Being royally undead isn't all it's cracked up to be--there are still bills to be paid. Luckily, new Queen of the Vampires Betsy Taylor lands her dream job selling designer shoes at Macy's. But when a string of vampire murders hits St. Paul, Betsy must enlist the help of the one vamp who... read more
“Wow! Me, working for Macy's! That was like a fox working for a chicken farm. It just didn't get any better.”Betsy
“So you guys just woke up one day and decided to start staking vampires?" Marc asked. (...) "What, it was in your horoscope or something?"”Marc
“And how could I kill them when they were drinking orange pekoe tea and eating cookies with us? Should I wait until they finished, or jump them when they were getting refills? Being a soulless denizen of the undead was really hard sometimes.”Betsy
“Why," Sinclair demanded, whipping out a black handkerchief and wiping my face, "are you having tea with the vampire killers?" "Because they're too young to drink alcohol?”Sinclair/ Betsy
“Besides, I'm plenty ruthless, I killed two vampires this week! And I put the milk back last night when there was just a tiny bit left.”Betsy
“Nope. Insecta Termitidae. In other words, we be fucked.”Marc
“Ah, the Swiss, accommodating financiers to Nazis, third-world dictators, and vampire killers.”Tina
“The Puppet Master doesn't have to cut off your head. He just has to put you in secondhand shoes. You'll off yourself in despair.”Marc
“Got it, or should I get out the hand puppets?”Elizabeth "Betsy" Taylor
“Amazing. I was sure my vampire mojo would leave him putty in my hands, but apparently his bureaucratic training was stronger than ancient evil.”Elizabeth "Betsy" Taylor
“You're as subtle as a brick to the forehead.”Tina
“Besides, I'm plenty ruthless, I killed two vampires this week! And I put the milk back last night when there was just a tiny bit left.”Elizabeth "Betsy" Taylor
“Okay, now you've moved from annoying would-be suitor to obsessive stalker.”Elizabeth "Betsy" Taylor
Prologue
Chapter 1-27
Epilogue
Preceded by Undead and Unwed, and followed by Undead and Unappreciated.
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