Lily is haunted by memories–of who she once was, and of a person, long gone, who defined her existence. She has nothing but time now, as she recounts the tale of Snow Flower, and asks the gods for forgiveness.
In nineteenth-century China, when wives and daughters were foot-bound and... read more
In nineteenth-century China, in a remote Hunan county, a girl named Lily, at the tender age of seven, is paired with a laotong, “old same,” in an emotional match that will last a lifetime. The laotong, Snow Flower, introduces herself by sending Lily a silk fan on which she’s painted a poem in... read more (warning: may contain spoilers)
“A lovely face is a gift from heaven, but tiny feet can improve social standing”Madame Wang
“You go to another village. Your mother-in-law is cruel. Your husband doesn’t care for you. We wish you would never leave, but every daughter marries away. Everyone agrees. Everyone goes along with it. You can cry and beg to come home, we can grieve that you have gone, but you—and we—have no choice. The old saying makes this very clear: ‘If a daughter doesn’t marry out, she’s not valuable; if fire doesn’t raze the mountain, the land will not be fertile.’”Lily's mother
“Raising a girl and marrying her off is like building a fancy road for others to use.”
“Only through pain will you have beauty. Only through suffering will you have peace.”Lily's mother
“For my entire life I longed for love. I knew it was not right for me-as a girl and later as a woman-to want or expect it, but I did, and this unjustifed desire has been at the root of every problem I have experienced in my life.”
You may be desperate, but never let anyone see you as anything less than a cultivated woman.Highlighted by 196 Kindle customers
There is no life without death. This is the true meaning of yin and yang.Highlighted by 168 Kindle customers
The first was the Three Obediences: “When a girl, obey your father; when a wife, obey your husband; when a widow, obey your son.” The second was the Four Virtues, which delineate women’s behavior, speech, carriage, and occupation: “Be chaste and yielding, calm and upright in attitude; be quiet and agreeable in words; be restrained and exquisite in movement; be perfect in handiwork and embroidery.”Highlighted by 163 Kindle customers
Anyone who says that women do not have influence in men’s decisions makes a vast and stupid mistake.Highlighted by 149 Kindle customers
Sons are the foundation of a woman’s self. They give a woman her identity, as well as dignity, protection, and economic value.Highlighted by 147 Kindle customers
“A laotong relationship is made by choice for the purpose of emotional companionship and eternal fidelity. A marriage is not made by choice and has only one purpose—to have sons.”Highlighted by 133 Kindle customers
For my entire life I longed for love. I knew it was not right for me—as a girl and later as a woman—to want or expect it, but I did, and this unjustified desire has been at the root of every problem I have experienced in my life.Highlighted by 125 Kindle customers
“Only through pain will you have beauty. Only through suffering will you find peace. I wrap, I bind, but you will have the reward.”Highlighted by 124 Kindle customers
Foot size would determine how marriageable I was. My small feet would be offered as proof to my prospective in-laws of my personal discipline and my ability to endure the pain of childbirth, as well as whatever misfortunes might lie ahead. My small feet would show the world my obedience to my natal family, particularly to my mother, which would also make a good impression on my future mother-in-law.Highlighted by 100 Kindle customers
In this way, she taught me how to endure—not just the physical trials of footbinding and childbearing but the more torturous pain of the heart, mind, and soul. She was also pointing out my defects and teaching me how to use them to my benefit. In our country, we call this type of mother love teng ai. My son has told me that in men’s writing it is composed of two characters. The first means pain; the second means love. That is a mother’s love.Highlighted by 86 Kindle customers
Introduction: Sitting Quietly
Part One: Daughter Days
1. Milk Years
2. Footbinding
3. The Fan
4. Snow Flower
5. Love
6. Learning
Part Two: Hair-Pinning Days
1. Catching Cool Breezes
2. Beautiful Moon
3. The Flower-Sitting Chair
4. Truth
5. The Temple of Gupo
Part Three: Rice-and-Salt Days
1. Sons
2. Joy and Sorrow
3. Into the Mountains
4. Winter
5. Letter of Vituperation
6. Into the Clouds
Part Four: Sitting Quietly
1. Regret
Author's Notes and Acknowledgements
About the Author
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