Nightlight (2009) (edit title/settings)

Ridiculously Simplified Synopsis edit see section history

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Summary edit see section history

Characters edit see section history

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• Belle Goose: Substitute for Bella Swan. Our protagonist, she is rather full of herself in a reserved, amusing way. Main character.
• Edwart Mullen: Substitute for Edward Cullen. Super-hot computer nerd/dork that has never dated, and is the total opposite of a vampire.
• Jim Goose: Substitute for Charlie Swan. Belle's dad, and the only window wiper in Switchblade. He hates vampires, but he likes werewolves.
• Eva Mullen: Substitute for Esme Cullen. Edwart's mother, physically changed by his plastic surgeon father.
• Joshua: A kid in Belle's class. Is not a substitute for any Twilight characters. Maybe a substitute for James.
• Mr. Franklin: One of Belle's teachers.
• Adam: Substitute for Eric.
• Angelica: Substitute for Angela.
• Vicky: Joshua's friend. Description is similar to that of Victoria.
• Lucy: Substitute for Jessica.
• Tom: Substitute for Mike.

Quotes edit see section history

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• “I typed in a single word: Vampre. Google asked, “Did you mean ‘vampire?’” I said, “yes.”I felt overwhelmed and confused by the results: “Nosferatu,” “The Buffy Summers Workout,” “Kristen Stewart’s Onset Romance,” “Midnight Sun leaked,” “Robert Pattinson Excellent Blues Singer.” Weird. What did any of this have to do with vampires?”

  Belle Goose

• “"Ohh you smell so good""More Smelly Smelly please""If I had to sacrifice my brain apart from the part that smells you I would in an instant""Come on lets go" Said Edwart"That went well""Oh sometimes I get my house mixed up" Explained Edwart "I don't even know those people"”

  Random Vampires,Edwart,Belle Goose

• “I poked the kid in front of me on the back "Hey its Peter right""Yeah""You want to go to the prom with me" I said loud enough so Edwart could hear"Ermm... Do you mind if we go out a few times before I don't really know you"Was he watching,Was he jealous? I turned round too look at his mood ring, still a purplish-brown. I'd have to do more, one date to the prom wasn't enough.”

  Belle Goose, Peter

• “Germs contagious. Contagion alert. But Edwart and Purell are stronger than dirt.”

  Edwart Mullen

• “None of us were very good at saying good-bye. For some reason, it always came out good-BUH.”

  Belle

• “I hoped there wouldn't be any vampires at this school.”

  Belle

• “We sat at a table with Tom and some other ordinaries. They kept asking me probing questions about what my interests were. I gently explained that that was between me and my potential friends.”

  Belle

• “I had recently come into the possession of a Thesaurus. You would not believe how many words there are! When I opened that book, I was like, whoa! Word party!”

  Belle

• “I almost peed myself.”

  Belle

• Popular Highlights from Kindle Customers

• “Germs contagious. Contagion alert. But Edwart and Purell are stronger than dirt.”

  Highlighted by 93 Kindle customers

• Imagine what would happen if something forced that boy to leave! I’m imagining pages and pages would happen—with nothing but the names of the month on them.”

  Highlighted by 89 Kindle customers

• About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him—which I assumed was wildly out of his control—that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, wished that he had kissed me.

  Highlighted by 83 Kindle customers

• Why did the snowballs melt off him as if they were made of some watery substance?

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• I had recently come into the possession of a Thesaurus. You would not believe how many words there are! When I opened that book, I was like, whoa! Word party!

  Highlighted by 74 Kindle customers

• I noticed there was garlic above the doorframe. Edwart held a stake in one hand and a “Team Jacob” shirt in the other.

  Highlighted by 70 Kindle customers

• I hadn’t seen something this beautiful since I was a kid and the Skittles in my sweaty fist turned my hand rainbow.

  Highlighted by 66 Kindle customers

• I was getting a little impatient. Were we going to have to wait four books and thousands of pages for anything to happen?

  Highlighted by 65 Kindle customers

• I turned my desk to face the window so I would be the first to see if an asteroid were coming. Frankly, I find the current custom of all desks facing the front a very dangerous one. Who’s our lookout for the other three sides? The teacher? Not if he’s constantly yelling at me to put down my binoculars and to stop shushing him when he starts to speak.

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• “I love you more than everything in the entire galaxy combined into one potent, delicious piece of gum!”

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Setting & Locations edit see section history

• Switchblade, Oregon: Substitute for Forks, Washington. Home of the lovely Belle Goose and Edwart Mullen.
• Phoenix, Arizona: Belle's home before she moves.

First Sentence edit see section history

Table of Contents edit see section history

Errata edit see section history

On page 106, a quotation error occurs. Correct use:
"Okay, great!" he said, and stopped. "That was quick!"

On page 148, a spelling mistake occurs. Correct use:
towards

Series & Lists edit see section history

List the series to which this book belongs.

Authors & Contributors edit see section history

1. Harvard Lampoon (Author)

First Edition edit see section history

Classification edit see section history

• Library of Congress: Add the Library of Congress Classification.
• Dewey: 813.6

Notes for Parents edit see section history

Young adults, and teens.

Subjects edit see section history

• Books › Literature & Fiction › Genre Fiction › Horror › Vampires
• Books › Entertainment › Humor › Parodies

More Books Like This edit see section history

Books That Influenced This Book edit see section history