Doug Lee is undead quite by accident—attacked by a desperate vampire, he finds himself cursed with being fat and fifteen forever. When he has no luck finding some goth chick with a vampire fetish, he resorts to sucking the blood of cows under cover of the night. But it's just not the same. ... read more
“"I think... Ithink sometimes you think you're the hero of the story, and sometimes you think you're the victim," said the voice. "But you're not either."”Sejal
“"I've been punched by a vampire, an Indian girl, and a panda," he mumbled. "I should be a video game."”Doug Lee
“"Right. Those fucktards couldn't find a vampire in a phone booth."”Victor
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