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Description edit
Narcissism—an inflated view of the self—is everywhere. Public figures say it’s what makes them stray from their wives. Parents teach it by dressing children in T-shirts that say "Princess." Teenagers and young adults hone it on Facebook, and celebrity newsmakers have elevated it to an art... read more
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“most of the Americans killed in Iraq and Afghanistan were of the same generation that scores an all-time high on the narcissism inventory”
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Narcissists also lack emotionally warm, caring, and loving relationships with other people. This is a main difference between a narcissist and someone merely high in self-esteem: the high self-esteem person who’s not narcissistic values relationships, but the narcissist does not. The result is a fundamentally imbalanced self—a grandiose, inflated self-image and a lack of deep connections to others.
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We’re not number one, but we’re number one in thinking we are number one.
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Self-esteem comes after success, not before, because self-esteem is based on success (whether that’s academic success or simply being a good friend to someone).
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Parents want their kids’ approval, a reversal of the past ideal of children striving for their parents’ approval.
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When children are overindulged, Kindlon argues, it leads to outcomes resembling the seven deadly sins: pride, wrath, envy, sloth, gluttony, lust, and greed. The seven deadly sins are, of course, a succinct summary of the symptoms of narcissism.
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When parents and teachers protect children from failure to cushion their self-esteem, kids may end up doing worse because they aren’t learning from their mistakes. It is just fine to feel a little bad about yourself as you learn something. If you think about the experiences that have taught you the most, they probably involve times you failed or faced huge challenges. Having confidence in your true abilities includes knowing your weaknesses and learning from your failures, and that has nothing to do with hating yourself.
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narcissists are lousy at taking criticism and learning from mistakes. They also like to blame everyone and everything except themselves for their shortcomings. Second, they lack motivation to improve because they believe they have already made it: when you were born on home plate, why run around the bases? Third, overconfidence itself can lead to poor performance. If you think you know all of the answers, there’s no need to study. Then you take the test and fail. Oops.
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Narcissists are missing the piece about caring for others, which is why their self-admiration often spins out of control.
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A recent psychiatric study found that the biggest consequences of narcissism—especially when other psychiatric symptoms were held constant—was suffering by people close to them.
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The violent side of narcissism inspired researcher Del Paulhus to label narcissism one of the “Dark Triad” (the other two are Machiavellianism, or manipulativeness, and sociopathy, which taps antisocial behavior). As Dr. Drew Pinsky noted, “Narcissists are a pleasure to be around. They are wonderful and entertaining. They are the life of the party and can really make you feel good. But God help you if you cross them.”
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Authors & Contributors edit
- Jean M. Twenge (Author)
- W. Keith Campbell (Author)
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Page Count: 303
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Page Count: 303
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- Dewey: 155.232
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