Foreskin's Lament (2007) (edit title/settings)

Ridiculously Simplified Synopsis edit

Write a ridiculously simplified synopsis.

Characters/People edit see section history

• Orli: Add a description of this character.
• David
• Deena
• Kelly
• Rabbi Kahn
• Ephraim
• Avrumi Gruenembaum
• Craig
• Leon
• Yoni
• Abraham
• Motty
• Naomi
• Isaac
• Paix
• Vinnie
• Rabbi Goldfinger
• Moses
• Rabbi Wint
• Yossi
• Duke
• Dovid
• Sol
• Rabbi Blowfeld
• Elijah
• Rickel
• Lionel
• Mrs. Pleeter
• Rabbi Blonsky
• Lisa
• Bernstein
• Sharon
• Leah
• Dada
• Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai
• Shalom
• Adam
• Daniel
• Steven
• Sarah
• Auslander
• Jill
• Rabbi Grunther

Quotes edit see section history

• “Geographically speaking, Israel has only two seasons: Holy Crap It’s Hot, and Holy Crap It’s Cold. Holy Crap It’s Cold lasts from December to March, and the rain never ceases.”

• Popular Highlights from Kindle Customers

• The people who raised me will say that I am not religious. They are mistaken. What I am not is observant. But I am painfully, cripplingly, incurably, miserably religious, and I have watched lately, dumbfounded and distraught, as around the world, more and more people seem to be finding Gods, each one more hateful and bloodthirsty than the next, as I’m doing my best to lose Him.

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• My family and I are like oil and water, if oil made water depressed and angry and want to kill itself,

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• Samuel Beckett was often accused of being a pessimist, a charge he denied. In fact, he argued, those who are labeled pessimists are the true optimists—were it not for their belief that the world, however awful, could be improved, they would never bother raising the issues. Optimists, he further argued, are the true pessimists in that they’re so convinced the situation is beyond repair, all they can do is pretend there’s nothing wrong with it.

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• nobody is standing outside the veal’s crate telling him that there is a some sort of Cow Almighty in the sky, and that Cow Almighty commands the veal to stay in that box, and that, moreover, the constraining box he finds himself in is a gift—a gift from Cow Almighty because veal are Cow’s chosen cattle, and if veal even thinks about leaving the box, or questioning the box, or even complaining about the box, well, Cow help him.

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• I wonder sometimes if he—and I—suffer from a metaphysical form of Stockholm syndrome. Held captive by this Man for thousands of years, we now praise Him, defend Him, excuse Him, sometimes kill for Him, an army of Squeaky Frommes swearing allegiance to their Charlie in the sky.

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• The Jewish holidays all seem to involve someone killing us, someone trying to kill us, or our praying to God so that He doesn’t kill us Himself.

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• The fact was, I said to Craig, if I really wanted to ease my son’s insecurities by making his penis look like mine, I wasn’t going to have to just circumcise him; I was going to have to shave his balls and give him a Prince Albert.

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• —We don’t speak to our families, I said. —That’s sad, said Mary. —Not as sad as when we do, I said.

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• Orli’s mother is Egyptian. Her father is Bukharan. Their house is in London, but for most of the year they reside in the sixteenth century.

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• Other choices included “spiritually groped,” “religiously fingered,” and “touched inappropriately by an angel.”

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Setting & Locations edit see section history

• Israel
• Jerusalem
• Manhattan
• New York
• Monsey
• Wailing Wall
• Snack Shack
• Teaneck
• Heaven
• Steve Austin
• New Jersey
• Old City
• Carlton Road
• London

First Sentence edit see section history

Glossary edit see section history

• Blessing Bee: Similar to a Spelling Bee, but rather children are given an item, and they must recite which blessing(s) that item receives according to Jewish belief.

Authors & Contributors edit see section history

1. Shalom Auslander (Author)

First Edition edit see section history

Classification edit see section history

• Library of Congress: Add the Library of Congress Classification.
• Dewey: 813.6

Subjects edit see section history

• Books › Religion & Spirituality › Judaism › Movements › Orthodox
• Books › Biographies & Memoirs › Ethnic & National › Jewish
• Books › Biographies & Memoirs › Memoirs