The Language of Letting Go (edit title/settings)

Letting go doesn't mean cold withdrawal, not caring, resignation, or closing the heart. It's not a passivel response but an action we can take. This book reminds us to do it and teaches us how. When the author first learned about letting go after marrying a practicing alcoholic who told her (and everyone else) he was sober, she thought the behavior was something she'd need to do once. With him and his drinking.

Then she understood. Letting go goes into our bag of relationship and living skills because most of us will need to use it all our lives.

Her marriage ended in divorce, but wasn't a failure. Instead, the author describes it as an introductory course about a priceless behavior amd she describes her ex, deceased husband as "her teacher about letting go." She says she wanted her marriage to be about more than her and her husband. She wanted the relationship to be a force for good in life. "It became one," she says. "Just not exactly how I thought it would. Marrying an alcoholic didn't cause my codependency. The marriage was a symptom of it. Codependency was a problem since I was four."

Real stories from real people's lives show that we can get better at letting go with practice when we stop resisting that which we can't control. Qualifications exist about when to detach. Letting go should follow reasonable efforts to solve the problem. We don't just walk away from people (usually) and letting go isn't a first-resort. It's something we do after we've done everything else, and when we find ourselves doing the same thing over and over to solve the problem even though what we're doing doesn't work.

Letting go is a process that involves many emotions and it closely resembles grief. (That's a hint or clue.) This book reminds us that it's normal to grieve when someone we love does something that could destroy him or her. Responding to someone's destructive behaviors with denial because acknowledging the problem threatens to overwhlem us with pain, feeling anger or white-hot rage, and sometimes indulging in a good cry are also sane responses to a serious relationship problem, although the other person may accuse us of overreacting. We may believe the other person and feel guilty for a whlie.

Gradually we see that we don't have power over others. When we try to control them, we give them power over us. We bow to the gift of free will and refrain from interfering with it. We learn to ask instead of demanding. Either yes or no become acceptable answers. We stop clinging tightly. We assess situations more quickly, often in record time. We become tired of wasting the moments of our life. In almost compute-like fashion, we use any problem-solving skills that fit the circumstances, and then we watch for the signal that we've exhausted our resources instead of crossing the line into total depletion.

We recognize when the time comes to let go.

After a while, we surprise ourselves when we see that anger and disappointment no longer motivate our desire to detach and instead we're now driven to let go by unconditinal love -- for ourselves and others, too. We embrace the many benefits detachment brings because we can see that the person released from the bondage of control is us. When we let go, we set ourselves free.

A side effect of letting go is that it also has the power to help the other person -- strangers, those we love deeply, colleagues, co-workers -- anyone who may sneak into our life and threaten to devastate, hurt, annoy, or drive us crazy. If people in New York can be influenced by a butterfly flapping it's wings in China, then multiply that effect one thousand times over and that's how powerful letting go can be. It affects not only us but the object of our obsession. When we stop trying to control people, they can feel it as strongly as if we were playing Tug of War, each of us holding onto one end of a rope, pulling with an equal and opposing force. Then suddenly, instead of tugging, we drop the rope.

We stop jamming ourselves between others and whatever force guides and educates people. Do you know an alcoholic or addict, a codependent, a control freak, a criminal, an infidel or a pathological liar? Do you have a mother, father, child, romantic partner or spouse who's driving you nuts? Do you interact with people in the course of your day? The most frequent comment the author receives about Language of Letting Go is, "There's something uncanny about this book. Each day, the reading is spot on target, excatly what I need."

The author says writing the book became magical and her readers agree that reading it becomes magical for them, too.

A passage for each day of the year covers subjects ranging from financial distress to dealing with a manipulative mother-in-law, and lets readers know that their reaction to situations, while normal, may not be the most productive course of action they can take. The book empowers and encourages people to trust themselves. The author's writing voice is that of a friend, not a teacher. Readers become inspired to make healthy decisions that reflect respect for others and themselves. She (the author) manages to take the sting out of setting boundaries to the point of making something that once appeared impossible now look like fun.

Owning this book is the closest you'll come to having a best friend with healing skills -- a friend who believes in and cares about you -- in your purse or briefcase, on the back of the toilet seat, or on our bedroom nightstand. Your healing friend accompanies you all the time.

However, this should come with a warning label. Many people find themselves buying two, three, four or more copies of it after wearing out the spine in their book or giving away their copy to friends who need the information too.

Speaking this language becomes an habitual way of life.

Sincerely and with the hope that if you need it, this book will work its magic on you,
Melody Beattie a/k/a "the author"