at people because they’re shitty. Life will get mad at them, don’t worry.”
    Highlighted by 254 Kindle customers
  • On Getting in Trouble at School “Why would you throw a ball in someone’s face?…Huh. That’s a pretty good reason. Well, I can’t do much about your teacher being pissed, but me and you are good.”
    Highlighted by 253 Kindle customers
  • On Toilet Training “You are four years old. You have to shit in the toilet. This is not one of those negotiations where we’ll go back and forth and find a middle ground. This ends with you shitting in a toilet.”
    Highlighted by 211 Kindle customers
Show all 17 quotes from this book

First Sentence edit see section history

"All I ask is that you pick up your shit so you don't leave your bedroom looking like it was used for a gang bang."

Table of Contents edit see section history

Introduction

Never Assume That Which You Do Not Know
A Man's House Is His House
It's Important to Behave Oneself
Do Not Be a Goddamned Liar
It's Important to Know the Value of a Dollar
Not Everyone's Balls Should Be Busted
Try Your Best, and When That's Not Good Enough, Figure Something Out Quick
At the End of the Day, You Have to Make the Best Decision for Yourself
Confidence Is the Way to a Woman's Heart, or at Least into Her Pants
Always Put Your Best Foot Forward
You Have to Believe You're Worth a Damn
Focus on Living, Dying Is the Easy Part
Don't Be So Quick to Buy into What Authority Prescribes
You Never Stop Worrying About Your Children
At the End of the Day, at Least You Have Family
Sometimes It's Nice When People You Love Need You
You Have to Listen, and Don't Ignore What You Hear

Acknowledgments

Authors & Contributors edit see section history

  1. Justin Halpern (Author)

First Edition edit see section history

Original Language: English
Publisher: It Books
Country: USA
Publication Date: May 4, 2010
ISBN: 978-0061992704
Page Count: 158

Classification edit see section history

  • Library of Congress: PS3608.A5488 S57 2010
  • Dewey: 814/.6 22

Notes for Parents edit see section history

Reading Level: Adults

A lot of cussing in this book. Pretty much self explanatory considering the title has the word sh*t in it. Also, more than one mention of self-gratification.

Links to Supplemental Material edit see section history

More Books Like This edit see section history

   
  • Mortified
  • The Bedwetter
  • I Know I Am, But What Are You?

We’re hiding the errata, movie connections, books with additional background information, books that influenced this book, books influenced by this book, books that cite this book and books cited by this book sections. If you would like to add content to them, you must first make them visible.

This book has no spoilers.

© 2006-2013 Shelfari | Terms & Conditions | Privacy Policy | Copyright Policy

Close