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In David Sedaris's world, no one is safe and no cow is sacred. Sedaris's collection of essays and stories is a rollicking tour through the national Zeitgeist: a do-it-yourself suburban dad saves money by performing home surgery; a man who is loved too much flees the heavyweight champion of the... read more

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  • “If you're looking for sympathy you can find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.”
  • Popular Highlights from Kindle Customers
  • “If you’re looking for sympathy you can find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.”
    Highlighted by 56 Kindle customers
  • Because that’s really something I can’t stand — when people refer to themselves as crazy. The truly crazy are labeled so on the grounds that they see nothing wrong with their behavior. They forge ahead, lighting fires in public buildings and defecating in frying pans without the slightest notion that they are out of step with the rest of society. That, to me, is crazy. Calling yourself crazy is not crazy, only obnoxious.
    Highlighted by 13 Kindle customers
  • if you think too hard about anything it’s bound to take the fun out of it.
    Highlighted by 11 Kindle customers
  • Rather than say something interesting once, they repeat a cliché and hope for the same effect.
    Highlighted by 9 Kindle customers
  • Each of us is left to choose our own quality of life and take pleasure where we find it, with the understanding that, like Mom used to say, “Sooner or later, something’s going to get you.”
    Highlighted by 8 Kindle customers
  • All of us take pride and pleasure in the fact that we are unique, but I’m afraid that when all is said and done the police are right: it all comes down to fingerprints.
    Highlighted by 7 Kindle customers
  • Sallie Mae sounds like a naive and barefoot hillbilly girl but in fact they are a ruthless and aggressive conglomeration of bullies located in a tall brick building somewhere in Kansas. I picture it to be the tallest building in that state and I have decided they hire their employees straight out of prison. It scares me.
    Highlighted by 7 Kindle customers
  • I don’t understand nice. Nice is a lazy one-syllable word and it says nothing at all. I prefer to surround myself with more complex words, such as heroic and commanding.
    Highlighted by 7 Kindle customers
  • Standing in a two-hour line makes people worry that they’re not living in a democratic nation.
    Highlighted by 6 Kindle customers
  • It was a large group of retarded people and after watching them for a few minutes I could not begin to guess where the retarded people ended and the regular New Yorkers began. Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.
    Highlighted by 4 Kindle customers
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Setting & Locations edit see section history

First Sentence edit see section history

I WAS ON "Oprah" a while ago, talking about how I used to love too much.

Table of Contents edit see section history

Stories

Parade 3
Music for Lovers 12
The Last You'll Hear from Me 18
My Manuscript 22
Firestone 31
We Get Along 38
Glen's Homophobia Newsletter Vol. 3, No. 2 58
Don's Story 67
Season's Greetings to Our Friends and Family!!! 77
Jamboree 95
After Malison 112
Barrel Fever 126


Essays

Diary of a Smoker 151
Giantess 155
The Curly Kind 161
SantaLand Diaries 167

Authors & Contributors edit see section history

  1. David Sedaris (Author)

First Edition edit see section history

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Page Count: 208

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  • Musings on Minutiae

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